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.:Thursday, August 25, 2005:.
thoughts on marriage...
yea yea, I know most of you are probably going "oh
great not this topic again". And I know I probably
bring it up way to much, but hey its my blog and I can
write whatever I want!
I most likly wouldnt have brought it up today if it
wasnt for something that took place during the day..
Had I followed my emotions that were telling me "ohh
you cant hurt them!, oh they're being so sweet, oh
they're making you feel good" and a bunch of other BS
I would have made a totally wrong choice that would
have hurt not only me but a few others. So while
sitting on the kitchen counter taking care of the food
that was cooking I thought about this "situation" and
others.. and it lead me to think about alot of what I
am about to post..
Marriage is something girls start to think about when
they are really young.. I'd say the average is 13, and
more seriously when they are around 15. Thirteen
sounds pretty young, but when you look at the at age
that girls start "dating" in this society its around
that age.. not to mention all the talk you hear, if
you are from certain cultures, about how so and so
married at 11.. and so and so had her first kid at
14... etc. And even to this day I know people that
were engaged at 11 and married at 13, and they lived
in the states...
I dont think it is a bad thing to start thinking of it
at that age.. to plan for it.. ready yourself for it
and so on. But I think that most girls, especially the
ones in the west, have this false view of marriage.
Alot of them think of it in the Cinderella and Snow
White context. That its something easy.. thats some
prince charming is going to come and you will live
happily ever after with him forever. Even the ones
that may see the difficulty of it in their own homes
think "oh its just my parents, I'm not going to be
like that". They see it as an easy way out of whatever
problems they might have.. and that they are ready for
it from the first day the thought of getting married
crosses their mind.
Although there is love and all that mushy stuff in
marriage thats not all what its about.. and alot of
these girls find out the hard way. Marriage isnt all
about cooking and cleaning either.. there is alot more
that goes into it...
I was thinking about all the responsibilities that go
along with marriage, and you know I'm not so sure I am
ready.. I'm not so sure you ever can be fully ready.
Yes, inshaAllah I can keep a house clean.. Yes,
inshaAllah I can cook.. but I am ready for the harder
things in a marriage? Am I ready to deal with
diffrences and not letting them mess up a
relationship? Am I ready to sacrifice my own desires
to make someone else happy? Am I ready to give all I
have for someone else? Am I ready to not let my pride
lead to the escalation of an argument? Am I ready to
be the confident and protector of someones secrets?
And am I ready to raise a family?
To be honest, I dont know. Although I would like to
hope I am, there is no way of telling untilll the time
actually comes.. untill you are put in the situation.
For now I can work on myself and try to prepair myself
for it, but how can you prepair yourself for something
that you can not comprehend at this time?
There is also the issue of inlaws and a new life. Even
if you know the family you are marrying into, there is
no way you will know them well enough to be able to
"become" one of them easily. There will always be the
challenge of wanting to please them and make them
happy.. Also if you marry someone from a diffrent city
or community you will have to adjust to a new place..
new people.. new family.. its just a huge huge
adjustment and step to take.
I'm not against marrying young, quite the contrary,
I'm all for it.. I just think that you should have a
good understanding of what you are getting yourself
into before getting into it. Alhamdulilah I know of
alot of young marriages that went well, but there are
also the ones that had their problems. I know a
sister, mashaAllah 'alayha.. may Allah swt protect her
and grant her all good.. she married young, younger
than I am now, and she had a son almost immediatly..
she wasnt ready for it.. and alot of the raising of
her son was left to her mother.. to the point that now
her son loves being with her mom more than her. Its
been a few years now, shes grown and has more
experiance and mashaAllah is expecting her second
child now.. and she told me that although she is happy
to have had a son and to be married, she was surprised
but the amount of responsibility..
Another thing is, in my opinion, alot of the girls
that are dying to get married are like that because of
emotions. They want to feel wanted, to feel liked, to
feel acceptance, to feel accomplishment, and so on.
This causes them to agree to almost anyone, without
looking to deeply into who it is that they are
marrying. When looking at who you are marrying, one
has to look at more than just now.. they have to look
at the future.. that this will be the man that
inshaAllah you live with for the rest of your life..
that he will be the father of your children... and
that everything you do from then on will be joint
effort...
A sis was once joking around in one of the forums
sisters section and said something along the lines of
"I refuse to get married because of my hormones and
emotions! So I'll wait till I get old" or something
along those lines. At the time I thought she was
crazy, but when I thought about it I saw some truth in
what she said. Although I dont agree with waiting till
you're old to get married just so you dont marry based
on emotions and such.. I do see why someone would want
to wait and make sure the choice they are making is
the correct one and not just because they have
"feelings" for so and so.. like I said before, a
marriage is meant to be for life, so one should put
alot of thought into who it is they marry...
I really dont know when I will marry... Would I turn
someone down if they came now? No, not on the basis
that "I'm not ready". Because honestly I do not
believe you can ever be totally ready. So Allahu
'aalam, I could marry within this week, or within this
year, or maybe even in ten years. I do know one thing
though, I'm not going to rush into anything. I am
going to take my time in this matter. Not because I am
picky but because when I marry, I want the man to be
the one I stay with forever. Someone that helps me
raise a good strong muslim family. Someone that
inshaAllah I can help in doing good, and that he can
help me in doing good. And inshaAllah I want the
marriage to be a means of entering us both in jannaat
al firdaws.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/25/2005 09:44:00 PM
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junk food
Pizza Hut is good????? dudee give me a break... How
can anyone think its good? Its OK.. but it doesnt
compair to CostCo. Nothing does. The next best in my
opinion is Papa Johns.. And the worst in my opinion is
Papa's pizza, and Little Ceasers. If I had to rate
them, I think I'd go CostCo, Pizza Pipline, Papa
Johns.. and the rest are just ok.
I dont eat out alot.. like almost never.. so why am I
arguing about this? I have no idea.. I'm in the midset
of a "heated" argument about the best places to eat
out. As far as restraunts here, I'd say Evergreens..
but there so flippin expensive. I think thats my
brothers favorite place.. I make him go there instead
of cooking indian food for him :P. Plus my cooking
sucks. hmm other than that, its all fast food places..
sizzlers is pretty good.. Izzys is aight..
What started this? I'm in a junk food mood right now.
