.:Saturday, July 30, 2005:.
last try..

Im reallyyy annoyed right now.. I updated the blog a
while ago, but by mistake posted twice.. so I went to
blogger.com to fix it and instead of deleting the
extra one it deletes both and the update I put up the
other day... So I'm like aight I'll update again.. I
start to but Safari (mac browser) quits
"unexpectidly".. couse of some stupid error..so now I
really dont feel like updating again, especially since
the connection is really bad now..

Alhamdulilah things are alright.. dunnu when the
regular net will be in, inshaAlllah soon..

Here is an email I sent Tassnym a little bit ago, its
pretty much what I've been saying on here for the past
while.. but ya.. its instead of an update, couse I
cant be bothered to write one now... I wanna go to the
aqeeqah :(

Assalaamu 'alaikum,

wow its been forever since I emailed you.. I guess I'm
in the need of talking to someone and letting some
things out.. in a way organizing some of my thoughts,
and asking for some advice maybe.. and you're one of
the first I think of when I get into these moods..

Remember when we would email each other like ten times
a day? That was the pre-msn era, remember how we would
sit online emailing back and forth for like an hour
:P.. Remember SSSS(send something soon salaam).. ahh
the good old days...

Have you noticed how much of our talk now adays are
about the past? "remmeber this, remember that".. its
almost all we talk about.. and I think that is my
problem.. I'm stuck in the past a little to much..

Now that I'm done with HS, I'm like at a crossroad,
confused, lost, and not sure what path to take..
wishing I could go back.. Its not that I'm not happy
I'm done, I am, It was something I needed to do, and I
worked hard and finished it alhamdulilah but its like
what now..

The past couple years have been great.. I mean there
is no comparison between us at the end of 8th grade
and now with me done with HS and you just about done..
We've grown alot, matured alot, learned alot, and
changed alot.. there were alot of hard times, but I'd
have to say, at least for myself and I know you would
agree, they were some of the best times..

Now everything just seems like its changing.. nothing
is how it used to be.. everyone is going on their own
seperate path of life.. its just not like how it used
to be.. yeah change is part of life and we've all been
through alot of changes throughout the days but this
time it just seems diffrent..

Sometimes you think you have everything planned out
and everything seems perfect but then you realize that
your qaadar is something else.. I had alot of hope put
into the thing I talked to you about before, and now
to be honest I just dont see that happening... its at
times like that when you realize you really dont know
what is best, and even though you planned on one thing
what is destined for you could be something totally
diffrent.. Alhamdulilhah 'ala kulli haal..

Right now I guess its a time i need to make some
choices in life, see what is planned next for me...its
time for me to difrinciate between my dreams and
reality, as it seems I've been living in my hopes and
dreams for most of the summer.. To be honest I'm not
really sure what I want.. there are so many uncertain
things, things I havent talked about.. and then there
are the more obvious things... such as deciding to go
on to uni, apply to UAQ, wait till we possibly move
overseas and so on..

I'm not really sure of my reason for emailing you
this.. I guess I just needed to vent to someone, and
maybe to get ur feedback on some things? Allahu
'aalam.. You've probably been my closest friend out of
the girls.. one of the few people I trust with my
thoughts and feelings.... so as a friend, sister, and
adviser,,, one that pretty much knows me inside out as
a person.. and knows alot about my dreams and wishes,
what road do you think would be the best for me to
take at this time.. and it doesnt have to be something
I mentioned, just in general knowing me, what do you
think would benifit me the most at this time?

Anyways, take care inshaAllah.. Have fun at the
Aqeeqah, and say salaams to everyone for me.. yea, I'm
not going :(.

was salaamu 'alaikum wa rahamatullah

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chotu-meyeh @ 7/30/2005 04:54:00 PM #|

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.:Wednesday, July 27, 2005:.

and yeah..

Have I mentioned how much I dislike having to put a
title for my posts? It just annoys me, couse most of
the time I dont have a title.. I just write whatever,
without thinking up an actual topic.. and thats why
2/3 of my titles are either meaningless or having
nothing to do with the post.. but yea..

Im really started to get annoyed with this internet
connection... I avoided coming online most of the day
couse I didnt feel up to dealing with it... I've been
on for the past hour and half or so and for a while I
had an ok connection but now its pretty bad..
alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. someone suggested using
metal coat hangers to get a better signal lol, its
sorta working.. Right now i havd no connection, lets
hope I get enough to send this when im done..

Today has been aight alhamdulilah.. spent it mostly
upstairs in 100 degree weather reading and laying
down.. my dad was busy with my brother most of the day
so we didnt really have any run in's... At dinner time
he told my sis to tell me to come eat downstairs, but
I didnt... I'm not in the mood to suck up to him and
try to make things work just to get used again in a
couple weeks.. and have him make some other stupid
reason for making a problem with me.. maybe sometime
later, but for now I'm not ready...

Anyways I'm tired.. so I need to go pray isha and get
ready for bed inshaAllah... hopefully tommorrow or day
after I'll have regular net. My dad called the company
today but I dunnu what happened... I'll call them in
the morning inshaAllah...

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chotu-meyeh @ 7/27/2005 10:48:00 PM #|

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.:Tuesday, July 26, 2005:.

my life..

I was born in in the UCSF hospital where my mom was
studying.. at the time she was living with some
sisters, when I was born she moved out to the student
housing.. I spent two years there.. I dont remember
much about it though, and most of what i know is from
pictures. I do have some faint memories of those
times.. they were happy times alhamduliah, difficult
but happy.

My mom always says I was a handful to take care of,
started talking at 8months, walking at 9, and talking
in sentences at a year..She tried to continue
studying, but realized that she couldnt. Her
responsibilities had changed, and some things were of
more priority at that time. She took a couple years
off of school and figured she could finish writting
her thesis when I was a bit older.. But Allah swt had
other things planned for us..

When I was a little over two my mom re married and we
moved to Ashland, OR. She figured it would be best for
us. I'd have to older brothers and dad, and shed have
two sons and a husband. It took alot of getting used
to on my part.. everything changed suddenly and was
diffrent. My mom started working, nights if dad was
working days, and days if he was working nights...

There were muslims in Ashland but it wasnt a really
big community. Ashland is another college town and
people would come and go. 'Amu Shaykh Hassan was
usually there at least for half the year, I remember
sitting in his lap while he was giving lectures :$. At
first they had rented out a place to be the masjid,
then it was moved to 'amu Payruz's place where he had
set up the Quran Foundation, and later on after we had
moved away Al-Haramain bought a nice place for them..
its closed down now though :(.

The community was nice and close nit, but there was no
one my age. All the kids were either older or younger
than me, and I tended to hang around the older ones
mostly. That has been something in me from the start I
guess, even my kaafir friends around the neighborhood
were older, but I'll get to that later.. My two best
muslim friends were probably Fatima and Roshan (Shaykh
Hassans wifes daughter).. I remember going to Shasta
river with Roshan and Khala Rayyah and Mohammad lol,
that was fun.. Shasta is reallyyy pretty mashaallah
and they had a place there.. we'd always get bit by a
ton of mosqitos though..That was when I was 5+

I started preschool at 3 and a half.. I liked the
first half of the day, but we had a diffrent teacher
for the second half and I didnt like her. It was fun..
I learned spanish then, but I've forget it all now
except a few words :P. After a while they moved me to
the Kindergarden classes since it was a private school
so being young didnt matter. I started to learn how to
read and stuff then and the next year I was supposed
to start firstgrade.. The district sent some tester
guy to see if I could go to first grade since I was a
year to young, he said academicly I could but he was
going to put me in K again couse it would be hard
dealing with people older than me..

Kindergarden was aight. I went to a school close to
our house, Bellivue elementary. I dont remember much
about it, the teacher was nice but wasnt fun.. my best
friend was a girl in 4th grade that lived in our
neighborhood, her name was kelly. Everyday after
school we would hang out at a playground thing infront
of our houses.. she moved away the next year and I was
sad :(. I still have some things she gave me when she
moved.

First grade was alot better. I liked it alot. The
teachers name was Mrs. Roberts and she was a good
teacher. She started me on loving to read. My best
friend was a guy named Brian lol.. and two girls,
ashley and natalie we'd always jump rope. That was our
favorite thing to do at break time. We'd jump one
rope, double dutch, by ourselves, everything.

I moved away in the middle of first grade. The whole
class made me this card saying goodbye and signed it,
I still have it. My dad wanted to move to Yreka, CA
just accross the border from Ashland. Shaykh Hassan
lived there and stuff.. there really was no point to
that move.. we only stayed like three months. In Yreka
we lived on a farm.. my dad got sheep and chickens
and said he wanted to start a farm.. it was sort of
fun. My brothers lived with us for a while, but being
teens at the time couldnt stand it, thats mostly why
we moved away. I was homeschooled then.. Every week
I'd go to the school and my teacher would give me new
assignments to do till next week.. she was cool..
Robin O'Brien.. She gave me her address when we moved
away told me to write to her, but I never did.. yea, I
was always a teachers pet :P.

We moved to the mid-oregon Coast, an hour or so drive
from Corvallis. We lived in Waldport a town of like
2000 people, no joke... and my mom worked in Newport
about 20 min drive away.. I started second grade at
school, the teacher was really nice.. it was her last
year teaching, she retired after that. Shes the one
that really got me hooked on reading, every day she
would read to us at the end of class for like half
hour... she was reading the first boxcar children
book.. lol, I liked it alot and started on the series,
by the time we moved to corvallis I'd read them all.
My best friend there was a girl named Jessica, she
lived down the street.. There are no muslims in
Waldport or Newport, so we'd come to Corvallis for
Jumuaa' and stuff.

Second grade was easy for me. There was this girl
named Sonya, she was mexican, and me and her would
race each other through textbooks.. we finished both
second and third grade that year and got all the way
to fifth grade math.. Halfway through the school year
my parents pulled me out and I've been homeschooled
since. I didnt like not going to school, but I started
hijab at the time so I was happy. My mom would take me
and my sis with her to work everyday, and I'd sit in
the staff room watching tv or doing hw. Sometimes we
would go out and visit the patients.. there was this
one lady, her name was Delphine, she loved us to go
sit with her.. and we enjoyed making them happy.

