.:Friday, October 29, 2004:.
Last postttt before I move..
lol I was going to say make the title "My last post" but inshaAllah it wont be. Al muhim, the house is just about totally packed up. My rooms all done, just have the computer and a notebook and a pencil and a few Cd's and my backpack with some stuff in it. Tomorrow a bunch of guys are going to come and help my dad, so inshaAllah we'r gonna go to Umm AbdulQudoos's house and spend the day with her since Jalal's going to Al-Sijn with Al-Ameer.. lol our ameer and a group of guys go every saturday..
I had an interesting and crazy night last night lol. It was fun though, even if I acted rather stupid sometimes. lol yassi was on, thats when all the crazyness started :P. but alhamdulillah it was nice :D. I fiiiniiiished two poems for the contest, zaaaaaineb said :
her says:
DAMN
her says:
the first one was hella bomb
me says:
lol
her says:
they both were but i liked the 1sr one
her says:
lol
But I know for a fact she was lying lol..
ahh man I really cant believe I'm moving, like it just doesnt seem right :(. Its almost like its a dream, yes the boxes are packed, yes goodbyes are being said, but to me its not a reality? Like I still dont feel like I'm moving. I guess on sunday it'll finally sink in.
Khair inshaAllah, I really need to get off the computer and get going. I need to take it down and pack it but I'm waiting for some people to come online first :/ doesnt seem like they will so I might as well just dissconnect now so I'm not to busy later. ummm lets see, inshaAllah I'll try to keep up with my emails so u guys can go ahead and email me but not to my hotmail lol its goning to fill up way fast.. gmail or yahoo.. anddd I'll call those of u that I have ur numbers inshaAllah.. andddd keep me in ur du'as inshaAllah.
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/29/2004 04:16:00 PM
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Memories Don't Live Like People Do.. innit..
I was going to write about the memories I had since I started to come online, but then I realized that 90% if not more of them had to do with these three people, so I figured I'd write about them, and possibly some of the times we had.
The three people are;
Person X
Umm Qaylah
Yasi.
Coming on paltalk and stuff wasnt really a big deal to me before I met Person X and UmmQ. It was just something I did when I was bored or had extra time, but after meeting them it became part of my life. If I didnt talk to one of them for a while, it didnt feel right, as if something was missing. I think one of my best memories was the day I got to know them both, the same night the same time. They'r both so special in so many ways, and have made a lasting impression in my heart.
Person X.
Always wise, always sincere, always caring, always knowledgble, always there to listen, always there to help. This person has made a big difference in my life, even if they dont know it. They taught me so much and gave me insight to so many things, and for that I'm in debt to them for life. They have always been there, they took a place of something I really felt I didnt have in life and wished I did. I have alot of memories of them that inshaAllah I hope I will never forget.
Umm Qaylah.
This girls like my sister. I've trusted her with so much, things I havent even told some of my close friends. We have soo much in common and we just "click" so well. alhamdulilah. I love her so much. Shes always been there like an older sister and adviser for me. Listened to my problems and given me her shoulder to cry on. We share/shared so many dreams and wishes that I make duaa we are able to accomplish and reach one day inshaAllah.
Yasi.
Unlike the first two me and yasi wernt always close. But when we did become close, we became soooooo close. There were things that I told yasi even before I told UmmQ, and she trusted me with things that she told no one else. lol yasi is like my always hyper and fun and sometiems crazy bestest friend. Shes done some pretty interesting and crazy things before but that just makes me love her all the more.
These three are my best memories from online, there are others as well that I love and all but these three are like on another level. From the others first and formostttttt my mate stuck. lol we started off talking so I could do her arabi hw for her, and now we'r reaallly close, shes told me things and I've told her alot as well. and me loves her to bits. Another person that I have some nice memories of, is mujahida57. Me and her always been on good terms, but latley we've gotten pretty close..
I love all these people for the sake of Allah swt, and I'm gonna miss them alot now. But I hope that one day we are able to be united again, if not in this dunya then in jannah. And I hope that one day I'm able to repay them for all they have done for me.
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/29/2004 03:27:00 PM
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.:Thursday, October 28, 2004:.
My khala's.
There are 4 aunties/khala's here who have made a great impact on my life, and who I look up to allot. These four are some of the awesomest people that I know mashaAllah. I'm sure most of you have heard of them lol couse I talk about them to much.
Khala Dalia (Imams wife)
Khala Ghada
Khala Faykah (taddnymo's mom may Allah swt cure her aameen)
and Khala Aisha.
Each of them is special in different ways, but one thing they all have in common is their love for this deen, their knowledge in it, and how much they work for it.
Khala Ghada:
Haafidha of the Quran mashaAllah. The masjid is almost on her shoulders. it is her that keeps everything going smoothly. Shes the one that runs or has a hand in every one of the 4 womens haalaqahs each week. Has so much knoweldge mashaAllah and is always working to gain more. Always has so much wisdom and gives the best advice, always helping people out.
And something that I think is one of the most beatiful things about her, and that I wish I could learn from her is the way she gives da'wah. MashaAllah mashaAllah I dont think I know of anyone that has had more people accept Islam on their hands than her. The ones I know of, and I have only known her for around 6 years or maybe a litle more and I hadnt started to notice this untill a couple years ago, is over 20. And even those that dont accept Islam leave with a way better understanding of it and wiht misconseptions cleared.
With all she does for the community and people, she is still a role model in her home life. You will never find her husband upset with her, couse she wont let him. Shes one of the awesomest cooks mashaAllah, and she takes care of everything thats asked from her by her family.
Khala Dalia:
In a way khala Dalia grew up in similar circumstances as me, she didnt really have it easy growing up. Her family wasnt very religious so that was also hard on her. She came and lived in the states with her brother were she finished her education. She self taught herself more and more about Islam couse that was her passion. So many people asked for her hand, but she wouldnt accept any of them couse they didnt have deen, but she accepted amu awad.
Again what she does for the community, especially in the sunday school, they couldnt thank her enough for it. Her goal is to plant the love of Islam into the hearts of all of the next generation, and alhamdulilah shes doing an awesome job. She has a great personality that everyone loves. Her knowledge of Islam is emense as well mashaAllah. Knoweldge from the sources, always reading, always learning, always teaching and passing it on.
