Be in the world as though you were a stranger or a wayfarer

.:Sunday, December 25, 2005:.

greeeat

*translated from arabi*

Mom: So what happened with your hajj plans? Why couldnt you go but you're going to egypt end of January?
My Uncle: I really wanted to go this year but inshaAllah next
Mom: InshaAllah
My Uncle: And I dont want to go to egypt now either! I'm really busy as you know but your sisters wont leave me alone.. they're pushing on me to come now and take care of things.
Mom: na'aam. May Allah swt make your affairs easy for you..aameen.
My Uncle: Aameen!
My Uncle: Do you still want to send Maryam with me?
Mom: To be honest I wanted to come as well and take both girls but Maryam is having second thoughts because of school and other things
My Uncle: You want to come? What about you're visa issues
Mom: *tells long story that I dont feel like typing*
My Uncle: Well, I really want to go in the summer that way I can spend more time and I could go for Umraah. If I go now I dont think I'd be able to.
Mom: I think it would work out best for us all if we'd go in the summer
My Uncle: Then talk to your sisters please. I've tried to tell them but they're stuck on me coming now. Maybe if you speak to them and tell them that you would be able to come in the summer they will agree.
Mom: InshaAllah I'll call them as soon as I hang up with you..
*now moms on phone with aunt.. cant be bothered to listen in to the conversation*

So whats the point of me posting this conversation? I'm not totally sure. Its just another example of how plans are always changing in my life, inshaAllah for the better. I don't care too much either way. It would be nice to go.. and I sorta wanted to go before the summer to see Stuckoooo, but if its not meant then Alhamdulillah. What will happen this summer? Will I even live till then? Only Allah knows so I'm not going to worry about it.

A few days ago I was stressing about stuff and a friend of mine told me something that I already KNOW but just maybe needed a reminder of. What she said was something along the lines of "You're only going to be 16 once so enjoy it. You dont want to look back at these years and see a lot of worry and stress. No matter how hard times can be there will always be sweet moments in the midst of them--so enjoy those moments. Learn from the difficulties. You want too much in too little time, you cant do everything! If you keep this up you'll distroy yourself. I think of the things that marks our teen years the most is resilience and you're living proof of that. So stop worrying about whats to come, live for now, couse you're not garunteed another breath. And dude, duaa is the weapon of the believer." Then she goes "WOW I helped Maryam with something that has to do with computers(couse she helped me out when I was working on Word earlier) and gave her advice on the same day :O :O". Brat.

So ya, I'm coo alhamdulillah. And when I get my voice back I'll be even better! It was actually really funny when I picked up the phone when my uncle called. He couldnt understand a word I said and I had to repeat like 3 times. At the end he was like "whats wrong with you? You're arbi is getting worse by the day!!"(hes a joker) and I was like "laa khalu I'm sick" and hes like "ohh salamaat! laa baa's tahoor inshaAllah".

why do friends do things, sometimes unintentionlly, that just totally break your heart. I know alot of people alhamdulilah, but most are just casual friends. There are a handful of people that I just love more than myself.. and just small things that they might do is just I dunnu..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/25/2005 12:49:00 PM #|

(3) comments

.:Saturday, December 24, 2005:.

the wedding..

I just got back from the wedding. It was nice alhamdulillah. Actually, it was very nice. I had a good time and I think everyone else did. There were SO MANY people mashaAllah.. People from seattle, Portland, and khala Enas even surprised Maryam by coming all the way from Iowa! It was sweet when she walked in and the brides mom goes ENAS????????? and then takes her by the arm to Maryam and they hug aawwwwww yaaaa.

Along with being nice it was busy. I felt like the brides cousin or sister. I have totally lost my voice now LOL. I cant talk.. I just nod my head. Alhamdulillah. it was tight. I'll have pictures in a few days inshaAllah for those of u that I can show pics to :P. And now I am going to bed. InshaAllah I hope my dad is busy tommorrow so I can get some time on the net.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/24/2005 09:40:00 PM #|

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2 week vacation!

Yes yes, ya'll will get a break from my ramblings! InshaAllah, the net will get cut off on Monday and wont be on for too long of a while. Since my dad is off tommorrow (christmas) I'll probably be busy and wont have time to update or come online..

As of right now I'm home alone with my sister and just getting ready for the wedding. All the cooking/baking is done walhamdulillah and I'm just chillin till 3. ok ok maybe not chilling but whatever. I'm feeling better than yesterday alhamdulillah, but my voice is still messed up and im congested.. but alhamdulillah..

Anyways sis wants me off and to go upstairs with her..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/24/2005 02:04:00 PM #|

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.:Friday, December 23, 2005:.

rush..

There was actually something I wanted to update about but now I've forgotten it. It wasn't another "what I did today" or "how annoyed I am" post; it was going to be a good one :(. But I guess I could turn this into one of those two :P.