At the end of that school year I took an exam to skip
3rd grade, and alhamdulilah passed. My mom knew
nothing about homeschooling and wasnt sure what to do
next, couse the oregon law at the time prohibited the
schools from helping homeschoolers. The principle at
Eddyvile, a city between newport and corvallis,
offered to teach me and I'd go to him once a week. My
sis had started kindergarden that year and I would go
to the school and volunteer in her class, I'd also
volunteer at the library. There was this kid in her
class, blake, he reminded me alot of Brian and we
became buddies. Whenever he'd have questions he'd ask
me and not the teacher, and when it was time to choose
a partner for something he'd always pick me :D. He was
a cute kid.. loved playing with blocks..

Towards the end of that year we decided to move to
Corvallis. My mom couldnt stand being away from
muslims and she didnt see any point in us staying
there.. my dad was tired of driving back and forth so
much so he agreed. It was the first time for me to
live amoung so many Muslims.. I had gone and visited
my aunt in Chicago and uncle in San Diego and would
always wish to be able to live in a place like that..
couse it was so much fun...

The first really good friend I made was the Imams
daughter, Khadija... we became best friends and stayed
that way for a couple of years. When fifth grade
started we homeschooled toghether.. my mom would teach
maths and sciences and khala Dalia would teach
English, arabi, deen and the such.. I learned so much
that year.. I remember the first day we had class at
khala Dalias I was so embaressed couse I didnt even
know half of Juzz 'amma while even her kids that were
younger than me knew more than that... I could barly
read and write arabi, and by the end of that year I
was doing 5th grade arabi books alhamdulilah.

We had alot of fun together... Their family became
like my own.. we used to argue like siblings and make
up like siblings.. I remember I got into a fight with
Abu Bakr(2 years younger than me) and he ended up
punching me LOL, I still sort of have a mark from it..
Mohammad(2 years older than me) got all mad at him it
was fun... Towards the end of the year the parents
decided to split Mohammad and Abu Bakr from us, couse
they were "getting to old to be around girls" we were
sad :(. Omar and Othman were still young so that was
good... We used to sit in the girls room, and the guy
in their bedroom during break and send paper notes
through a crack in the wall.. yea we were bad :P.

The begining of next year this new girl came,
Jameelah, I never liked her.. she did all she could to
break up me and khadija's friendship and she
succeeded.. The parents had some problems as well and
we ended up stopping the homeschooling buddy system
:(.. alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. it took some time
to repair things between us but alhamdulilah now
things are normal..

The year of 7th grade was a pretty empty one.. I was
close to Dania at the time.. and Tassnym.. but Tassnym
spent a good portion of that year in saudia.. My
family and Dania went to this Islamic camp in
Portland, thats where I met Zaineb.. it was fun.. They
used to do them every year, I miss them camps.. Me and
Tassnym would always compete who was doing harder
textbooks in 7th grade, lol, now when we look back at
that we are just like wow we really had nothing to
do.. That was also the year I got really close to
Yasmeen Jambi, it was sad when she left :(.. even more
sad whats happened to her family since she left..

8th grade was a year of catching up.. I had sorta
slacked off in studies and spent alot of time doing
them that year. That summer was awesome, I've written
a whole long post in it before.. it was just amazing..
and then there was the past two years of highschool...
this blog has been going on for one of them, and the
other I've talked about before.. probably some of the
greatest years of my life.. They were filled with
challenges, new experiances, alot of memories and alot
of fun times... and now here I am, a confused 15 year
old thats not sure what she wants to do next in
life...

I'm not exactly sure why I've written all of this...
I've spent alot of my day laying down thinking about
my past, so I guess you could say its what was on my
mind.. ofcourse this isnt everything, nor would I be
able to write everything... its just little bits and
pieces that give a faint outline of the past... Alot
of the things I whent through as a kid have left marks
on me, some good and some not so good.. I guess you
could say from the good is the way I am able to
forgive and stuff.. and probably from the worst is my
lying.. as a kid I was always scared of doing
something wrong couse the punishment would be harsh,
so I developed a habit of lying.. alhamdulilah I've
worked on it alot and just about overcome it, but
nevertheless its a mark..

I'd have to say I'm really thankful for coming here to
Corvallis.. the past 7 or so years of living here have
been some of the most rich for me... It is only after
coming here that i really turned to the deen and took
it as my way of life.. my mom had always been
practising but after coming here she made it her
focus.. and had the support around her to do it.. I've
learned so much about life and stuf and it really is a
blessing to me and my family that we came here
alhamdulilah...

Like I said before I'm not sure why I've written this,
but I think that looking back into my life has given
me more insite about myself.. and in a way helped me..
so alhamdulilah..

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chotu-meyeh @ 7/26/2005 08:41:00 PM #|

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moved

Alhamdulilah we are all moved and in the new place now.. I really dont see
the point of this move, but alhamdulilah its over with. The place is a bit
nicer, and our room is a bit bigger so thats good.. InshaAllah I'll take
pics as soon as I get my camera back.

We slept here last night, came here close to midnight.. dad had came earlier
and slept already.. I wanted to go back to the other house couse the
computer was still hooked up so after eating and praying my mom let me...
stayed there a while but I was to tired to stay longer so I came back and
slept. My sister decides to wake me up at like 8.. little brat!!! "maryam
look at this" "maryam getttt upppp, you're so lazy" "maryyaaam this is good
want some?"

I have signal on the laptop alhamdulilah.. although it is VERY weak and
keeps coming and going, but its better than nothing.. Its starting to get on
my nerves though.. I keep moving around the room trying to catch the
signal.. I was on msn earlier and had to sit on the chair with the laptop on
my knees balancing it while typing so the signal wouldnt go away :/. Right
now I opened hotmail and put it on the desk, signal is lost, but who cares I
can type then try and reconnect. And inshaAllah tommorrow we get the phone
line so I'll try to get DSL hooked asap.

My dad has been busy all day today and he has to go to salem tommorrow so
inshaAllah things are aight.. I talked to UmmQaylah from the other house
today which was nice, got caught up a bit.. and yasmeena last night before
she left.. I thought she was leaving last tuesday :S..

ahh anyways, let me try to reconnect to send this in.. and hope the signal
stays long enough so I can open a new blank message to write another email
:P.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/26/2005 03:44:00 PM #|

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.:Monday, July 25, 2005:.

update 2

I honestly dont think anyone does what I do while moving. This just goes to show how much of a net addict I am. Last time we were moving, from herimston to corvallis, the laptop was getting signal so I was on it the whole time.. I'd help load the truck for a bit, then come on and type a little on msn, then go back down and so on.. It was nice though, some good memories... The night we were leaving I stayed online almost the whole night waiting for someone to come back couse they left while I was away, forgetting that it was their jumuaa' at the time so they wouldnt be on.. lol, my mom got mad at me in the morning couse she was driving the car down and needed me awake with her.

Anyways, alhamdulilah upstairs is done, downstairs is just about done.. and I couldnt be happier.. Im really tired.. this move was mainly on me and ummi.. Dad did close to nothing.. but alhamdulilah we did it in a way that we dont have alot of work left.. we would take a little at a time and orgainize it at the other place so the other house is ready now..

I just had/are having one of those heart to heart talks with Tassnym.. I really needed that alhamdulilah.. Latly I havnt really had anyone to talk to.. everyone is so busy and they have enough to worry about to start with.. yea, I've talked about my day to day life/problems, but not the things that have really been on my mind... I guess mostly the "whats next" decisions I'm thinking about.. inshaAllah when I get net again I'll post about those, as I'm almost made my mind.. I have alot I want to write out, so inshaAllah I hope I get net soon..

Anyways I promised my mom I'd bring a couple more things and go to the other house to eat.. So I guess this is my REAL last post till Allahu 'aalam when.. could be tonight, if I get signal on the laptop.. could be in a day or two if I put dial up on it.. and it could be in a week or so if I have to wait for the DSL to come in..

Keep me in your duaa's as my dad will be home for the next two days, and I'm scared to see whats going to happen.. and yea, one of the "decisions" or actually a few do have alot to do with my current situation with him...

UmmQaylah, yasmeena, I love and miss you both.. as far as the rest who read this, hina, al-x and the rest, sometimes its not whats said, but rather what isnt that counts ;)

(I need to save this link, sorries http://www.lahaonline.com/index-babies.php )

chotu-meyeh @ 7/25/2005 05:16:00 PM #|

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update

its almost 2:30 and alhamdulilah we are almost done. Me and my sisters room is closed off and cleaned, as is the kitchen.. moms room has a couple small things she needs to take care of, and there are some things in the dinning room downstairs that I should start hauling to the other place. Other than that what is left is stuff my dad needs to take care of.. his things that he told us "not to touch"... and thats pretty much spread out all over the floor in the living room.. oh ya, I need to clean the bathrooms when my moms done emptying them, and then we'll be done :D.. and I can go to the other house and sleeeep on my bed for the first time in a week or so :D.. alhamdulilah..

Now I should go pray duhr inshaAllah and finish the hauling.. I'll come back online in an hour or two inshaAllah.. should be done by then..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/25/2005 02:18:00 PM #|

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letting go..

I stole this from UmmQ's blog... :P..

In a way it discribes some emotions I am/have been feeling.. but not exact.. and I changed the "you" in the last line to "I" couse I think I'm the one that needed/needs to understand... and the poems to mushy :P.. but I like it anyway.

How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May God's best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
I will realize things were better this way.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/25/2005 12:04:00 PM #|

(0) comments

goodbye!!

I didnt think I would have net today, I was so sure my dad would take down the computer yesterday but he didnt! So yes, today will be my last day online for maybe a week inshaAllah, unless I can get signal on the laptop.

InshaAllah keep me in your duaas.. make duaa that things go well and I make the right choices.. inshaAllah after more thought and talking things over with mom and stuff I might finally come to a decision about things.. if I do I'll post about it.

Take care, stay safe, stay happy, sleep well, eat well, have fun but dont do anything to crazy.. and yea remember me in your duaas..

^^^^ emotional and dramatic goodbye :P. Now that its over I can start with todays update.

Yesterday was somewhat tiring, didnt take to many breaks but alhamdulilah. Almost got caught on the computer by my dad lol.. he came home from work early and walked in.. alhamdulilah I was able to turn off the computer but it was scary.. then he left again. We pretty much moved everything, just a few things left so today is going to be mostly cleaning this place.

