Be in the world as though you were a stranger or a wayfarer

.:Friday, July 30, 2004:.

A lot of confusion, a lot of pain alhamdulilah..

I’ve been feeling a lot of confusion lately. About who I am and who I was and what I want. Ya’ani I don’t feel the same anymore? I don’t know if that makes any sense. I just don’t feel I am the same person I was a few months ago. I don’t feel I act the same, or anything.. subhanAllah. I just feel so different. I'm not sure if others see me as different or not.. Allahu ‘aalam.. but I don’t feel that I am the same person I once was.. and I'm not sure if I like the change. I used to be so care free so happy.. I’d always smile no matter what.. I remember khala Dalia once was like (to my mom) “wallah she can get me as mad as she wants.. but as soon as she smiles, khalaas I forgive her” and its not just that, its everything about me.. it doesn’t seem the same :/ It seems like fake.. I dunnu subhanAllah I'm confused..

The other day my mom asked me to go over some papers for her couse I'm faster in English than her. And one of the papers was about my dad.. not my baba, but my birth dad.. and I just like looked at the papers, which had the most info I ever knew bout him on it, and started crying. I was like what if I was living with him? how would my life be and stuff.. then I was like what the.. why am I crying about a dude who don’t give about me. who left his wife 7 months pregnant, found out he had a kid but did he care? no.

ufff I don’t even know why I mentioned that.. I guess its just like one of the times were I wished my life was different.. but why, Its not that bad alhamdulilah... Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.. I am probably going through one of the most stressful times in my life. There is so much going on in my life. Some of the stuff: With my immediate family, there is like problems with my parents, fear of my mom having to leave the states (aka deportation), legal issues and a bunch of other stuff. with my extended family, my grandma just about living in the hospital (dads mom, my moms mom already passed away earlier this year, some of you might remember my mom was traveling and I had to call her and tell her.. wallah there is nothing harder than doing that), my cousins throwing away their lives, my uncle and all the stuff he's going through. Then there are every day stresses of school, home, moving. There are the stresses of my friends, and other emotional stresses that some of you know about. With everything going on in my life, I just keep adding more things onto myself. For some stupid reason. Ya Allah..

I have always gone through a lot of hard times in my life, always had to live older than my age for many reasons. I’ve always had to much responsibility and stuff. but I have always been able to deal with it alhamdulilah. Always been able to stay strong, both emotional and physically. But this time I’m not. I’m just breaking down. I’ve been wondering about it for a while, about why I'm not as strong this time. A few days ago I was reading some convo’s I had saved and I found an offline from someone that pasted this quote of Ibn Al Qayyim (I later read it again in an article, inshaAllah I’ll post the link at the end of this) :-

”Verily the life of man is in the life of his heart and his soul. And there is no life in the heart except by knowing its creator, having love for him, worshipping him solely, turning to him in times of need, and seeking tranquility with His remembrance. And he who loses this life has lost all good. Even if he attempts to substitute (this loss) with all that is in the world. For verily not even all of the world together would be able to replace this life. And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.? “

Reading that made me think. I was submersing myself in my problems, I forgot to say Alhamdulilah for the good in my life. For all the khair that I have. Instead of doing everything I had planned this summer (for example, finishing my hifdh) I forgot it all and made my self more depressed. Kept telling myself that I was going through to much. I forgot to turn to Allah swt with my problems, and ask him for his help. I forgot to be thankful and remember Allah swt in hard times. And that caused what has happened to me.

Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal. No matter what I am going through, there is someone going through worse. No matter how much pain I'm going through, there is someone going through more pain. No matter how hurt I am, someone is more hurt. No matter stressed I feel someone is more stressed. And no matter how many problems I have, someone has more.

Even though things can never be the same, even though I might be hurting, and even though I might be stressed more than I can handle, there is so much good in my life. So inshaAllah this is going to be my last sad post (ehm I said inshaAllah so ya its no guarantee). I wanna go back to the way I was. Things might not go back to how they were but I can try to be how I was. InshaAllah go back to my hifdh, go back to my goals. Don’t let all this stop me. I have always know what I wanted to do in life, what I wanted to be, and inshaAllah I wanna work towards that still.

Khair I am still so confused :( I need advice I think.. ya'ani I dunnu.. khair inshaAllah.. I'm going to be moving and stuff so I might not post for a while.. oh the link I promised.. the articles really nice mashaAllah.. good reminders.. I've read it a few times.. http://www.a2youth.com/islam/articles/life/article001.html

chotu-meyeh @ 7/30/2004 03:18:00 PM #|

.:Thursday, July 29, 2004:.

Tassnym gone???

First off for those of you who don’t know who Tassnym is.. Tassnym = nymo.. lol Tassnym’s my girl.. My best friend probably. We’ve been through everything together. Just about grew up together. If it wasn’t for her I probably wouldn’t be who I am today. I can trust her with anything and everything. If I’m sad or down or something I don’t need to tell her, she knows. She can tell by the way I talk. By the way I even type. Our parents loved us chillin with each other, couse they said we “completed” each other. So we were always either chillin someplace or online together. subhanAllah man wallahi I love that girl so much..

So anyway, she hasn’t been online for three days just about. I heard that she didn’t go to quran class on Tuesday, and then yesterday it was girls dars.. and she didn’t come so we called her house up and my friend dania was like “Assalamu ‘alaikum ‘amu is Tassnym there?” and he said no.. so she was like “ok jazaaakAllah khair.. salaamu ‘alaikum”.. so anyway I been like what the.. where is she you know.. couse like if her dads home they probably aren’t on a trip or anything..

So today, I was packing and away from the computer so I put in my name “Tassnym if you come on message me”. so instead of Tassnym messaging me another one of my friends.. Maryam she does.. and shes like
Her: Maryam I heard Tassnym left
me: WHAT
her: ya her brother, mohammad **** told my brothers that Hasan Tassnym and khala left to saudia
Me: omg.. when
Her: yesterday or the day before
Me: dude they were over on Monday
Her: I dunnu man.. that’s what my brother said
Me: (I went on to say what I'm about to type out..)

That just totally shocked and surprised me.. But at the same time it didn’t. Because on Monday she knocked on our door and was like “my mama wants to talk to ur mama” so I was like “ok tell her to come in” and she was like “she wants to talk to her in the car :/” so we both were like errrrrrrrrmmmmmmm ok.. so my mama puts on everything and goes out to talk to her mom in the car. When my mama came out she was like in tears. And me and Tassnym were like what the.. so later I was like so mama what did khala want and she was like nothing iskiti.. and I kept at it.. till finally I was like “mama hows khalas mom” and she goes “make duaa just make duaa” and I was like omg.. then she told me how she went to lebnan for treatment and stuff. I was talking to Tassnym later and I was like “so hows your mom” and she was like “fine.. ‘adi” and I was like oh ok.. I had been hiding from Tassnym all the stuff I knew bout her grandma couse I knew if she found out she would go into deep depression..

I think Wallahu ‘aalam that her mom decided to go couse of that reason. Ya Allah.. It like hurts couse we didn’t even like say goodbye or anything you know? and shes probably not coming back.. since they were planning on going for good soon anyway. So her dads probably just gonna finish up, and then him and mohammad are going to go.. Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal..