Today was another super busy day. I'm sick again, walhamdulillah. I saw khala Summayyah at the store today and I go "assalaamu 'alaikum" and she goes "Maryam, you have a cold?" lol. khair inshaAllah. I was out most of the morning and then I had baking to do. Alhamdulillah that went well, except for one cake!!@#@#. I forgot to put eggs and umm lets just say you dont want to try it.. so I have to make another tommorrow morning inshaAllah.

I'm about to head to the other house with my mom to do some unpacking then inshaAllah I'll come home and finish up some things that I need to do tonight. Weird how I cant call the other house "home" yet. Even though it looks alot better than this one, since there are boxes and things EVERYWHERE here, it doesnt seem like a home. I have most of my things at the other house now, everything but my bed and some clothing. My boxes are stacked in my closet and the furniture is against the walls, and this is exactly how I plan to keep it. Ok ok, maybe not exactly but I really do not feel like unpacking my boxes this time..

Anyways. I miss some people and I'm worried about others.. oh, now I remember what I wanted to post about but I dont have time. I'll do it later or tommorrow inshaAllah.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/23/2005 06:27:00 PM #|

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.:Wednesday, December 21, 2005:.

@Q!$@#$@#%Q@#%^

Today has been horribly busy. Again, I was up from fajr and working. Alhamdulillah we got a lot done but there is still a lot to be done. Right now I'm home alone, my mom sis and dad are at the other house and I'm supposed to be here working, but I'm taking a little break :P. Before my mom left she told me to "finish packing the white bookshelf, pack your closet and mine and the bookshelf in the living room". Great. By the time I'm done with this it'll be late and I still have to stay up AFTER that to do things for me that I need to finish.. so like I'll be up most of the night :(.

My brothers are coming to help tommorrow morning because they'll be "busy" later on. At first I didnt like the idea of them coming at 8am but now I'm happy couse I want to be out of the house by 1 :P. I have this really strong feeling my dad will say no about tommorw couse we're "moving and dont have time" :(. I wanna go so bad. bleh that reminded me of two other things that I have to finish on my "personal time".

oh and lastly before I go, HINA YOU SUCK! I came on now to speak to you and I'm stuck talking to your little sister LOL. Get your computer fixed please.. oh oh oh oh oh another thing, do you have one of those cake stand things? and if you do would your mom let me borrow it till after the wedding? so far I have 2 and maybe 3 but I need one more :S and I need it before friday.. I've been too busy to get one from someone.. so if you have one bring it to Maryams tommorrow? if not I'll find another way to get my hands on one.. and ya I'm to lazy to email you.. actually, I'll just go ahead and send an email out to a couple ppl now.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/21/2005 08:18:00 PM #|

(2) comments

.:Tuesday, December 20, 2005:.

ok, so the other day I called up all the companies to switch service to the other house. The one that I had the most trouble with was the internet company but finally I got it settled and figured it would be in by the 1st and cut off here on the 28th. I thought "aight, cool, 3 or 4 days without net wont be too bad". Today my dad came back from work and goes "the internet company called me in the middle of a meeting today". and I'm like "oh, what did they want". and he goes "they said they're going to cut off here on the 26th and it wont be in the other house for another TEN BUSINESS DAYS".

Now, I know most people will think I'm crazy for getting really upset about this but I am. Other than the fact that I need the net for my shadyness I also need it for more important things. My schedule is way too full till Monday(26th) so there is no way I can take care of all the things I need to finish by then..

For starters I have to get my schedule for this quarter and books in order. I had things worked out fine untill my mom threw in the "we're going to egypt in january".. now everythings a mess because I can only handle 12 to 14 credits now and they all have to be totally online classes.. and online classes get full like the day registration opens :(.

Khair.. instead of complaing about things here maybe I should actually try to start on some of it so that I maybe have a chance of finishing :P.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/20/2005 07:29:00 PM #|

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uff

Its 3 and I literally just stepped into the house.. and my mom pretty much said "ok, we'll pray, pack some things, then go to the other house".. I'm dead man.. schedule for the next few days doesnt look any better! Wendsday and Thursday is packing and moving.. then thursday after dhuhr I'm supposed to go to brides house etc.. then friday and saturday I have cooking for the wedding.. and sats the wedding..

Frappaciono in 20 degree weather is tight.. especially after not being able to eat anything for a week. :P.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/20/2005 03:01:00 PM #|

(1) comments

sooo wanna go back to bed

I stayed up from fajr today. Why? Because I didnt pack last night and if I dont do it now I'll regret it later on in the day. My mom has a buncha errands to run before the dars so I have like 2 hours of packing then I'm outa the house. InshaAllah we'll be done by 12ish and I'll not have to go to dars..

I have to many emails to write/respond to. 5 that I should do today.. argh.. I hate moving.