I'm supposed to head to the other house and help mom, but im so sleepy. I reallyyy dont feel like going and now my knees hurt couse im sitting on them since the chair is in the other house. anddd I'm sort of hungry. yea yea I'll stop complaining..

I had an intresting dream last night.. I think I dream to much. I've dreamed about almost everyone I know at one time or another.. and people I dont know.. Usually its good dreams though, so alhamdulilah.

Yasmeena updated her blog last night?? thats intresting as well, couse she promised she'd email me when she gets a chance to go online there..hmm.. I cant get to UmmQ's bog for some wierd reason, it wont load for me.. so yea.. GET ONLINE couse I cant see your updates for now lol..

I'm having the most random conversation on msn right now.. me and Hina are arguing, well discussing the pros and cons of saying "khala so and so, 'amu so and so" or "so and so auntie, so and so uncle". We finally reached the conclusion that no matter which one you use someone will end up complaining so we need to make a new word up for each :D. I guess its what you are used to, I'm used to saying khala, shes used to saying auntie.. but depending on who we are talking to we switch from this to that... its all about makin the people happy eh?

lol, this has lead us to discussing the diffrent names for people in urdu and arabic.. husband/brother/sister/uncle/grandparents etc... and how we wouldnt call most of those people by the "proper" culture names for them couse well we dont like the sound of them :/. Yea, we got to much time on our hands...

Anyways, this is the most useless update and I know I should get to work..

Au revoir

chotu-meyeh @ 7/25/2005 09:40:00 AM #|

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.:Sunday, July 24, 2005:.

eh

LOL, oh my God.. I am having the time of my life playing around with some fob that added me... the last time I did something like this was with Tassnym, we messed around with some girl from kuwait that added me.. this time the idiot is from morroco.. ahh this is fun.. it was funner last time couse Tassnym was in the convo too, but this time is more crazy..
 
anywayssss I'm feeling pretty good alhamdulilah. Yesterday was probably the day I've worked the least, since it was mostly kitchen and my mom likes to do that herself. I spent alot of time online which was aight.. dad came home at like 6 I was downstairs in the old house in the kitchen when he walked in.. so I waited in there till he went upstairs and then went upstairs.. took a shower, prayed asir, and layed down..

I had alot of time to think yesterday, and that was good. Ever since the move started I've just been to tired and busy to think about things, but yesterday I had the time and I think I'm more clear on things alhamdulilah. I've come to realize that I jump to conclusions and act on them to fast, and later on maybe regret it... its best for me when I think things through then act.. and thats sort of what I did yesterday.. just thought about everything that has been bothering me and came to an understand in them.. so I feel good alhamdulilah :D. Alot less burdened, and alot less on my mind..
 
anyways I have to many convos going to update now, ill finish later inshaAllah..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/24/2005 10:45:00 AM #|

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ummmiiiiii

I love my mom, alot alot.. and its like every day I love her more. To me she is the greatest person I know. Shes taught me everything, always been there for me, always patient with me, always giving. Shes sacrificed her life to bring my and my sister up right.
 
If she wanted she could have finished her PhD and gone on to have a great career, but she didnt want to. She was a straight A student at UCSF with one year left, I saw the transcripts myself, but she didn't care. She worked night shifts for years to provide for the family, and then would work a full day shift at home without thinking twice about it.

I've never seen her complain to anyone unless she absolutly cant handle it except me. I've never seen her ask anything of anyone.. she always says "why should I ask the people when I can ask the lord of the people?". Right now while moving, no one is working as hard as her, and she hasnt complained once. Even I end up complaining to some of you or here on the blog, but she hasnt said one word of complain.
 
I love her alhamdulilah. Right now she is what I live for.. I just want to make her happy and live up to her expectations.. and inshaAllah do whatever I can to pay her back for all she has done for me, although that is impossible..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/24/2005 09:44:00 AM #|

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.:Saturday, July 23, 2005:.

its not always what you think..

I was talking with someone a little while ago and I realized something.. it wasnt the first time for me to realize it, or to think of it, but I think for the first time its stuck to me..

 Alot of times we take things for face value, we might feel hurt by someone or angry with them without really knowing their reasons.. we just take things for how they seem to us "oh well they did such and such so it has to mean THIS" without thinking of the other possibilites..

Its sad to see that this is how so many of us act nowadays.. whatever happened to giving your muslim brother/sister 70 excuses.. And I am the first to admit to it.. I know I do it alot.. and I know that is where alot of my doubts about people come from.. I never think up another reason for them its always what first comes to mind.. and being human, its usually not the good, its the bad..

so yea, I'm sorry if I've ever done this to you, whether you know it or not... couse I'm almost sure I've done it to everyone that I know that reads this blog (not including the wierdos from oman, japan and the such). And inshaAllah if I'm talking to you and I start doing this to someone else, remind me so I stop.. <--- mostly to UmmQ, since shes the one that listens to my rants about people..

Anyways, this is just a reminder mainly to myself; its best to think twice about things, couse its not always what you think..

Now I should head back to the other house and see whats taking my mom so long..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/23/2005 04:32:00 PM #|

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yeah..

I find it funny how many times I have posted on here saying it would be my "last" post. It seems like everytime things get bad I get all emotional, think khalaas its the last.. etc.. and then I end up finding a way to get around the barriers and still keep it going. In other words, never believe me if I say its my last post :P.

Since my mom is busy packing boxes and I have/had nothing to do I had planned on writting a nice long update.. but instead I spent the time I had online to write a gazillion page long email to my friend that is leaving. She sent a really emotion filled email out to all of us girls here saying goodbye and stuff since she is leaving on the 25th.. and I sent her back an email..

I remember about a year ago me and Tassnym got into a pretty big fight with this girl.. and for a long time I really didnt like her much.. but the more you get to know someone the more you understand them.. and now I sort of dont blame her alot for certain things although I dont appreciate her slander of me and stuf... but yea I'm sad she is leaving.. its just intresting to see how you can go from hating someone to loving them, and from loving someone to hating them.. 

So yea, getting that email from her today was nice.. made me smile with tears in my eyes.. its just one of those small things that people do that make you feel good.. I also got an email from one of my moms friends.. lol.. this "khala" has known me longer than anyone other than my mom maybe.. she was in San Fransisco when I was born, and then moved to Ashland when we lived there, where she currently is.. We hadnt heard from her in a while, so it was nice alhamdulilah..

We started work wayyyyy late today.. probably couse we all so tired.. mom was up till 1am yesterday.. and I just about cant move.. lol yesterday night I tried to do exercises to try and loosen my muscles couse they hurt so bad, I couldnt even lay down to sleep..(sleeping on floor).. I couldnt even do a set of ten each, usually I can do five or six sets..  alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. inshaAllah today mom wants to finish the rest of the kitchen, her room, and some other stuff..

Anyways, moms done with the packing so now I have to go haul the boxes and stuff to the other house.. I'll be on later inshaAllah..

Umm Qaylah- whyd u sign out when I sent salaams :(. I miss you...

chotu-meyeh @ 7/23/2005 11:45:00 AM #|

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.:Friday, July 22, 2005:.

phone/internet service

I just got off the phone with the phone company to transfer service to the new place, the line wont be in untill the 27th!!!!!!! wth? thats like five days man.. and I asked them about the internet and they go "well you cant transfer that untill the phone line is in, so call back on the 27th and we can get that sorted". That means it wont be in for at least another two days after that.. inshaAllah I can pick off a signal from one of the neighbors at the new place  :D. That would be soo awesome couse then I could use the laptop whenever I wanted without dad knowing..

ahh or we could always switch to comcast :P. yea, probably shoulda went with them from the start.. alot faster than DSL and they get service in right away.. but then again its like two times as much..

Anyways I have to head back to the other place and help mom.. only reason I was able to come on was so I could call the companies.. Alhamdulilah today isnt as tiring as yesterday couse its mostly just boxes.. packing, moving, and unpacking them at the other place.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/22/2005 05:20:00 PM #|

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exhausted...

I'm so tired! I cant move.. my whole body is like aching.. ahh alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. Yesterday started out wayyyyy to early for me. My dad left for work at like 7 and from the time he left till the time he came home at 7 we were working.. The houses are so close so we pretty much are just moving everything walking.. lol I was wearing black abayah with the sleeves sorta rolled up(yea yea I know that was wrong), blue flipflops, and my hijab over my face as niqaab.. looked pretty funny :P.
 
I remember the first time I did niqaab like that, I had lost my niqaab at the masjid and after masjid we were going over to someones house to give condolences so I wore my hijab over my face.. there were sooo many people there that some were parking in the neighbors spot, but they didnt mind.. then his wife came home so he came and asked if we could move the cars so she could park.. so the khalas send me and Dania out to do that.. Amu Hussam was outside waiting for his wife.. I tripped :D. And Dania kept making fun of me.. and 'Amu tries not to laugh and is like "smallah, u ok?" and Im like yea.. then he offers to move the cars and Dania continues to make fun.. dude I didnt actually fall even, I just like stumbled lol.. the funny thing is she ended up doing the same couse it was so dark out and she didnt have an excuse like me :P.
 
Anyways, what brought that up? ahh yea yesterday.. we pretty much moved me and my sisters room.. and some things from the kitchen and some other stuff.. Mid-day we came back to cook.. then after asir my mom was like ok thats enough for today.. so we came back to finish cooking and clean this house. Its funny couse while making bread I needed some stuff and I go "mama I cant find such and such" and shes like "oh its in the other house" and I'd have to run and get it.. even when I we finished everything and I was going to go take shower I realized all my cloths were at the other house..
 
hmm yea, thats pretty much how my day whent yesterday.. and most likely how it will go today. Except yesterday was burning hot and today is muggy so thats sort of good alhamdulilah. If I can I'll update later.. inshaAllah I'll try to come on at jumuaa' time.. so around 1pm my time... and tommorrow etc.. dad is off tuesdays and wendsdays so I wont be on those days.. I'm not sure when we moving the computer, I wont have net for a few days after that as well.. untill they transfer service.. anyways, I answered your comment hina.. and ya thats it.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/22/2005 09:33:00 AM #|

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.:Thursday, July 21, 2005:.

...