Still one of the things I look up to her the most in is how she is in her home. Shes an example in all the good u could think of in that aspect. Whether it be to her kids or her husband she doesnt miss any of their rights. Always working hard, never see her resting really, and I know this couse I just about "lived" with them for a couple years was there day in day out. And ofcourse one thing I admire her so much for is raising up her kids as hufaadh mashaAllah
Khala Faykah:
Got married so young mashaAllah, and came here to be with her husband even thought it wasnt something easy, couse she knew his right on her and thats something that mashaAllah she never falls short in. Even when he told her not to do the surgery, just recently, she didnt even with all the pain she was in and with the fact it could have caused her to be paralized (he didnt know that, there was a difference in opinons with the doctors as to what was wrong with her, and he didnt want her to do the surgery until they were sure).
Her knoweldge of sharee'ah mashaAllah, I think she might be the most learned out of all that I mentioned wallahu 'aalam. Always teaching you, always putting you in line even with her looks. Always helping people. No one asks her ANYTHING and its in her capabilty to help them and she wont. If there is ever a door of khair you will find her the first one to knock on it.
And just like the rest, shes a qudwa' in the way she is at home. Her kids are the most obiedant and everyone testifys to that mashaAllah. Brought them up with the love for Islam, and the mindest to work for it. and shes the BEST with out shaak cook mashaAllah.. well in some things (aka ruzz bukhari and chicken) lol.. khala Aisha tops her off in others.
Khala Aisha:
lol khala Aisha is like the silent warrior. Always doing khair always working for people, but no one feels it or knows about it. She has alot of knoweldge of Islam, maybe not to the degree of the others, but you seldom hear her talking. Haafidh of al Quran mashaAllah. and a qudwa in her home. and the best cook everrrrrrr mashaAllah.
Whenever I look at these four, and look at myself I see how jaahila I am in all aspects both dunya and deen. Khala Faykah studied up to her PhD thesis, khala Ghada finished her studies and is always learning more, Khala Dalia finished her teaching degree, and Khala Aisha same way. not to mention their knowledge of Islam mashaAllah. In a way I don't mind the dunya part, inshaAllah if I finish my HS then I am happy, since its always been my opinion that you learn more out of school than in. But what I really really feel so sad about is my Jahl in the deen :(. I really wish I could gain more knowledge in that..
These four have taught me so much about Islam, and about life, and I really hope that inshaAllah one day I can fallow in their footsteps. Fallow in their footsteps of knowledge, fallow in their footsteps with the way they are in the community, with the way they raise their children, and with the way they run their homes. May Allah swt make it easy for me aameen.
Imma miss them :(
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/28/2004 01:50:00 PM
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sleepless ramblings.
I've gone sleepless for like three nights in a row now, I'm so so so so tired :(. But alhamdulilah I think its worth feeling this tired.
Yesterday was a pretty good day alhamdulillah. Spent alot of time online, but during that time I also packed allot of my room. Just have my closet and a few things laying around left. Last time we moved it only took me about half a day, but thats because I didn't do anything else. I told my mom that after we move I'm not going to unpack except that wich is necissary, she said thats a good idea.
I'm invited out to dinner in Seattle today. lol. Yesterday Zaineb invited me and I was just like umm Jazakillah khair, but she wasnt kidding. She actually made me ask my mom etc. I was like dude its impossible. ahh guess that means I gotta cook again today, probably should start a little earlier than yesterday. Me and my mom each depend on the other to cook, so we end up with no one cooking till right before iftar. lol yesteday my brother got annoyed and ordered pizza but he was like man come and cook please. I was like ya sure noproblem. So alhamdulilah I got it done almost in time (15 mins before iftar, the time it takes them to break fast and get ready for salaah, the time it takes to pray, and then the time it takes my sister to put the plates and stuff).
After we ate when I was cleaning the kitchen I got this VERY bad headache. I've been sickish the past while but it was only like a little cough and sore throut so I was ok alhamdulilah. But yesterday the full thing started. Fever, stuffy nose, headache, throut etc. The good thing is my mom finally took pity and led salaah lol.
End of last Ramadan I got pretty sick too, well actually the really bad time of it was right after Eid. There was a virus going around and the whole masjid had it. It was really really bad and since it was a virus no medicine or anything. It was to the point that our parents at times thought khalaas that was it, that they were going to loose us. Yasmeen, amu dactor Muhammads daughter had it really bad and there was nothing he could do for her, her mom was talking to my mom and said "Im so scared that I might loose her". As for me, I was laying in the living room un able to move at all. I couldnt even get up for salaah. Me and my sister were just laying there and my mom would come sit between us and do ruqya and stuff. Alhamdulilah my sister didnt have it to bad so she got better faster, I had it for like two weeks.
The only other time I've ever felt that sick was about two years before that, itw as also around eid and my friends older sisters wedding :(.. lol me and Tassnym both got strep and were out of it totally for a while. Alhamdulilah we got better and each went on with our own things. Two days later Tassnym was on the coast with her family and I was at home, and we got so so so so so sick again that we both ended up in the ER (it was sunday) at the same time just two different cities. That wasnt the best of experiances, sitting in the ER lobby for 3 hours, but my dad wouldnt listen to anyone, if hes taking me that meant hes taking me. Ruined eid and the wedding but alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. anywaysss..
Got new shoes, lol white tennis shoes again. My whole family seems to have a problem with that, each for a different reason. My little sister says "It doesn't match right when your wearing all black and then white shoes". But then again thats not the only problem she has with me, she doesnt like it if I wear a sweater/jacket over my abayah or even under lol little style specialist. My parents think that I should grow up and outa my habbit of tennis shoes, I'm like nahh. But I did want to get black skater shoes, lol, couse they have to be some of the most comftrable shoes for reals and I too think maybe I should start wearing black shoes. But my mom refused so I said fine white tennis shoes again. :D
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/28/2004 01:48:00 PM
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.:Wednesday, October 27, 2004:.
Forgiving..
am listening to Surat Yusif now, and subhanAllah the ayah "qala laa tathreeba 'alaikum al yowm yaghfirAllahu laakum.." its so deep.. When you look at all that they did to him, and then for him to forgive them so easily. Allahu Akbar.
If there is one good quality I have, it would be my ability to forgive others. Alhamdulilah alhamdulilah this is something that I am able to do, forgive and forget. No matter how hard I try to hold things against people I can't. If the person means allot to me, I wont hold anything against them to start with, but if it does happen and I do usually by the next day or so I have forgetten what it was that I was mad at.