On a brighter note! I ate a full meal last night :D. Alhamdulillah. Since last tuesday I havnt been able to keep anything down.. even after my cough/sore throute/stuffyness was gone my stomache was acting up.. and last night was first time I was able to eat a "meal" and not clear fluids.. so alhamdulillah. It was actually sorta funny when I couldnt eat.. first my dad and sis accused me of faking it to get pity and attention! Then my dad started to nag at me(knowing it would bother me and get me to eat) by saying things like "being anorexic is one thing but now your bulimic :O" *sigh.. haters!

chotu-meyeh @ 12/20/2005 07:21:00 AM #|

(2) comments

.:Monday, December 19, 2005:.

Dinner (pics included :P)

Today I was left home alone for hours. I can get sorta crazy when I'm alone sometimes and well today was one of those times :P.

Before my mom left she gave me a list of things to do. When she left I was sort of bored so I started on the organization and stuff and then decided to start cooking. I made the dough and started on the first pan of fatayir and was almost done when someone came online and I ditched everything(well sorta). I had about 2 more to make to complete the pan but I was like forget it and put it in the oven. A little later a couple khala's drop by thinking my mom is home. I had to "sit" with them and that was like annoying, but alhamdulillah. They decided to pray asir and then leave.

I'm not sure if it is arab custom, just how my family is, or a custom in general but if someone comes over and you're making something you have to give them from it? My mom had a few of khala Faykahs plates and I know she likes the fatayir I make so I emptied out the pan into her plates and gave it to her since both her and khala Aisha were fasting. My mom was happy when she found out later but it put me a little behind in my work.

I stayed online for a while after they left but around 3:30 I went off. It wasn't untill AFTER I went off that I realized my dad had said he would be back at 4 and wanted dinner ready. Alhamdulillah, he called at 4 and told me he was going to pray maghrib at the masjid and then come home so I had a little extra time. Between 3:30 and 4:30 was a really crazy time for me. I had to finish dinner, shower, take some things over to khala aisha, and have the food ready(ie. on table) before my parents came home. Oh, and did I mention wasting time by taking pics of everything (including salad :P).

fatayir before getting baked :P. And yes I know they all aint the same size! leave me alone :(.

khala 'Aisha's plate of fatayir.

Our plate.

Salad :/

Soup..I think its barly soup? I dunnu what right translation is :/

anddd finally.. cheese cake :P. karima likes cherry.. so to be nice I made half cherry for her..

andddd now I must go start packing... I've dodged it the whole day but its time that I face it :(. Plus, if I dont do it tonight I'll have to do it tommorrow and that would suck.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/19/2005 05:55:00 PM #|

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Moving.

This is a picture of the sunset the other night. I'm picture crazy, sorry.

So its official now: we're moving, again. Up untill yesterday it was still tentative since my mom kept changing her mind. Finally she decided to just agree and you know whatever. I totally understand why my mom wouldn't want to move-this will be our FIFTH move this year, wallahul musta'an.

Now, the question is why do we move so much. I got asked that the other day and I didn't have an answer to the question so I've decided to do a breakdown of the umpteen moves we've gone through.

1. Moving from an apartment in San Francisco to the UCSF student housing. Reason: mom was a student at UCSF and they were closer to school :).

2. Moving from San Francisco to Ashland OR. Reason: mom got married and left school

3. Moving from one place in ashland to another. Reason: I dont remember, I was young. I know the others because my mom told me :P

4.Moving from another place in Ashland to yet another. Reason: Again I dont remember.

5.Moving from another place in Ashland to our last place. Reason: It was bigger and nicer.

6.Moving from Ashland to Yreka California. Reason: Shaykh Hasan Az-zibadi was living there(about 45 mins from Ashland) and my dad wanted to live closer to him.

7.Moving from Yreka to Waldport OR. Reason: well, my dad couldnt stand the desert climate and my mom got a job in Newport OR.

8.Moving from one house to another in Waldport. Reason: dad wanted it.

9.Moving from Waldport to Corvallis OR(an hour away). Reason: my brothers hated the small town and wanted to move to a bigger city and my mom was tired of living away from Muslims.

10.Moving from the house in the south to sequoia house(in corvallis). Reason: the house was waaaay nicer and the owners also owned the Imams house and wanted a Muslim family to live in their house after renovating it.

11.Moving from my beloved sequoia to boulder house. Reason: they wanted to sell the house :(.

12.Moving from boulder to glacier(down the street). Reason: they wanted to sell the house + owners of other house were muslim.

13.Moving from glacier to the house I hated. Reason: they wanted to sell the house.

14.Moving from that house to Hermiston. Reason: dad was tired of commuting back and forth after doing it for more than a year.

15.Moving back to Corvallis. Reason: dad no longer works for state.

16.Moving to the other conifer house. Reason: it was nicer and dad wanted it.