Aight, dads at work.. I'm logged into another account that he doesnt know I have password to... but I need to get off soon couse he can come back anytime... and I need to help mom with moving and stuff..

anyways, this is what happened tuesday..

I was online tuesday morning after I updated on my classes site and stuff.. dad walks in so I exit msn.. he comes over to where I am is like "What are u doing" and I said "on class" and hes like "get up".. so I got up and he starts going "what did u close" etc.. and I was like nothing.. so he goes through the history and stuff and somehow gets to almaghrib forums.. he thinks its a matromonial site.. lol.. and flips out.. then when my sister wakes up and comes down hes like "I thought I said no chatting" and shes like "yea?" and he goes "then what will u say if I show u a conversation with zaineb"..

Anyways, my sister used my other account once to talk to zaineb and tassnym messaged me on it while she was on it.. and she didnt disable chat logs.. so there was the two most innocent and pointless convos on it.. and he flipped out about that too.. amazing how hes fine with my sister but acting like I killed 101 people..

So he called my mom and was like "look what you're daughter is doing" etc etc..  and starts mixing things and messing around with things.. my mom was like "khair inshaAllah, we'll see".. and he was like "WELL SEE WHAT" and starts with his punishment list.. and yea.. thats it really.. we havnt talked since.. and I dont think we are going to soon.

So ever since I been upstairs.. I dont wanna see him couse I'm mad.. and I dont wanna hear him yell again.. Allahu 'aalam what hes doing it for, but who cares really.. my moms just like be patient.. and ignore it.. dont get mad.. keep you're cool.. etc..

ahh alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal..

anyways my sister is screaming in my ear telling me to get off.. so I better..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/21/2005 09:27:00 AM #|

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.:Wednesday, July 20, 2005:.

lil update

I'm running back and forth between the two houses, and my dads not home.. whenever I come to this house I log on.. so I thought I'd try to update really fast... I have the AC off so I can hear if my dad comes, and I keep running to the window :/.. the heat is crazy today.. anyways
 
we are moving to a house down the street, closer to khala aisha.. and im aight with that.. inshaAllah its for the better, and I really could care less.. just alot of work..
 
The other day my dad saw me online and he got REALlY mad.. even though I was just on my class.. starts going off about how I'm "back to my old ways" and stuff.. then he pretty much disowned me.. wallah im not kidding.. said he doesnt want to know me,  hes just going to live like I'm not there.. So since then I've been up in my room, avoiding him.. and ya things are pretty bad.. ofcourse he changed password on computer and gave out his all to famous "cant leave the house" punishment.
 
It hurts so much this time couse he knows that I did nothing.. as does everyone else.. hes just using me to get to my mom couse he knows thats what hurts her the most.. hes also using this as a distraction so we wont figure out whatever hes up to.. alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal..
 
its almost as if he wants to push me to my limmit.. get me to do something stupid.. couse he was like "I'm not going to put a lock on the door, whoever wants to leave is more than welcome to, just dont think of coming back".. yea, whatever.. lol, he dont know that I almost tried to do something more stupid before.. but I've come to realize doing something like that wont make things better for anyone, only worse. May Allah swt guide us all..aameen..
 
Just keep me in your duaa.. inshaAllah I'll be able to come online sometimes when he is at work.. and inshaAllah things will get better like they did before. Although this time is probably one of the worse times.. even before all the drama happened yesterday things were pretty bad.. alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal..
 
I've always been able to stay patient alhamdulilah.. but for the first time I dont feel able to forgive, and my sabr is getting less.. so just make duaa I keep my cool and dont make things worse..

anyways I better get off before he ends up coming home or something... I know this update sucks and probably dont make sense.. I'll try to write another one some other time and make things a bit more clear.. inshaAllah.

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chotu-meyeh @ 7/20/2005 07:08:00 PM #|

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duaa please


I dont know when the next time I will be able to update is. But please keep me in your duaa. Some of you know whats going on, some dont.. but please keep me in your duaas.

In short I'm having alotttt of family problems... I'm also moving this week.. so yea..

I love you guys :(

I'll try to at least keep up with emails.. and inshaAllah as soon as my mom gives me the ok I'll put dial up on the laptop.. anddd I have a way of getting into this computer even though my dad changed the password LOL. Just please dont forgot me from your duaas.. and inshaAllah I hope to speak to ya'll soon..

 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/20/2005 04:15:00 PM #|

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.:Tuesday, July 19, 2005:.

ahh, alhamdulilah..

I got up in a goodish mood, but for some reason that mood is gone. I dont know.. maybe it was realizing yasi is gone :(. Maybe it was my 30 second conversation with UmmQaylah where she said she was at "school" sorting out classes and wouldnt be online for a while.. maybe its my non existant conversation with others? or maybe its just me being me :P.

I'm in the middle of downloading paltalk now, why? I dont know. I hate it so much, but I'm downloading it.. Yea, I'm really bored. lol, ok that was a total waste. Paltalk sucks even more now than it did before!!! At least before there was stuff going on. Well I did gain getting a nasheed I've been looking for.. lool, khala Dalia had us memorize this when I was in hmm 5th grade, and my sis in like 1st/2nd and we cant agree on the words anymore :P.

I had a good night yesterday!! Alhamdulilah. Actually sat downstairs for the evening! And had dinner :O. yea, it was pretty bad before yesterday... but alhamdulilah almost back to normal? InshaAllah I hope so.

I got my grade for 'uloom al hadeeth :/ Jayyid Jiddan again. I thought I did good on that exam :(. I also got the last of my bio and english lit exams yesteday, 95 and 97 alhamdulilah... just the Geometry exams left! I need to call my counsler though, so we can sort some things out for college application.. I'm to lazy to do it now, inshaAllah later. I also have to send that email to the other uni I wanna apply to, but again to lazy.

Ya'know Im so close to telling my parents I dont wanna do uni.. but at the same time I guess I want to.. If I dont I know I will just waste my time, and I need something to fill it up.. its just wierd to think about having to go out to class everyday and stuff couse the last time I did that was 2nd grade! lol I had more freedom in 1st grade than I do now!!!! I remember I was like 7 and would walk to and from school, walk to the store by myself and go out with friends, spend the night at Shaykh Hassan's which was in a diffrent city!.. I was living in Ashland at the time..

But ya, back to what I was talking about.. I'm not sure about applying.. If I get into OSU after I finish 24 credits with LBCC then I can do the distance education thing which is online.. I'm almost sure about doing education, I dont really care how disapointed my dad will be. Zaineb and me gonna open and islamic school sah? ;)... and I just see that this will help me more in the future.. not to mention how sick I get when I get blood drawn.. I can stand all kinds of physical pain, but I cant stand up after I've had blood drawn.. so I cant think of having to do things like that.. its not that I'm disgusted, I just cant :/. Even my mom said I'd be a sucky doctor.. lol, she said I could be a good teacher, lawyer etc..

I also decided to apply to UmmulQuraa, if I get accepted alhamdulilah, if not alhamdulilah. That is study I dont mind doing.. and I really dont care if I have to make my khalu babysit me there :P. It'd be a good excuse for him to get away from all the crazyness hes going through. If my parents move to Jeddah it'd be easier.. couse I know a sis whos parents are in Jeddah and she got accepted. The dorms look scary though :/. But ya, as soon as dad updates my passport I'll apply inshaAllah. My mom already agreed and is all for it, I'm scared to talk to dad about it... who cares though...

I find it wierd that I'm actually thinking about and trying to get into uni now.. I always thought after I finish HS I want to get married, and then depending on what husband wants  not go/go to uni.. or at least take a year off from school then go to uni.. not right away like this. But I've come to realize that I probably NEED it now. I dont want to have extra time on my hands, couse I'm afraid I might use it in the wrong way.. and regret it later.. Also the thought of finishing uni before I'm 20 like my mom did sounds good.. would still be young inshaAllah.. I'd be wiser and better able to make choices.. I could always get married then inshaAllah.. and no I'm not changing my mind on marrying young, I'm just thinking of things diffrently maybe...

ahh alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. We can plan and plan, dream and dream, wish and wish, but at the end it is only what is written for us that will happen.. Who knows what could happen today, or tommorrow that would change everything. At the end of the day, inshaAllah whatever happens I'll be content with, as it was my qaadar.

Today seems aight inshaAllah.. I DONT WANT TO go to the dars.. we'll see what happens.. dads not home, dunnu when he gets off though..

And after an update

 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/19/2005 09:13:00 AM #|

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.:Monday, July 18, 2005:.

LBCC

I think I have to enroll at LBCC for at least a term before transfering to OSU which sucks! IF I take the SATS I might be able to enroll straight to OSU but I doubt it couse I'm younger than 16. ugh. great. I dont like LBCC to much, couse the main campus is in Albany and not Corvallis.. OSU is all in Corvallis

http://www.lbcc.cc.or.us/

I meet requirments for financial aid thoug, inshaAllah

http://www.linnbenton.edu/sservices/finaid/

Dual enrollment would be nice, but again I gott wait till 16!
http://www.linnbenton.edu/dualenrollment/

I still havnt made up my mind what I want to enroll in, I'm still leaning towards education/teaching... but ofcourse everyone, and I mean EVERYONE (other than mom) is like "go into a medicine field".. annoyingness.. First term doesnt really matter, I'm just enrolling inshaAllah so I can get into OSU then I'll worry about things.. that is if I'm even here
http://www.linnbenton.edu/programs/education.html
http://www.linnbenton.edu/programs/nursing.html

Anyways, this is the site I have to read through within the next few days
http://www.linnbenton.edu/admissions/

hmmm, this dont make sense man! I have to call tommorrow great.. couse it says if you're under 18 you have to go through some hs progam.. bleh.. confusing.. why do I have to do collegE :(.

oh nevermind.. :/

http://www.linnbenton.edu/catalog/howtoenrollchart.pdf

anywwwways lets move on to the OSU site :)
http://oregonstate.edu/

Admissions page
http://oregonstate.edu/admissions/

Benton county admissions page
http://oregonstate.edu/admissions/RecruitingMap/oregon/benton.html

Admission requirments! See I knew I needed SAT/ACT :(. ahh maybe I should take them.. I heard they arent to hard :S
http://oregonstate.edu/admissions/undergrad/requirements.html

lol ok, I'll stop with the links.. after spending some time on both sites I've come to realize, if I want to enter this fall term I HAVE to go to LBCC :(. If I want to wait till later I can try for OSU. Since the deadline for applications are over and I need to take SAT.. I can pass the foriegn language, couse well khala Faiza is the one that gives the arabi test :D.