I went to the store with my mom earlier and got a
bunch of chocolate!! So I'm high on sugar.. I've had
like two candy bars so far.. I'm not a big shopper.. i
dont like shopping that much, and if I go I dont like
buying.. I only buy if I need something.. but there
are two things that I cant help myself, sweets, and
books/cds.. I'm crazy about those things..
anyways I need to eat some real food, couse I'm
getting sugar rush now :P.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/25/2005 01:44:00 PM
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awwness
My sister found a baby picture of me today. awwnesss
man. I went back and looked at an album that has
others in it, and all I can say is I was such a cute
baby mashaAllah, what happened??
I've had a sorta crazy night so far! It started off
with class planning with hina.. then I spent a good
hour going through the OSU proffessors on
www.ratemyprofessor.com or something.. looking for all
the muslim names :P. Lets just say, some of the
results were pretttty funny.
After that I spent another hour or so teasing and
annoying my friends little sister till she gave up
arguing with me and went to bed :D. That was FUN. Yes
I am mean. The funny thing is, shes less than a year
younger than me I think.. point is, it was fun! and
entertaining.
I'm so sleepy.. ummi is gonna be mad if she finds out
how late I stayed up.. I'm bad man.. I need to listen
to her more! Manar sent me an email, I need to
respond.. but it needs thinking.. and I'm not in
thinking mood.. tommorrow
inshaAllah...procrastination, tsk tsk.. another bad
habbit I need to get over!
anyways I'm out of it.. I'm heading to bed inshaAllah..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/25/2005 02:18:00 AM
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.:Wednesday, August 24, 2005:.
counsling session :P
I had a longggg talk with mom this morning. like two
hour long talk.. it was nice though. She did most of
the talking :P. I just sat and listened while getting
lectured. I dont mind my moms lectures most of the
time..and this was one of them. There were two main
points to this lectures; 1. me being lazy and needing
to get more productive, and 2. my responsibilities
towards my sister.
At the end of this "discussion" we reached certain
points, wich was good alhamdulilah. From them is that
I now have a bedtime :P. At least when school starts
up.. midnight is max unless I have a valid reason to
be awake.. maann I havnt had a bed time since I was
like 7. I think this was the only point I argued with
her.. it ended with a "we'll see what happens when the
time comes"..
As far as the first point of discussion, she mainly
told me how I needed to work harder.. that you're only
youn once.. if you dont use this time wisely now you
will regret it later. that one of the five things you
will be asked on yowmul Qiyaamah, is your youth and
what you spent it in.. and your time and what you did
with it.. and so on. At the end we came out with
certain goals and things that inshaAllah I will work
towards in the next few months..
The second point was a bit more stressing fore me
since she put so much responsibilty on me. For
starters, my sis is starting an online schooling
program (www.connectionsacademy.com) and my mom wants
me to supervise her in it... then she went on to say
how my sister follows me in everything I do and that
I'm probably the only person she really listens to
anymore.. and because of that i needed to work on
helping her grow as a person...
In a way I've felt that responsibilty for a while now.
She will listen to me better than both of my parents
and is around me way to much.. she also talks to me
alot.. so I've been trying to work with her.. but I
think I started off wrong.. I'd get upset fast and get
harsh on her and that usually doesnt help much.. There
is a way to deal with every situation and I think I'm
starting to gain experiance as to how to react in
diffrent ones.. or maybe I'm just reading to much in
behavioral psychology :P.
I've been trying to download a certain version of
netscape for the past half hour, and I think I finally
got it.. but i have to restart.. so I'll upate later inshaAllah.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/24/2005 06:32:00 PM
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yeaaa
I'm in a good mood man. Really hyper and hyped up..
dunnu how I'm going to fall asleep. I just spent the
past hour or so talking to Manar and I'm exciteddd. I
sort of got carried away and forgot about other
conversations.. Sorry Hina lol.. you know how my msn
shows me as offline when I'm really not? thats how it
was.. I didnt notice you had signed out till later..
ahhh yeaaa. Things are working out good with project
and all. I'm invited over for a party in Portland
tommorrow :P. The whole gangs gonna be there. It'd be
so nice to go, but ofcourse I had to appologise and
say "next time inshaAllah".
Today was pretty good... I got to see Umm Yusifff for
the first time since she moved to Portland. The little
kid forgot me man! I kept going "Yusif fayn Maryam?"
and he'd be like "huh?". Finally he remembered. I
think he was just a bit overwhelmed at first couse of
all of the people and stuff.
Its really dark outside.. there is usually alot of
light, from the moon, street lights, and such.. but
today it just seems dark.. I can see the hospital
lights clearly.. a helicopter landed and took off a
little while ago.. probably heading to Portland or
Seattle... I think I spend to much time at this window
:P. I've memorised everything outside of it.. last
night I didnt even bother updating, I just sat and
thought... the moon was sorta full and it was
beautiful..
you know, alot of times we look at what we arent
getting from a relationship, but we almost never look
at what we arent giving. By relationship I simply mean
friendships.. its easy to see what you arent getting
that you would like to have, but its so hard to look
at what the other might want that you arent giving.
Alot of times when I looked at a certain friendhip and
said "man this person isnt being honest with me.."
"this person isnt being open with me" "this person is
hiding things from me" "this person isnt giving me
enough time" or whatever else.. ther was always
something I was lacking in.. maybe not the same thing
they were lacking in, but there was something.
A friendship is a two way relationship, you cant just
take without giving.. This is one thing I need to
work on. Stop accusing others of not giving their full
dedication to something I amn't giving my full
dedication to. Another thing I need to work on is
being upfront with them. If something is bothering me
about how they are acting or whatever, just tell
them.. instead of going on like there is nothing..
If the friendship is solid then that wont make a
diffrence.. a friendship has to be based on trust,
honest, and love, among other things.. if you arent
able to trust your friend, then maybe just maybe there
is something wrong in that friendship.. if you arent
able to be honest with them, or love good for them,
then there is definatly something wrong.. and you
should probably look at what you are doing wrong in
the relationship before accusing them of doing wrong.
yes yes, that was my daily rant/lecture.. advise to
mysefl as usual. Sometimes when I write it out and
read it later on it sticks better than if I was to
just tell it to myself.. you tend to not listen to
yourself when it advises you good :P.
now I is off to bed.. I'll try getting up later to see
if meena comes on..but for now I better get to bed
before my mom ends up taking away the computer :P.