17.and now, moving yet another time. Reason: dad wants it... the last time we moved I told my mom I wouldnt move again till I got married :S. 4 or 5 months later and here I am moving yet again. *sigh.. I'm 16 and I've moved 17 times. Is that sad or what?

bleh. I'll take pics of other house today and load them.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/19/2005 10:14:00 AM #|

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.:Friday, December 16, 2005:.

back! :P

My brother brought my niece over yesterday. Since I was sick I tried to stay away from her and just sat on my bed reading but she came up to see me anyway. When I saw her it brought tears to my eyes; her cloths were dirty, she was sick and no one cared, her hair was a mess. Shes past two and no one has even taken the initiative to potty train her! I couldn't help but feel sad and angry. Sad at the state she was in and angry at her parents who aren't even worthy of the title of a "parent".

My "brother" (not the one that brought her over but her father) is a kaafir who has anger problems and is definatly not fit to be a dad, but he adores his daughter. Her mother is a kaafir **** that already has 3 children out of wedlock. Neither one of them is fit to be a parent and neither one is being a parent. The girl is dragged from one house to another, from one family member to another. As I sat there looking at her smiling at me I couldnt help but think of her future and wish to help her, but how?

I'm so depressed. The whole day I've pretty much been in tears. I need to pull it together, but I'm not sure how. I have no desire to go to the masjid right now. My dad is on his way back from work and I didn't do all that he asked me to do. I feel overwhelmed and uncapable to handle all that is expected of me.3

I've been maad sick the past few days. I'm getting better alhamdulillah and I'm happy for that. A person doesnt value their health untill it is taken away from them, even if only slightly and for a short period of time. I have so much to be thankful for: my health, my youth, my time, and I need to use it better.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/16/2005 05:15:00 PM #|

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.:Tuesday, December 13, 2005:.

*cough*

My day today has been like so totally interesting.

I got up this morning feeling really weird. I came online around 9:30, talked a little, read some things, then went off. I didnt want to go to the dars couse I wasnt feeling good but my mom said I had to. I sat to have breakfast with her and I couldnt stop coughing. Finally she was like "ok, you need to stay home".. and well, thats when the adventures started :P.

I wont comment on what I did, but I will say that had I been in normal state I dont think I would have, or maybe I would.. who knows. When mom came home I was so out of it.. Every time I'd try to talk I'd mumble, and my sister thought it was on purpose. My mom fed me and then I passed out on the floor in her room. I'm up again, with the worst stomache pains I've ever had, but I think I'm about to head to my bed.

There is this really bad flu going around. Its a regular flu + stomache flu and I think thats what I have :(.

I so can't belive Maryams getting married. TabaarakAllah! Now we have something to plan for :P. Tassnyms gonna be excited! anyways.. moms cooking couse dads gonna be home soon and the smell of food is bugging me.. plus upstairs is a lot warmer.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/13/2005 05:02:00 PM #|

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Tassnym got her wedding after all!

sugarlily2004: did you hear about Maryam?
sugarlily2004: M
sugarlily2004: Maryam M.
sugarlily2004: lol
umm_suhayb: what?
umm_suhayb: no?
sugarlily2004: she's getting married
sugarlily2004: to Ahson
umm_suhayb: to?
umm_suhayb: again?
umm_suhayb: lol
sugarlily2004: LOL
sugarlily2004: no
sugarlily2004: she's not getting engaged...just married now
umm_suhayb: lol
sugarlily2004: this month
umm_suhayb: when?
umm_suhayb: what?
umm_suhayb: wow?
sugarlily2004:
sugarlily2004: yeah
sugarlily2004: she told me last night
umm_suhayb: mashaAllah!
sugarlily2004: i know
sugarlily2004: i'm so happy for her!
sugarlily2004: lol
umm_suhayb: ya
sugarlily2004: she was saying that Shahida auntie and Saeed uncle came and they all worked everything out on Saturday
umm_suhayb: aww
umm_suhayb: mashaAllah
sugarlily2004: and the wedding's on the 24th of this month
umm_suhayb: wow
sugarlily2004: at 4 pm
sugarlily2004: at Peavy Lodge
sugarlily2004: lol
umm_suhayb: where is that?
sugarlily2004: in Adair
umm_suhayb: ohhh
umm_suhayb: ok
sugarlily2004: i think we've been there before
sugarlily2004: lol
umm_suhayb: ya
umm_suhayb: kimi's wedding was there
sugarlily2004:
sugarlily2004: yeah
umm_suhayb: anddd amu abdul nasir's
umm_suhayb: ya
umm_suhayb: that place is sorta nice
sugarlily2004: yea
sugarlily2004: h
sugarlily2004: it is really nice
umm_suhayb: but I like where dania had hers more I think
umm_suhayb: actually this one is cool couse its not so formal
sugarlily2004: lol
umm_suhayb: so is it going to be a pakistani or an algerian wedding?
umm_suhayb: lol
sugarlily2004: lol!
sugarlily2004: i have no idea
sugarlily2004: i didn't get a chance to ask her
umm_suhayb: lol
sugarlily2004: she's like crazy busy
sugarlily2004: and so is her mom
umm_suhayb: ya, ofcourse
sugarlily2004: so she told me to pass the message on
umm_suhayb: aww mashaAllah
sugarlily2004: about her wedding
umm_suhayb: I'm sort of still in shock.. especially since the engagment was "called off"
sugarlily2004: yeah
sugarlily2004: i was too last night
umm_suhayb: although I never totally believed that
sugarlily2004: i was like "are you serious?"
sugarlily2004: lol
sugarlily2004: yeah
umm_suhayb: I thought the "calling off" was to divert attention from it
sugarlily2004: i don't know
umm_suhayb: you better tell Rahima that her man is taken
sugarlily2004: i think it really was called off
sugarlily2004: LOL!!
umm_suhayb: lol
umm_suhayb: do I have a dress?
umm_suhayb: I think I do
sugarlily2004: LOL
sugarlily2004: yeah
umm_suhayb: we havnt had a wedding in forever
sugarlily2004: now i have to find out what i'm going to wear
umm_suhayb: I should wear lengha
sugarlily2004: yeah, i know
sugarlily2004: lol!!
sugarlily2004: you should
umm_suhayb: get me one!
sugarlily2004: but that's too much of a "bride" thing to wear
sugarlily2004: lol
umm_suhayb: lol
umm_suhayb: not really
umm_suhayb: some of them arent that bride-y
sugarlily2004: yeah
sugarlily2004: that's cause they're too plain
sugarlily2004: lol
umm_suhayb: lol
umm_suhayb: I guess Tassnym got her wedding after all; its just that I'm not the Maryam getting married
sugarlily2004: lol!!
sugarlily2004: yeah