Ahh where is Hina when I need her :/.. anyways.. lets see.. I guess I should apply to LBCC and try and plan all my classes in Corvallis, couse I dont wanna go to Albany! As far as majors go, Allahu 'aalam.. any suggestions?? couse I'm not good at making up my mind! OSU has pre-med :( lol yes that sucks.. couse I dont wanna do pre-med.. especially since u have to go to OHSU to finish and thats in Portland.. ahh whatever, I'll worry about it later.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/18/2005 06:50:00 PM #|

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dhikrayaatun lena wa haneen...

dhikrayaatun lena wa haneen, arwa' al umree tilkal saneen...

A rough word for word translation would be "memories and comfort, the best/most awesome/greatest of my life was these years".. but a better way of putting it is "these memories are comfort to me, indeed these past years were the greatest of my life".. or "It is memories to us and comfort, indeed these past years were the best of our/my life".. yea I suck at translating.

This is part of a nasheed that I heard on a tape Tassnym brought back from saudia, her little cousin was singing it... and I've been humming it the whole day.. I cant really remember alot more of it, and I cant seem to find it anywhere, but it discribes how I'm feeling really well.

I think I'm stuck in the past couse I dont want to look to what is coming. The past few years were awesome, with everything in them. The hard times, the good times, the fun times, the sad times, it just made it what it was... and alot of things are changing now.. I'm not sure I want to look towards what is coming.. couse I love what was so much.. but thats life, things change and you learn to enjoy it.. Alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal..

mmm yea.. thats enough of a rant.. lol.. if I keep going on this subject I'll start thinking about things and get all emotional so it safer if I end now :P.

Today has been good alhamdulilah.. I'm not exactly sure what I spent the day doing.. :/. I wasnt online most of the time, my sis wanted the computer.. I read some.. answered emails.. spent time with mom... cleaned the kitchen.. and yes I did eat!!! I had a sandwich and ice cream :D.  I gotta say that the highlight of my day was "I want to marry you because you remind me of my mom". LOL! ahh man that was funny.. me and stucko were talking about some things, including marriage, and that some how came into the convo.. it dont make sense unless you've read the whole convo though :/.

Anyways, I have some things I should do before my dad comes home etc.. I need toooo
Send an email that is business email, probably gonna put it off till tommorrow
Reply to an email I got earlier
Look up some things my mom asked me to
anddd look up some things about LBCC/OSU so I can start on college applications and stuff

hmm think thats it.. not sure..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/18/2005 06:15:00 PM #|

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short of words..

I've noticed I dont have anything to write anymore. Well its been pointed out to me. Today after posting up my last update someone told me "thats the shortest entry you have posted in a long time, apart from the front one you posted a while ago". And its true. I come to update a few times a day but just dont know what to post.. and its not just the blog, I'm short of words when it comes to everything.

I'm usually good at answering emails, doesnt take me more than a day if I'm online. 'aaliyah emailed me on friday, today is monday, and I still havnt replied. In the email she said "im a little down, answer soon and write long it makes me happy to read your emails".. Usually I'd reply right away couse I like making people feel good if I can, but I just dont know what to write.. I wrote half an email and I know I should finish it and send it but Im not sure what more to say..

Its wierd for me, couse usually I can write ALOT. Its just something I enjoy doing, and I do it alot. Maybe its because I havnt been talking to alot of people latly so I'm used to keeping things to myself more? The past couple weeks I've pretty much been talking to one or two people a day. Compair that to my normal 5-10 people a day its not much at all... I havnt been spending as much time online either... which is good, I think?

'ala kullin, I've had an aight morning. My mom cut my hair!!!!!!!! uffffff mann lol.. I've been trying to convince her for ageees and shes like "no".. I was like aight whatever I'll cut it anyways couse she wont notice.. last time she was out of town with dad and Dania spent the night, cut it and layered it and when she came back she didnt notice.. untill my sis told her.. that was not this past Ramadan but the one before.. Dania cut it again a couple weeks later when we were at someones house.. and I think I trimmed it once after that.. it was wayyy long alhamdulilah but I wanted it cut couse it was getting thin... so ya, mom agreed today and was like "I'll trim a little for you then you can have Dania or khala Taghreed cut and re-layer it for you".. I was like "ok".. she ended up cutting like five inches.. I was like WHAT DID YOU DO!!!!.. its funny how I'm always the one that wants to cut it and my mom doesnt and then when I do shes the one that likes it and Im like I want my hair back :(... but alhamdulilah its probably better, and its not like its short lol... for those of you that saw the pics from hermiston, its like that long now.. a little shorter though :/

I got the grade for my Tawheed exam from last islamic study term :$.. this is the test that I knew I messed up bad in.. dad had just came back from LA and stuff.. I got "Jayyid Jiddan" on it.. and no I wont say the % lol.. its not that good... I also got 4 more exams back from the school, these were English lit. exams.. did aight in them.. so I have another one in english lit, one in bio, and five in Geometry to get back inshaAllah..

wwohoooo I just checked the site, I got my aqeedah grade back :D.. this one is better alhamdulilah I got "mumtaaz".. I just checked khala Ghadas grades :/.. lol I got better than her in Tawheed, but she got better than me in aqeedah.. moms grades arent up :P.

I miss UmmQaylah :(.. maaannnnn waynik?? I needs to talk to you!!! Is this like a week long wedding or something? lol.. alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.

Remember all my talk about having to make some decision last week. Well, the person that was supposed to email me in order for me to make up my mind didnt :D. That means that I dont need to inshaAllah, couse well they dont want it. I'm happy about that.. I made istikhara and this is what happened so inshaAllah it is what is khair :D. Now, I need to talk to the "middle" person and tell them my choice.. inshaAllah.. <--- yes thats not supposed to make sense :P.

Anywaaaysss, is that a long enough update for you hina? Couse I'm just rambling on about the most random things that have nothing to do with each other to make this long.. ahhh btw I havnt eaten yet LOL... mannn I need to! my moms gonna kill me if I dont soon.. I had coffee though! and no I'm not turning anorexic, drinking coffee without food :P.. I'm just to lazy to go get something to eat couse then I'll have to clean the kitchen... but I will sooner or later inshaAllah..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/18/2005 10:58:00 AM #|

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hottttt

It's been reallly hot lately, yesterday was over 100... and it seems like today is going to be the same. Yesterday was aight alhamdulilah. The first half of the day was good, I just chilled out didnt do much.. the second half I pretty much spent upstairs laying on my bed trying to cope with the heat couse the air condition is downstairs! Around 8ish I came back down for a while, and then from maghrib on I was upstairs again. I didnt eat so now I'm starved.

Dads not home :S. He left at 7ish.. and I'm wondering if he went to hermiston couse he needs to take care of things there, or if he went to work... Its to early for him to work on a weekday I think.. I'm not sure.. ahh either way he'll probably be out most of the day.

Abu 'AbdulQudoos left today.. hes gonna be gone most of the week then come back Friday till saturday or sunday for a couple months. I probably should go over to UmmQoossy's and inshaAllah will but not starting from today.

ahh anyways.. mom got up.. I think I'll go take a shower to wake up, couse I'm half asleep :P.. then get something to eat. I'll update later.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/18/2005 07:58:00 AM #|

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.:Sunday, July 17, 2005:.

...

I'm tired.. reallyyy tired, so this is going to be short. I don't know why I got up at 6.. I looked at the clock and just decided to get out of bed. but alhamdulilah I did, couse yasi was on and I got a chance to talk to her. She's leaving tuesday inshaAllah :(.

It's been two days since her brothers wedding and UmmQaylah still aint on!!! ahh khair.. LOL when you end up reading this though.. remember the sari dare? well someone else aslo dared me yesterday so I tried it :D. and it WAS easy.. ya'll just complainers.. I was going to take pics but batteries were dead, next time inshaAllah.

For the most part yesterday was good, up untill hmm like 8ish. I decided to stay upstairs with mom and sis after that.. Didnt feel like taking it anymore.. Pretty much just layed down and thought/tried to sleep.. I fell asleep around 10 and got woken up at 11 by my mom couse she wanted something from me.. when dad went to bed I was able to come online for a bit, but decided to try and sleep instead of staying on to long.. Couldnt really sleep till 2ish though.. and ya as I said got up at 6. Thats more than I usually sleep so I dunnu why im so tired.

Upstairs is reallyy hot even with the windows open and stuff so I'm dressed pretty light.. when I came downstairs I was frozenn and had to find a blanket.. it wasnt untill a little bit ago that I realized the screen door was half open. I guess at fajr they let the cat out so they left the door open a bit for her.. And yes we live in such a cow town that it is safe to leave you're doors almost wide open lol..

hmm I think thats it.. I cant think of anything more to write now.. InshaAllah later if dads working.. now I wanna go lay down for a bit couse I'm tired..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/17/2005 07:19:00 AM #|

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.:Saturday, July 16, 2005:.

I'm 16!

Yesterday at the masjid somehow the discussion of who is older, me or Dina came up.. I'm older, by a couple months. But I realized I'm closer to 16 than 15 now! anddd I'm 16 in arabi months :P. And yes I'm one of the people that enjoys getting older, althought latly I've been wishing I could be a kid again :P. I remember a few weeks ago at the masjid I was talking to Nada(19) and she was like "When you're 14 you're like mann I cant wait till I'm 15 to get my permit.. then you're like mann I cant wait till I'm 16 to get my liscense.. then you're like mann I cant wait till I'm 18 to do what I want.. once you get to 18 you're like, ok what now? another year and I'm gonna be out of my teen years and I'll be considered grown.. so DONT wish to be older, trust me"  

Yesterday was really nice at the masjid alhamdulilah. As soon as I walked in I went up to khala Dalia and she was like MARYAM!!!! and then hugged me.. I love her alot.. shes awesome mashaAllah. I missed her.. I missed her daroos.. I missed her advice.. She just came back from Egypt and Libya (she from egypt grew up in UAE, husband from libya).. They wouldnt let 'Amu Awad into libya lol.. so the whole time before and after the dars she was talking about back home and how things are and how the trip whent and stuff. It was nice alhamdulilah.

