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.:Wednesday, November 16, 2005:.
100 questions..
I said 40 mins to kill.. well now 30.. so here I am about to do just that :P.. I'll answer as many as I can before 7.. and maybe finish the rest later.. some of the q's are sooo lame.. and not all my answers are serious.. I'm also running on no food and no sleep so gimmii a break..
100 questions to ask a prospective husband/wife.
1) What is your concept of marriage?
commitment, sacrafice, patience(lots of it), compromise.. Alot of people put too much emphasis on the "love" part of marriage.. I agree its a great part but its not all of what its about.
2) Have you been married before?
Nope.
3) Are you married now?
LOL NO?
4) What are you expectations of marriage?
I know its not always going to be a bed of roses but I want to do my best so that it is. There will be hard times, good times, bad times, easy times.. and I understand that.. InshaAllah if both people try their best to fulfill the rights of the other then inshaAllah things will work well..
5) What are your goals in life? (Long and short term)
Please my parents.. Raise my children(inshaAllah) on the deen.. be best wife I can be.. do good in school till whenever I finish(or quit :P).. and most of all strive for the aakhira..
6) Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Pass my math class!!!!!! Finish my hifdh(inshaAllah ya rub).. and what I want to do in the really near future is go to sleep!
7) Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
dude..scroll up and look at question 5..
8) Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
I aint chosen no one yet innit :P. But I guess I could turn this into a "What am I looking in a spouse" question.. Someone thats on the deen.. thats their main focus in their life.. thats #1.. everything else comes after.. oh, they cant be more than 10 years older than me :S..
9) What is the role of religion in your life now?
Life is centered around it...
10) Are you a spiritual person?
Depends on your definition of "spiritual".. am I soofi spiritual, no way.. but other definitions then ya possibly..
11) What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
husband protector of the family.. wife protector of the house.. etc..
12) What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
To put the deen before everything else.
13) What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in
your area?
Thats like the only relationships I have.. its tight alhamdulillah.
14) Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
Yea. all masjid activities.. and almaghrib.. specificly seattle qabeelah..
15) What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
It'll take alot of sabr to live with me so that will increase them in ajir?
16) What is the role of the husband?
Provider, protector, and teacher of family..
17) What is the role of the wife?
Cook, laundry person etc.. all boring stuff :P. joke.
ermm.. support for husband.. mother of the children.. you know.. keeps the house running.. (to tired to put it correctly)
18) Do you want to practice polygamy?
LOL. I guess up to husband.. I'd be maaaad jelous.. but its his right.. so alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.
19) What is your relationship with your family?
Its good alhamdulillah.. both with my immediate and extended.
20) What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to
be?
His family is my family.. InshaAllah thats how I plan on treating them, and inshaAllah how they'll treat me.
21) What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Same as mine with his..
22) Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
I live with my parents and sister.
23) Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the
future?
Allahu 'aalam.
24) If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what
should be done?
na'oodhu billahi min dhaalik.. but if it were to happen then I'd respect him not having contact with them.. but I wouldnt break contact with them.
25) Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
What good will this do? It's just names..
26) How did you get to know them?
ermm.. some at masjid.. some family.. some internet
27) Why are they your friends?
couse they're awesome.. I can trust them.. be myself with them..
28) What do you like most about them?
honesty..
29) What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
same as now..
30) Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
LOL, are you kidding?
31) What is the level of your relationship with them now?
You expect me to answer this?
32) What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
I'd like to go out with them every weekend.. that cool with you? *rolls eyes*..
33) What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your
friends?
NON! he not supposed to talk to girls.. tsk tsk
34) What are the things that you do in your free time?
Go online.. sleep.. read.. sew.. cook!!!!.. listen to things.. hang out with mom... run/exercise
35) Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
I'm so used to guests.. and ya I like them alhamdulillah.
36) What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the
house?
Leave the house or sit in a different room :P. No way he gonna sit with us!
37) What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not
understand? (with friends or family)
If it dont bother you then I will.. if I does then I'd respect that and not.. except the only other language I know good is arabi and I plan on teaching that to my kids.. so I guess I'd speak it at home :/
38) Do you travel?