chotu-meyeh @ 12/13/2005 12:16:00 PM #|

(0) comments

.:Monday, December 12, 2005:.

wow..

I'm not sure who I mentioned to about my "brother".. the one from breastfeeding etc. Well, my mom had been wanting to get in contact with his mom for a while now and I tried searching some, but couldnt find the exact contact information. I dont know what brought up the subject this morning but I started searching again this morning; the search was a lot more fruitful. I found her work contact information and an organization she was affiliated with. I sent off an email to the organization asking for her contact information and within a couple of hours I got this back:

Mona,

I got your e.mail! I have goose pimples just thinking about you! Where are you? How is Nouni (me :P)?

We are still in S.F. our address is **** between Kirkham and Lawton. Still in the sunset. our phone number is the same ****. My work number is ***.

Zekor (Zakariyyah) is 15 years old now, soon to be 16, and almost 6 feet, Leila is 13 years old and is about

**. Curtiss is great as always.

Are you in SF? if you are let us meet.

I hope this e.mail finds you well.

Love,

Mona Marachli

My mom was like "wow".. and I just emailed back. Weird :/. I got me another mahram :P. and I'm a month older than him. :/

chotu-meyeh @ 12/12/2005 01:43:00 PM #|

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.:Sunday, December 11, 2005:.

Corvalllis

These are some random facts about Corvallis that even I didnt know :P.

Our Community of Corvallis, Oregon

Harvard Business Review’s “Creative Index” - February 2004 placed Corvallis in the

top fifteen cities for Technology, Talent & Tolerance.

On NBC's the Today Show - March 2004, authors Pete Sambert & Burt Sperling in their book

“CITIES RANKED & RATED” recognized Corvallis in the top ten.

Mens Journal - April 2004 rated the Community as the seventh best place to live.

USAToday - January 2002 listed Corvallis as 4th in the nation for the numbers of patents issued.

OTHER RECOGNITION:

BIZ Demographics placed Corvallis as 7th in the nation for great places to do business.

BikeUSA listed Corvallis, 9th in the nation as a Bicycle Friendly City

National Arbor Day Foundation awarded Corvallis "Top Tree City" in 2002

Orange County Register picked Corvallis "Best Pac10 Campus" in 2002 (I still think most of OSU looks like a dungeon.. and LB looks like a prison..)

MORE FACTS ABOUT CORVALLIS:

Corvallis has the highest education level in the state

Corvallis has the second highest income level in the state

Corvallis is the birthplace of computer inkjet printing technology by Hewlett-Packard

Corvallis is home of Nobel Prize winner, Linus J. Pauling (LOL was that for re-building Highland?)

A graduate of Oregon State University invented the computer mouse (Now, we besta get recognition for that! Imagine no computer mouses :P)

NOW, lets take a virtual tour around the city.. (click on pics to make them bigger)

This here is a very old picture of one of the main shopping centers.. There is a lot more built now.. but ya.. its on the corner of Kings and Walnut.. kings = street with masjid on it.

This is the all so famous court house downtown.. on an all too typical over cast day

This is the new Highland Muslim(named such due to the amount of Muslim students that once attended it :P) school.. renamed..

This is an arial of what looks like the 53rd street area, right hina? The edge of walnut and stuff..

This is part of OSU. You can see Reeser Stadium.. the Hilton "garden inn".. basball field (does that even have a name?) and some other stuff..

This is a bit of the riverfront and sorta an overall view of part of the city..