Tassnym’s been working on a scrapbook “what I leave behind” so almost a month ago she was like what you going to say when you sign it.. and I said I dunnu.. then she was like.. come on just type something up and Ill type something up for you.. so this is what we typed.. just so u guys know.. “sofy” = “Yusif” don’t ask how she named him that..

Me:-
You’re the type of friend that’s always there no matter what. Your there in good times and in bad. Your that one special friend that no matter what you feel connected to. You got one of the nicest personalities, always thoughtful always giving. You’ve been there thru all my “times”. Life is but a collection of memories and I have to say that a lot of mine include you, so that would mean a lot of my life includes you. Just because you might be far doesn’t mean you wont be close at heart. And I know for a fact I’m gonna look back at these days, and they gonna be some of the best memories I have. Your like a sister to me, I feel I could tell you anything and know it would be safe. I know im gonna miss you but inshaAllah one day we gonna meet up, at your wedding *cough* or mine :P anyway take care, keep in touch, and remember memories don’t live like people do.. wassalamu ‘alaikum..

Tassnym:-
maryam, you have been an awesome friend all thorughout. Weve been through our ups and downs, but i think weve learned alot from eachother. All those hours of chatting, and then having nothing to tlak about when we actually see eachother...ahh..anyway, no words can express our friendship, so i dunno what to say. People have come and gone, but amazingly weve stuck together, and i think weve inspired others to really appreciate their friends. Man this year was especially fun with you, with all the classes and stuff..it was great and all the pump for the parties nothin like it...you take care in life...be sure to invite me to your ewedding, and let me know if sofy comes into your life aight keep in touch! Much luv! Salam

Wow.. it really hurts to think that the last time I might of ever saw her was on Monday.. ya Allah.. and to top this news off.. today was also the day I had to pack up just about everything.. khair inshaAllah.. right now im like dead tired and stuff….

chotu-meyeh @ 7/29/2004 08:24:00 PM #|

.:Tuesday, July 27, 2004:.

Missing someone..

subhanAllah.. I'm really really not having a good day lol alhamdulilah.. like starting from last night all these problems and stuff started, so I got up this morning not really wanting to do anything. I couldn’t go to Quran class either so that really sucked.. I just got up and went online, I have some homework to do, and I figured maybe when I go online It’ll take my mind off of things. Instead it just made things worse. I don’t think my eyes have been dry since I came on. I had a pm from UmmQaylah that brought tears to my eyes and I just got really down reading it couse I HATE seeing her hurting, like I would rather I'm the one hurting instead of her. Then this girl that I don’t even know personally, zainebs cousin, but I love her.. and like care for her.. she comes on.. and shes like throwing away her life.. and it hurts to see her doing that, couse she has one of the purest most loving hearts, she just doesn’t have anyone to guide her. So we were talking to her and stuff and I started crying again.. (wallahi I never was like this, I never used to cry subhanAllah) and all the time I'm on the computer I'm going through file after file of memories.. just reading and stuff.. lol I shoulda been doing my hw but I couldn’t decide if I should do my report on the US or Canada..

anyway what I really wanted to talk about was the feeling of missing someone, since its something I have been feeling a lot lately.. and a feeling that I know some of you (aka umm qaylah, yassi, and zaineb) can relate too.. the actual feeling of missing someone is nice.. its like comforting, I dunnu.. it like prove to yourself that they mean something to you.. since sometimes the you don’t notice the value of something till you have lost it. The feeling of being missed is also one of the awesomest feelings. To know that someone cares about you, and thinks about you. I don’t think there is anything as sweet as someone telling you “I miss you” other than maybe someone telling you that they love you..

now while these two feelings are great, there is a third one.. and its not so great. It’s the feeling that someone doesn’t miss you, when you expect them to, and when you yourself miss them more than anything. You will be dying to talk to them, cant wait and then when u do your disappointed. This person means the world to you, but you get this feeling that they don’t care about you. I know UmmQaylah knows exactly what I'm talking about.. it breaks apart your heart.. but it doesn’t matter.. couse u cant change how people feel sah? Khair I just wanna say that I miss and love you ya Umm Qaylah even though we kinda talked.. and I really miss you yassi man where u been.. havnt talked in forever it seems ana luff u lots... there are others that I miss, but I wont mention them…

chotu-meyeh @ 7/27/2004 02:21:00 PM #|

.:Sunday, July 25, 2004:.

poems and stuff

Ok this post is kindaaaaaaaa long.. lol its a bunch of poems.. most are written by Zaineb.. aka seattle girl.. aka my hommie.. aka Imma get it for posting these up(shes the only un online person that has the link to my blog).. nah shes coo I probably wont.. lol I complain to her alot and stuff and shes patient with me.. shes the only person other than yassi and umm qaylah that knows whats up with me.. anyway..

*this one was written by Z.. about a friend of hers.. and I know what shes talking about.. couse all you with the link to this are the bestest most awesomest people/friends I know..
A True Friend

A true friend will always be there for you and help you grow,
A true friend will let you know,
That no matter what happenz they will neva let you go

They will hold you when need comfort till the end,
on you I know I can most definitely depend.
You are the real definition of a true best friend.

You’re much more than a friend to me,
You helped me realize the importance of life and how it should be.

You built a mountain in my life and let me see,
that right past the mountainz very high peek,
some one like you with the kindest heart will give me the most touching words just as you speak.

When you feel as though the world haz given up on you,
You know you can turn to me and trust me too.

Whateva goes on in yo life I’m here fo you, I love you forever

*This one also written by Z, about a friend of hers.. discribes a feeling that I can relate to..
Furious Pain

I came to you when I was in vain,
You helped guide me through and eased away my pain.

I came to you with every little problem in my life,
You took your time to help my heart feel better,
You definitely made a strife

I now sit on my bed looking at the moon,
Wondering where you’re at when really you were always near me singing to my heart a tune.

Tears slowly coming down my face,
As I am missing you my heart is beating at a very fast pace.

The memories of everything we did together won’t ever go away,
I wanted you to always be here, I wanted you to stay.

My best friend has been taken away from me,
Maybe this is meant to be.

They took my best friend far from my reach,
I now sit here thinking of that walk we took on the beach.

This horrifying yet crucial ache is ever so strong,
I still wonder if the world will still move along.

The soreness, tenderness hurting is taking over my soul,
How can I POSSIBLY move on?

Maybe this is really meant to be,
For someone to take a piece of me,
And tell me you will live, you will, you’ll see

Every night is harder to live without you than the one before,
I just don’t know if I’m ready for this,
I really feel soar

Every day that moves on without hearing your voice seems like a year,
I need you beside me, please I need you here.

The days are going by slower than ever,
I sit looking out my window wishing we were together.

I pray to Allah your doing well,
Life for me is, I guess, going pretty swell.

I miss you so much,
I honestly do

They took my friend away from my heart,
I’m still trying to move on, but it’s as if something hit my chest with a dart.

If truth be told,
Our friendship grew, it actually did mold,
It molded so much that the world got jealous and some how took us apart

I wonder if the pain I’m feeling is the same with you,
I love you and miss you so much,
I honestly do.

*this one was originally written by Z, but I changed it and made it my own..
A Missing piece
I’m missing a piece of my heart,
Somebody somehow took it apart.

I lost the greatest gift in life, my best friend
I don’t know if this pain will ever end.