A few years ago, me and the imams daughter whos a couple months older than me, used to be the best of friends. I thought nothing could break it ever. We would tell each other everything, trust each other with everything, and do everything together. Then this girl came and did all she could to break up our friendship, and it worked. For a long time me and my friend wouldnt even talk except salaams. If there was ever anyone that I hated it would be that girl that broke up our friendship, its never been the same since. But even her I forgave after a while. We were taking her and her family to the airport couse they were leaving to over seas, and when we got there I turned to her, still hurt from what she had done, and told her "listen, I forgive you, you forgive me. I dont want to have to deal with this on yowm al qiyamah". and that was that.
I just hope that inshaAllah I can keep this up. Couse latley its been getting harder, at least to forget.
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/27/2004 05:44:00 PM
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Friday: Person x.
posted it twice, ended up deleting both lol.. sooo am posting again..
I’m not exactly totally sure about posting this but Allahu ‘aalam. Anyways there’s been I guess you could say an interesting "issue" between me and this one person. And I haven’t really been able to talk about it with anyone or anything so its been kinda hard. But khair inshaAllah..
In short, this person has reason to believe that I broke their trust, and I know I haven’t. This and other factors have caused us to not talk anymore. Anyways the other day something happened with it, lol nothing big or anything actually probably one of the smallest things that has happened in this issue..
I had promised the person that I wouldn’t email or contact them again but I had a couple files that I knew they would like so I emailed it to them and I really didn’t think I would get a response. I thought at best they would reply to my email and just say Jazakillah khair or something. anyways I was busy and stuff and then when I got home I went online and they were on, so I was like hmm should I check my yahoo and see if they sent anything, but then I was like ahh later u know. so I was online and the LAST thing on my mind was that they would message me.
And ya they did. and like it was just weird. When I saw the screen blinking and it was their name I was just like whattt the.. The first thing that came to my mind was the were going to tell me not to email again or something lol. but ya they said salaams and said jazaks for the files and said they were nice. And it was really weird like it was the first time in almost a month for them to talk to me "nicely" lol.. like not nicely but without interrogating me. and I really didn’t know what to say or how to respond :/. I think couse of that I sounded kinda like annoyed/unpleasant. Ahh khair inshaAllah.
After that they told me a couple other things and that was it. I had to get off and go cook and I kept debating if I should say take care and salaams or if I should just go off. I even typed it out but I couldn’t get myself to click enter. I didn’t want to annoy them or get them mad or anything :/. lol subhanAllah. I didn’t know how to react at all. Like we weren’t talking like old times, but at the same time it wasn’t like how it was the past month, and I didn’t know what the limits were I guess. Khair inshaAllah. I just want them happy, don’t really care about anything else.
It was also weird couse that’s most likely the last convo we gonna have. I’m moving in a week and wont have internet for Allahu ‘aalam how long after I move, and the chances of us talking again before that is so very slim. I re read the convo so many times before I went off lol. The whole time I just had that screen open. I wanted to save it so bad, but ya I’ve changed my policy about saving, I promised myself not to save convos again. ahh subhanAllah.. it was interesting to say the least.. but now I kinda wish I did say take care and salaams.. I’d rather that be last thing I told them, instead of "ya I will inshaAllah..".. :/
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/26/2004 01:51:00 PM
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colddddd
lol its 2:30 or so.. my brother just left.. and am freezzzzzzzingggggg ya Allah. its so so so so so cold today subhanAllah. at the masjid I put the heater on full blast (since it seems I'm the only one that knows how to use it :P) everyone started complaining and were like turn it off.. and I did but they kept asking anyway.. ahh its freezing.
Internet is working again alhamdulilah. So now I'm just kinda catching up on everything. I have 27 emails in my hotmail but I cant be bothered to check them now. Not even going to check my yahoo and stuff. I'm so behind in my hw :(. and I still got to do muji's work..
The masjid was kinda sad today :(. The news about Khala fayka and stuff and then us leaving. Dania just found out today we were leaving lol.. she wouldnt believe it. Khala Ghadas coming back on the 10th inshaAllah though.. anyways.. Khala Umm Mish'al gave us this thing and like it was gonna make me cry lol. she wrote this note and then signed all the kids and her and framed it ya Allah..
Anyways I have to do my work inshaAllah..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/26/2004 02:38:00 AM
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Monday: In a rush but heres an update..
btw- I ended up not going to the library and alhamdulilah my internet at homes working again lol..
Aight so its monday now. Havent been able to come online since thursday couse my internet isnt working. I'm typing this up now at home and then inshaAllah gonna go to the library and check my email and post the bloggings then going to the Masjid inshaAllah.
The weekends been kinda crazy. Alot work and stuff. Been invited out almost everynight lol everyones like "its wada'" and Im like nopppeeee we aint sayin goodbye. Havent had the chance to do much really but alhamdulilah.
Got sick the other day : ( alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. lol its funny couse im loosing my voice a bit. I have finally faced the reality that we are moving though :/ almost everythings boxed up. InshaAllah last thing I'm going to box is the computer in hope that al internet will work again. I got so much hw and stuff but ahh oh well.
I still dont know if I'll be able to come online after I move. Probably not but there is still a posabilty. My dads in a betterish moodish so there is a chanceish that he mightish change his mindish. and if he doesnt theres still a smallllllll chance I can keep up what im doing now. And if not there is always webmsn and aim express at the library :P.
I heard another funnyish story about the Masjid in Richland but I'll save that for another time when I have more time. Its so so so so so cold now lol. like its freeeeeeezing. all day I was laying down with a blanket folded on four ontop of me and wearing my salaah thing and wearing a sweater and two shirts:/.
umm what else really fast. oh ya Tassnym's dad and bro left for saudia :(. Khalaas I think that means they aint coming back forsure. ya Allah. I have no idea what 'amu did with his studies and what they gonna do with the house and all but I got a feeling they arnt coming back again. khair inshaAllah. its 4:30 and am lateish..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/26/2004 02:36:00 AM
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Friday: Sabr; beautiful innit..