" If I hit the jackpot tomorrow", writes Gary Warner, in the Orange County Register," I'd quite the rat race and move to Corvallis. You'd find me at the New Morning Bakery with a big mug of coffee and a cinnamon roll, scanning the local real estate listings." LOL! this is the bakery.. its pretty good if you ask me..

Anddddd this is the library..

Have I bored you enough? how about another two pictures or so.. I'll try to find one of the masjid.. and one of the prison and dungeon :P.. I have lots of dungeon but cant find one of the prison :(.

ok these are the best pics of the prison, aka LB campus, that I could find:

This is an arial of OSU campus area

This is one of them dungeon buildings :P

and ya, this is a really small pic but you can see a few of the campus buildings in it..

And finally, I'll end of with a nice picture of the riverfront..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/11/2005 10:25:00 AM #|

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.:Saturday, December 10, 2005:.

Better Grammer...

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaah

This is Umm Qaylah posting on Maryam's blog today because there is something that has been bothering me for the longest time but after the most recent post, I couldnt hold it in any longer.

Have any of you noticed that once Maryam starts typing its nothing but....and then when she needs to go onto another topic its .... again? All she ever uses are "..." Its so friggin annoying and you dont understand half of what she is talking about. At times I have to hold a paper up to the screen just so I know which line I am reading (lol, I dont do that but sometimes I wish I would). Are you trying to drive us out of your blog?

Maryam, my advice to you, please use paragraphs and some punctuation other then "..." I understand it is your blog and that you can express your feelings and emotions the way you please but woman, please save us a headache. Have some mercy on our eyes and minds!

I appreciate it. Jezaaki-Allaahu Khayren.

Oh and I love you.

Was-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh.

™ سكينة بنت أحمد @ 12/10/2005 07:15:00 PM #|

(3) comments

.:Friday, December 09, 2005:.

Today has soooo not been a good day for me..walhamdulillah. Maybe I'm making things out to be bigger than they are.. actually I probably am.. but still it wasn't the best of days.

I got up sort of late.. around 10.. usually I'm up earlier but I was exhausted.. my mom got upset though.. I dont get why since she knows I'm not feeling good.. but khair.. that sort of ruined my mood in the morning.. Things were fine after that untill I decided to check if my final grades were up. I found out that everything but my math grade was.. and I told my mom my grades.. and ya.. thats when I got really frustrated and it ruined the rest of the day for me.

I had 3 B's. I was happy with them alhamdulilah.. mann if I get a B in math too I'll be estatic.. but mom wasnt.. she got reaallly upset about it.. I dont see why.. and I really dont care why.. actually I know why.. its couse she got so used to me getting A's that a B is a big deal now.. need I remind anyone what I got my first semester in highschool? If I'm not mistaken it was something like an A.. an F.. a D.. and a C or something like that.. so dude I'm happy about these grades.. shes not though.. and shes made it clear to me all day.. bleh.. I'll get to this later..

Because I was upset.. and I knew the next thing I'd get talked to about was my room.. I decided to clean it. To be honest, the room was a mess.. it was horrible.. my room is usually one of the messier parts of the house(when I dont share it) but it has never been this bad. Now, the reason my room is messy sometimes is because by the time I've cleaned the house.. done my schoolwork.. helped cook or cooked.. sat with my parents.. seen what my sister needs.. and done something for myself.. I dont have time to clean my room, and even if I did I dont have the energy. Ever since I started to share the room with my sister its been even harder to keep it clean and organized because we both have different ways of doing things..

This is the first time since we moved to this last house that I've taken the time out to really clean the room.. usually my sister would do it but her way of cleaning is to sweep everything under the rug and hope it will clean itself.. In order to get things straight I pretty much had to take everything apart and put it back in place.. bookshelves.. closet.. beds.. it took me from dhuhr till maghrib.. This made my mood really bad because I saw how careless my sister was. it just was very annoying having to organize her cloths for her.. organize her things for her and so on.. You'd think by the time a GIRL is 12(almost 13) she'd know how to pick things that have fallen off of the floor and hang them again. She'd pretty much just thrown all cloths on the closet floor, including socks and stuff.. that bugged me alot.. but khair..

Anyways.. after that my dad came home and goes "I'm invited to dinner at so and so's house can u make me something to take with me?".. I said ya (was almost done with room).. so I went down and did that.. went to finish the room and then take shower.. but they wanted to pray.. I told them pray and I'd pray later.. anyways.. when I got out of the shower my sister got all upset at me couse she said I took too long and she needed the bathroom to make wudoo.. :(.. she made it up to me by making me something to eat since I hadnt eaten all day.. but still it was annoying.. And ya.. now I'm here ranting.. oh I didnt go to masjid tonight which also bothered me.. just to add more to the list.. :P.