Memories of all the happiness we shared,
It won’t ever die away because I know you cared.

Since we can’t talk,
Make sure you keep me in your heart,
Even if you’re just taking a short walk.

You’re always in my heart and prayers forever,
I don’t think I can forget you, ever

The times we shared were full of pleasure,
I know that deep inside me this was life’s real treasure.

Remember when I came to you crying?
You told me to stay strong and keep trying.

Remember the noor in your eyes?
Allah loves you and he don’t tell lies.

I pray that Allah keeps you steadfast
And enters you in his highest Jannaat
I miss you and love you forever ‘n always,

*anddddddd this is something yassi pasted to me..
I wish that i could stop time,
I wish that i could rewind,
To the very begining of every second of my life.
To ask God on my hands and knees,
To never let me forget all my special memories.
See i'm only promised today,
And if it's my time to go,
I don't want the love of my life to ever fade away,
So one last time
Let me open my eyes.
To see what my life used to be like.
Oh God.
When it's time for me to say goodbye
I'll never forget looking in your eyes,
I pray,
That i feel your touch
And that God doesn't forget our love,
I pray,
When i close my eyes,
I can still see visions of you on my mind.
I pray,
That i see you in another life,
I pray that you still by my side.
Oh i pray.
You were in my dream
Before i even knew there was a you and me,
Now i can't wait to see your smile,
When i wake up each day,
It makes it worth while
With the kinda love you plant inside,
Specially with a heart so empty as mine.
All your soft tenderness is the one thing that i don't wanna miss.
You know with every day that passes i pray to god I'll never forget who you are.
You mean everything to me.
I love you

chotu-meyeh @ 7/25/2004 08:07:00 PM #|

Ramadan.. 9 years ago..

Looking through some stuff, I found a newspaper, that we’ve had for more than 9 years.. brought back a bunch of memories from Ashland.. Havnt been there in a while. on the front page is a picture of ‘amu Dawood and Zaid who was almost two.. Zaid is a month older than my sister, and is like a brother to me. I’ve known his family since I was 2 and him since he was born. His dad is an American convert, and his moms Malaysian. MashaAllah they got some of the cutest kids Zaid, Zakariyyah, Ameenah, Jafar, and Adam. I’ve seen all of them but the youngest, Adam, couse they been living in saudia for a few years now and havnt came back to the states since he was born. Here’s a scan of the front page, if you make the picture big you can even read the article lol..
http://atlantic.photoisland.com/sessions/25599986958/25866308.jpg
or
http://mediaservice.photoisland.com/auction/Jul/20047254292640137135344.jpg

chotu-meyeh @ 7/25/2004 08:00:00 PM #|

.:Thursday, July 22, 2004:.

AlMaghrib_Nw

This is another thing that’s been keeping me pretty busy. I spend a good amount of my day on this each day. lol right now I'm thinking of like 4 emails I gotta send out when I'm done blogging. we’re actually doing pretty good, my latest task is to design a webpage with Ibrahim. Sabika registered the domain for us already. http://www.almaghribnw.org/ .. we gotta get the site up before Ibrahim leaves mid next month inshaAllah.. ****as of Friday morning this is our design so far http://www.geocities.com/ibrafe/index.htm.. we worked on it alot last night.. inshaAllah gonna try and finalize some stuff then move it to the almaghribnw.org domain..

So far we’ve done pretty good.. gotten the word around, made fliers, opened email accounts, yahoo group.. and stuff. but now we are getting REALLY organized. lol to organized for me if you ask. Group leader, distributing tasks, ect.. its good in a way.. actually in almost all ways.. its just a lot of work. Alhamdulilah.. working on this project has given me something to do over the summer, and inshaAllah in a productive way that will bring good here in the future..

Now I gotta work on a placeholder page for the site, so we can start advertising it, and send out those emails.. lol..
P.s Umm Qaylah, is three entries enough updating? : P luff you ya habibty..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/22/2004 10:59:00 PM #|

Moving : (

Aighty, I might of told some of you that we gotta move couse they wanna sell the house. So my dad decided that he isn’t going to wait for the house to sell he’s gonna move now. This is in part because he doesn’t want to be forced to look and move fast, and because he's not on very good terms with the khala and ‘amu that own this house anymore.. lol.

So anyways, my dad found a house that him and my sister like a lot a lot.. and that me and my mom hate. Except I hate it more. I seriously do not want to move there, and I have my reasons. The thing is that khalaas my dad said that’s it. ya’ani it doesn’t matter what I want or don’t want :(. So ya it seems we will be moving there, within the next week or so. Which means I wont have internet for a while.. me and my brother are annoyed couse we don’t even know if we can have cable modem over there lol.. that’s the most important thing for us. Im on my computer, and he's on his laptop most of the day..

Make duaa for me inshaAllah.. couse I really hate this hous, and ya’ani not only do I hate the house itself but its going to be pretty hard on me living there. Since I'm already starting to get annoyed by being in niqaab all day ESPECIALLY with the HOT HOT weather now. And that house isn’t like this one, over there everythings like open onto each other. Here my brother can be in the living room (his room lol) and I can be in this room and I can have my niqaab off.. there its not like that.. so my mama said shes gonna make sure I get the computer in my room inshaAllah.. so I can be a little more comfortable.. so ya that’s one of the reasons I'm really busyish right now..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/22/2004 10:58:00 PM #|

Kalaam faaadeeee

I’ve been wanting to update this thing for the past couple days, but haven’t really gotten a chance. Sine the last post I posted, I’ve been pretty busy.. After posting that night, I went over my dars with my mom then went to bed. Not being able to sleep because I was so nervous and stuff. lol subhanAllah I even was dreaming about it when I finally did fall asleep. Got up in the morning, re listened to a lecture, took more notes added them to my dars, then practiced it on my mom and brother.. my brother seeing how nervous I was decides to do what brothers do and bug me a little more lol.. so I had two copies of my dars printed.. he picks one up and starts telling me where I missed a coma or period and stuff.. I came back on for about ten mins, talked to umm qaylah.. who kept telling me to go couse I was late…so finally I left..

The dars was pretty good, alhamdulilah.. we made waaraq 3anib, ruz, kufta, salad, kunnafah, and cookies.. the food reminded me of a couple people.. and I kept thinking of these two people through out the day.. then the time for the dars came.. lol. I NEVER spoke in front of people like that.. Like I translated bess it wasn’t me who prepared the thing. I didn’t have to make sure it was correct, made in the correct way ect. I just would translate.. I couldn’t even start.. I kept stalling, saying wait for khala faykah.. wait for this wait for that.. lol. then Umm Abdul Qudoos was just like man start, don’t embarrass us.. I was like us? You mean me.. lol so then I was just like ok bismillah and started.. at first I was kinda speaking low, and wasn’t doing to good. Then I would look at khala faykah or khala ghada and I would see them smiling and I was like AIIIIIIIGHTY I'm doing ok.. so I got more confidence and finished off good I think alhamdulilah.. The feedback I heard was good.. so that really got me pumped and when I came home I was like on an adrenalin rush lol.

