Be in the world as though you were a stranger or a wayfarer

.:Monday, December 27, 2004:.

Back home

I'm finally back home, kinda wish I could have stayed another week in Corvallis but alhamdulilah I had a good two weeks. The whole time was really awesome, everyday something was going on and just being with Umm AbdulQudoos is great. It was a new kind of experience for me since I don’t think I've ever been away from my parents for any period of time and I can't say I didn’t like it, it was nice to have some "freedom" for a change. lol, my parents on the other hand…. But ya, my dad said he missed me to much and that he would never ever do it again, so I took the opportunity and asked him "what about you wanting to marry me off ASAP" and he told me to shut up :D.

The last couple days of the trip have got to be some of the best days I had in a long long time. Khala Enas's family was here visiting from Iowa for the first time in 2 years. Khala Enas is one of the awesomest people I have EVER met, she was here doing her masters and then couldn’t finish her PhD here so they had to move to Iowa and everyone misses them here.

I first found out that they (her, her husband, 3 sons, and daughter) were here on Thursday. We were taking AbdulQudoos out for a walk and Khala Naila was going to the laundry to do laundry so we followed here and talked with her while she was doing her laundry. She told us that her husband saw them at the masjid but I was like nah Khala can't be here couse her sons came before to visit without her and ruaa and stuff. But she said it was all of them, and me being me I still didn’t believe it. So the first thing I do when we get back to the house is call and find out, it was true.. I couldn’t believe it nor could I wait till the next day to go to the masjid and see her.

Anyways next day my parents came down or whatever, and they came over after Jumu'a. My mom comes and is like "GUESS WHO I SAW" I was like "KHALA EN AS" and she said "ya, she says salaams to you". My dad wants to leave right away because we were invited to lunch/dinner at Khala Ghada's, but right before we do khala Aisha calls and invites us to lunch and my mom goes down and asks my dad and he says he cant upset them so we will go. Halfway there my dads like "Abu Bahaa is going to kill me wallahi" so he takes their street and stops in front of their house. 'Amu is outside working on his car and my dad stands and helps him for a bit while my mom goes and begs khala Ghada to let us go for an hour and we'll come back, after a while they agree so we go to khala aisha's. The whole time at khala Aisha's and I'm like looking at the clock couse I cant wait to go to khala Ghada's LOL couse khala Enas was coming over there as well. About an hour and half and my dad asked Amu if we could go since he had to do some things and he said ok so we left.

We got to Khala Ghada's and some other people were already there but not Khala Enas's family. Its about 4:30 and we have to be at the masjid at 6 since Khala Ghada was the one giving it that day. Me and her are in the kitchen making the salad and trying to figure out the best way to serve the food, finally we decided to put the food on the table in the kitchen have the women go upstairs till the men come and take and go back to the living room then the women take and sit back down in the family room. While we are in the middle of this khala Enas walks in. wallahi I practically dropped anything in my hands and hugged her. She hugged me soo hard and was like "mashaAllah!!!! Two years?? They make such a difference. I don’t even recognize you" and she wouldn’t let go lol. I had like the hugest smile on my face.. ahh the memories, we spent a good like 3-4years together, she was always really active in the masjid and was always hanging with us teens even though her oldest son was like 18 at the time lol.

We ate like super fast then me and Dania started on the dishes LOL. That has got to be the funnest time I have ever done dishes. We were fighting over them, and khala Enas kept cracking jokes about how lazy we are and stuff. But I have seriously never done that many dishes in that little amount of time mashaAllah. The dishwasher was full, there was one pyramid in the dish drainer then another next to it on a towel and after the sweets there was a third one on the other counter. When we finished I called up Umm AbdulQudoos and told her we were going to pick her up and go to the masjid.

We had to split into two cars, one car was me, Dania, Ruaa, and my sis the other was everyone else. Dania realizes she forgot her milk in her trunk so she has to run home and put it in the fridge, because of that we are late and we still have to pick up Umm AbdulQudoos. So we take highway 99 down to Harrison and Dania is going around 75 LOL. Ruaa thought it was "cool" lol. Little brat I cant believe she still remembers me, shes 7 now. Anyways we got the masjid almost in time :).

The other two days were just as nice alhamdulilah. Saturday we spent at Umm AbdulQudoos' then all of us were invited out to one of her neighbors khala Shayma', so we went there for dinner. On the way out of the door Khala Enas stopped by and gave us some things. Every year they send a tin of Baklawa to everyone in Corvallis they sent us one this year but because of the move it got sent back to them so they got us another one awww lol. She also gave us some stuff for Abu AbdulQudoos and a couple other things. We (me and Umm Qoossy) decided we were going to invite her for breakfast the next day so we did, then she left and we left.