I’ve heard and read the story of Yusuf AS a lot in both arabi and english. Yesterday I was listening to it again, this time it was Yasir Qadhi’s tafseer of the surah. Anyways as I was listening to it I kept paying attention to the different tests that Yusuf AS and Yaqoob AS went through and the amount of patience they had. subhanAllah to be able to reach to that degree of sabr! How beautiful is that.
In the lecture he was saying how "Sabrun jameel (beautiful patience)" was patience without complaining. And subhanAllah when you think about it what IS the point of complaining to the creation? I mean what is it in their hands that they can do? Give you some pity and awwws and it’ll be ok’s and stuff? Even if say they are the cause of your problem or it appears that they can help you solve your problem in reality without Allah swt willing for it they cant do anything.
Thinking about that made me remember something that a brother (wawa) told me once (more than 6months ago) when I was going through some stuff. He didn’t know what it was but he knew that I wasn’t really in a good state, al muhim. He told me that a group of brothers he knew, some of his friends I guess, he said that their motto for life was "Sabr bidoon Shakwa" (Patience without complaining). He said its not something that’s easy to reach, but if your able to its one of the sweetest things.
I remember a lecture/dars my mom gave at the masjid at least 2 maybe 3 years ago about sabr, and that shes going to give again today inshaAllah. Anyways one thing I remember from it was something she said it was a definition of sabr. I think Allahu ‘aalam that it was one of the early scholars of islam that gave this definition, al muhim the definition was "Al sabr, habs al lissan ‘an al tashakee wa mana’ al nefs ‘an al jaz’a." "Sabr is stopping the tongue from complaining and controlling the nefs from panic".
Thinking about this and other things I thought how beautiful it would be to have this type of patience, and subhanAllah how far away I am from even being close to it. No matter how hard the tests we face its will never come close to what those before us went through, but look at the difference in or reactions to the tests.
Another thing that in my opinions really beautiful is that:
It is from the sunnah of Allah that he will test his slaves, (‘ankaboot: 2 ). When Allah swt loves a people he tests them, these test are to purify them from their mistakes and their sins. The prophet SAWS said "When Allah swt loves a people he tries them, so he who becomes pleased with this trial and is patient then for him is the pleasure of Allah. And he who becomes displeased and un patient with this trial then upon him is the anger and wrath of Allah swt."
May Allah swt make us of those who when tested are patient. And may he make us of those who complain to him alone. Aameen.
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/26/2004 02:33:00 AM
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Friday: an update..
Been wayyyyy to busy the past few days but alhamdulilah. I really cant believe that we are actually going to move or whatever. Like it still wont enter into my mind. But khair inshaAllah.
Spent most of Wednesday with khala Aisha at this one khala who lefts place sorting out the rest of her stuff. Her place is still pretty full and my mom and khala Aisha are supposed to take care of the things etc. She had a pretty nice collection of books, so ofcourse that’s the first thing I went and looked at lol. I’ve kinda become a book addict but ya, alhamdulilah I got a few nice books so that was cool..
Came home, got online and something kinda surprising happened that I’m thinking about talking about in a post of its own but I’ll see.. Cooked dinner anddd listened to a lecture, and then just read and worked on my project till ‘twas time to sleep. lol oh ya omg how could I forget, I called yassi andd UmmQ. lol. FINALLY yassi’s voicmail wasn’t full so I had to leave her a message, :/ I suck at leaving messages anyways.. the really funny thing was that I called UmmQ at 1:30AM her time!!! We had people over and I lost track of time, finally when I was able to call I grabbed the phone went to my room and I have her number memorized so I just called and she picked up and she sounded sleepy so I looked at my clock and it hit me what time it was there.. and I was just like ooopsssss. But ya we talked alhamdulilah. ‘aboodi was over and he talked to her lol it was cute mashaAllah.
As for Thursday, ahh alhamdulilah was a really really busy day. lol I actually wrote out all the things I had to do just so not to forget. I packed a lot of my room : ( that sucked. Only got to come online for like half hour the whole day.. But I FINALLY finished the project for english that I was working on. I feel pretty bad though couse I need to do muji57’s math hw before Sunday night and I haven’t gotten to it.
I got up late night to work on it but the internet wont work (and up till now when I’m typing this its not working :/ its almost end day Friday). In a way that’s good couse I haven’t been distracted by it, but its not at the same time couse I kinda need it.
Anyways, today I spent a lot of time burning Cd’s. Audio Cd’s and backup Cd’s.. And since I’m on the other computer burning I have a bunch of my files (old convos. Emails, documents) and I’ve been reading them :(. It was so so so hard not to cry lol. couse I’m in the living room and my mom and sis are around I cant show any type of emotion :/. I burned everything onto a CD and deleted it from the computer so khair inshaAllah..
As of now, I am kinda bored. :/. Juss waitin to go to the masjid in a bit. Internet still aint working so I cant go online, and my moms listening to a CD on the computer so I cant burn anymore Cd’s. lol you know I’m kinda wondering now when I’m gonna get to post this but oh well.
Ok this is totally random but whatever. I haven’t really been able to come online to much this week, probably not more than 2 or maybeeee 3 hours in total the whole week I kinda miss it and stuff. lol. I miss coming online and just sitting on for a few hours, listening to the Quran in the rooms and talking and doing my hw (*cough* and muji’s *cough*). I’m thinking of switching my paltalk name again :/. Only people that know me on this name or stucko, muji57, wawa, person x, andddd I had to tell bismillah something so she knows as well.. annnndddd this is getting really random.
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/26/2004 02:23:00 AM
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.:Wednesday, October 20, 2004:.
something on your mind..
have you ever had something on your mind that took up all our thinking. Like it would be the only thing, well not the only thing on your mind but like I dunnu everything somehow brings you back to thinking about this thing. Allahu 'aalam if I'm making sense, as I usually dont.
The past while I have had a certain issue on my mind like 24/7. No matter what I do somehow I end up thinking about it again. no matter how much I try to forget I remember. ugghh its just getting so annoying. Everything reminds me of it. I cant consintrate on anything, my schoolwork, my housework, or even just talking. lol. I swear my mom thought I was going crazy, while we were cooking together and stuff I would just be totally not there. and sometimes I'd smile for no reason or look sad or something and she would be like ermm are you ok?