Later in the afternoon some people came over, and that’s when my back pain became like 10x as bad as it was.. To many people are complaining from soar backs.. which is kinda interesting.. but khair.. they left late.. and then I sat talking/complaining to my mom about moving and stuff till 1am.. Today, spent it mostly doing laundry, AlMaghrib_nw stuff and trying to work on my last assignment in this class. Which I didn’t do btw lol. It was really really really hot today.. over 100.. inshaAllah it’ll get better before Saturday couse I wanna go to Portland.. lol..
So ya that’s pretty much my life the past two days.. that and talking to Umm Qaylah, having to lie couse of her :P. talked to yassi who hadn’t been on in a while. And some other stuff.. Ill write about in more detail in different posts..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/22/2004 10:57:00 PM #|

.:Wednesday, July 21, 2004:.

my dars doneeeee

Asslamu 'alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakaatuhu,
its some time past midnight.. finally finished my dars.. I *think* at least.. lol gonna have to review it in the morning.. make duaa for me inshaAllah.. Im not to good talking in front of people.. mumbled when I translated at first lol.. now im better.. anyway im tired.. gotta give the dars to my mom and bro then im off to bed inshaAllah..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/21/2004 12:31:00 AM #|

.:Monday, July 19, 2004:.

Abdur Rahmans Adhan

lol this is a recording of Abdur-Rahman today (salaat al maghrib) this is part of what he did to mess up our salaah :P.. he’s doing adhaan. My server isn’t working so here is my FTP server and password.. go to this link ftp://ftp.onid.orst.edu type in user name adhamma and password Islam01 the I gotta be capital. If that password doesnt work use Lakers01.. L capital. And then go to public folder and there are two files there the picture of my niece and the adhaan.. anything else I record of him tonight will also go into there..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/19/2004 10:06:00 PM #|

(4) comments

Paltalk crazy innit..

Yes I know this is my gazilionth post today..

anyway.. I'm sitting trying to do my work, when I get a million people pming me on msn and AIM telling me “go on paltalk and look at the room list” so I go and there is a room “Maryam is my best lover forerver” or something like that.. then about three mins later and another room comes up “Maryam is mine!!!!!!!”. lol I was talking to Umm Qaylah and I started freakin out, ehm as she will remember. And she keeps cracking jokes about it, and im like its not funny. So I just go off and im like hasbee Allah wa na’amal wakeel if its about me and if not then alhamdulilah..

So later I'm telling Majida about them and she asked if they were still up and I told her I didn’t think so. So she goes and checks and tells me there is one called “Mohammad is my best lover forever” lol then she suggests its probably just two crazy people or something, and it has nothing to do with me.. so alhamdulilah.. my only suggestion… take it outa the islam section? lol paltalk is crazy wallahi.. alhamdulilah I don’t go on anymore.. I go on invisible, someone I wanna talk to is on then Ill go off of invisible. If not I just sign out.. maybe once a week I go into a room.. and inshaAllah imma stop even that.. ok back to work..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/19/2004 02:35:00 PM #|

Harsh..

lol nymos being hard on me.. make duaa for me.. and yes I know I broke my promise of not going back on my blog till im done..

nymo says:

im giving you a time limit
nymo says:

by
nymo says:

2 youre' done with this class
nymo says:

by 4 youre done with hifth
nymo says:

by 6 your done with dars
مريم only 2 more assignments and Im done with this class.. but I dont wanna do them.. says:

WHAT
مريم only 2 more assignments and Im done with this class.. but I dont wanna do them.. says:

NO WAY
مريم only 2 more assignments and Im done with this class.. but I dont wanna do them.. says:
UR INSANE

chotu-meyeh @ 7/19/2004 11:47:00 AM #|

A good morning alhamdulilah :D

Alhamdulilah I had an awesome morning so far. :D :D :D I'm actually in one of my better moods, ehm im pretty sure that’s going to change once I start on my hw.. lol anywayssss

It started off awesome couse the first thing I got to do when I got up was talk to someone. Which really made my day couse like it reminded me of old times lol.. I dunnu why. since its not like old times.. nothing is.. but like getting up and talking to this person, that’s how it used to be. Talking to this person always makes me happy and smile, so when I start off with it in the morning im all happy.. lol ok im weird.. So anyway I was all happy couse of that.

Then I'm talking to manar (one of the Portland girls) and she was like “your dad was here last night wasn’t he” and I told her “ya” (couse he stopped at Portland masjid for a longish time on his way east). And she was like “ya all the ‘amus here made him promise to come to the Portland picnic next week” and I was like yup I know. lol then I went on talking a TON of smack couse how bad we beat them last time we where in Portland. (we split up two teams, Portland and Corvallis, even though there were more people on the Portland team AND we didn’t have our best player dania. And we still beat them BAD in every sport lol it was awesome, so we keep talking smack now) so anyway she said “the war is on” and I told her “to bad the war is already lost for you” and she told me to shaddup.. lol so that was nice..

That was kinda while I was talking to the other person, when the person signed out my brother was like make me breakfast. So I was like ok and I'm starting to make him and my sister food. And they are being so annoying and picky and demanding, and I was about to tell them “what do I look like your slave? Go make yourselves something to eat” then like my brother was like “ Maryam can I request one more thing” and I was like “sure” and he said “you eat some breakfast” I was like awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that was seriously so so so so sweet lol..

And thennnn I get done with making them breakfast and I come back on and my friend ayesha whos in Pakistan now is on. So I'm talking to her and I was like “so what did your parents say about Abd Al samad” (some of you might remember the story of me accidently hooking them two up...) and she was like they said yes. And I was like wooooohooooo awesome. And she told me when they are doing nikaah and I was all high.. lol and then she was like “don’t worry I still remember we’re going to have a double wedding, so I'm seriously looking for you. That is if you and your parents don’t mind a paki” and I told her “shaddup” loll but she wasn’t kidding so I was like ya sure look.. I hooked u up you can hook me up..

I dunnu but this was actually one of my better mornings in a long time.. im actually in a pretty good mood now :D.. wal hamdulilah.. ok no more blogging till I finish this classssss and my darsssss.. ya Allah

chotu-meyeh @ 7/19/2004 11:00:00 AM #|

schoooooooolllll

ehm so right now I should be doing school work or hifdh or work on my dars, instead im sitting here doing nothing..

I gotta finish these two stupid classes sometime soon. and my smart counsler decided hey why not sign her up for another class.. so without asking im signed up.. lol nice innit? but I guess in the longrun its good for me couse now I wont need to challenge any classes in the fall. Just finish up like 4 more classes and IM DONE.. graduated was done.. woooohooooo.. after that ehm no college for me lol..

I was talking to my adviser and he was like "I've never seen a freshman fail two classes and on the brink of failing a third(i told him i wasnt going to do it.. I was just going to fail it) and still think shes going to go on to be a senior next year and graduate" I told him "then you dont know me" lol

anyway this is another one of my random bursts..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/19/2004 09:52:00 AM #|

pics of my niec

my niece is my older(kaafir) brothers daughter, from a girlfriend wa Allahul must'an.. she just turned one.. heres a pic of her at 6 months or so

http://oregonstate.edu/~adhamma/Picture%20003.jpg

her names "bethany" I call her "bouthaina" lol.. my other brother Adam he wants to rase her muslim even though both her parents are kaafirs.. couse he got good ties with her mom and hes really close to the baby.. but ya..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/19/2004 09:50:00 AM #|

(12) comments

.:Sunday, July 18, 2004:.

Migraine’s and my moms lecture lol..