Although I have gotten much better.. I dont come
online half as much as I used to and I sorta sleep at
night.. so Alhamdulilah
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/24/2005 01:04:00 AM
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.:Tuesday, August 23, 2005:.
annoyingness
whyy do people keep stalking me :(. This wouldnt be
the first time certain people got their hands on my
blog and passed it around without me knowing or
wanting.. ahh khair inshaAllah..at least this time I
have blogcounter and can tell somethings about who it
is and all..
We're supposed to be going over to khala Radia's
house.. well we were supposed to be going about 20
minutes ago but khala 'Aisha isnt ready.. arabs and
being on time just dont match.. my sisters best friend
is leaving in a week, so its a goodbye thing for them
:(. sadness man.. to many people are leaving.
My mom got mad at me a while ago for "being online
when you should be getting ready". whyy do I have to
be on time if everyone else isnt? sheesh. I'll be
ready when they are.. but yea, didnt want to upset her
so I got up. Now I'm in my abayah waiting for everyone
:).
so yea, other than the whole blog address changing
thing this morning, I'm doing good alhamdulilah. A bit
sleepy, but good.. anyways g2g
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@ 8/23/2005 01:24:00 PM
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.:Monday, August 22, 2005:.
mixed thoughts..
subhanAllah... so much has happened and is happening..
I havnt been online for a while now.. and I'm not
really sure where to start.. I'm beyond depressed..
but alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.
To start off, my parents are seperating. My dad is out
of town today and tommorrow, and then he is leaving
wendsday. There are alot of reasons for this, from the
most obvious whats been happening the past month.
There is way to much tension at home and nothing is
normal.. My mom agreed to giving it another try... and
they both agreed to seperate for a while at least.. so
my dad accepted a promotion in another city.
I love my dad alot.. maybe I'm crazy.. but I do.. I
dont want him to leave :( and I really didnt want him
to leave when we were on bad terms.. I went down
yesterday to try and work things out.. I dont think I
have ever cried that much in front of anyone before. I
cried for the whole time I was down.. over an hour..
he cried too. I cant remember all that was said.. but
I remember how bad it hurt and how painful it was.
He didnt yell once.. but the words he said and the way
he said it hurt like anything... he made me feel
guilt.. so much man.. for everything.. practicly
blamed all that was happening on me.. and then he
advised me alot.. and then he went back to say how
much he loved me, and how me and him were so
close..how proud he was of me, and of the things I've
done in life..that he wanted me happy and if there was
something I wanted to let my parents know about it and
they would help me in it.. it was so weird.. if I
didnt know better I'd say it wasnt him talking. All I
did was cry. I didnt know what to say. I did my part
and appologized. I told him I didnt want him to leave
while he was mad at me. At the end I just went
upstairs, changed and layed down.. I felt so weak, and
had the worst headache I've had ever.. Allah ya
samihnee, but I didnt get up untill fajr this
morning.. and at fajr I was barly able to pray isha
and fajr and go back to sleep.
I cant be perfect. I'm sorry. I try my hardest to live
up to everyones expectations but sometimes they have
them set way to high. So I made a mistake, is it
unforgivable? And of what magnitude is the mistake I
made compared to those of his sons.. and look how he
is with them! Pretty much what he is holding against
me is that I met some friends online, and didnt change
after he caught me speaking to them last time. Big
deal!!! subhanAllah. I understand him being upset that
I amnt honest with him and my mom and things like
that, but I am. My mom knows EVERYTHING about my life.
I dont hide anything from her.. I talk to her about
everything.. why dont I talk to him about things?
because hes unresonable.
There is only so much a girl can take.. and wallah I
cant even think straight now. I'm an emotional mess..
with my parents seperation, my problems with dad, my
feelings of rejectoin, pains of seperation, confusion
with what I want, worries about people I love, and
everything else.. I've just hit one of the lowest lows
I've felt in my life.
I dont think it has been all bad for me though. I
think it has brought me back to reality a bit. I think
alot of girls fall into a mistake of living in a
fantasy world when things get hard... that something
is going to dramaticly change in their life and all
will be better.. or someone is going to come ask for
them, they'll get married and live happily ever after.
I know I'm not alone in having had these kind of
thoughts since I talk alot with others and try my best
to help them out.. And I know for a fact when that
doesnt happen, or when it seems like it will then
doesnt, it hurts like anything.
All of whats going and and what I'm feeling has gotten
me to snap out of that world. And alhamdulilah, I'm
not taking things with dispare like I usually do..
this time I'm taking in a more posative way. I'm over
the feeling sorry for my self stage. Sulking around
wont make things better, the only thing that will make
things better is for me to work on myself. I've been
trying to for a longish time now, and alhamdulilah I
am progressing... maybe not as much or as fast as I
would like, but I'm getting there. I wont deny it, I
have alot of things wrong with me, and I'm trying my
best to work on them one by one.. so that one day,
inshaAllah, I'll be a better person..
That being said, it doesnt change the fact that I
still feel so down.. but I'm trying my best to keep it
on the low key. If there is one thing I hate its
showing that I'm feeling this way. I think I'm doing a
good job fronting.. Its a bit obvious that I'm not
normal though. Even today at the masjid it was
noticable.. but alhamdulilah I'm trying.. and if its
showing its not showing alot.. these are things I need
to come to peace with myself.. that I need to worry
about alone.. I dont need others to get worried or
anything about me.. couse inshaAllah I'll be fine..
I've felt down before, maybe not to this degree, but I
was able to get through it alhamdulilah.. and
inshaAllah I'll get through it this time as well..
just give me some time.
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@ 8/22/2005 03:47:00 PM
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.:Saturday, August 20, 2005:.
prankers
I love pranking. It is something I totally enjoy
doing. And its something I'm usually good at :D. And
its something that people dont get away with when they
try to do to me. Today my sister and Hina TRY to play
a joke on me, but it sorta didnt work out :P. My
sister was on the computer downstairs and kept
promising to paste to me a certain conversation.. I
figured she was lying from the start.. and it was more
obvious when Hina signs out of msn.. so I got Hina to
admit to me on yahoo what they were doing and I ended
up telling her what to say in the prank.. and
miskeenah my sis had no idea what was going on untill
after.. ahh it was funny. I got her back before she
even got me :D.
I think I like pranks online better than phone ones.