Khair inshaAllah.. maybe theres a reason for me remembering it so much.. Allahu 'aalam lol.. its just getting to be to much. At night when I'm going to sleep, in the morning, while im doing my hw, while im at the masjid, dude even when I'm at night sleeping lol. but ya khair inshaAllah..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/20/2004 04:52:00 AM
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I'm tired...
lol I'm so tired I have no idea why I'm up. Like I want and need to do some of my work but I can barley keep my eyes open. So far I just checked emails, class disscussion boards, put that update to the blog, answered some emails and sent an email. Now I is debating staying up or resting for a bit then getting up! Al muhim while this debate is going on I'll update.
Spent most of yesterday morning listening to Taraweeh and doing work. Me and muji57 traded work lol. Shes going to write 3 essays for me and I do her math hw :P. But ya, I did some of her hw and was in the middle of a projectish thingy for English but then me had to go to the masjid. Masjid was nice alhamdulilah. Got told off for playing with Abdul Qudoos in the halaaqah lol. Khala Aisha goes "Maryam, biddik tintibhi"(maryam, you wanna pay attention?). I was like "I am" and she goes (laughing couse Abdul Qudoos took her attention too lol) "innama amwalakum wa awladakum fitnah (verly your money and children are fitnah for you) but ya after that I put him out of the halaaqah and he played and stuff..
afffteeeerrrrr masjid I got dragged to stores. Have I mentioned how annoying it is to go shopping? and I wasnt feeling good either. I just wanted to get home and either come online or go to bed. And yes again I didnt eat anything and I couldnt eat couse of my sister. Finally I was like mama I cant I have to eat so I ate a thing of crackers and two candy bars in the car lol. anyways the whole time I was telling my mom and sis yellah and that I wanted to go home etc. When we do finally come home they go to pray asir and I look at the answering machine and am like hmm new messages click the thing and its like 5 new messages and I was like wow.. lol.. turns out the one day we arnt home, all the family, all the people from overseas and everything call.. ahh khair inshaAllah..
Early tonight was fun alhamdulilah. Abdur Rahman and his mom came during Taraweeh time at the masjid. Chilled out for a bit and stuff and then they decided to pray Taraweeh.. sooooo me and aboodi got to hang out. lol. First we made cake, while that was in the oven we played around on the computer and I got him to record some files. After that we decided to make the frosting lol this is where he had alot of fun. Everytime we would add stuff it would be time to "try" it. Then when we were done I gave him one of the beaters to finish off the frosting on it and I took the other lol. And I would keep adding more frosting for him. and ahhemm his face gotttttt allllllllll chocolaty lol. Sooo of course we had to go clean him up. So he goes to make "wadu" in the bathroom. After washing his face and hands and stuff it was play time for the kid :P he started splashing me till I was kinda wetish.. so I was like "uh oh we gotta go see whats in the oven" so we went it was done. Took it out and we ate cake. thennnnn we sat on the kitchen country (dont ask why from all places the kitchen counter :/). and ya just sat there for a while I cleaned the kitchen. Then we juss drank juice and waited they had like two rakaas left. lol.
aaahh anyways.. the debates not over yet really :/. lol.. so I guess I'll wait a little more..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/20/2004 04:48:00 AM
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The past three days
uhh this was supposed to be posted on monday lol.. was to tired then.. and then yesterday morning blogger.com wouldnt work and I was busy rest of the day.. anyways I'll write up another one in a bit as well inshaAllah..
Haven't really had the chance to come online the past few days. Checked my email really quick one day but that was about it. So ya, I guesssss Imma update for all three.. lets see Juma'a first..
MashaAllah Friday was AWESOME at the masjid. It was packed, like I havent seen this many people since last Eid. In the musalah at salaat al Maghrib there was like no place. But like subhanAllah even though it was so full it felt so empty without khala Ghada and Tassnym and khala Faykah :(. At the masjid me and nymo are like each others shadows usually. We do everything together, go around say salaam, serve, eat, chill, we just always together. so it was wierd her not being there. And like khala Faykah always putting you in line with her looks, making sure ur doing everything right. lol.. always pretending shes serious even when shes about to laugh. and of course khala Ghada. Always happy and cheerfull mashaAllah. Getting me to do just about anything, and just like I dunnu being there..
Anyways, got to the masjid kinda earlish. Khala Aisha tried to make me drink milk lol but it didnt work, usually her and khala Ghada would team up against me and make me buttttt her sidekick wasnt there so she couldnt make me :D. Had a good time alhamdulilah. Got bugged about my eating habbits lol, was just about the last person to eat couse me, maryam m, khala rose, khala sumayyah, and khala aisha were serving. After that was the dars anddd then Taraweeh.. Amu Mustafa is leading..
lol a couple of funny things that happend though was someone came up to me and started talking Urdu :/. I got past like the first minute and then I was just like "I dont speak urdu" lol. Yassmean was next to me and she was just like laughing so so so hard.. I seriously dont get why that happens though, this is like the third time lol. and no I dont exactly look pakistani. but then again I have been called, pakistani, mexican, AMERICAN (thats a shocking one at least to me), saudi, yemani, jordanian.. and ya just about everything else..
Another funny thing that happened was I was in the kids room wayyyy in the back in the storage/office area helping khala Dalia get her dars and some stuff for sunday school ready. Khala Sumayah comes in and is like "who wants candy".. now there are a TON of kids in the room right, and from everyone thats in there I'm the one that jumps and is like "I do" lol.. both khalas were laughin at me and were like growwwww up.. I was like nah.. lol. Alot more happened but ya this is supposed to be a BRIEF update..
As far as the weekend goes alhamdulilah wasnt bad. My brother is fasting his first Ramadan since he was like eleven wich is awesome alhamdulilah, but whats kinda annoying especially for me is he come for SUHOOR AND FATOOR. and I'm like dude I wanna eat lol. Buttttttt if this is what will get him to keep fasting then alhamdulilah I dont mind.
My dad went back today and he was like "I get out of work right around fatoor time, I'm not cooking". So me and my mom spent the past three days cooking a week (or as my mom says a months) worth of food. It was kinda fun but I am exhausted. Couse like when my dads not here we dont have a big iftar but when he is we do and ontop of that we were cooking extra for him to take with him and we had to do some packing and stuff.