*I have a feeling you four(ya that’s all that have this link sad innit) are going to like the lecture my mom gave me lol.. couse all of you bug me about this stuff..

Last night I went to bed kinda early (a little after midnight) almost in tears because of how bad of a headache I had. This isn’t the first time. I’ve had at least one other this week. But this one was the worst, I could barley keep my eyes open couse of the pain. I never had a headache this bad before subhanAllah.. ya’ani I almost cried and for those who don’t know me I don’t cry. I don’t think I have ever cried from physical pain before, and I barley cry from emotional pain. The only time I do cry from emotional pain is say if I hurt someone that really really means a lot to me, or someone hurts me really bad, or say I miss someone a lot, or ya’ani I know im going to miss them.. (like the day me and Tassnym were walking and she made me cry couse we were talking about her leaving ect) and if I do cry I usually don’t admit it.. so if I'm crying from physical pain that means its totally unbearable. The other week I was telling Tassnym that I was about to cry couse of a different type of pain.. and her exact words were “Maryam crying from pain?? I mean I understand good by parties and stuff but pain? Girl go to the doctor.” Then she went and told her mom who called up my mom who had no idea that I was hurting.. and then khala faykah started telling my mom all this stuff to do for me.. anywaysss that’s kinda what happened yesterday and led to this huge lecture…

My headache started about 5 or so.. my brother was here so I had my niqaab on, so I just tied it really tight. He left a little later so when he left I took my hijab and like tied it around my head.. lol.. that’s when my mom looked at me saw how much pain I was in and said “you have a headache sah?” and I said “yah” thennnn she whent on and on and on.. this is pretty much what she said, except it was in arabi..

“Ya Allah ‘alaiki ya binti, what are you trying to do? Kill your self? Of course if you don’t eat and don’t sleep you will get headaches, and feel weak. What is this some kind of game? Ya’ani why? What's going to happen to you if you eat? You haven’t eaten a MEAL in two days, and then you complain. Actually I wish you would complain, all you do is sit in pain in silence. SubhanAllah. I'm scared for you ya binti, you haven’t eaten a meal in two days, yet you’re the most one working, here at the masjid everywhere. I'm not telling you not to help out bess you have to watch out for your health. Your body has rights on you. And the way you sleep, what two, three hours a day? Your still young, you have a future ahead of you inshaAllah you cant keep going like this. Wallahi I fear that one day you will just collapse from what your doing to yourself. But why ya binti, why are you doing this, what is it that’s making you do this. You weren’t like this. SubhanAllah. All I am asking is for you to watch out for yourself and take better care of yourself. If not for you, then do it for me, for your future husband and kids. And when something is wrong tell me. don’t let me find out from other people. Ok? Wallahi if I didn’t love you and didn’t care for you I wouldn’t think twice about what your doing to yourself.. but because I do I want what's best for you, and what your doing to yourself isn’t what's best. So listen to me and your baba. Tayyeb?”

Now the thing is my moms right. I am ruining my self. But I don’t know what to do about it. I eat a meal a day, if even that much. And what I consider a meal you wouldn’t consider a meal. The past week or so couse of my brother being here ive been eating even less. Since everyone goes and eats and im supposed to eat, but I just sit on the computer or something. Since the only time I really eat is if someone tells me to eat. And my sleep has become something like ; go to sleep around 3 get up for fajr around 4:30, go back to bed at about 5, by the time I fall asleep its 6 get up at 9. and the days I cant pray I sleep around fajr time. So in total I get about 4 hours or at the most 5 a day. And I'm not tired at night. But during the day im dead.

All of this has taken a toll on me. I'm not as strong, both physically or emotional, as I used to be. Last summer I got dared into running a mile with no breaks, and I did a mile and half no problem. And every time Id go to cheldlin after that Id run the mile. Even though I busted my knee up really bad (still injured till now) last summer playing basketball. Now if I can barley do the mile, well actually I haven’t even tried. I did half a mile though and was tired.. didn’t feel like going on… I know I needa change but I dunnu.. I have no nifs to eat, and I have to much on my mind at night.. and I cant sleep :( alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.. aighty my brother just brought my other brothers daughter(my niece I guess) over so ya that’s enough for now..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/18/2004 01:02:00 PM #|

.:Friday, July 16, 2004:.

The Ultimate Test

*I dont know anything about this story, where its from or anything.. someone pasted it to me and I thought it was deep..

Abu-ul-Hassan Siraj (mercy be upon him) said, "One day I set out for the performance of pilgrimage (Hajj). As I was making a circuit (Tawwaf) around the Holy Ka'ba, I happened to see a fair-faced woman. I said to myself, By God! I have never seen a woman with such beauty before. Perhaps she has all this beauty as she may not have suffered any grief or sorrow." She heard this statement and said, "What did you say? By God! I am immersed in grief and my heart is afflicted with adversities and misfortunes and there is no one to share with me the pangs of grief." I asked her, "What has happened to you?" She replied, "My husband slaughtered a goat. My two small children were playing with each other and another was in my lap. As I got up, one of the children said to the other, "Shall I tell you how our father slaughtered the goat?" The other replied in the affirmative. Consequently, he. laid his brother on the ground and killed him like a goat. He then ran away on account of fear, and climbed up a mountain where a wolf devoured him. His father went out in search of him and, during the course of his quest, he died due to the intensity of thirst. I left the infant to sit and went towards the door of the house. The infant then crawled to the fire upon which the earthen pot was hung. As soon as he touched it, it fell and scolded him. As result his body was burnt removing the flesh from the bones. I had one daughter left who was married. When she came to hear of this, she fell unconscious and died. It was I who was left alone." Shocked by this I asked her, "How did you bear all these misfortunes?" She said, "A person who would ponder over patience and impatience, would see much difference between them. The reward for patience Is great and for impatience, there is no reward." Then, she recited the following three couplets which read: "I endured because endurance is the best thing to rely upon. If any advantage could be obtained by impatience, I would have adopted it. I endured many a misfortune, misfortunes of such intensity that if they were to have fallen on a mountain, it would have been reduced to dust. I have exercised full control over my emotions and never shed a tear. Now they are falling in my heart."

chotu-meyeh @ 7/16/2004 03:54:00 PM #|

.:Thursday, July 15, 2004:.

Stufffff

So I havnt really posted for a while..(two days :P) not to much has happened.. not to much to post about.. since I didn’t really make this for it to be like a personal diary with what I did every day ect.. but I guess there are some stuff I could talk about..

myyyyyy brother.. I could write on and on about him, couse im just so proud and happy and stuff.. :D :D:D.. mashaAllah he just like switched his life around. He’s studying and really getting into deen. Today me and my sis were sitting with him and his fiancé and we were like helping them memorize surahs and stuff, and my brother asked about madinah university!! He was like is it hard to get into, and I was about to say that it kinda was and my mom goes “nooooooooo if you apply inshaAllah you can get in” and gave me the look like don’t say that ya bint.. lol I was like aighty mama I get your point.