Dania is awesome when it comes to ones on the phone. I
usually start laughing and end up giving it away. So
my favorite phone pranks are call, let them say hello
thirty times, then hang up. After the joke they tried
to pull off on me I was in a pranky mood so i
convinced Hina to prank call someone, except I couldnt
remember the code to block your number. I kept telling
her *867, *86, and finally remembered its *67. she was
like "much of a pranker you are!". So yea, it was fun
:D.
Today has been a pretty slow day.. time is just
ticking by.. I'm really really sleep. Two nights in a
row I havnt slept. The first was for yasi and then
last night I just wasted it being crazy online with
Hina. InshaAllah tonight I'll try to get some sleep.
I've been thinking alot latly. And I realised I'm not
as "lost" as I thought I was. In general I know what I
want in life. What I'm here for to start with.. What
goals I want to reach, and what dreams I want to work
towards. Some might be a bit far fetched and hard,
but I know what direction I want to take. I just dont
know how I want to go about that yet.
I'm happy I'm starting school again. I need something
to keep me busy... and inshaAllah this will be good
for me. I didnt get to go to Benton Center yesterday,
so inshaAllah I'll do it monday or tuesday. Online
classes usually dont have a limmit so it dont matter
how late I regester. I miss school, as weird as that
sounds. I miss the pressure and doing productive
things. I'm a bit mad at myself for not working hard
enough in this time away from school.. I cant seem to
focus on certain things anymore.. alhamdulilah 'ala
kulli haal.
'ala kulli haal, I have to go get dinner ready before
dad comes home.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/20/2005 06:39:00 PM
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.:Friday, August 19, 2005:.
ughh
I thought I'd save myself some time and try to do the
FAFSA online.. and all I can say is ughh.. I've done
my dads taxes and a bunch of paper work for his job
and stuff.. but this has got to be one of the most
annoying forms I've had to do. I think I'm almost
done though.. just some information on the schools
after this section inshaAllah.
Todays been so busy man.. khala Faykah called my mom
earlier and told her that she wasnt going to be able
to do dars today and khala Ghada cant and wants mom to
do it.. so I've been helping her with that since
then.. and then khala Aisha came over for a longish
time. then this fafsa thing.. and then we have to go
in about twenty mins.. wa I want to sleep.
There is a couple of things I want to post about.. but
I suppose I'll have to leave them for later.. since
I'm stuck on this form now and dunnu what to put in
this section.. grrreaaat!
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/19/2005 04:16:00 PM
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my meena!
I just spent the past two and a half hours talking to
her. Ya Allah I missed that girl so much.. I cant say
I feel that much better after talking to her. I'm more
worried about her than before. If there is one thing I
can not tolerate its seeing someone I love dearly
hurting.. Shes in a simlar state as me.. she has no
idea what she wants in life anymore.. except shes way
more depressed, I think. wallahu 'aalam.. maybe I'm
just fronting better :P.
After the first half hour of catching up on each
others news the conversation turned into a counsling
session. I dont think there is a depressing topic that
we didnt bring up! She signed out without saying
anything a few minutes ago.. probably dc or
something..
I finally figured out how to stay online with this
connection without getting disconnected every ten
seconds. Use yahoo messenger! I saw that yasi had
checked my blog so I asked a friend to add her on
yahoo and see if she was on.. she was so I logged onto
the web yahoo but it sucked so bad I decided to
download and install yahoo.. and alhamdulilah I did
and its working great! One thing that bugged me about
it though is when I closed the laptop I lost
connection and when I reconnected it closed the
screens I was talking in so I couldnt save convo :(. I
wanted to! I have the last half hour or so of the
convo but I wanted the whole thing.. alhamdulilah 'ala
kulli haal..
alhamdulilah I had a good night. I had a chance to
speak to UmmQaylah earlier before 'isha.. we had a
nice hour long talk or so.. first time for us to talk
like that in a while.. and then speaking to yasi was
nice..
Talking to yasii added alot of things for me to think
about.. not exactly added but more like brought to
surface.. we covered so much in the time we talked..
and it just brought back alot of memories.. and alot
of thoughts to the future.. I cant explain it
really... In a way advising her as best as I could was
sort of advice to myself.. things I needed to hear,
but no one was telling me.. so now I'm thinking on it
myself.. and wondering if certain choices I might be
making are the right ones..
anyways I'm extremly tired.. and tommorrow seems like
a long day.. I'll worry about things later.... make
duaa for meena, that she stays strong.. and that
things get better for her..
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@ 8/19/2005 03:20:00 AM
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.:Thursday, August 18, 2005:.
to many!
I think I have to many user names and passwords. I
keep confusing them and then I get annoyed couse I
cant log into the account I'm trying to log into. I
also end up doing things like trying to log into my
sisters email with my password, or my email with my
moms password. ahh I think I should try sorting it out
a bit more..
Another thing that annoys me is calling agencies and
companies and stuff.. you get put on hold, then
transfered like 3000 times before finally talking to
someone and then it ends up to be the wrong person.
ahh khair, I think I did pretty good today with the
phone calls. Although one of them was a complete
waste.. I got somewhere with a diffrent one.
This connection is getting on my nerves now. I've been
trying to email yasi for the longest time today but
hotmail wont load right. FINALLY I was able to
alhamdulilah. Now it wont open PDF documents, so that
means I'll have way more forms to fill out tommorrow
at the Benton Center than I had hoped for!
Today was sort of busy in a wierd way. Between phone
calls, and people stopping by, I really dont know
where the time went. Its been pretty calm for the past
hour or so alhamdulilah.
I figured I could take most of the bacc core classes
online.. gaaareeeaat! more online classes. But
alhamdulilah, I wont complain. I suppose thats what
I'll end up doing.. I'm probably still going to have
to go in for some classes but most I'd be able to take
online.. While reading through the site I found out
that the head of the education department at OSU is
someone named "Dr. Farah Ibrahim". Who is that??? I
only know one person named Farah and I know forsure
its not her.. hmmm.. Hina, do you know? Anyways, I
thought it'd be cool, having a muslim adviser.. yea
yea..
I keep getting dc so I think I'll go for now.
InshaAllah I'll be on later on, an hour or so Hina..
by then you should be back from work..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/18/2005 08:07:00 PM
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ruined plans :(
maaan! Why do parents have to keep ruining my plans!
Yesterday my mom told me that I will not be spending
this term doing nothing.. to put it in her words
(translate to arabi) "You really think you will just
waste your time like that? I dont think so. You need
to stop sulking around and do something productive".