Sometimes..
39) How do you spend your vacations?
Vacation? Whats that?
40) How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
however way he wants.. as long as its with me :P
41) Do you read?
Yes
42) What do you read?
mostly islamic books.. and textbooks.. I stopped most fiction a long time ago
43) After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic
feelings verbally?
LOL. I am so not posting my answer to this on blog.
44) After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in
public?
depends whats meant by that..
45) How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
I dont know..
46) How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for
you?
Thank them.. and treat them well.. and try to return the favor..
47) Do you like to write your feelings?
Yep, all the time.. but no one gets to see it :P
48) If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
Depends who it is that I've wronged.. if its my mom I'll do things for her.. tell her I'm sorry.. give her a hug... and bug her till she forgives me... if its a friend I appolgize and try not to wrong them again.. etc..
49) If someone has wronged you, how do you want him/her to apologize to you?
Whatever way they feel most comftrable with.. as long as its sincere
50) How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
Usually right away..
51) How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Think them through.. and make istikhara
52) Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
in general the worst I use is.. "flip".. "idiot".. "stupid".. "jerk".. "majnoonah".. etc
53) Do your friends use foul language?
LOL SOME!
54) Does your family use foul language?
Nah..
55) How do you express anger?
I dont.. I usually keep it inside..
56) How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
The way they usually do?
57) What do you do when you are angry?
read quran.. go to my room and lay down..
58) When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
if there is difference that cant be reconciled without it.. but in general I dislike other ppl getting in the middle of spouses.
59) When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how
should the conflict get resolved?
resolve it through the deen..
60) Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
mental = mind games.. verbal = foul language.. name calling.. and irrational harshness.. physical = anything that leaves a mark..
61) What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
:/ cry?.. wait till he cools down and talk it over..
62) Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Allahu 'aalam..
63) Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
I have asthma that goes and comes.. but i dont think thats chronic is it?
64) Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
ya..
65) What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
Eat well.. sleep well.. excersise and stay in shape? lol.. I dunnu..
66) How do you support your own health and nutrition?
Eat good(usually).. work out at home.. and go running when I can..
67) What is you definition of wealth?
That on yowm al Qiyaama you got enough good deeds to enter jannah inshaAllah.
68) How do you spend money?
Barly spend it on myself.. I splurge when I buy things for ppl though..
69) How do you save money?
In my room.
70) How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Disisions will be mutual..
71) Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to
eliminate them?
Nope, no debts walhamdulillah..
72) Do you use credit cards?
My moms bank card :P
73) Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
NO
74) What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
:/
75) What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
:/
76) Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If its needed.. and he wants me too.. then ya.. but only in a halal inviorment.. such as from home.. islamic school etc..
77) If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Mutually..
78) Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
lol.. I dont work.. but sorta
79) Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
no one..
80) Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
maids are a big no no.. babysitters are hmm I dunnu maybe.. if it was needed I'd rather it be my mom/mother in law.. etc
81) Do you want to have children? If not, why?
YES YES YES
82) To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Yes
83) Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not,
when?
Whenever Allah swt grants me them.. and no I soo dont wanna use contraseptivs
84) Do you believe in abortion?
NO
85) Do you have children now?
no
86) What is your relationship with your children now?
got non..
87) What is your relationship with their other parent?
bleh
88) What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children
and their parent?
bleh
89) What is the best method(s) of raising children?
on the deen.. rais them to be the best muslims.. and leaders they can be..
90) What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
a balance between harshness and understanding.
91) How were you raised?
man.. I can write an essay on this..
92) How were you disciplined?
same answer as above..
93) Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
sorta.. it depends on the circumstance
94) Do you believe in public school for your children?
Yes and no. I think they have a benifit if they child has strong values instilled in them already.. but they do alot of harm as well..
95) Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
ya..
96) Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
totally..
97) What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim
classmates/friends?
they aint friends.. they're aquiantences..
98) Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they
lived in another state or country?
yes
99) What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all
their grandparents?
strong one
100) If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of
different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have
with them?