The next day was nice as well alhamdulilah, it was us and khala enas and ruaa and khala Umm Mish'al and her kids. I was up all night since I had to wake everyone for fajr, so I was DEAD tired especially since me and Umm AbdulQudoos got up from fajr to work. We made everything from scratch like eve the bread etc so it was nice alhamdulilah.

While they were over we decided to call Khala Faykah in saudia couse her and khala Enas were like best friends so it would be a nice surprise. We keep trying and the line wont go through, one time some guy answered and hung up on us lol. Finally it connected once and a guy answered but couldn’t seem to hear UmmQoossy so I was like "give me the phone". I took it and I go "ASSALAAMU "AlAIKUM, khala FAYKAH MOWJOODAH" and I hear someone replying but its not clear so I repeat like 4 times finally the voice changes and I still cant hear right so I say it one more time and then I realized the person is saying "MARYAM!!!! Ana khala Faykah" and I was like omggggg awwww lol. Umm AbdulQudoos talked to her for a min then goes "I have a surprise for you" and hands khala Enas the phone. You can hear Khala faykah on the other end going "ENAAAAS" lol. Couse khala Enas was like "assalaamu 'alaikum, faaykaahti" lol.

After eating and stuff khala Enas starts asking us to help her with her PhD thing. So all of us give our opinions and stuff, lol it was funny couse my mom had an opposite view than khala Enas and I had the same view as her, so she turns to me and keeps discussing ignoring mama for a min.

Ahh alhamdulilah it was nice. They might stop by on their way to Iowa :D that would be like so cool, if they do it will be either today or tomorrow so inshaAllah ya rub..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/27/2004 04:40:00 PM #|

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.:Wednesday, December 22, 2004:.

Two weeks..

I haven’t had the chance to update in a couple weeks, I guess a lot has happened and a lot is happening. I'm currently in still in Corvallis. I've been here since the 11th staying with Umm AbdulQudoos while her husband is away no an internship. InshaAllah I am leaving this Sunday.

Alhamdulilah the stay has been nice, and I think I have learned a lot from it. Me and Umm AbdulQudoos get along really well, and we have a lot in common. We both like the same things, both enjoy the same things, both good at the same things, and both neglect the same things. That was one of the reasons that my mom didn’t want me to go, she said that both of us together we would go crazy. But alhamdulilah it's been nice.

I couldn’t come online for a while since the computer here wasn’t working, but I'd go over to the neighbors, who are muslim, and use their computer almost daily. Just to check my emails, come on msn for a bit and stuff.. Alhamdulilah we have internet again at home so I'm online a lot more.

It was actually kinda nice how much some of the brothers here were willing to help us out when the computer wasn’t working. Before he left Abu AbdulQudoos had asked his friend Majid to fix the computer for us, but they couldn’t get it done before he left. Anyways, we got the computer to Majid and he said that it needed parts that would cost around $300-$500 so Majid, Louay, and Amu Abu Idris told us to pick which of their computers we wanted and we could have it until ours is fixed. Ofcourse we declined and said we wouldn’t, so they put together a computer from some of the parts from the old one and some extra parts they had and gave it to us to use till Abu AbdulQudoos gets back :D.

Anyways, I spend most of my time playing with AbdulQudoos, studying, chillin with Umm Abdul Qudoos, and visiting with people that come over.

I love AbdulQudoos, mashaAllah hes the most adorablest thing ever lol. I have my camera so inshaAllah maybe I'll take pics.. anyways. He's just starting to walk now so he's going all over the place mashaAllah. Doesn't really talk but sometimes he'll say 'mayyyaaaam" its sooo cute mashaAllah. One thing that’s annoying though is the lack of sleep I've been getting because of him but alhamdulilah. :D

I'm in one of my depressed moods lol. I've actually gotten used to it, its like a pattern now so alhamdulilah. In a way its not effecting me so much this times sine I'm so busy and stuff.

I'm trying to finish up as much of my school work as I can now since the computer at home is busted as well. Ever since my uncle left and I knew for a fact I wasn’t going to go with him I've had like an emotional/mental block when it came to my schoolwork. I just cant seem to get it done. But khair, I pretty much finished off two classes, have another one and some to go for this semester, after that it should be a lot easier inshaAllah

chotu-meyeh @ 12/22/2004 03:26:00 PM #|

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.:Wednesday, December 08, 2004:.