I guess it wasnt the most horrible day.. but it was more like a build up of things that have been bothering me from before. I try hard to make everyone around me happy and do what pleases them but its just never enough.. and this whole grade thing today kinda shows what I mean.. actually there were two reasons why this bothered me.. this is one and the second is I'm so tired of everyone having this idea that I'm some genious that must be good at everything I do.. and is giong to grow up to be this fantabulous person.. I'm tired of going to the masjid to have aunties ask me "what are you studying?" "did you get your grades yet, how did you do?" "nooo dont major in that.. you're smart!!! dont waste your time on things like that..you need to go into medicine".. or my all time favorite "who is older? you or my son/daughter?".. its like get a life so you dont have to intrude on mine.. I'm not a genious or anything close to that.. I just work hard when I need to and try to take the easy way out when I can :P.

Another thing that bothers me is how sometimes my parents (and others) treat my like I'm still a kid.. and other times they treat me like an adult.. its like make up your mind.. I personally dont think I'm either.. I'm lost someplace in between.. I guess my moms main issue with me is she thinks I dont manage my time well enough.. I guess shes right some times.. but at the same time she isnt.. I know what I need to do and when I get the time I take care of it.. but ya.. if its not obvious already whats really bothering me the most is that my moms upset with me and that I havnt sucked it up and apologized yet.. ahh khair.. I guess I should know by now that everyones tempers are short and everyones a bit stressed.. and I should let this stuff slide.. and stop making big deals out of small things..

OH! the funnest thing I did this week was keep Tassnym in suspense for the whole week thinking I'm going to tell her some biggg news.. what happened was at the begining of the week she said something about how we need a wedding and how I should get married... and I go "you never know.. i just might have something to tell you next time I see you".. and she begs me to tell her.. makes me promise to email her and then I sign out.. she emails me like every day going "I'm still waiting.." and I'll email her back about something random.. and then finally I was talking to her yesterday and I go "ok ok.. I cant hide this from you anymore" and she like "YA ABOUT TIME" and I was like "ok.. this might be a bit of a shock for you but.. but.. I'm in love." and she goes ".." and I was like "ya.. see this guy has totally taken ahold of my heart.. hes the most adorable thing you've ever seen.. his name issssss" and I pause for a good 3 mins.. come back "sorry, about that.. where was I?.. oh ya his name is.. Abd" then I pause for another minute.. " Abd al Qudoos". and she goes "OMG MARYAM YOU FREAK.. YOU MADE ME WAIT ALL WEEK FOR THIS".. ahh it was sweet :D.

ahh there was one other thing I wanted to talk about in this post.. it was about what I want to do in break.. but seeing as how bad my writting is right now.. and how long this post is already.. I think I'll put that off..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/09/2005 07:05:00 PM #|

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mmm.. ya..

what day is it and what time is it? I'm seriously so distorted with time the past few days. The whole day yesterday I thought it was Friday.. and now I think its thursday :S.. khair, I have an 'udhr so its all good :P.

I came home yesterday, even though I really didnt want to. When I went over to UmmAQ's on Wednsday I was maad sick, upset about my exam, and wanted to come home.. but I went to her place couse she wanted me and I wanted to make her happy. I was feeling a little better yesterday so I was enjoying myself more and wanted to stay longer but when I called mom she was like "we miss you at home".. and I know that doesnt mean that they literally miss me but that they need me home so I came..

The time I did spend there was nice alhamdulillah. AQ has totally stolen my heart man.. mashaAllah tabaarakAllah.. may Allah swt preserve him and make him of the ritchious..aameen. We pretty much just chilled out.. got a little crazy.. and had a good time.. we went to bed early though couse I was so tired.. which is something we NEVER do :/.. but yesterday was fun. We made chocolate cake (yum).. but she kept it for her husband whos coming back tonight(end of the quarter).. andd we invited another sis for dinner.. and just had a good time alhamdulillah.

How was the exam? Don't ask. I'm too scared to check the SIS gradebook now.. Grades are supposed to be up by tonight. Yesterday I showed someone an email I wrote one of my teachers and the reply I got.. she was like "you sooo needa teach a course on how to suck up to your teacher for a good grade". nah.. this teacher is so fair man.. thats the only reason I sent it.. you couldnt get him to cheat you a grade if you gave him the world.. but ya..

While I'm on the topic of school.. I want to mention something that has come to my mind every time I go to the LB campus (I wont even get into the OSU one..thats whole other story).. Is it just me or is this campus the worst designed one in the world? To start off it looks like a prison.. right? I mean the way its built and all. The ONLY nice area is North Santiam Hall (my advisor and favorite teachers moved there! yesss) but ya.. the other thing is if all the buildings are connected why dont they have interior corridors? I'm not about to blame them for my sickness, because it was the qaadar of Allah, but dudeeee going in and out of the heat really didn't help!

Anyways, enough about school. I have a month off and inshaAllah I want to use the time wisely.. It seems like I'll be stuck in oregon the whole time as well :(. Not so exciting but I guess I should make the best of it.

oh, and before I go off. I miss yasi! if you read this sign on please.. k thanks.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/09/2005 10:46:00 AM #|

(2) comments

.:Wednesday, December 07, 2005:.

stressed..