My step bros.. ya.. I still want one
I answered last few q's really fast couse dads on his way.. but ya..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/16/2005 07:12:00 PM
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done, walhamdulillah
The exam took me 50 minutes.. I soo coulda done it before iftar.. but alhamdulillah.. I'm glad I listened to mom and made her happy.. The test wasnt too hard.. easier than the other ones.. so alhamdulillah..
I called my dad and he told me "I cant come now, I get off work at 7 tonight call me then".. I didnt feel like asking him about walking anywhere couse I know he'd never agree since its past maghrib.. and hes probably right about that.. so I'm stuck here for another hour.. how wonderful.. My mom told me to study.. maybe I'll go mathlab when it opens again at 6:30.. but for now I'll chill here..
You know whats annoying? When random people will come up to you and start getting into your business.. this kuwaiti girl(know by the accent) comes up to me while I'm studying before the test.. and she dont wear hijab or anything.. never seen her before.. so I didnt even know shes muslim(think shes shia) anyways.. she comes up to me and is like "assalaamu 'alaikum".. I answer and I'm trying to be nice and all.. but man was she so annoying.. but u know.. in a way it was sorta cool.. couse usually those types wont even answer your salaams if u give it first.. so ya, whatever..
aight.. I got 40 more mins to kill..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/16/2005 06:24:00 PM
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*yawns*
coffee is so awesome after 24hours without sleep.. sad how they rip u off here.. I bought coffee and chocolate.. now I need to find a place to pray.. then go take my exam.. duaa's plz..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/16/2005 05:01:00 PM
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test :(
I just got to the uni about half hour ago.. I had to pick up a graded test and ask a few q's at the mathlab.. which like totally sucked couse my test wasnt back yet and I need it to review for the test tommorrow! I'm about to go in and take todays exam and man I so dont feel like it..
Maghrib is in less than an hour and I know I wont be done by then.. I brought something to eat with me but I wont have my bag with me during the test.. my mom told me to study untill maghrib then take the test.. but I dont want to do that couse its a waste of time andd after maghrib I have to find a place to pray and all.. I just hope I finish fast, its easy, and when I'm done my dad isnt busy and can take me home.. and if he cant inshaAllah he agrees to let me walk to the masjid (10 blocks) or UmmAQ's(26 blocks).. inshaAllah I didnt forget my masjid keys :/
yaa my sis is on! InshaAllah mom will let me take test now :/.. although coffee before the test would be awesome..
ha! she told me no :(. khair.. that means I'll be here for a few hours.. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal..
anyways.. I guess I'll try study some.. wouldnt be surprised if I get bored and come on again though..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/16/2005 04:03:00 PM
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horrible night!
Tonight has sucked so bad, walhamdulillah.
I guess I should start with maghrib time.. AbdurRahmans mom called and was like "I'm not feeling good can I bring him over?"..ofcourse we said ok and hes been over since. Also around that time, while my mom was praying, UmmAQ calls and goes "have your mom call me as soon as shes done, its important!".. I made a joke about how things that are soo not important are always important for her, thinking she wanted to talk to my mom about us coming over today since she had invited me online already..
anyways.. when my mom finished salaah and called back I was praying.. and I keep hearing her go "subhanAllah" and asking if hes ok.. UmmAQ has ALOT of bookshelfs at her house and my mom always tells her its dangerous with a toddler.. couse some of them are like those three/four shelf ones.. so AQ was playing and pulled one of the bookshelfs trying to get a book from it and the whole thing like fell on him.. his cheek got cut open and he was out of it..
I can't put in words how much that ruined my night for me.. I dont think I could love that kid more if he was my own lil brother or son..and knowing that his mom had no one with her wasnt easy either.. she was cryinggg and in horrible state.. the funny thing is mom was disturbed by this as much as me.. and she has this problem when she gets like that she sorta forgets all her medical history.. well not all but certain things.. she told UmmAQ how to close the wound and alhamdulillah she did that.. but she also told her to breastfeed him..and that put the kid to sleep.. and when I pointed out thats the most stupid thing to do to him right now she was scared if she told her to wake him up it would scare her and shes alone etc. but alhamdulillah after like half hour she did and the kid started to slowly go back to normal.. I talked to him on phone and he was mad confused.. but alhamdulillah..