Back in the day..

When I look at my “friends” the ones I grew up with and shared my life with its interesting to see how much things have changed in our group. Some of us are married, some of us have kids, others are overseas and we havnt really heard from them in months or even years, others have graduated HS and are going on to uni, and some of us are just living our lives day in day out nothing special, nothing much changed.

When I was in Corvallis this past weekend, on Friday a group of us sat in “our” corner in the musalah and just talked about all the past times, all the fun we had just being “kids”. Likewise when I got to talk to Tassnym yesterday a lot of our talk was about those times, which is part of why the conversation was so sad… we had a lot of good times alhamduliah, and I think no matter how far apart in distance we all might be, the memories that we had, and the friendship we had as a group, with no material gain but purely for the sake of Allah, will last forever.

Anyways some of the crazy things that we kept remembering and laughing about…SOAKING Danias trampoline and sometimes putting soap on it as well, then doing backflips!!! That has got to be the most dangerous thing ever. Or when it would snow, we’d also do that and it was almost as dangerous but at least when you would fall the snow would be soft.

Playing, freeze tag, jail tag, stop go, tag tag, and just about anything else that involves running in the musalaah until one of two things happens 1. one of the khalas comes in, and decides shes not going to leave couse if she does we will go back to the games again. 2.an ‘amu takes the mic and if hes nice asks us to shut up and stop running and “stop the ruckus”, if he’s annoyed or something then usually he will yell at the women for not keeping us quiet. Ahh we used to do this up until we were like 10-11 lol some of us were even 12

Sweet talking khala faiza and khala dalia into giving us the day off like every Sunday, and then going around taunting all the younger kids couse we didn’t have any work.

Bribing the bros into going to the store for us and getting us junk food. The way we would do this is we would gather all the money we had, go barrow some from the moms then have one of the girls go give her brother the money and tell him what we wanted then say “and u can have the rest of the money”. Now what we would do (sometimes, usually we would leave them money) is calculate it exactly so there is no money left over. :D

Going outside through the old ladies entrance at night to pick grapes and plums and stuff, then having one of our dads discover us!!!!

Playing a variation of, football, soccer, basketball, all together, in the backyard in the rain. It didnt matter what the score was, who won, or who broke the rules couse there was no rules.. the point was just not to get hurt and some how to get the ball in the basket, didnt really matter what you did in doing that..

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Its funny how now if one of us did some of these things it would be like :O, not to mention the really crazy things we used to do that I think is best not to mention lol.. but it was fun, we had good times, and good memories. A lot of getting in troubles, fights, make ups, and just fun.. I think sometimes we miss those days, when we were carefree and could just do whatever, now there is so much formality in things but sometimes we just forget it all and just have fun, like we used to.. Dania’s engagment/wedding, and that one night when sarah was here and we were at her house till midnight having waterballoon fight in the back yard have got to be some of the funnest/craziest times for us the past couple years.. and all the trips and stuff.. Its at times like those where we forget the differences, the problems, the disagreements and just let it all go and its probably the closest to how it used to be..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/08/2004 04:12:00 PM #|

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“no naseeb” :(

My uncle called my mom today and told her that his plans got changed and that he was leaving for overseas TODAY. That means any chance of me going to hajj this year is gone :(. My uncle called and I got all excited and then I’m listening to the conversation and my mom goes “TODAY?? Your leaving today?” and like my heart just sank.

I wanted to go so bad, and everything looked like it would work out. My uncle was supposed to leave in a week or two, since he has other places he needed to go before hajj and I’ve been working so hard to finish all my classes by then and had been planning everything. My mom had agreed for me to go, my uncle had wanted someone to go with him but non of his kids would so my mom said he would be happy I wanted to go and like everything else seemed like it would work out.. and then this had to happen : (. Khair inshaAllah, no naseeb as yasi would say innit.

Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal, maybe this is whats best but I cant help but feel disappointed and like I’m just not in to good of a mood now. I had put so much hope into going and then I found out UmmQaylah has a chance she might go, and a few other people I know might go so that just made me want to go more.
Thing is my uncle might not even get to make it to hajj if he doesn’t finish up his other travels so I could have gone and at the end not even went to hajj, but now he owes me at least an umrah if not hajj next year, so khair maybe it was for the best. Don’t change the fact I’m down about not getting to go.. but alhamdulilah.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/08/2004 01:03:00 PM #|

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.:Tuesday, December 07, 2004:.