The past couple weeks have been crazy man.. I've been so torn.. not sure who to please.. and even if I did how to please them.. not enough time in the day to get things done.. and definatly not enough time to chill out.. with all that was going on the last thing I needed was finals.. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.. I cant wait for them to be over so I can focus on more important things..

I got up really sick this morning. I pretty much couldnt get out of bed.. I had wanted to take my math final in the morning because I promised a friend I'd go to her house around noon.. but I wasnt up to it and I didnt have a ride.. so now I'm at school, with about 15 mins till maghrib, and I havnt taken the exam yet :(. This time I'm going to wait to pray first then take the test instead of doing what I did last time and missing maghrib, inshaAllah.

The other finals werent so bad, alhamdulillah. On monday I went to the LB (btw, only one person is going to understand half of what I'm about to say.. but who cares).. so I went to the LB campus at like 11 since I was told that the final would be at 11:30.. ended up not starting untill 12.. but I was cool with that. That final was easy.. After the exam I tried to track down a few teachers but didnt get ahold of ANY of them.. which was sooo anyoning.. but alhamdulillah..

Tuesday was more busy. I got into the exam a little late.. but found my teacher right away. I'm such a teachers pet.. its sad.. like even the ones I'm not fond of they are of me.. its weird.. this one teacher (writting) likes me too much.. its cool though.. for example, he gave my the essay questions 10 mins before everyone else got them and when the girl next to me asked him for one he was like "you'll get yours soon".

The way they had the writting exams set up was crazy man.. in the main auditorium of the forum they had all the classes taking the test at the same time.. there was like 500+ students in there.. and every student had to get BOTH of their bluebooks signed by THEIR teacher.. and return them to their teacher at the end of the exam.. It was insane trying to do that.. but again, my teacher made it easy on me.. he signed both my books at the same time.. and he came up to me to take the exam from me.. it was sorta freaky though.. couse he was watching me the whole time I was testing.. and when I finished he got up and stood and came towards me :S.

After the test I went to meet up with my math teacher.. but she was in her office even though she was supposed to be.. so I went to the library.. stayed there for a while then realized i had to head back to her office.. her office is in IA on the second floor.. I go there and shes not there.. at this point I'm so mad.. and I'm like okk I'll go see the other teachers that I need to see.. I go to South Santiam to see one and sehs not there.. so I go to Takena hall, which is totally across the LB campus, and there is a note on the door saying his office moved to NORTH santiam hall.. That made my mood even worse couse I was right there before.. anyways on my way there my math teacher sees me.. and shes down in the courtyard.. I'm up on the second floor.. so she calls me and I'm like what the.. whos that.. and I go down see her.. then we head to her office which is the other side of campus.. then back to NSH(which looks AWESOME now).. and ya.. it was tiring..

bleh.. as you can tell i'm bored.. I have another 10 mins to go pray.. then get coffee(probably shouldnt) and go in for the exam.. I have to get a good grade on this or I'm in trouble.. but I just feel so sick.. and I'm tired.. and I guess a little upset.. but khair.. if anyone sees this.. please make duaa I do good.. BTW- I'm at the benton center now if you wanna show up ;) :P.. and yes i'll pay for your friggin gas.. sheesh.

and this keyboard is soooooo annoying.. ugh..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/07/2005 04:28:00 PM #|

(1) comments

.:Tuesday, December 06, 2005:.

finals sucks!

I was at the college most of the day yesterday.. had a couple exams.. today have 2 more.. and then inshaAllah I'm done.. unless the teacher lets me take my math final tommorrow then I'll do one today and one tommorrow..

Its cold. I'm sleepy. Make duaa I do good please. so cant wait to be off of school.

Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less

chotu-meyeh @ 12/06/2005 09:31:00 AM #|

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.:Friday, December 02, 2005:.

sacrifice..

I can be hard headed somtimes.. get stubborn.. and dont back down when I should.. I've wondered if I could sacrfice this to end a problem or argument or whatever.. I never could think up a good answer couse sometimes I'd do and sometimes I wouldnt..

A few days ago I got the answer. I decided to delete 3 years worth of saved files on this computer. Schoolwork, notes, memories, pictures, audio files, EVERYTHING. Why? Just incase. I didnt want to be a cause of a problem that could be avoided with a little(understatment) sacrifice on my part. As I did this, my sister stood in awe.. As soon as I finished I went upstairs and layed down; too depressed to talk :(.

*topic jump*

I didnt sleep at all last night till an hour or so before fajr. It took my mom a longish while to wake me up. I finally did get up.. but whent back to sleep, which wasnt the plan. I have 3 final papers due today and one other assignment so I had planned on staying up from fajr. Didnt work. My mom came to wake me at 9, again didnt really work. So now its half past ten and I've wasted a good while online.. and non of the assignments are done :(.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/02/2005 10:32:00 AM #|

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