That meant, its time to apply for uni. greaaat. So I
spent most of the day yesterday trying to fill out the
OSU-LBCC dual enrollment forms.. and the LBCC
application and other things. I love how I always
leave things till last minute. I needed to call some
office in DC and I waited till it was after 5 there to
call, so I have to do it today.. and I needed to call
LBCC so I waited till 4:40 our time to call... I got
through, but Istill nee dto call again today.. and I
have to call some other office.. ugh, I hate business
phone calls.. I always end up going "umm yea, umm ".
I'll go do them after this post inshaAllah.
Haneefah spoke to yasi!!!!! She was on yahoo messenger
yesterday. mannnn I miss that girl :(. I dont have
yahoo on this computer :(. She told Haneefah to tell
me to email her! I already did man. I wanna know how
shes really doing :(. I think there is only one other
person than me she would tell and I dont think they've
spoken to her. I miss her alot :(.
My mom asked me the most random question last night. I
was laying on her bed in the dark and she asks "if a
good brother from here were to ask for you, would you
accept?". I turned and looked at her for a minute.. I
didnt know what to say.. finally I said "why wouldnt
I?". I think I know where she wanted me to go with
that, but I wasnt in the mood to do so. I just wonder
if there was a reason for her to ask that, because it
was so random. I hope not. She was on the phone alot
yesterday though.. Allahu 'aalam.
In a way I wouldnt be that surprised if there was a
reason she asked. I'm going to be 16 in a couple
months. Dania was married by then.. and alot of people
saw me getting married younger than her.. I dont know
though.
I dont want to grow up! I want to stay young. I dont
want to be 16. I want to stay 15 forever! ok maybe not
forever, but I dont want to get older so fast. It
seems just yesterday I was 13 and starting HS. And
then now.. its just to fast for me.. things change to
much.. Its probably me and my lingering on the past
that is making me feel this way.. but Allahu 'aalam. I
suppose its not that bad growing older.. its just..
that.. you're getting older.. times change.. things
change.. you change.. and change is always a bit
scary, since you are unsure of whats to come.
anyways, I'm going to do the same thing I did
yesterday and end up waiting till its to late to
call.. I'll update later.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/18/2005 12:37:00 PM
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.:Wednesday, August 17, 2005:.
not going..
QaadarAllahu ma sha'a fa'al...
My uncle called today and told my mom he found a good
deal on tickets and that he needed to know if we were
going so he could make reservations.. My mom, knowing
my answer, told him to make a reservation for himself
and explained to him what happened. After she hung up
my sister told me "its ok you go", but nah man.. I'm
not.. khalaas.. I made istikhaarah, my mom made
istikhaarah, and if its not meant then inshaAllah
something else is planned for me.
I told stucko :(. I think she was as disapointed as
me. We had planned to do so much together,
alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. one thing she did tell
me was "inshaAllah something better is planned for
you".. and inshaAllah I hope so. Its just so hard to
be on a high so many times, and then for the thing not
to go through :(. It seemed so perfect, but
alhamdulilah.. it wasnt meant.
I'm disapointed, frustred, a bit sad, and somewhat
angry, but alhamdulilah.. life goes on.. Now I just
need to work harder on myself.. consintrate more on
the important things.. and stop putting it off untill
"things are better".
So yes, ya Umm Qaylah, I'm not leaving you :P. Now if
only you would work on that application I've been
pushing you to finish we might be able to head out of
here together.....
anyways.. Imma get offline.. I've been on long enough.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/17/2005 04:20:00 PM
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Allahu 'aalam...
When I came to my blog this morning and re-read that
test thing I was just like wow us girls can be so
guilble. A bunch of us (yes more than me, yasi, umq)
are taking it as if its some big thing. And thats how
it is with alot of these online quizes and things...
its pretty pthetic man.. especially when you look at
the questions "what kind of animal would you be"
etc...
Its freezing today. I have a sweater on, I cant even
remember the last time I had to wear one. Its rainy,
muggy, and cold. Yesterday was extremely hot so its
sort of wierd.. I suppose our wave of summer heat is
over here in the valley and its time to get used to
our usual rainy weather again?
I spoke with my mom about my egypt idea. I hadnt
planned on telling her about it so soon but things
came up and I did.. Its not the first time we've
brought something like this up, for a while we were
talking about me going there for 4 years and doing
uni.. this seems more practicle though. She was pretty
supportive of it. She said to go there see how I like
it and if thats what I wanted to do it, but that she
would miss me ;(.
I told her about the Qurtoba programs stucko told me
about(http://www.qortoba.com/alex.html) and she
thought it was a good idea especially if we would be
taking it together. I asked her how far it was from my
aunt that lives in my grandma's house is since that is
where I'd probably be living and she goes "its sort of
far, but your other aunt lives in miami (me ya me, not
my am ee :P) except shes in saudia during the school
year, hmm you probably could still stay there though"
I was like "WHAT? you mean alone, no way!" she was
like "I never said that" so I repeated what she said
and she goes "dont pick at my words or you wont be
going at all!" *sigh I have to pick at someone dont I
? And the one I used to is gone :(
When my mom told my dad what my uncle said he flipped
out and said no. That we cant go and then went on a
rant about how we werent behaving right and were being
diffrent with him. At the end he goes "if you want
maryam to go she can, I have no say in it but karima
isnt going.". :(
In a way he is right though. She has become a bit
bratty with him. Although she'll go down and eat and
pray with him and if he calls her she'll answer... she
doesnt do anything else with him. I have told her
before that its not right and no matter what its her
father and she has to treat him well.. but sometimes
its hard to blame her.. shes reached a point where she
doesnt feel like being around him.. and what I find
ironic is him blaming the kid instead of blaming
himself and saying "what did I do to cause her to be
this way."
I cant say I'm free of blame as well, since I havnt
spoken to him in a little over a month. I know its
wrong, at least I think it is, but I just cant. If I
appologize and try to move on with things normally in
another couple weeks I'll be in the same shoes. She
keeps saying "if you're not talking to him why do I
have to?" and I cant really explain my answer to well
to her. For starters he has never layed his hand on
her or treated her in an extremly bad way.. second, he
is her father and has waayyy more rights on her than
he does me.. third, he didnt really do anything for
her to cut him off whilst he wronged me and continues
to do so..