As far as the kid at my house.. hes a bundle of trouble.. I havnt slept for one minute tonight.. he keeps yapping away.. and now hes like "I want to go home.. go wake up 'amu Ibrahim to take me". Thats the last thing my dad would want now. My sister couldnt stand him and woke up my mom.. when mom came to our room I was like "1. it woulda been sooooo much better if I went to UmmAQ.. 2. can I please go downstairs?". She was like "yes, can I please have your bed?". I'm stuck down here till fajr and no ones on :).
I wanted to go to UmmAQ soo bad and she wanted me soo bad but was to shy to ask since I have tests and the last few times I had tests I was busy with her so she feels guilty. My mom agreed for me to go but there was no ride.. and I was shy to ask from my dad since he came back late from work couse he had meetings etc. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.. I got no sleep and no studying in tonight.. thats really gonna help tommorrow! khair inshaAllah
I want someone come online :(.. this is soo boring..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/16/2005 03:41:00 AM
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.:Monday, November 14, 2005:.
Forgive me..
Please forgive me if:
I dont send emails that I promised to send
I'm not on at times I promise to be on at
I ignore you or seem to ignore you while talking
I sound extremly blond while talking and make ridiculous communication mistakes
I sound mean or rude while talking
I don't take enough time out for you
this week... especially Wendsday and Thursday.
Its already almost the end of monday and I've done NON of my work. I've spent most of the day trying to understand the concepts in my two math lessons.. and have only now grasped them..
I stayed up till 2:30 last night with yasi. I wanted to stay up more but my sis was awake and wouldn't of gone to bed if I hadn't. It was a very fun night though.. we were just crazy man.. we were watching TV together (through her webcam :P).. convinced islaami to call a 1800 number (and no I wont mention what it was for !).. and just had an awesome time.. it ended with a phone call at 3am that was just awesome(not being sarcastic). I was in bed at the time, waiting for my sis to fall asleep so I could go back down, and as soon as I heard the phone I wanted to run down and get it.. but didnt.. and good thing too.. my dad got up and checked the phone, wasted some time, then went to sleep.. I was too scared to go back down :(.
So yes, thats my excuse for putting off work last night :P. I cant study at home man.. unless my sis is VERY busy with something.. if shes not its just not calm enough.. watch my mom make me go to the college tommorrow. I hate going :(. I dont want to go.. khair anyways
I'm sorta, kinda, very annoyed with people and their styreotpyes. For example, the other night I'm talking to one of my friends in portland that I havnt spoken to in a while.. so we were talking.. catching up on news and stuff.. and then I showed her some pics and she goes "you were niqaab out all the time?" and I said "yes". and she goes "where are you from again?".. and that just ticked me off.. couse its too common for people to associate things, such as this, to people of certain countries.. usually this wouldnt bother me too much but its like the 5th time in the past few days I've dealt with comments like that (not about same thing, or even about me)
'ala kulli haal.. I think I'm going to take a break of this.. and go cook..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/14/2005 04:33:00 PM
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.:Sunday, November 13, 2005:.
sooo in lovee
I am soooo in love with these two boys man.. I cant decide who I love more :S. The first one is 4.. soooo cuteeee mashaAllah. The second one is 22months and is like the most adorable thing you've ever seen. Both of them two kids make me so happy wallah.. They're a handful but I dont mind the trouble they make.. I just love hanging with them. naa'am. (yes I'm insane)
There is a 3rd one too.. but I dont get to see him as much since hes up in portland... and since hes a tad bit older I dont think its right for me to call him "cute" or "adorable", but I can say he is awesome. He's 8, half cambodian half egyptian.. hes my karate partner :P. Hes one belt before black.. all his sisters/bros have high belts as well... only one is ahead of him though.. anyways he keeps thinking he can beat me up.. and he probably could if he really tried.. but he hasnt been able to yet :P.