I always have know “muslims” ones that call themselves muslims but don’t act like it.. I just never thought I would see a masjid that was totally nothing but these type of Muslims. I’ve been to a lot of masajid, and not all of them were great, but every single one of them had at least some practicing Muslims and it was segregated, that is until I went to Richland the other day…

We had been planning on going for a while now but never had the time, this past Sunday we decided we’d go couse when my dad called they told him they had Sunday school and some other stuff on Sundays. So we go and we’re all excited since at least on the phone they sounded pretty nice. Get there and the masjid looks nice, well built and stuff. So we go in and all the kids are in the classrooms in class, one of the doors were open so my mom asks the lady teaching (who is wearing pants a shirt and a “hijab”) where the musalah is so she point in the other direction and we go that way. Over there, there is a biggg like activity room? with chairs and stuff, its maybe double the size of the musalah, and then the musalah..

*editted* the diagram dont look right when I publish the post.. so ya whatever.. I'll paste it on msn or something..

That’s pretty much how the masjid looks. On the right is classrooms, then there is the musalah up and the activity room is the down one, and its all one story btw..

Anyways, the masjid is like mixed, the women pray with the men same room no barrier or anything, and they don’t want one. My mom was talking to a lady and she was like “there is no curtain or anything” and she gave her this like disgusted look and said “well there is a small room you can pray in if your not comfortable praying with the men” my mom was just like woww..

My dad who had came in from a different door, opened the musalah door to go in and found a lady laying down in there, so he turns to go out and she goes “no no come in” and my dad was like how about not? And he walked out came looking for us and was like “khalaas we’re leaving”.. and we did.. it was just so like weird.. Allahu ‘aalam.. maybe I’m just to used to Corvallis? Like the feeling you got when you walked in, wasn’t even a welcoming feeling no one even thought about saying salaams.. but when you go to masjid salman, or masjid assaber in Portland or masjid bilal or any of these masajid people run up to great you and stuff..

My parents where like they don’t know better, we should do da’wah. So we’ll see if we end up going back or not. My idea, that my parents think I’m half crazy for having, is to get a biggg group of people from Corvallis and take the masjid by storm :D. lol yes I know Im crazy.

After going to that masjid, I realized why the group in Kennewick, when my dad called them and talked to ‘asim and he said “as for the masjid in richland, we have NOTHING to do with them’. Ahh anyways..
On another note, I had an awesome awesome awesome Friday/Saturday in Corvallis alhamdulilah. With each time I go, my love for the people there goes up.. May Allah swt bless all the muslimeen there aameen..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/07/2004 04:00:00 PM #|

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ana miss her

after not talking to her for a couple months she came on today.. had one of the saddest convos : (.. I miss her..

تسنيم says:
sad man...
تسنيم says:
look how everything goes
تسنيم says:
we plan and plan and plan and plan
تسنيم says:
...
مريم says:
yea
تسنيم says:
but its all up to allah
مريم says:
ya
مريم says:
subhanAllah
مريم says:
its so wierd
مريم says:
like all the memories
تسنيم says:
who knew that day would be the last day i saw you for how many months..
مريم says:
i know..
مريم says:
its like
مريم says:
subhanAlalh
مريم says:
Allah*
تسنيم says:
dang man..
تسنيم says:
this is a sad conversation
مريم says:
hehe
مريم says:
sorries
تسنيم says:
leeeeeeeeeeettttttttsssss change the conversation
مريم says:
yes

chotu-meyeh @ 12/07/2004 11:53:00 AM #|

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.:Thursday, December 02, 2004:.

Slandering : (

Why do people love to slander others?? And like not just anyone, people you had respect for, you find that they are slandering others and any respect you had for them like goes away. It just ticks me off.. but khair inshaAllah.. May Allah swt protect you* from those that conspire against you, and may the futility of their claims be shown aameen.. *I’m not sure if you would want me to mention who, so I’ll leave it at that.

chotu-meyeh @ 12/02/2004 01:32:00 PM #|

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.:Wednesday, December 01, 2004:.

Allahu 'aalam..

I haven’t updated or even bothered to update for more than a week now, mostly couse I have nothing to say, that wouldn’t be a complaint of some sort, and secondly because I’ve been trying to pay more attention to my schoolwork and whenever I update I end up updating again etc..