I dont know man, family is a mess :(. Dad begged my
mom not to go through with the divorce even though he
knows she has full right to. She decided to give it
another try since they supposedly reached an agreement
where he promised to change in certain ways and
promised to seperate for a while at least. He hasnt
gone through with any of the promises... and mom still
wants out but isnt sure what to do.. and as I said I'm
not speaking with him and hes upset at sister.. ahh
khair inshaAllah.
I told my mom I wouldnt go with khalu unless Karima
goes. I cant break the girls heart more than it
already is. My mom said that was good but that I
really needed to stop putting everyones feelings and
well being before mine. I cant help it man. I think
about the affect my actions or decisions will have on
people to much and I think thats why its so hard for
me to keep my mind made up. I dont know though.. I
love her.. and I dont want to hurt her more than she
is or leave her to be alone in hard times..
Allahu 'aalam.. more things to sort through and think
about.. and more to do istikhaara on. Like I told
UmmQaylah yesterday, "I may not be able to keep my
mind made up for more than five minutes, but my
circumstances make it impossible for me to keep it
made for more than thirty seconds". and thats true
man.. I cant keep my mind made up.. but at the same
time everything that keeps happening makes it harder
for me to.
'ala kulli haal, to end on a brighter note; I love you
UmmQaylah. maaaannnn I read the post up on your blog
and it made me smile. Alhamdulilah I am glad that I
was able to be of help to you, and likewise you have
been of help to me. I had wanted to post last night
and thank you for that, but I didnt feel all that up
to it.
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@ 8/17/2005 09:43:00 AM
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.:Tuesday, August 16, 2005:.
Quiz thing
Everyone seems to be doing this one :P. Everyone being UmmQ and Yasmeena :P
The Keys to Your Heart
|
You are attracted to good manners and elegance. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
chotu-meyeh
@ 8/16/2005 08:25:00 PM
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chocoholic
I'm a chocoholic, yes yes :D. I am soo addicted :P.
I've had a good dayyy alhamdulilah. My mom woke me up
at around 8. grrr. ohhh I forgot to mention I got the
last of my exams back!!!!! It took forever for these
to come man. But finally I am officially done. I sent
in the last of the tuition today and should have
diploma within a week. yaaay alhamdulilah. I did baaad
on these 4 exams though. Alhamdulilah I got a good
grade on the first 6 exams in this class so at the end
I think it averages out to like a B. Not bad,
alhamdulilah.
Anyways! I went out today again. My mom had some
errands to run before we went to the dars so I went
along with her. While we were at one of the stores I
thought I recognised this one lady so I stood there
looking at her for a minute while she was getting
something.. then she turned around and is looking at
me and finally I go "Catrina?" and shes like "I knew
it was you!!! Maryam?" and I was like "yesssss".
When we first moved to Corvallis about 7 years ago she
was our neighbor. She is one of the nicest people I
have ever met, May Allah swt guide her to
Islaam...aameen. She has a son that is out of College
now and a daughter my age. Me and her daughter used to
be like best friends. When we moved from that house we
kept in contact for a while and then lost contact.. a
couple years later we saw them once in the library...
and she saw Tassnyms mom once and asked her about
us... Today we stood and talked for at least half
hour.. it was just weird man.. I really do hope she
accepts Islam, as she is very open to it and just one
of the sweetest people ever.
After finishing errands we went to the masjid for
dars. It was pretty good alhamdulilah.. sort of sad..
another goodbye man :(. Tassnym and Dina were there
though.. After the dars Tassnym txted her aunt in
saudia so her aunt calls and she talked to her aunt
and cousins and made us talk.. Its amazing how we
practicly know them and them us from how much she
talks to us about each other.
Its so hot man. Its seriously been getting up in the
100's again. I've been getting tan fast. I stepped out
to the backyard with short sleevs yesterday for a few
mins and I got a somewhat noticble tan, but its gone
now :(.
My khaluuuu called while we were out and left a
message.. he was like "call me when you get this,
Assalaamu 'alaikum". My mom got all scared and called
him right away... Turns out he was just frustrated
about some things. He said hes going to egypt in 10
days or so :(. My mom was like we havnt done the
passports yet.. he was like if you get the passports
done within the next two weeks I'll pay for the
tickets.. he is even willing to delay his trip a few
days. I love my khalu man. Hes awesome alhamdulilah.
I think I really want to go to egypt. I think I need a
change. I cant consintrate on things well anymore. I
keep stressing about stuff and worrying about stuff.
I'm not going to go to uni this term anyway so its not
like going will hold me back from school or anything.
It'd just be nice to finally go and see everything my
mom talks about... see my aunts.. my cousins.. have a
good time without worrying about anything.
I was talking to Stucko today about the trip.. and
helping her with her egyptian :P. I told her that I
was thinking of staying there till next summer. I
havnt talked to my mom about it yet, but I was
thinking if I like it there and I can get a good
tajweed/hifdh teacher I would consider staying. I
could get a job as an english teacher, wich is
something I love doing.. especially with little kids
and then focus on my hifdh/tajweed/deen for a year
untill next summer. By then things would be more clear
for me as in what direction I want to take. Its just
an idea, I'm not sure if I'd be able to go through
with it.. but Allaahu 'aalam where the khair is.
Anyways, ukhti wants the computer..
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@ 8/16/2005 04:32:00 PM
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maaaaan!!!
I was just about done with a long post and I clicked
backspace and the page changed and I lost the whole
thing :(. khair I'll write the basics of what was on
it.. I wont go into all the thought trains I had since
it was long man. I had like two or three thoughts that
I wrote paragraphs on!
I feel pretty good alhamdulilah. nice and hyper :P. I
had a good day. Even though I had a late start i
accomplished alot and that usually makes you feel
good. I also made mom happy and that always makes you
feel good, walhamdulilah.
I spent the first half of the day, before dad came
home from work, downstairs with ummi. i think I only
came up once, when my sis called me to tell me
something, other than that I was down the whole day.
We did everything together, cooked, cleaned,
organized, and ofcourse talked. I've come to value the
time I spend with my mom alot.
The second half of the day I spent mostly upstairs. I
came online for a little and then had to go back down
and help ummi get things ready since an 'amu was
coming over to have dinner with dad. The rest of the
night I spent in my room, read a little and layed
down.