There were alottttt of people at the masjid alhamdulilah, and we all just chilled out.. it was nice. I sat with khala Shayma' for a longish time talking about things.. Hung out with Dina and Tassnym. We kept going down to the cars to get things or give things to someone and got tiold off once couse all the guys were hanging out infront of the masjid.. not our fault!!! we didn't tell them to stand there.. sheesh. But alhamdulilah it was nice.. You should come to the masjid more often (talking to Hina).

When I came back I stayed downstairs with my dad for a bit, then whent upstairs and went to bed. I got 3 more biology exams back :D Alhamdulilah I got good grades on them, including a 100. :D. I only have like 10 more exams to get back before I know my final grade in HS. Alhamdulilah seems like I'm doing ok in them so me is happy.

Dad is at work today, I dont know when he is going to be home.. but I dont think he'll work full day today :(.

I've been thinking alot about this decision lately.. There is a hadith, I dont know the exact wording but the meaning is that a Mu'min doesnt fall into the same hole twice.. and that is what I feel I may be doing, well except this would be the third time :P. I think I had one leg in this whole before and alhamdulilah was able to get out of it.. and then I fell into it totally, and I'm still in... and now if I say yes I might be falling in again.. but is it possible to fall in when I'm not even out if it? Allahu 'aalam.. I'm not sure if this makes sense at all, but ya I'm not sure yet what I want to do...

chotu-meyeh @ 7/16/2005 11:15:00 AM #|

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.:Friday, July 15, 2005:.

sup?

Today has been aight alhamdulilah. I find people really strange, don't think I'll ever understand them. How can someone make you feel so bad and just like totally break you down and then turn around and be nice to you less than a day after? Sometimes I wonder if I forgive to easily.. When someone is nice to me, no matter how bad they've hurt me I cant help but be nice back.. Alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal..

I spent most of the day today just fooling around. I, well Hina, happened to stumble upon some "my spaces"(kinda like blogs) for a group of the guys here. LOL.. mannn.. some of the things I saw.. Allahul musta'an... other things were kind of funny... and yes there were some extremly disapointing things as well.. but ya.. Probably shouldnt have gone to them to start with.. but mannnn you cant blame me for being curious sah?

The person that stood me up yesterday came on today.. What they told me didnt surprise me, but it made me realize that I have to make up my mind soon.. within the next week.. Alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. I got no idea what I want.. and the three people I usually turn to for advice are either busy with a wedding, leaving for overseas, or ignoring me for Allahu 'aalam what reason.And no I will not message you again, and no I did not tell my sister what to say.. I was upstairs taking a shower and didnt read the conversation you had with her untill after it was over.

Seems like this is going to be another one of this things I do on my own.. Alhamdulilah I've done istikhara so I'm content knowing that whatever happens will be the best.. but I dont know, Im still really confused..

In general today has been good. Apart from the message yasi left up for me, I got an e-mail from Aaliyah (SF one) which was nice alhamdulilah. Things at home inshaAllah are better?at least with some people... andd inshaAllah I'm going to the masjid in a bit. Khala Dalia (imam family). She's giving dars today :D. They've been gone for how long now? three months? Alhamdulilah, it'll be nice to see her, khadija, fatima etc.

Anyways I need to eat before we leave, couse I havnt eaten yet and I'm starved..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/15/2005 05:43:00 PM #|

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Muslims in Oregon

Islam in Oregon and America -- The Facts

FACT 1
There are an estimated 6 to 10 thousand Muslims in Oregon. The Muslim community in Oregon is made up of people from a wide variety of ethnic backgrounds and national origins.

FACT 7
There are 7 mosques and Islamic centers in Oregon

taken from http://www.metpdx.org/resources/

hmm 7 masjids?

Abu Bakr in Eugene
Salman Al Farisi in Corvallis
Assaber in Portland
Bilal in Portland
Islamic Center of Portland

There used to be the Masjid in Ashland but thats pretty much shut down now.. and there is the Shia run masjid there too.. but I dont think thats what they are counting.. There is Shia masjid in Portland.. and I think a somali masjid? or was that seattle.. They are trying to get one in Salem I heard.. but ya I can only list 5 :/.

hmm I just went to IslamicFinder.. intresting results

http://www.islamicfinder.org/cityIslamicCenter.php?city=Portland&state=OR&country=usa&lang=

Aurora, Beaverton, Hillsboro, Lake Oswego, Portland, Tualatin are what I call Portland.

White city and Ashland are same thing to me.. (used to live there btw).. white city = run by shia now.. and Al-Haramain in ashland is closed down.

Klamath Falls I had forgotten about. MashaAllah they have some nice muslims there.. its south east oregon, close to ashland kind of.

Salem, like I had said they are still trying to establish a masjid there

Eugene, corvallis, exactly as I said

Milton-Freewater LOL!!!!! thats next to hermiston.. my dad lived there for a while.. and yes he met the"muslim" there.

But I think the most shocking thing for me was finding out that La Grande has a MSA! MashaAllah, we should have gotten in contact with them when we were in eastern oregon.


Now coming to the other fact, 6-10 thousand muslims? Well oregon is big... but to be honest I can't say I've seen that many... maybe before but not now.. Corvallis is in the hundreds, I'd say 500-600 not counting the really little kids.. Portland has a few thousand.. Eugene used to be packed, now its in the hundreds maybe. Ashland/white city isnt even 50... same with Salem... the ones I know from salem at least, and I'm on a salem muslims mailing list.. Klamath falls MAYBE 70-100 I'm not sure.. and as far as eastern oregon goes, it cant be much.. So I just dont see where all these thousands are coming from.. Other than Portland..

And yes I dont have anything better to do than figure out the muslim popluation of Oregon :)




 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/15/2005 11:22:00 AM #|

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...

I opened this screen to update more than an hour ago.. Dunnu how I got so sidetracked.. 'ala kullin I'm feeling really good today alhamdulilah. and it is NOT a front. The first thing I read when I got up was http://unhelwa.blogspot.com and that just made my day. Every bad/sad/angry feeling I had disapeared. Remember my post on the little things that make a big diffrence? Yea, this is one of them.

Alhamdulilah last night wasnt to great, but maybe I over reacted in the last post.. as I've seen alot worse before. Alhamdulilah though, I'm better :D.

Today is Jummuaah, and I have the day to myself. Well I have some house work I should do but in general I have the day to myself.

Anyways I'll update later, sidetracked again...


 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/15/2005 09:26:00 AM #|

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.:Thursday, July 14, 2005:.

duaa please..

Alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal... I've had one of the worst evenings that I've had in a while... things just suck.. I havnt cried this hard because of this issue (non online BTW) in the longest time.. maybe I was just using it as an excuse to let out other things.. Allahu 'aalam.. just make duaa for me please..

I wanted to write more, but I think my dads back..

 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/14/2005 11:40:00 PM #|

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dropping the front..

ok ok that front reallllllly didnt work. I dont think anyone really bought it.. even my mom and sis saw through it.. so I guess I should just drop it. Alhamdulilah I am feeling better today but definatlly not to that degree lol..

Yesterday evening Zaineb made me go out with the girls. She made serious threats to me if I didnt go lol. Said I needed to get out of the house and that I needed to be with people.. right, ofcourse. 'ala kullin we went to Highland which was aight. It was me, tassnym, dina, my sis, and some khalas. We mostly sat and talked.. me and dina raced a couple times which was fun. I kept beating her so the last time she pulls me by my abayah, the whole thing almost came off.. the khalas were like AYB!!! so ya, that was fun I guess.. When we came home my dad was home and I was scared couse we kinda didnt ask him to go, but he didnt give.. I read a little then whent to sleep.

I got up today and came online for a bit.. dad got up at like 9 couse my sis was making to much noise and that annoyed me couse well he had today off and I woulda rather he stayed asleep for awhile more. When he came downstairs I was like aight let me suck up my pride and try to make things better.. so I came down and said salaams.. and go "baba do u want me to make you coffee? breakfast? anything? " and hes like "no, nothing". I seriously dont know whats up with him. Hes been in this type of mood for a few days, no one can really talk to him.. moms like hes up to something again.. ahh khair inshaAllah..

Dad left atl like 11, came back at 2 left five mins later, and hasnt been home since.. I've been going on and offline.. with nothing to do.. talked to hina a little this morning and zaineb, other than that I've been ignoring every message I get.. Someone promised me they would come on today, but they didnt and I'm mad.. but I guess its better couse it gives me more time to think about things before making a decision.

Sakina's brothers wedding is tommorrow, and yasmeena is leaving either tommorrow or after :(. I know it sounds wierd, but even though its not like me and her chilled out every day or something just knowing we lived kind of close was comforting.. I dont want her halfway accross the world :(. I love you yasmeena!!!!!! May Allah swt protect you and keep you safe and happy wherever you may be.. aameen.

This summer is wierd... Its not that it is BAD its just wierd. It seems everything is changing someway or another.. everything I knew and was used to is changing.. some of the changes seem nice, but others hurt... sometimes I wish things can go back to how they were a year or so ago..

'ala kullin, I might be heading out with the girls again in a bit, and I want to write another post so I'll end this one.. if I end up not going I might add more to this blog.. if not then tommorrow inshaAllah..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/14/2005 06:50:00 PM #|

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ah..

yes yes, today is a wonderful day. Whent out with the girls last night. 'tis sunny and warm today. And I feel fantastic (Y). and yes this is my post for today :)

p.s. If I am on away on msn, I'm probably there. And if I'm not on away and I still dont respond, dont feel bad.. I'm doing it to everyone. :)


chotu-meyeh @ 7/14/2005 08:55:00 AM #|

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.:Wednesday, July 13, 2005:.

alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.

I've had a bad day, alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. you know the kind of day that starts off bad and is bad throughout? yea.. thats how its been.

I got up this morning at like 7 and came downstairs to find the computer off, thats my dads way of saying "no one use the computer". I'm not supposed to have the password to it, but I do. So I came on anyways. I heard him get up an hour and some later so I turned it back off and went to bed. I waited for him to leave before getting up again couse like I said he's not in the best of moods lately... when I did get up again I was greeted with the news about Shaykh Ali al-timimi.. so that ruined my morning.