Me and mama cooked just about every kind of food you can think of :/ lol it was funish though. Spent some nice time with her as well. But like it got to a point today where my mom was telling me to put something on a pan and warm it for our dinner and I was just like "no we can eat it cold" and she was laughing and goes "your that tired of washing dishes eh?". Ended up warming it and washing it btw :P. But ya, I love cooking alhamdulilah so it wasnt to much of a drag. My moms a good cook to mashaAllah.. lol she says I'm a better one couse I learned from everyone. Like my mom would send me to different khalas to learn from them and she taught me. She made me start when I was really young and I was cooking meals when I was like 9-10. Alhamdulilah I'm happy she did that couse like now I can cook almost any kind of food(saudi, phalesteeni, egyptian, yemani, pakistani, amreeki, italian) and I dont suck that bad..
I couldnt fast today :(. and that just really really sucks but alhamdulilah. What really sucked though was everyone else had sahoor and I had nothing. Andddd I didnt exactly eat anything couse of my sister and I was standing in the kitchen all day so like it came to a point where I was getting dizy and stuff. and then when it was iftar time I hadnt eaten for 24 hours or so and when I dont eat for a long time then its hard for me to eat :/. lol in short I felt food deprived today :P.
Called up Tassnym and Khala Faykah yesterday. My mom used up the whole card talking to khala though :(. lol. khala was like "they talk online sometimes who cares about them". I was like noooooo thatsssss my card I spent the end of my money on it.. but alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. They talked and stuff.. Khalas doing better alhamdulilah, she did the surgery. ummm Tassnym didnt start school yet. Khala Ghada talked to them and she was still in saudia till yesterday when she called them and told them that her and Yusif were going to Syria for a while then back to saudia.. oh ya, saw Dania at the masjid for the first time since she got back. My mom asked her when Khalas coming back and she said not for another while :(. then she asked her if Yusif got accepted and she said theres still more paper work and stuff..
ahh anyways this is getting wayyyyyyy to long.. so if theres more I'll just write it later inshaAllah..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/20/2004 03:59:00 AM
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.:Friday, October 15, 2004:.
Dream :/
I had an interesting dream last night almost right before fajr/sahoor.
First off I was at my house and on the computer, but not this one the other one in the living room and I was talking to person X. Now this person and me were really close and stuff, but somethings have happened the past couple weeks and we dont talk anymore :( and I miss them etc. anyways we were talking.. and this is kinda how the part of the convo I remember went: (talking about yasi btw)
Me: I'm still so worried about her. She wont pick up and stuff.
Them: khair inshaAllah
Me: I mean how many months has it been?
Me: 2?
Me: 3?
Them: (refering to my relationship with them, nothing to do with yasi :/)
Listen, its never going to be the same so you can just stop trying inshaAllah.
Me: ok I'm sorry :(
Them: its ok
Me: but really I'm starting to get really worried..
Them: lol, your still not getting it are you? (again refering to me talking to them.. :/)
at this point I'm like in tears and stuff and then my Dad and Brother walk into the house from the front door. So I close the windows and I'm like getting up. They walk in and are like starting to move stuff I guess.. Then Yasi opens the door and walks in lol. and I'm like omgg and I go to her and we hug each other and then we walk to the kitchen so we can talk away from everyone.
so we go to the kitchen and I'm like omg whats going on. I try calling you and you dont pick up. Your voicemail is full and you dont come online, you had me worrieed.. and she was like "I'm sorry". and she said that her computer wasnt working and she switched cell phones with her sister. And I was just like its ok man I was just worried thats all and we talked some more...
and ya thats it.. it was wierd though...
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/15/2004 03:11:00 PM
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my Ammi..
Today my sister went to Jumu'a with my brother and it was just me and my mom at home. It was kinda nice I guess, spent some time with her and stuff. Made me realized how little I aprreciate what she does and has done for me. All shes been through and stuff. I think sometimes we just take our parents and what they do for us for granted. I was sitting with her and like I started to think of how much shes sacraficed for me and stuff.. subhanAllah made me feel guilty.
Since I was a baby shes done so much to try and raise me right. lol when I was born she left her studies even though she had about a year left on her PhD. Decided to stay home and raise me instead. Lived on almost nothing for a couple years, just barley getting by couse of me. Lost her scholarship to uni couse she wasnt studying. After that getting married again and going through problem after problem but not leaving couse I wouldnt let her. Fighting to raise me and my sis on the right Islam.
Shes always backed me in anything I wanted to do. Always supported me. Taught me. Helped me. and just like been there for me.. and ya I love her. I told her that today, I was like "mama I love you". and she just smiled and gave me a hug. I dont think I could ever repay her for what shes done for me, but I guess I could start by not giving her a hard time :/
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/15/2004 03:09:00 PM
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Ramadaaannnn!!!!
yeeeeeeeeeeeaa they said they sited the moon or whatever so today was/is the first day of Ramadan. Last night was kinda sad and exciting lol. The whole day we(me and zaineb) were trying to figure out where its Ramadan in the US and where it wasnt. lol. Then seattle said (at like 2pm!!) it would be saturday and I was just like thats crazy its not even maghrib on the east coast. but ya. Then later at night I kept calling up people and everyone was like the men at the masjid dont know yet and Im like hurrrrrryyyyy up already lol. FINALLY Aboodis mom calls and is like "kul 'am wa inti be khair" and im like "wa inti bil siha wal salama" and then was like "ITS RAMADAN" and she was like "YA" and I was like "Allahu Akbar". lol called up EVERYONE. my mom was like "Is there someone in Corvallis your planning to not call". I said "no" lol
But it was sad couse I missed Tassnym and Khala Ghada so much. I called up my friend Meera and she was like "whats up with Tassnym" and I said "in saudia Allahu 'aalam probably not coming back". and she was like "aww your probably like dying now". and I was like "ya thanks for reminding me." :( she wasnt the only one either. Ramadan with my and nymo is like different lol.. we get all crazy first night and come online and just I dunnu its different.. but alhamdulilah..
Prayed Qiyaam with my mama wich was nice alhamdulilah and went to bed. theeennnnnnnn my mom made me get up and eat sahoor. I was like nooooooo but she was like "your eating". so I said fine and got up. But I wouldnt drink the milk lol. she was like drink it and I said no I dont like milk and she started like threatening me lol. So I drank half the cup and she drank the other half.