I was kinda wrong about his fiancé, mashaAllah she’s a sweety.. really nice, sincere and stuff.. and she cooks AWESOME Mexican food.. me and her cooked today.. yup.. shes half Mexican half irish. When my brother and sis where at the store me and Linda made a cake (my bro gave me tazkiyah for it :D so its official my chocolate cake is da best.. lol maybe ill post up the recipe) then we realized we needed powder sugar for the frosting so we call them up and are like “get butter and powder sugar” they were like hmmmmmm why.. we were like just do it.. lol so they did.. and when they got back we like forgot that the cake was in the oven till my mom reminded us.. alhamdulilah it didn’t burn. Then we had it cooling by the back door and my brother walks right by it and doesn’t notice so we start laughing and he's like “what's so funny” lol.. after dinner he was in the living room watching something with my mom and we made the frosting and frosted it and he was like what's all that noise.. then we told him to come and he was like woooow mashaAllah couse it looked so so so so good.. better than store bought.. so umm ya that was fun.. other than me being in niqaab all the time :(.. but alhamdulilah.

I called ummQaylah the other day.. it was awesome couse it was like old times. We just talked and talked, about everything for more than an hour (I didn’t notice till my dad called after and was like “I WAS TRYING TO CALL FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF WHO WAS ON THE PHONE” hehehe kinda got in trouble.. oh ya and I kinda got in trouble couse my mama wasn’t home just me and my sis and she had this huge sink full of dishes I was supposed to do.. so I “forgot” them and called instead. That’s why I had to get off so fast couse she came home and my sis came into my room and was like “your in trouble” but it was worth it. caught up on a lot of stuff and relieved our selves of a lot of stress. Ana loveeeeeee you ya habeebty..

talked to bhai today(editted wa bess)

Girls dars went pretty good yesterday. I gotta do the dars next week (dina did it this week) which kinda sucks but alhamdulilah. I kinda have it written. But I kinda know imma get really really shy. But then again it cant be worse than translating on a Friday? Sah? And I did that.. so Ill be aight inshaAllah..

I challenged Sabika, and Ibrahim (the two other main ppl workin to bring almaghirb to the nw.. sabikas from Seattle, and Ibrahim from Portland) to get 50 people signed up each and me 50.. lol so far non of us have gotten more than like 10.. which I guess aint to bad..

umm ya there is more but that’s enough I think..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/15/2004 09:20:00 PM #|

.:Tuesday, July 13, 2004:.

Aighty needa chill..

lol so I kindaaaa over reacted in the last post.. things are better I guess. Yassi is back and I talked to Umm Qaylah wa alhamdulilah.. don’t mean im not down anymore but I'm a lot better.. alhamdulilah…

chotu-meyeh @ 7/13/2004 04:13:00 PM #|

.:Monday, July 12, 2004:.

Memeories don’t live like people do.. a broken heart never heals…

Khalaas im done, finished, I cant take it any more.. : ( : ( I just lost yet another person I love. Ya Allah.. wallahi last night after talking to yassmeana I just wanted to break down crying. I couldn’t take it. I love her ya Allah.. and to see her hurting by itself is enough for me.. but to not talk to her.. I cant take that.. In the past short while I’ve lost 6 people that meant the world to me.. 3 online and 3 in real life.. and the wounds and scars are still hurting from it.. dania got married, bouthaina is in Australia, and tassnyms moving to saudia end of the summer.. but what hurts more is those I lost online..

1.Umm Qaylah: my first real friend online, the first person I trusted and loved so much. Wallahi I still do, and its awesome couse even though we barley talk when we do its like we were never apart.. (ukhti this isn’t to make u feel guilty wallahi so please don’t.. I understand what your going thru) personal problems is what's between us now.. fa Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal..

2. Bhai: Always brought so much wisdom into my life. Gave the best advice. Could make me happy when I was the most sad, without meaning to. Was always there thru everything.. means the world to me, and always will.. Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal

3. Yassmeana: I trusted and loved her so much even though at first we had our differences. Couse she couldn’t take the pain either she decided to not come online any more.. owch Ill always love u.. Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.

I think the loss of these three was and is harder on me than the loss of my three bestest friends in real life.. couse these were the ones that helped me thru the other ones. And losing my three friends was part of life (moving, marriage) but these I dunnu..

Last night I was reading Umm Qaylahs blog and I was like in tears couse I love that girl and hate seeing her down, then I get an offliner from yassi with a convo in it.. and I read it then yassi tells me the whole story.. that’s when she said goodbye told me to call her sometimes inshaAllah and said she was done with all this online mess.. she said she would never come back on. Ouch..

Khair inshaAllah.. I think the only thing this is going to do is take away the little sleep I do sleep and the little food I do eat.. I'm so depressed wallahi.. but life goes on.. and inshaAllah one day all our problems will go away and we will be united, if not in this dunya then in Jannah inshaAllah.. “Allahu 'aalam if our paths in the dunya
will ever cross, if they do may we unite upon goodness and depart upon goodness,
if not insha Allah...maybe we'll be neighbors in Jannah.” As bhai would say/said..

on a brighter note, the dawaa projects are going pretty good.. so I guess at the end you live your life, do what you do, but the scars remain and always will.. wa lilahil hamd..

“For all the yesterdays you filled with happy memories, for all the today’s you fill with special joy—my heart is filled with lasting gratitude and love.”

“A part of you has grown in me. Together forever we shall be. Never apart, maybe in distance, but not in the heart.”

“I always knew I’d look back at the tears and laugh, but I never thought that I’d look back at the laughs and cry.”

“. I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you”

“You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind”

“Good-byes make you think. They make you realize what you’ve had, what you’ve lost and what you’ve taken for granted.”

“How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.”

“Saying goodbye isn’t the hard part, it’s what we leave behind that’s tough”

“I learned to laugh, I learned to cry, but will I ever learn to say goodbye?”

“The loss of a friend is like that of a limb. Time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired.”

memories don’t live like people do… wa lilahil hamd..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/12/2004 10:58:00 AM #|

(4) comments

.:Friday, July 09, 2004:.

marriage, me, Tassnym, and basketball..

So the other day (Thursday) me and Tassnym, are at cheldlin playing bball.. ofcourse while playing we get into a bunch of interesting conversations.. here is part of one..

(we were talking about dania and her wedding ect)
Me: you better come to my wedding no matter what.. I don’t care where you are.
Tassnym: your wedding? You don’t even got a guy
Me: shut up, not like you have one..
Tassnym: your point?
Me: eh whatever..
Me: would you marry a non Saudi? Hehe im not even gonna ask about non arab..
Tassnym: ya I probably would.. but I dunnu about non arab
Me: but whyyyyyy… I mean isn’t that kinda retarded to say no to someone couse of where they are from?
Tassnym: but I know arabs better..
Me: so?
Tassnym: would you?
Me: ya forsure
Tassnym: so you would marry a Pakistani? Or amreeki? Or asian or something?
Me: yup.. btw that was your E I won yet again
Tassnym: whatever man.. lets play one on one.. so you would marry Ahson?
Me: why wouldn’t I? what's up with u and ahson though? Is he like the new Yusif?
Tassnym: just asking..
Me: aha
Tassnym: so you would marry someone like ahson? Hmm
Me: ya.. I mean Ahson is religouse, almost hafidh, studying islam, Pakistani, and from what I hear a very sweet person

(instead of sweet person Tassnym hears something else..(not appropriate.. so I wont post it) so she repeats it and we both break down laughing..)