Since then I've just been wasting time.. doing nothing in particular.. talking some.. reading some.. thinking alot.

I hate when you put things in your past, forget about them and move on, only to be reminded of them later on. SubhanAllah I can barely cope with the emotions and feelings I'm having now, I dont need to be reminded of other things, and have them brought back... not to mention the confusion it causes, couse I really dont know what I want anymore.. things suck.. Yasmeena says to ignore it and not get involved.. others tell me to go for it.. uff

I got pranked twice in a row today.. that ticked me offf.. couse I hate getting hung up on.. and my luck I was the one that answered both times. The first time it was blocked number and the second time there was a number.. The person I thought it was swore by Allah it wasnt them.. so now im just like that is 'ajeeb.

My dads supposedly at work.. who knows where he is actually.. I really dont care right now, as long as he aint home.. I dont think I can handle getting yelled at again today.. I'm in such a down mood subhanAllah. I think I'll just go sleep till tommorrow, that is seriously the kind of mood I am in. I dont want to talk to anyone at all.. I dont want to put up with anything more.. I hungry but my mom is in the kitchen, so I dont feel like going there couse I dont feel like being around anyone. :(

Im back into confused state.. I thought I was over that, but now its back. I thought I had cleared my mind about everything and had gotten to an understanding with myself that everything that happens is by the will of Allah swt and there is no point worrying about it. Even before this situation today came up I've been feeling confused and stuff.. I wrote out a long post this morning for another blog but didn't feel like posting it, since I'm not so sure its true. what came up later in the day added another dimension to how I've been feeling..

Why do girls have to be so damm emotional? lol subhanAllah all this happening at the time when I'm supposed to be most emotional.. maybe thats why I'm making things out to be bigger than they really are..

ahh khair inshaAllah... alls well that ends well.. watch by tommorrow I'll be in one of my super good moods..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/13/2005 05:05:00 PM #|

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GREAT!!!!!!

Ok, so when I think I cant get any more confused and have anything more to think about it happens! Where are the people I need to talk to when I need to talk to them??? alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.

ya Allah.. why when you have forgotten something, does it have to come up again. I seriously do not know what choice to make in this situation.. I want to say no, I want to say yes.. my reasons for both are diffrent and well I'm confused..

yasmeeeena, ummm qaaylaaaaah, waynkum? lol.. man.. maybe I should act on my own like I did last time... it seems to work out better that way anyways.. but shuraa aint bad either.. 'ala kullin I'll be busy in thought for the next while.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/13/2005 02:00:00 PM #|

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inna lillahi wa inna 'ilayhi raj'oon...

In general I don't talk about politics on here, or at all for the matter. I keep my thoughts and opinions to myself, except for the rare discusions I have with some people sometimes. But today I seriously couldnt help but post about this.

"Al-Timini was convicted Tuesday April 26, 2005, of exhorting his followers in the days after Sept. 11, 2001, to join the Taliban and fight U.S. troops. Al-Timimi was sentenced to life in prison by a federal judge Wednesday, July 13, 2005."

Life?? Life for supposedly saying something? subhanAllahil adheem. This is one of the first things I read this morning when I came online, and it just ruined my mood.. inna lilahi wa inna 'ilayhi raj'oon..

Allahuma fuk qayd asrana wa asra al muslameen..aameen.

 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/13/2005 01:47:00 PM #|

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people..

I dont understand people! I honestly dont think I ever will either.. wallahul mustaa'an.


 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/13/2005 07:47:00 AM #|

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.:Tuesday, July 12, 2005:.

bored!

I am bored! I have nothing to do and no one to talk to!! I already did any housework that needs to be done, and my dads probably going out with my brother so I didnt bother cooking. And ya, I have nothing to do.. probably should go read but I'm lazy.. ahh inshaAllah I will after this post.

So lets see, I pretty much spent my day being bored and getting ignored by everyone! I did go to the masjid alhamdulilah and that was nice. Although I've become somewhat anti-social lately I must not let myself not go to the masjid, alhamdulilah it brightens my day. As much as I would like to think that I would rather stay home and sleep or go online, in reality it is best for me to go.

Abaa 'AbdilQudoos is leaving this weekend. My mom has agreed to let me go, but I have not brought it up with my dad as of yet. Myself, I am not sure if I want to spend the WHOLE time with Umm 'AbdilQudoos but inshaAllah I do plan on spending at least part of the time with her. Alhamdulilah we get along well and we enjoy each others company.

With more and more talk and action towards us moving I have been thinking about this alot, and have been trying to weigh the pros and cons of each possible place. Every one of them seems to have similar pros and cons. The cons mainly being; away from the place and way of life I know, being lonly and the such. The main pros I see are; getting out of this country, being around muslims, having a greater opertuinty to further study in the direction I enjoy and long for the most etc.

As of now nothing seems final, and there seems to be to many ways that my parents are looking into. Even with this, it is hard not to think about it since it would be a great change in my life were it to take place. Allahu 'aalam where the khair lies, and what is ahead, but inshaAllah I feel that whatever change is coming will be for the best. InshaAllah if we end up in Jeddah my mom said I can apply to UAQ.. chances of getting accepted are slim to non though...

I've come to a realization about some other things that I may or may not post about on this or one of my other like 10 blogs (lol). Alhamdulilah I feel good about things in general. I feel alot more clear on things, and I'm happy. Even the "depressed" moods I've been getting into recently have been diffrent than other times. wa lillahil hamd.

'ala kullin, I probably should get off now before my dad comes home, if he is coming now :S. Allahu 'aalam, but I think he has the next couple days off, so I may not be online much...not that it makes a diffrence to anyone really.. ya'll to busy !! :(.

chotu-meyeh @ 7/12/2005 06:46:00 PM #|

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the small things..

Its amazing to see how the small things you do without really thinking about can have a great impact on someone else, and make them happy. Its reallllly nice when you do something without even thinking about it and then see that it makes someones day. Alhamdulilah I've had a couple of these experiances in the past few days, and they made me smile.

Alot of times it is the small things that make you the happiest. Just getting a nice word from someone or recognition for something can brighten your day. Alot of times things that people do naturally without actually meaning to be "sweet" are the things you appreciate the most. The opposite is also true, alot of times we can feel hurt by others for the smallest of things.. things they might not even notice they are doing or that doing it could bother you.

Alot of times someone may ask something really simple of me, and its like "why bother, if I dont do it its not going to make a diffrence".. but the other day I realized it does. An example of this is my mom asking me to come sit with her for a while, usually I'll be like "ok mama, I'm coming" but not really go. She'll get busy with something and I'll forget about it soon after. This time she added "it'll make me happy if you do" at the end. I figured that I'm not really doing anything, and even if I am my mom has more rights on me than myself, so I made coffee and went and sat with her. The smile on her face was priceless.

Seeing the past few days that I could bring a smile to my mom and others faces almost effortlessly (is that a word?) reminded me of the hadith of the prophet SAWS "Laa tahtakirana min al ma'roofi shay'a, do not look down on any act of goodness". Just because something seems small to us, doesnt mean that it dont mean the world to someone else...

chotu-meyeh @ 7/12/2005 06:22:00 PM #|

(2) comments

:)

:)

I feel good today, why? I dont know. But alhamdulilah. Whoever said that girls were 90% emotion spoke the truth. Its amazing how moody we can get over almost nothing. And just as quickly we feel better. Although this time I realized I might have a reason to be "extra emotional", its still amazing how diffrent of a mood I am in. Alhamdulilah though

Yesterday I took out my frustration in cleaning and cooking as usual. Even though I was sorta upset with my mom I cleaned the whole house, figured it would relieve stress and it would make her happy.. then cooked dinner.. that wasnt enough of stress reliver so I made sweets :/.

I also had a really nice talk with zainab. I really missed that girl.. shes one of those people that opens their heart to you and gives you all their time. A really sincere and sweet person mashaAllah. Yesterday I ended up pouring out alot to her.. alot of my life that she missed the passed couple months.. In return she told me stories about the things she did back home and gave me some advice.. actually the advice was part of a letter her 19yr old uncle wrote her when they were leaving.. while she was there her and him got really close and she confided in him with everything.. The part she typed for me wasnt something I hadnt heard before, but sometimes we need to get reminded of things.

So far today has gone pretty well. I had the chance to speak to yasi this morning after fajr.. stayed on for class.. then went to sleep for an hour or so till my dad left for work couse hes in one of those moods where he yells of everything and anything.. got up.. came online, talking to hina.. checked my emails..and now blogging. I have dars at 12, but I'm not sure if I want to go or not... and ya, not much planned really.

the stalker I thought stopped visiting my blog is back :P. I also have one in Oman.. 'ajeeb..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/12/2005 10:41:00 AM #|

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.:Monday, July 11, 2005:.

update

soo hmm, lets see.. I really dont know what to update with.. and I dont really want to update.. I'm pretty much just doing it couse I have nothing better to do.. and I dont know, I just am.

Yesterday was a sorta sucky day.. but wasnt too bad. When my dad came home he told us that he had already made plans with khala Aisha's husband to spend the day with them.. that meant my plans to sleep were gone.. so after praying dhuhr we went blueberry picking lol.. it was aight I guess.. but I would have rather stayed home.. after that we come home to get food ready to have dinner at Avery park.. My sister went over to khala Aishas to help her, and I stayed at home.. my mom didnt need help so I went upstairs and layed down.. About an hour later I hear my parents from downstairs "MARYAM, MARYAM" im like no I'm not getting up.. finally I realize I'll get in trouble so its best if I do..

When I got up my mom was like "make salaad" so I did, and then we left. Ever since I got up then my back has been hurting me whenver I lay down. When I got up I couldnt even turn my head from how bad it was hurting, it got better alhamdulilah.. but now everytime I lay down and get up it hurts... 'ala kullin, it was ok at the park.. didnt do much.. just ate and stuff.. and then came home.. when we got home I took shower and went to sleep again... woke up for maghirb, sat with everyone for a while.. whent back to sleep and then got up at 2am to pray ishaa' and stuff...