:D Got to do my normal watching of Taraweeh alhamdulilah. Came on listened to a bit of Munajjids then a bit of Fahd al Ghuraabs.. then it was makkah/madinah time so I went to Makkah(on saudi tv) and watched Isha there. Then I turned that on mute and listened to the begining of Madinah. Then I turned both of those off and listened to Munajjids duaa, then Fahd Al Ghuraabs duaa.. and finally I decided to just listen to all of Madinah. lol.. my mom hates listening to khutaab al juma' or Taraweeh with me couse I switch to much.. but thats how I like ittt..
Anywaysssss todays Iftar at the masjiddddd and ya am excited. I went to the masjid last friday but before that I hadnt been to the masjid for a MONTH and not alot of people were there on friday. I love Ramadan :D alhamdulilah
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/15/2004 03:07:00 PM
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.:Thursday, October 14, 2004:.
Randomness...
I finished off one of my classes alhamdulilah, just gotta take the final for it but the teacher didnt give me the password to that yet. Got almost full score on the final project, lol only worked on it for like half hour so alhamdulilah that was good. Now I just need to get some work done in my other classes before the move so I wont fall way behind. And since Allahu 'aalam when I'm going to get a chance to come online again once we move.
ahh speakin of that I am dreading it so much. The house is already full of boxes and mamas started packing some. lol the hallway to me and my sisters room is clogged with broken down boxes you practicly have to jump over them to get to the rooms. I dont wanna move :(. but alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. My dad texted to my brother pictures of the place so my bro came by yesterday (and he brought pizza lol) and showed the pics. I was in my room so my sis showed me one and then I was like take the phone I dont wanna see the rest.
The house there aint bad, but I hate the city with a passion. My dads been working over there for more than a year now, wallahi the things he goes through just couse he has a beard and looks "arab". He's had people come in and cuss him out at work. Someone threaten him. Another ask him to step outside and fight. He's been told by like people there that hes putting his life at risk everytime he goes out, what about us?? with me and my mom in niqaab. subhanAllah.. this is besides the fact that there are no muslims there and the closest masjids God knows how far away anddddd everything we're giving up to go.. but khair inshaAllah..
Spent the money I was saving to buy a CD set on phone cards :(. I finally got around to putting it in the bank, and I was going to order the CD's but I had no other money and I needed to call some people. mama wouldnt give me more money and no point in asking my dad so I spent it :(. khair inshaAllah.. Imma have to start saving up another $16 or whatever..
Called up UmmQ last night, and tried calling yassi.. Yassi got her voicmail and it wouldnt let me leave a message couse her inbox is full :/ am starting to worry about her. As for UmmQ she listened to me cry and stuff lol. Miskeenah what she has to put up with me. May Allah swt reward her aameen. Then today Zaineb called and since she gots free minutes we were like aight lets call up Yasi and UmmQ.. Called yassi same thing happened, called ummq and she wasnt home I guess..
Ramadan's gonna start tomorrow INSHAALAAAAH.. I stilll dont understand the whole saturday thing, but lets just hope it doesnt turn out on saturday. I miss khala Ghada so so so so so so so much.. like no one would understand how much. I really really really wanna see her before we move. inshaAllah she'll come back soon.. couse ya I miss her to much. :(.
anyways I'll post later inshaAllah.. right now am late for asir and I HAVE TO FINISH SOME HW!!!!! ughh only did one assignment today :(. lol man I needa stop with the :('s.. anyways.. ya..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/14/2004 05:49:00 PM
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ana wa paltalk :/
I hate it so much now, like I wouldnt mind never hearing about paltalk again lol. I guess my actions say otherwise as I am on it alot more than usual :/. But like no matter how much I want to leave it I cant. I'm not going to have internet in another couple weeks so I guess that'll be when I stop for good. Its just that with all the pain and memories it brings me, somehow being there and listening to the Quran and just I dunnu chillin with some people there makes me feel better.
I switched names, wasnt planning on telling anyone who I was but I needed to tell a sis something so I asked her to add me and I told her. Someone else figured out who I was couse of the way I say salaams :/. lol after that I changed them couse I dont want anyone else figuring it out. My plan was to just go on and not say a word but salaams.. just go into the room and listen to the Quran and stuff.. but I havent been doing that to well, maybe I'll switch names again.
I dont think I go on paltalk once without sheddin tears :/ its so stupid I know. lol. I had one to many people tell me to just leave it all together but ya like I said I cant. khair inshaAllah.
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/14/2004 05:27:00 PM
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RaMaDaN
Ramadans supposed to start tomorrow (friday) inshaAllah.. except somehow here in the US its messed up and they are saying either Friday or Saturday, so Allahu 'aalam. InshaAllah Friday. I can't wait really. Ramadans just so different and special. So many memories from it.. Last Ramadan was pretty nice alhamdulilah so were all the ones when Amu Yassir was here and stuff. I love Ramadan here.. lol its awesome..
First day of Ramadan biggggg iftar at the masjid, everyones there and all hyped and stuff. Then iftar every Friday and some other days. The men get it everyday though lol.. we gotts to do the cooking, but alhamdulilah I dont mind. Watching Taraweeh from the Haram everyday, and then qiyaam later on. Getting together and making ka'ik and and ma'mool lol. Prayin taraweeh at home as well is awesome.. and ya a buncha other stuff..
Last Ramadan had some awesome memories.. Mama and Baba being away and ME being in charge lol. Dania spending the night that one day, and ordering pizza at like 1am. Then makin her and my sister pray taraweeh while I sat online (hey I had 'uthur shar'ee). Pulling all nighters almost daily so I could help Tassnym with her shiekspear hw.. Meeting two of the most awesome people I will ever meet, people that I have learned so much from and that mean the world to me and that I will never forget. These two have been like the rocks in my life, the things that always pushing me to be better and there to support me.. lost them both now :( ya Allah.. one I didnt loose totally, the other Allahu 'aalam.. it hurts but ya.. back to memories.. Yusif leading taraweeh for the first time and then when he finishes his grandma going *syrian accent* "MashaAllah kateer helw sowt al shaykh, Allah ya baarik feeh" (MashaAllah the shaykhs voice is really nice, Allah ya Baarik feeh) then she goes "who is he." lol khala Ghada turned to her and was laughing and goes "mama that was yusif".
ahhh Allahu 'aalam how good this Ramadans gonna be.. I'm moving second week of it or something :( to a muslimless city.. closest masjid like 45 mins or something. dars last friday was about Ramadan.. and like I got all teary lol khala Hanan noticed and was like comee on its not that bad.. I was like yea it is.. I hope khala Ghada gets back before I leave.. I miss her so much.. lol.. and I wanna pray taraweeh behind yusif again :/. actually coming to think of it I dunnu whos gonna lead this year. Yusifs away, and Amu Mustafa (Aboodis dad) is so so so busy and hes like sick now too.. and Amu Awad dont lead taraweeh.. I'm thinking Mohammad ibn Awad might couse he's hafidh now mashaAllah.. and when Yusif comes back then he too.. Allahu 'aalam..