The past week has been one of those not so good weeks, but alhamdulilah. Same daily drag, get up, help, do schoolwork, get into fights, make stupid mistakes, sleep to little etc. Added to everything, I was reallyyy sick for a few days, alhamdulilah now Im better now.. but like for the past almost month I’ve had this fever that doesn’t want to go away, sometimes its ok and other times it goes up really high and I get a headache and start feeling really sick.. khairan inshaAllah..

My dad finally made an effort to get in touch with some of the Muslims up in Washington. It seems that there is at least two masjid in Tri-cities (Kennewick, Pasco, Richland), but I know there is at least one other one. One of them seems to be a rather small musalah, when my dad called it up a brother answered him, the imam, and he told him that he was up in Bellevue (seattle) and stuff.. My dad told him he was from Corvallis and I heard the akh go “YOU KNOW SHAYKH AWAD” hehe.. that happened with just about everyone else my dad called.

The other masjid is a bigger islaamic center, if you call it you get this message “Welcome to the islaamic center of Tri-Cities, Eid will be Sunday inshaAllah. Salaah starts at 9. There will be an eid dinner Sunday night, we hope you join us” lol.. After a while my dad got ahold of a few brothers from there, it seems like the community is okayish.. Allahu ‘aalam. InshaAllah we are going to go on Sunday, couse that’s the day they have things going on, Sunday school, and a lecture or something.. other than that the masjid is open at juma’ and isha’ and if anyone comes for the other salaahs they open it..

InshaAllah Friday we are going to go down to Corvallis, if it doesn’t snow. My dad took Friday off and was planning on going down for the weekend, but then he realized he had to be back up here Saturday so we are going to leave here after fajr get there by juma’, then leave there after isha’ and the dars and come back by like 2am. I was actually surprised that my dad agreed to do that, and didn’t just call off the whole thing, but I can tell he really misses Corvallis and all the ‘amus because when we were down there he would see them every week, and now he doesn’t so he feels it more.

I miss Corvallis, I miss it a lot. I want to go back so bad, but khair inshaAllah. Abu Abdul Qudoos has an internship on the coast during winter break, and Umm Abdul Qudoos wanted me mama and my sis to spend at least one of the weeks with her, but I don’t think baba would agree. I told my mom that I wanted to go spend all of winter break with her, but she pretty much said “no a girl shouldn’t stay out of her families house alone, especially for that amount of time” : (. In a way I guess I agree, and I know that my parents never let me spend the night out and stuff before, but this is different. I think my mom might agree, but Allahu ‘aalam about my dad.

One thing that’s kinda making me just shut up and listen to what my mom said, is that I really need to spend winter break working on my studies. I have 4 more classes to finish this semester, and inshaAllah I know I can finish them, but I cant concentrate on my work. : (. All I have left is a final in social studies, a final research paper (10+ pages) in English, 6 units of psychology, and a lot of career learning assignments. I’m not worried about the first two, and psychology if I spent a week on it working non stop I could finish inshaAllah, also the type of class it is I could work on it even after the semester ends without penalty, the one class im having problems with is Career learning, and its not because its hard its because I have problems with the teacher. Every class I’ve done bad in was because I had problems with the teacher. I dropped bio, couse I couldn’t stand the teacher. I got a bad grade in algebra couse the teacher was a racist that failed all 5 muslims in the class, and I failed web design because I didn’t do my final project since he wouldn’t let me do it on Islam, other than that I haven’t had problems alhamdulilah.

There is also something else, something that I reallllyy hope happens.. but Allahu ‘aalam. In order for it to happen this year, it will take a lot of work on my part, and just for things to work out. If it does happen I have to finish all my classes in a months time, because if I don’t then that means I’ll fail all the classes and pretty much all the work I’ve done the past year and some will be wasted. And instead of 4 more classes next semester I’d have to do 8+ : (. But even if it means risking that, I still think Id want to go if everything else works out.. I just don’t know if my parents would let me :/ Allahu ‘aalam..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/01/2004 03:09:00 PM #|

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Updated :O

I actually updated my other blog :O. I posted up the rest of the 4 principles and then I started another set of notes (Usul al-Hadith) that inshaAllah I will finish tomorrow. InshaAllah from now on I’ll keep that one updated..
One thing that’s really really annoying though is I type the notes on word and they look good and organized and then I paste them into the blog and I have to spend another half hour or so just so they can be readable.. not to even mention how bad they look : ( but khair inshaAllah it’s the content not the look innit..

chotu-meyeh @ 12/01/2004 02:36:00 PM #|

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