I had another one of those scares today. The cat was
scratching on the door and I thought it was my dad
opening it since I heard him coughing. :/ Annoying
cat, just like her owner :P.
Anyways, I'll save the thoughts for tommorrow. Its
getting closeish to fajr.
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@ 8/16/2005 04:14:00 AM
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.:Monday, August 15, 2005:.
just got up :P
my sister just woke me up. She kept pouncing on me
telling me its almost 12. My eyes are all shut now. I
cant open them. I was having good dreams man! They've
been trying to wake me for about two hours... I'm
usually up at 8-9. Today no one could wake me up. My
mom came in and begged me to get up and eat with her,
then she opened the shades.. then my sis came and
begged me.. then tried to bribe me with "guess who I
talked to!". And finally jumped on me and pulled my
covers off and tickled me and pushed me and punched me
and just about everything else she could do to me! So
yes, I'm up now!
My sis is cute man. I love the kid. She reminds me
alot of yasi :/ same fobbyness, same shadyness, same
heblahness, same cuteness, same lovableness...
Sometimes she can be annoying though. Like this
morning!!!! maan I stil wanna sleep. And its not 12,
its 11! Another thing that was annoying, she bribes me
to get up so she'll tell me something and then she
says she wont tell me! ahh shes ca-ute.
My sleeping pattern is a bit better now. I like it
alot more. I sleep right after 'isha, then get up
around 2am. Its nice and quiet then.. I like it.. I'll
stay till fajr then sleep. Its good couse i'm awake at
fajr time so its not hard to get up.. and its just so
nice at that time of the night.. Sometimes I wont come
online.. and even when I come online its peacful. I
just read whatever sites I want to.. check and reply
to emails if I need.. and update blog if I want.. Its
just me and myself at that time.. I really do value
that time of night, walhamdulilah.
I had a nice talk with my mom yesterday. I love her
bunches. I havnt been spending much time with her
lately couse I'm in my room so much.. so yesterday I
went and sat downstairs with her. It was the most
random conversation but it was nice. We disscussed the
best way to bring up children. What things work with
them and what dont. How to treat and punish them.. at
then end I was like "mama I thought we decided I'm not
getting married :P" and she was hugged me and was like
"someday someone special enough will come and I wont
have a choice but to let you go". i was like "AWWWW".
I really do think I'm going to be very picky about who
I marry. I dont want just anyone. I want someone I
know will treat me right and be the best father to my
children. I guess with what I've been through in my
childhood and my experiances with the diffrent men in
my immediate life its only natural to feel this way. I
just dont think that I deserve someone like that.. but
Allahu 'aalam. When its the right time, and the right
person, and it is what is written for me, nothing will
change that..
My mom also told me I need to shape up, if not for
myself then for my sister. She told me that my sister
looks up to me alot, and that now that we are closer
she wants to follow me in everything.. and that if i
want her to do good, I need to start with doing good
myself..
ok moms getting mad I'll finish later. I have to go
eat with her.
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@ 8/15/2005 11:30:00 AM
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.:Sunday, August 14, 2005:.
told you so!
One thing that bothers me alot is when someone tells
me "I told you so!". I know I screwed up. I know I
made a mistake. There is no point in rubbing it in. I
take full responsibilty for my actions, I'm not
denying it or putting the blame on anyone. No, I take
full responsibilty for my actions, so please dont tell
me I told you so. Couse I already know you did. And
no, this isnt directed to anyone, its just in general
something that bothers me. So please dont take it that
way habeebti, couse I think that was an "I told you
so" that I deserved :P.
Another thing that bothers and disgusts me is these
arab "muslim" singers and actresses. If you think the
ones in the west are bad, some of the ones that carry
muslim names are worse... and its just so sad man..
someone once told me "The artists in the west get
their insperation from the arabs". Although it was an
exageration there was a little truth in it. Some of
the music videos and such.. you know, I'll just shut
up on this subject. Alhamdulilah al ladhi 'afana.
I just realised how much I like the view from here.
The desk is right at the window in my room and I have
a pretty nice view man. The imedate view is some
houses and such, but if you look past it there is the
hill and the hospital on it and then past that you can
see the mountains. Its all nice and green.. Evergreen
trees and the such.. its also facing the west so at
night you get to see a pretty nice sunset. The sky is
clear blue today, not a cloud really. Its really nice
and peacfull..quiet.. serane..
My dads downstairs, moms in her room or kitchen, and
my sister is asleep on my bed. I never understood her
logic behind sleeping on my bed when she has her own!
Alhamdulilah though, as long as she is happy. I like
the calmness. Its just me and my thoughts..
I dont see us moving out of the country soon. I really
dont think it will happen. So inshaAllah I'm going to
apply to uni. Khala Dalia is going to flip out at me
for it, but I need something to keep me busy. In a
way I know she is right, especially with all the
alternate ways you can continue your education now
adays.. its just that.. I dont know, I know I'm just
making excuses. I do plan to get into the online
program at OSU inshaAllah, but in order to do that I
have to attend Lbcc for a while and possibly OSU..
http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=47554&dgn=4
http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=8827&dgn=4
So we'll see. This is one of the reasons I'm taking my
time in making up my mind to go or not. I was talking
to Umm Yusif about it before she moved since she had
wanted to go back to school last term and khala Dalia
talked her out of it.. She told me that even if you go
to class then home, without mixing with anyone, you'll
still end up seeing something impermissible.. No
matter how hard you try, its all around you.. But then
again, living in this society its all aroundt you
anyway. I guess the diffrence comes in having an
alternative to attending school but there really isnt
an alternative to going to the store and so on..
I've noticed that I take way to long in my blog
updates now. I used to type them up really fast.. but
this one has taken me about an hour to type up. I keep
spacing out.. looking out the window.. And I suppose
my crazy conversations with Hina arent helping :P. We
keep on having the wierdest convos.. arguing about cow
towns? or was it ghost towns? actually both. And about
wich auntie moved to calgary, and wich auntie moved to
edmonton.. and if the new family is from Edmonton,
Toronto, or Montreal. And about who is upsetting my
connection :/ and just about every other wierd thing
you can think of.
Last night while in THE craziest conversations I heard
my dad coming upstiars.. it was a little after
midnight. I said "dad cming, salaam" and closed the
laptop. Right at that second he opened the door to our
room to let the cat in. My bed is right by the door
and I know he saw I wasnt in it.. couse he stood there
for a good minute before leaving.. I froze where I was
and just waited for him to go down. I had a feeling
he'd be back so I unpluged the laptop so the light on
it wouldnt show and layed down.. alhamdulilah he didnt
come back and alhamdulilah i fell asleep :D.
all in all the days been pretty well so far.