You know even though I'm in this mindset that this Ramadans gonna suck couse of the move and being away from corvallis and all maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is going to give me a chance to focus on other aspects of Ramadan more than these secondary ones. Like it'll give me more time for 'ibaadah and stuff since I will have NOTHING to distract me. No computer/internet, no friends, no going to the masjid, no one coming over, no big meals to cook etc. wa 'asa en takrahu shay'an wa howa khayrun lakum... so ya we'll see inshaAllah..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/14/2004 05:37:00 AM
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.:Tuesday, October 12, 2004:.
so wassup?
I think I'm going to go back to bloging. lol. I'm not sure why I stopped but ya, I think I'm going to start up again at least untill I don't have internet anymore. ahh the things people do when theyr lonley :P Anyways, I guess alot has happened since my last update. So many things going on and stuff.. dunnu really where to start. In some way things are better, in others they are worse, as for how I'm doing, then alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal..
Things between me and my parents are ya'ani okish. Me and my mom are fine I guess, other than her wanting me to finish all my classes in three weeks and me seeing that almost impossible. Between me and my dad things are still shaky. But since I'm the one that made my mom stay I guess I just have to put up with it. I tried to make up with him last week on the phone but it only made things worse. He yelled/cursed me and stuff. He came this weekend and when he came I just went to my room didnt want to get into anything, next morning he told my sis to call me. He was like "Im mad at you but I miss you". Since then its been okayish so alhamdulilah.
Things between my parents are better though alhamdulilah. After my mom talked to amu 'awad things went good. Then they went way down again :(. Like my mom was about to call Khala Dalia again and stuff.. but alhamdulilah now things are better.
My dad rented a place in Hermiston :( :( :(. So that means half of Ramadan I'm spending there. subhanAllah.. like he couldnt be nice enough to rent in Richland????? This seriously sucks so bad.. but im not gonna get into that in this post, I'll save it for another time.
Anyways, am depressed :(. So much going on that I'm not about to talk about on a blog. Most of it non of you know about :(. Ammis been on my case couse I'm not eating or whatever. Yesterday I didnt eat nothing till late night and then she made me drink down a bowl of soup. I just dont feel like eating though, like I dont get hungry and if I do I feel sick after I eat. ahh alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. I feel sick anyway I guess lol. I got like a fever and stuff most of the time and am cold all the time. Mama says its from not eating, I dont, but whatever.
Everythings pretty boring now adays. No one really to talk to. Nothing to do but school work. I miss Tassnym hella alot, and a few others. I dont talk to anyone anymore really. Stucko is my mate and 57 sometimes.. a few sisters from here but not alot. and ya thats it really.. my days go something like this.
Get up 2:30 - 3 am
Sit online do hw and stuff.. hope Tassnym comes on.
Pray Fajr
Do my hfidh (I STARTED UP AGAIN :D:D :D) for a while.
Sit online a bit more try and do some work. (sometimes I do hifdh after and this first depends.)
Go to bed around 9-9:30 and rest for like an hour
Get up and chill with my family or read or something
Do some more hw or something till like 12
Get offline and do nothing really till around 1:30
Come back online and stay till about 3 or 4
Pray asir
Clean the house or cook/clean kitchen. (usually pick the second choice :P or sometimes both.)
Go outside and play ball till maghirb
After maghrib my mom will put on a lecture or ask me to put one on during this time I do either
1.cook/bake and stuff
2.lay down.
Usually I'll do both :P. point is I'll end up laying down everyday
Fall asleep get up around 12 pray isha and go to bed
and ya thats about it.. day in day out same thing. alhamduilah 'ala kulli haal.. you know I'm starting to wonder if I'm the one makin myself depressed. Like am I making issues to big? Allahu 'aalam. I dont know, but I dont think so. Nothings the same anymore and nothings the way I really would want it.
I dont like to complain and all but I just feel so empty and hurt now :(. I dont get along with my family all to well and I seriously cant wait till I dont gotta live with them anymore :/ I know I better watch out what I wish for though. but khair inshaAllah. My friends, I've lost most of the ones that mean anything to me due to different issues. And I just dont feel up to trying to make more/get close to others.. like I dont have it in me. I dont know who to trust and stuff. This moves gonna make me loose almost all else I like to hold onto, my community, my "family", my teachers, my role models, my da'awah that I was working on, all the masjid projects, all my little habeebis and habibtis :( all the amus and khalas I grew up with. I'm loosing my school, loosing my chance to grad early. but alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. if theres one thing I have learned in the past year it is that He Who Has No One Has Allah. A lesson that will stick with me for life.
I'm just more worried I guess that with all of this I still stick to my Islam. does that even make sense? Like I dont want all these problems and stuff to make me forget the na'ama I have. I still got my health, my youth, my time, my life you know? Allahu 'aalam. I just feel like my emans going down :(. so ya my main concern now is trying to keep that up with everything. Couse if I loose that then I've lost everything. khair inshaAllah this is getting to long lol..
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/12/2004 09:29:00 AM
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.:Friday, October 08, 2004:.
ya Allah..
I want to make an apology to someone for making a conclusion to fast. I have taken down the last post and inshaAllah I hope that this person can forgive me. I realized I was doing exactly what I was fighting against, I was bringing someone down and ruining thier honor without concrete proof. I only mentioned to maybe 2 people who this person that I was thinking of when I was cursing, but I guess thats enough. khair inshaAllah.. I apologize once again. And I know this is not an excuse but I want you to know that I wouldn't have acted with this degree of stupidity if I hadnt been going through some really really tough times. I guess I was just looking for someone to blame, and there were some reasons I speculated it was. But again it was all speculations no proof. anyways inshaAllah this wont happen again.. and May Allah swt destroy whoever is continuing to cause me problems aameen.
chotu-meyeh
@ 10/08/2004 01:31:00 PM
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