Me: wow.. you majnoooooonah.. HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT AND WOULD I EVER SAY THAT????.. seriously man.. wow hehe ya Allah.. anywwwwwaaaaays.. what started all of this.. oh ya your coming to my wedding no matter what
Tassnym: why don’t you just marry someone from madinah since your like obsessed with it.. and its only four hours from makkah, so you can have the wedding in madinah and id be able to come!
Me: easier said than done..
Tassnym: what do you mean?
Me: how exactly do you expect me to find a guy from madinah
Tassnym: easy have tell your dad to find you one
Me: and how would he do that?
Tassnym: go over there and look for one
Me: oh yes, my dad goes to the middle of the masjid in madinah and says “I have a daughter and she wants to marry someone from madinah anyone interested”
Tassnym: heeheheheh exactly
Me: I would like to see your dad do it first
Tassnym: ehhehehehe
Me: anywaaaaaysssssss I winnnnnnn againnnn you suck
Tassnym: I'm better than the Portland girls :P
Me: ANYONE is better than them
Ect ect ect..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/09/2004 10:31:00 PM #|

.:Thursday, July 08, 2004:.

اللهم يسرلي العيش في المدينة النبوية..امين

اللهم يسرلي العيش في المدينة النبوية..امين

my msn screen name from now till dunnu when lol..

http://brain.com.pk/~nbrother/medina/

Pictures of al Madinah.. mashaAllah never seen pics of Almadinah like Ive seen on this site..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/08/2004 02:44:00 PM #|

.:Wednesday, July 07, 2004:.

Girls dars,, errrrrrrr I mean disaster…

So today was the first girls dars.. went pretty good I guess.. other than my hand getting burned to the point I cant move it, and some people using my computer in the wrong way and messing it up..

To start off everyone was late.. came at like 2 instead of 1. it was me, tassnym, dania, muna, hodan, dina at first when we were starting to cook. We were like going crazy couse we started a whole hour late. Hmm actually it was pretty much me cooking, and tassnym, and dania and dina.. at this point khala faykah and my mom are the only khalaas here and they are making fun of us like crazy. The past three days they been saying “we got to bring our own food” “better come on a full stomach” ect. So today we set out to prove them wrong.

We made, lahma, chicken, pasta, pizza, salad, rice, cake, cookies, and some other stuff. Everything was Italian theme couse that’s what Tassnym picked. Dania had to leave at like 3:30 couse her and Yusif were going up to Portland to visit Bahaa.

First thing we did was put the macaroni to boil, then while that was cooking I made the chicken and put that in the oven (I made the meat earlier in the morning) and then while that was cooking we rolled out the three pizzas. Then we made the pasta sauce and put the macaroni in it. Then we put the toppings on the pizza. When the chicken was done(two pans) we put the pizzas in. While the pizzas were backing we made the salad and frosted the cake(I made it in the morning) and then we put everything in service things and covered them with foil.

Khala faykah comes into the kitchen (we made alllll the khalas sit in the living room lol.. there was like umm tons of them..dude even lubna(umm abdul qudoos) was makin fun of us lol anyway) so she comes and is like, maa fee ruz(no rice) so I was like aight ill make some. So I boiled the water, and put the rice in the pot and I'm measuring the water(boiling) in cups to put into the pan, and tassnyms talking to me about the cake and frosting it.. so I turn to look at her, and instead of pouring the water into the cup I pour it on my hand.. OUCH that hurt. Ya Allah.. but ya being me I pretended nothing happened, and kept on working. Just had to keep putting ice on it, or put it under cold water(till now I cant move it.) so anyway while the rice was cooking we started the dars

Tassnym gave the dars.. mashAllah it was pretty good. About imitation of the kufaar. Except I was to pre occupied in keeping my hand not to bubble up to pay attention but I still listened pretty good. She used a good amount of hadiths and ayahs and stuff.. translation wasn’t to bad either(well no duh, I was up till almost fajr with her looking up stuff lol)

After the dars we ate, the khalaas LOVED the food.. so it was our turn to bug them about not believing in us lol.. that was fun. After that me tassnym and dina cleaned up the whole kitchen while Hudan and Mona used my computer(they were almost the whole time) to talk to GUYS… and mess around.. which totally pissed me and Tassnym off.. not only did they not help, they were messing things up. And Lubna NEEDED to use my computer ya Allah.. so anyway after cleaning we got the shai(chai :P) ready and hala.. and then we prayed asir, and then we ate hala (err served the khalas hala).. and chilled for a bit then everyone started to leave.

Over all for the first time, I think it was pretty good. The dars was good, the food was good, we had a pretty good time. The one thing that killed me was my hand.. I still cant move it :( but alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal … it was fun..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/07/2004 08:33:00 PM #|

Random thoughts/feelings..

*Never take friends for granted
*Memories are treasures, guard them with all you have
*A broken heart is never healed, its only mended, to be broken again
*A friendship for the sake of Allah is the sweetest friendship
*If the world were to give you the world, it wouldn’t amount to one sweet word from someone special to your heart
*Trials make you stronger
*Its easy to forgive, but hard to forget
*When something causes you pain, look at how much you have learned from it
*Allah is merciful (as yassi would say)
*Everyone is special in their own way, but some or special in every single way
*If you have a dream, work towards it.. dont expect it to work towards you..
*Sometimes you dont notice the value of a person or thing untill it is lost..
*Promises are made to be broken..
*Blogs are a waste of time.. lol

chotu-meyeh @ 7/07/2004 12:44:00 AM #|

.:Tuesday, July 06, 2004:.

My Love For Al Madinah Al Nabaweeyah

For the past few years I have had this love for Al madinah, which has grown alot in the past year. I would do anything to live there or at least just visit but inshaAllah one day.. for now I just keep dreamin..

Sahih Bukhari

Volume 3, Book 30, Number 91:
Narrated Anas: The Prophet said, "Medina is a sanctuary from that place to that. Its trees should not be cut and no heresy should be innovated nor any sin should be committed in it, and whoever innovates in it an heresy or commits sins (bad deeds), then he will incur the curse of Allah, the angels, and all the people." (See Hadith No. 409, Vol 9).

Volume 3, Book 30, Number 95:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "I was ordered to migrate to a town which will swallow (conquer) other towns and is called Yathrib and that is Medina, and it turns out (bad) persons as a furnace removes the impurities of iron.

Volume 3, Book 30, Number 100:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Verily, Belief returns and goes back to Medina as a snake returns and goes back to its hole (when in danger)."

http://brain.com.pk/~nbrother/medina/nabwi-side_b2.jpg
http://muslimshare.ath.cx:553/wallpaper/32407.jpg

*I posted the pics but they took to much space.. so here are the links..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/06/2004 06:14:00 PM #|

.:Monday, July 05, 2004:.

In yassi's words

*note this is also from last night..

this is taken from yassmeenas blog.. describes pretty much how I feel. Only thing I changed in it is were it says yassi, it originally said meyeh.

"man subhanallah, 'the one thing that i tried to hold onto'
what happened?
everything i thought i knew has disappeared,
now im like lost...
what a waste
ill never give so much heart and energy again.
the words to explain how i feel are missing from my vocabulary
after all, i am hableh.
subhanallah
what happened?
ya Allah...everyone who means something to me, leaves
except yassi
'promises are made to be broken', sa7? blehhhhhhhh
allah knows my destiny
eh im confused"

chotu-meyeh @ 7/05/2004 11:32:00 AM #|

me marrrrried?? eh?