InshaAllah there is a project I want to start up..
well a few.. but one is personal. I figured if I had
enough determination to finish HS like I did, and in
other things as well I better have enough
determination to do this. InshaAllah it will be a good
way to snap out of this lazyness.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/14/2005 01:22:00 PM
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.:Saturday, August 13, 2005:.
people suck.
People annoy me! Why cant they take no for an answer?
I swear to god it bothers me so much. Especially when
you have reasons. I ended up just blocking them today.
I dont want to deal with it. I have enough to worry
about without worrying about something I know I will
not do!
Its things like this that drove me to cleaning out my
list. My new list is depressing man. I've gone down
from 80+ people on my regular list, to less than 8 on
this one :(. The people I do have on my list now;
UmmQaylah - almost never on
Yasmeena - over seas, and never on
Mujahidah57 - over seas, and never on
Stuck in Prison - soon going to be over seas :(
Tassnym - on like once a month
Umm AbdulQudoos - leaving to over seas tommorrow
Hina - 2 jobs and uni.. enuff said
Its so sad :(. I used to talk non stop all day. Now I
can be on all night without having one conversation.
Thats one of the things that got me to go on my other
account today. I was so bored!
I got to go on the other computer for a little bit
today! maaan i love the connection on it! I missed
windows alot too. Although I've gotten really used to
Mac OS now.
hmm I think thats all. I havnt done much today. Slept
or gone online.. or just layed down. My mom is finally
getting mad at me for my lazyness. She told me I need
to do something productive. Shes so right man. I've
done almost nothing the past while. I really dont
blame her for getting upset. She also threatened to
take away computer if i keep up my all nighters.. ahh
khair..
I'm starved. I think I'll go down and get something to
eat before dad gets home from work. I'm back to going
24 hours+ without food. Another thing my mom is upset
with me for!
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/13/2005 04:46:00 PM
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(1) comments
partaay
SubhanAllah.. I opened this screen to update about an
hour ago.. I have no idea how the time just flew.. I'm
really tired now but I'll try to update anyway.
I dont know what has gotten into me. I was totally not
normal today. I'm known to be the conservative type.
Usually I wont take of my abayah at gatherings, and if
I do I dress simple and fully covered.. except
ofcourse at Dania's engagment, nikaah, and wedding,
but we wont get into that... Today I just went all
out.. Dressed up alot, and it wasnt something I would
normally wear out.. well I would, but it was just
wierd man.. Before we left my sis told me "meyah, I
know you might not believe me but I think you're one
of the most beautiful girls here, if not the most
beautiful". I was like awwwwwwwww. It might not be
true, but it was sweet. I love my sister alhamdulilah.
We were at Maryams house from like 5:30-9ish.. and all
I can say is it was crazzzy. The khalas were all in
the living room and all us girls were down in the
basment. There was a TON of people mashaAllah. From
Portland, Corvallis, and even washington state. There
was a group of like 20-30 girls I think? I just
counted about 20 and I know that it wasnt all of the
girls. Anyways we went crazzy.
We were down ther with no supervision and we just went
wild man. I dont think I have ever danced that much. I
swear I wasnt normal. well in a way we all werent. But
it was more wierd for me couse I'm not like that!!!
I'm the more proper type. Everytime I'd sit down I'd
start spacing out.. Hina, who is the only one of the
girls that knows whats up with me, kept telling me "to
much stress eh?" and I was like please dont remind me.
But it was fun.. had a good time. First time this
summer for all of us to get together like that and
just chill.
We were supposed to be at the masjid at like 7:30 but
we kept telling our moms "please just ten more mins".
I swear we were acting like little kids. finally
around 8:30 my mom was like "NOW?". So we left and
went to Umm AbdulQudoos's house to say goodbye one
final time. :( I'm gonna miss her. After that we went
to the masjid for dars and got home at like clost to
10.
It was nice at the masjid.. not to many people since
most went home from Maryam's instead of coming to
masjid.. but it was nice. At the end it was us, khala
Dalia, and tassnym and her mom. Khala Dalia was like
"Allah yehdee 'amik 'awad, looks like hes going to
have me wait for him till 'isha". I was like "I'll
wait with you!!!!" my mom was like 'and how will you
get home?" :( I couldnt stay. I wish I could have
though.. I wanted so badly to just sit down and talk
with her.. tell her everything that is on my mind..
She is one of the few people that can read me like a
book.. and she did today. I didnt say one word to her
about how I was feeling, or what I was thinking but
she knew..
After I had said salaams and put my shoes on I was
sorta standing to a side away from everyone and she
came up to me and held my hand, looked me in the eye,
and started talking.. she told me not to let anyone
break me down.. to turn to Allah swt for everything
and never want or ask anything from the creation. She
said that inshaAllah I still have a long ways ahead of
me and to not let circumstances slow me down. To
persue my dreams and reach my goals.. she said she
knew these were hard times for me but that inshaAllah
things will get better.. that there is two eases for
every hardship.. and to never ever give up.. if there
is something I want then to go after it, no matter how
impossible it may seem.. Then she gave me a hug and
said "I love you". When she let go of me I had to
turn away so she wouldnt see the tears in my eyes, but
she didnt need to see them, she knew they were there.
She had two of her kids with here, Asmaa' and Fatima..
I stood there looking at asmaa for a minute and I was
like "subhanAllah ya khala I remember when Othman was
her age, now the boy wont even say salaams to me!".
Fatima started laughing so I was like "fatoom, you
remember right? When me and khadija would run you and
Othman around the backyard on our backs?" she was like
"yea, I remember". Then asoomaaa gave me the biggest
hug shes ever given me. it was cute :D. She didnt want
to let go lol..
When we got home I came online for a few minutes and
then just layed down. I couldnt bother staying on, and
plus my sis wanted the computer. After she went to bed
I decided to come online.. I spent the first hour or
so downloading and listening to a
khutbah..BaarakAllahu fil khateeb...and then I guess I
spaced out for the next hour and here I am updating
now. InshaAllah I'll head to bed in a few minutes,
since I want to get some sleep before fajr.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 8/13/2005 02:12:00 AM
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