*not this was written last night, but it didn’t publish it right…
So today me my mama and baba are sittin down talking about moving and im sittin on the kitchen counter.. so my dad says “inti ‘ala washaq al zawaj” (your on the brink of marriage)with a disapproving nod (in other words telling me I'm acting silly, and I'm to old for that) so I kinda give him a sarcastic look and laugh. Then he's like “’andi 3arsayn bess mish 3arif ay wahid” (I have two guys but I don’t know which one) so I kinda laugh it off don’t think to much of it but he keeps going “Saudi wala yemani” (Saudi or yemani) and then my sister comes into the room so he doesn’t go on Alhamdulilah.
Now a few things bug me about this. 1. I cant think who these two people are. I cant think of a yemani or Saudi that my dad would be thinking about. I mean its not that there aren’t Saudis and yemanis here, its just that I cant think of who it would be. And he didn’t mention Syrian :/ anyway the only thing I thought of was that ‘amu Mustafa and khala just got back from yeman and saudia :/.. couse I cant think of any here. I can think of Syrian, Pakistani, Jordanian, and a few others bess not yemani for sure. (If I tell bhai about this he's gonna have fun with it, since as he likes to say “I always got something rolling” now he's gonna say I got things rollin that I don’t even know about lol)
The thing is, I don’t want to get married. I don’t even want to hear about it. when I do I feel like tearing up. I think I’ve been on a high to many times, just to fall off of it, and khalaas I cant take it. I'm not the emotional type, at least not from the outside. I hold everything in, feelings, tears, sadness, everything but happiness, no one knows what I go thru.. except maybe yassi.. she understands what I'm saying. Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal. Yesterday after my dad said that, I was in my room and I just started crying.. I don’t know why. I cant explain it. It just hurt so bad. I think I’ve had it with this topic, if it happens it happens, but subhanAllah I dunnu.. Its just that even with all the pain I feel from it, I want it. I want to get married. Couse so many of my dreams and stuff depend upon it. I guess I'm just so confused about it all.
Khair InshaAllah its around 1am and the fireworks are still going crazy outside.. Illegal ones too hehe.. anyways I guess imma go to bed…
Comments:
As-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
Ukhtee, the only advice I could give you is to rely on Allaah, His guidance and Path. Seek His happiness and paradise and you will be fine. Dont think too much about it.
I am in the almost exact same position you are in but is more difficult. I feel like I am suffocating myself with my decisions and problems.
Wallaahu 'Alam.
I am sorry for not being there to provide you with care and support. I am sorry for leaving when you needed me the most, and I am sorry for anything wrong that I am have done to you. Please forgive me and make du'a for me.
Ukhtee, the only advice I could give you is to rely on Allaah, His guidance and Path. Seek His happiness and paradise and you will be fine. Dont think too much about it.
I am in the almost exact same position you are in but is more difficult. I feel like I am suffocating myself with my decisions and problems.
Wallaahu 'Alam.
I am sorry for not being there to provide you with care and support. I am sorry for leaving when you needed me the most, and I am sorry for anything wrong that I am have done to you. Please forgive me and make du'a for me.
wallahi if you dont stop saying sorry imma get mad at you.. its not your fault we all go thru hard times.. and all we can do is be patient and inshaAllah one day everything will be ok... for me, for you, for yassi, and everyone else..
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