*not this was written last night, but it didn’t publish it right…

So today me my mama and baba are sittin down talking about moving and im sittin on the kitchen counter.. so my dad says “inti ‘ala washaq al zawaj” (your on the brink of marriage)with a disapproving nod (in other words telling me I'm acting silly, and I'm to old for that) so I kinda give him a sarcastic look and laugh. Then he's like “’andi 3arsayn bess mish 3arif ay wahid” (I have two guys but I don’t know which one) so I kinda laugh it off don’t think to much of it but he keeps going “Saudi wala yemani” (Saudi or yemani) and then my sister comes into the room so he doesn’t go on Alhamdulilah.

Now a few things bug me about this. 1. I cant think who these two people are. I cant think of a yemani or Saudi that my dad would be thinking about. I mean its not that there aren’t Saudis and yemanis here, its just that I cant think of who it would be. And he didn’t mention Syrian :/ anyway the only thing I thought of was that ‘amu Mustafa and khala just got back from yeman and saudia :/.. couse I cant think of any here. I can think of Syrian, Pakistani, Jordanian, and a few others bess not yemani for sure. (If I tell bhai about this he's gonna have fun with it, since as he likes to say “I always got something rolling” now he's gonna say I got things rollin that I don’t even know about lol)

The thing is, I don’t want to get married. I don’t even want to hear about it. when I do I feel like tearing up. I think I’ve been on a high to many times, just to fall off of it, and khalaas I cant take it. I'm not the emotional type, at least not from the outside. I hold everything in, feelings, tears, sadness, everything but happiness, no one knows what I go thru.. except maybe yassi.. she understands what I'm saying. Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal. Yesterday after my dad said that, I was in my room and I just started crying.. I don’t know why. I cant explain it. It just hurt so bad. I think I’ve had it with this topic, if it happens it happens, but subhanAllah I dunnu.. Its just that even with all the pain I feel from it, I want it. I want to get married. Couse so many of my dreams and stuff depend upon it. I guess I'm just so confused about it all.

Khair InshaAllah its around 1am and the fireworks are still going crazy outside.. Illegal ones too hehe.. anyways I guess imma go to bed…

chotu-meyeh @ 7/05/2004 11:31:00 AM #|

.:Sunday, July 04, 2004:.

yassssssssiiiiiiiiiii love

I promised yassi Id post this for her :P

I LOVE YOU

YASSSSSIII!!!!

you are my sunshine, you are my shooting star. ana luff u bunches and bunches. You keep me sane.. you gonna be my cowife(we just gotta find the guy sah?) You helped me so much when I was/am down.. and you always make me smile..I cant thank you enough.. ana luff you muwaaaaaaaahz..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/04/2004 03:24:00 PM #|

‘Souls are like conscripted soldiers’

someone special would always paste this...

Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on the hadeeth: Concerning the phrase ‘Souls are like conscripted soldiers’ al-Khattaabi said: ‘This may refer to their similarity as regards good or evil, righteousness or corruption. Good people are inclined towards other good people, and evil people are similarly inclined towards other evil people. Souls feel affinity with others according to the nature in which they were created, good or evil. If souls’ natures are similar, they will get along, otherwise they will not be on good terms with one another. It could be that what is being referred to is the beginning of creation in the realm of the unseen when, it is reported, souls were created before bodies, and used to meet one another and express their pessimism about the future. When souls have entered bodies (come to the physical realm) they may recognize one another from the past, and may be on friendly terms or otherwise based on that past experience.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/04/2004 03:13:00 PM #|

.:Saturday, July 03, 2004:.

Abdur Rahman… habeebi ana

its almost midnight and I just got back home.. was at khala Umm Abdullah’s.. All then men were invited out for dinner today at the sinky’s so khala faykah and Tassnym came over at like six and were like “we didn’t know where to go”. I was sitting at the computer eating, and editing audio files/burning cd’s. Had to get up and make dinner fast ect.. Then the khalas get this idea to go to khala UmmAbdirRahmans and then go to lubnas couse khala Umm Taariq came from saudia and they want to say salaam to her. So we call khala taghreed shes not home. So we call khala Rasha(umm Abdullah) and shes there so we go and sit till now.. finally the men leave khala faykahs house so ya we are home.

At khalas house we got entertained by ‘aboodi.. mashaAllah he's adorable habeeeeeeeebi. I love that kid. He talks so much now. He kept pretending to do salaah.. akhhhhh ya Allah I gotta video cord him lol. ok this is kinda a useless .. bess who cares.. ana sleepy and bored and I'm waiting for ummi so we can pray so I can sleep, not that im going to fall asleep anytime soon… Oh ya Abdur Rahmans kunya is “Abu ‘awf” and Abdullah khala rasha’s is “Abu Ahmed” and Abdur Rahman khala rasha and khala taghreed(khala taghreed is is milk mom lol) is “Abu Ubayda” hehe dude Abdullah is the oldest and he aint even 4…

chotu-meyeh @ 7/03/2004 11:42:00 PM #|

My Brother… Allahu Akbar.

I’m burning more cd’s for my brother right now. He finished the 33 or so I gave him before he left to Cali like two weeks ago. subhanAllah he’s like a different person now, it’s scary. I can’t think of him praying and being a “muslim” again. Like the last time I remember him praying he was like 14 and I was ummmmm 7 or 8 I dunnu.. and I was prayin behind him. lol and he was correcting me, now he calls me up asking me stuff :/ it’s just weird. Alhamdulilah I’m really really happy about it though.

I mean just a few months ago he was living the life of kufr, had a girlfriend, listened to music and all that stuff. And then he just changed everything. Replaced his music cd’s with the ones I burn for him. broke up with his girlfriend who at the time was his fiancé I guess, told her he couldn’t see her unless they got married and it would be better if she accepts islam couse he saw what happened with his parents couse of difference of religion. I remember when he said he was moving to LA how me and mama were like scared, couse we wanted him here with the good shabab and around us.. down in cali he would be alone and stuff.. and Linda(his fiancé) was staying in Sacramento with her mom for the summer.. but alhamdulilah we were wrong, instead of going back now he’s even stronger and he got a muslim fiancé..

He didn’t get the job he was supposed to get, and he convinced my grandma to move up here.. the two things he had gone to LA for.. so he’s moving back up this week. And then Linda who accepted islam the other night, is going to move here and then they gonna get married wa lilahil hamd. I always thought id be the first in our family to get married :/ but ya ill save that for another time. But you know what’s gonna suck for me, my mom told my brother hey why don’t you and Linda stay with us for a while until you get on your feet ect.. (yes my mom, the same one that would fight my dad about my bros staying with us when they were on kufr) so anyway IF that happens, and especially if we move to that other house, its gonna suck big time for me. Couse either I'm in niqaab all day(like the day he spent with us a few weeks ago) or I’m in my room.. alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.. anyway I think I’m done ranting..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/03/2004 05:33:00 PM #|

(4) comments

.:Friday, July 02, 2004:.

Just to vent

I wanted to make a comment on a friends blog, they made me sign up for a blog to do that. So here it is.if I do post its only gonnna be for me.. and for me to just vent about stuff.. so I dont have to bother people.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/02/2004 11:10:00 AM #|