I didnt exactly sleep after that, but I layed in bed all drowsy, and tried to think.. After fajr I went back to sleep for an hour and then got up for class.. half payed attention to that, since I was talking to yassssmeeenaaaa.. Alhamdulilah at least that part of my day was enjoyable. Towards the end of class my dad gets up and I have to go get him breakfast before he left to work.. when he left I came back online for a bit and then got off so my sis could use it.. And then we got into a big fight, and my mom got really mad etc.. it wasnt one of our bigger fights but my mom made a huge deal out of it.. anyways, I went to sleep again at like 11 and got up half hour or so ago..

Thats it really.. nothing special.. ZAINEB is back which is nice alhamdulilah.. and I got one of my bio exams back, and it had a 97 on it so that was good alhamdulilah..

Something is up with me these days, and Im not sure what. I dont think its depression, couse I know how that feels.. and alhamdulilah I'm not depressed.. on the contrary I feel pretty good.. But I've been thinking wayy to much, so maybe I'm exhausting myself in thought? lol Allahu 'aalam. InshaAllah khair though.. probably just one of those phases I go through every now and then..

Looks like I have a new stalker LOL.. this one is in Texas.. one of my stalkers disapeared :O.. but the ones in Oman, Tokyo, and New York remain... people are wierd..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/11/2005 01:37:00 PM #|

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no desire

I have absolutly no desire to use the net or update. I cant explain why.. its been like this since yesterday.. I dont know why.. I just dont feel like using the net.. ya'ani even though there were alot of times that I could have used it in the past day and some I've only used it for like 3 hours and it was mostly for class.. I even skipped my second class today.. and its not that I dont want to use it, I do.. I just dont act on that want.. I've been sleeping 24/7 maybe thats why... I'll try to update later..


 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/11/2005 12:56:00 PM #|

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.:Sunday, July 10, 2005:.

I want to go there...

The past few days I've gone back to watching salaahs from the haraamain. I usually can catch fajr, maghrib, and isha. Fajr and Isha are from makkah and Maghrib is from Madinah.. and every time I watch it I cant help but wish to get the chance to go.. the whole time I'm just like "ya rub I get to go soon.."

I got tricked really bad today.. lol I guess its a payback for the my prank calls yesterday. Someone had added me a while back and I didnt know who, but I added them anyway. So today they sign on and I'm like "who are you?" and they say that they have heard alot about me from a friend and call me a nickname that only one person calls me.. so I go "you know haneefah dont you?" and shes like ya.. and asks me when im going to get married and all this stuff.. I'm going this person is on crack or something couse they were acting so wierd.. then when I thought it couldnt get any worse she asks me if I'd marry her DAD. I was like "are you ok??" and she starts justifying it and saying how khalaas its a done deal and shes going to go tell her dad and he'll be so happy and stuff.. and I'm like wow this is wack.. lol it turned out to be haneefah :/

Dads gonna be home from like 12 on today.. I told my mom I'm going to sleep the rest of the day :D. She was like "lucky you".. Anyways got class in a bit..




 

 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/10/2005 11:01:00 AM #|

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lazzy

I was talking with someone yesterday and I realized how lazy I have gotten. I remember how last year and the year before I'd always go to cheldlin run track/play ball etc.. and at home I'd exercise either before I whent to bed or when I got up. Like not a little, but alot.. I havnt done that in the longgest time. I probably should start again couse its better for me, but man I am lazy.

Its not that I cant, its that I dont want to... its boring going to cheldlin alone.. Last time I went to Highland and was able to run sprints etc and it was fun, but thats couse khala Ghada was doing some of them with me.. Its also harder couse of asthma now, I have to take inhaler and I hate taking it.. But I got no excuse to not do the ones at home! InshaAllah I'll start again.. I have an idea of how to get motivated, we'll see how well it works..


 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/10/2005 08:16:00 AM #|

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.:Saturday, July 09, 2005:.

my + day

Today was well intresting to say the least. I didnt get to sleep, since my dad ended up getting up and wanting me to get breakfast ready before he left for work.. and then I had second class so I had to stay up.. My mom needed to go shopping and then drop some things off at Umm AbdulQudoos's but I didnt feel like going so I stayed.. ofcourse she gave me a niceee long list of chores to do..

The time I spent at home alone was good in a way. The first half of the time I was really really hyper and in a sort of crazy mood. I pretty much spent it finishing the chores my mom asked me to do, talking to people, and prank calling others :/. Yes I know that is mean, but hey I was bored. The second half of the time I did something I've been wanting to do for a while but have been trying not to do. I got my Cd's and went through them...

This was bittersweet to be honest. There were alottt of good memories, and it brought alot of smiles to my face.. but at the same time I had tears in my eyes one to many times. I've been wanting to go through them for a while.. but I keep telling myself nah, not now etc.. today I was like whatever Im bored.. UmmQaylah I found the book.. lol... man... alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.

One thing I really hate is having doubts about someone. It just ticks me off couse I know its coming from shaytaan to try and cause a furqaa. But sometimes its so hard to not think about them. Everytime you get over the thoughts, something happens or you realize something that brings it back..

I realized I give pretty good advice! Today I was giving someone some, my "daily lecture" to them as they like to call it. After I typed for a while, I just stopped and re read it.. I was like mashaAllah now if only I could comprehend this and follow it.. Alot of times its easy to look at what other people are going through and "help them" with advice or whatever, but its almost impossible to do the same when it comes to your issues. Alot of what I told her today could fit very well to what I've been feeling/going through, but I could have never thought of or realized the things I said were it for myself. If that makes any sense.. in short its easy to advise others, impossible to advise yourself.

'ala kullin, its asir.. I probably should get offline.. get ready for salaah, pray, help mama, change!!! lol this morning I washed my face, brushed my teeth, made wadoo, brushed my hair etc but didnt bother changing, so ya I'm still in pajama's. I guess it has to do with the fact that I've been wanting to go back to bed the whole day but havn't gotten around to it. And its been one of those really slow days as well. So yes, if I dont want to hear a lecture from my baba I besta get my act together before he comes home.. hmm I still have an hour and some left though..

chotu-meyeh @ 7/09/2005 05:42:00 PM #|

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Al kalam al masri

There is nothing that annoys me as much as a thick eygptian accent. Seriously I can not stand it. lol there are some words in masri that just bug me so much. And the thing is that most of these are common phrases, so being masriyah even my parents say it sometimes.. and ofcourse my family etc so I hear it alot.. from the ones that really bug me

'Ayiz eh = what do you want
 
'a'uoodi hinna = sit here

ba'oolik eh = I'll tell you what
 
'izzayik = how are you

gameelah awy awy = very very nice
 
ha'ik 'alayah = ermm something like its my fault. your right etc
 
wala haga = nothing

a'uoodi gembi = sit next to me
 
ya geda' = dont even know how to translate that..
kidda = used in many ways.. stirr it kidda would mean stir it like this.. etc.. usually means "like this"
 
ya gameel = ya = o. gameel = beautiful

awy awy = alot alot, very very.. anything with this annoys me
 
and its not only the words its the tone of voice.. lol.. anyways for reals imma go sleep now.. I got busy talking to hina and then my COUSIN (thats where this rant came from).. but now 'tis sleep time.

 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/09/2005 09:23:00 AM #|

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arabi cartoons

I was bored after fajr waiting for the lecture to start, since I calculated times wrong I had an extra hour. Anyways, so I went to one of the arabi satellite channel sites and turned it on. Usually this one has something somewhat intresting and you know useful on.. this time it had arabi cartoons on. My sister was downstairs and heard it so she comes and is like "omg you have to keep it on", having nothing better to do I did.

Its seriously so stupid how they try to copy EVERYTHING almost exactly like they have it in the west. The first show was a cartoon, some cat that gets lost in the wild and is scared of everything. A wolf tries to catch her so she climbs a tree, the wolfe makes a deal with a snake to split the prey if she'll nock the cat from the tree. The snake agrees and chases the cat in the tree, they both fall ontop of the wolf.. the cat manages to escape and the snake and wolf start fighting over who ate the cat! and then somehow the cat makes it home. exciting eh?

The next show was the more stupid of the two, at this point I left the computer and layed down to rest from how annoying it got... sis continued to watch.. It was some little kids game show or something. The host was a 10-12 year old girl that seriously lacks adab. She would go to an "island" and on that island would be a certain game and the people watching would call in and play. The first game was practicly "pick a number from one to nine (each number stood for a box) and if you pick the "box" that is the winning box you win. So you have all these elemantary school kids calling in going "waaahid" "khamsa" "mumkin 'ashreen??" and shes sitting there starting conversations with them.. "ahhh do you do good in school? "what are you doing this summer?" "do you help your mom" "where are you from *they answer* aahh ahlan wa sahlan beek, ahlan le ahl al *insert country/city*". The next game was almost as stupid, she'd ask patheticly easy questions with a one word answer and the letters would be showing on the screen so all they had to do is put the letters together.. and the third was just as pointless, ask easy questions and give three options for the answer.
 
This has taught me a good lesson though; never ever turn on any arabic or english channel unless I know what is on and that its worth watching.
 
so ya, class just finished a little bit ago.. Im so tired, barly can keep my eyes open. inshaAllah I'll rest till next class. Dad works from like 11-5 or 7 (not sure) today, so again I'll have a pretty free day. Might need to drop something off at ummQoossy's later though.
 
You know what really bugs me, this is totally random but oh well. When someone asks a complicated/difficult/uncommon question at the masjid and some people turn into an 'allamah. its like no one here knows, so dont try to answer even, couse wallah its not something small to give a ruling on something. And then when someone tries to give a diffrent opinion or even say "inshaAllah lets ask first, since its a difficult question" and they'll be like "what are you talking about, its clear as can be.. anyone that understands such and such can easily see such and such". I mean, other than the fact you could and most likely are saying something that is wrong, look at the other mafaasid.. you cause disunity, you confuse people, if there is non muslims there you give them the impression that Islam isnt clear and its people dont have adab etc. ahh and its more sad when its good people that fall into it, I guess they just have some pride issues.. nas'al Allahul 'aafeeyah.
 
 
So yes, that is my rant for today. and yes it has something to do with something that happened at the masjid yesterday.. May Allah swt forgive us all..
 
 



 
 

chotu-meyeh @ 7/09/2005 08:59:00 AM #|

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.:Du'aa:.

O Allah let me live in this dunya only as long as it is good for my aakhirah.. aameen

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He Who Has No One Has Allah!

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