Yes, I know I'm crazy. Its school work. Trust me. This week is packed with work.. I have TWO math tests this week.. 1 quiz.. 4 or 5 papers due and a bunch of reading.. so ya.. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal. And I was planning on taking more classes next quarter? hmm, maybe I should re-think that.. but I soo wanna finish in 3 years.. so ya, we'll see.
anways.. have to go eat.. maghrib time..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/13/2005 04:47:00 PM
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recommendation..
I was looking through files today.. and I found the letter of recommendation that I had one of my teachers write me.. I needed it for another class.. anyways, if you want a good laugh here it is..
Denise M. Nkemontoh
******
Beaverton, OR 97008
November 21, 2004
To Whom It May Concern:
I am pleased to write a letter of recommendation for Maryam Adham. I am a high school Language Arts teacher with OSUs K12Online program. I have gotten to know Maryam over the last year as she has taken four courses with me.
Maryam is a motivated young woman of many talents and considerable self-discipline. She is an outstanding writer creative, thoughtful, and thorough. I have kept a number of her papers as examples to show future students what an "A" paper looks like. Her papers are both technically correct with few grammatical or spelling errors as well as they reflect an understanding and synthesis of the subject matter.
Through online discussions, Maryam has been quick to come to the aid of peers with questions regarding the class work. In one particular case, she mentored a peer through much of the class. In addition, she has actively participated in online forums where students discuss their belief systems. Maryam talks about her beliefs, values, and practices with a clarity that helps others better understand the Islamic perspective. Her peers appear to feel very comfortable in asking her to further answer their questions.
Maryam has been actively involved in both her Mousque and the local community. As a member of the Mousque, she has taught younger students in their Saturday School. Maryam has also taken part in community service and other activities which have benefited the local community. She is a positive model for her peers.
While a serious student, Maryam is also very likeable, personable, enthusiastic, trusting and trustworthy. She shares both her heart and her laughter with all whom she encounters.
I have no reservations in recommending Maryam for any position. She would be an asset to any program or job. Please feel free to contact me with any questions at *** *** ****.
Sincerely,
Denise M. Nkemontoh
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/13/2005 12:20:00 PM
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.:Friday, November 11, 2005:.
I love her so much :(
My dads on his way back from California. The last time we called him, about an hour and twenty minutes ago, he was passing the Shasta mountains and still hadn't even crossed the border into Oregon. He said that it would take them another 5 hours or so to get back but I doubt it will take more than 4.
Alhamdullilah today was good, although it was another one of those busy busy days. I got close to no sleep the night before since everyone, including AbdulQudoos, stayed up till past 1! I ended up sleeping around 3, getting up for fajr around 5:40.. staying up till 8ish then sleeping till I couldnt ignore AbdulQudoos jumping on me anymore :P.. The rest of the day I spent either busy with guests or busy with homework. Alhamdulillah I finished all I have to do for this week/end except for an essay thats due tommorrow. I'll try writting it in a bit.. or maybe I'll just put it off till tommorrow.
How do you comfort someone that has sustained numerous losses and is extremely depressed? I mean come on after a while vowing your support and proclaiming your love for them looses its affect..but what can you do when you're hundereds of miles away other than make duaa' for them and be there to listen when they need someone to talk to? I can't think of anything else.. but this doesnt seem like enough.. its not enough. :(
I cant stand seeing her like this.. na'aam qaadarAllahu wa ma sha'a fa'aal.. but I want to do more to help her. When my dad called me from Sacramento to ask me to find him addresses of some places there all I could think of was "thats where yasi is.. I want to go see her". It hurts so bad seeing her like this.. and I want to do all I can for her.. if I could take the pain instead of her I would.. but thats not possible.. I know shes strong and she can make it through it inshaAllah.. shes made it through so much before.. and inshaAllah I hope to be there for her anyway I can..no matter how far apart we might be.. :( and yes, I'm speaking to her right now.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/11/2005 01:59:00 AM
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.:Thursday, November 10, 2005:.
frozen.
Its freezing, again.
Something I find interesting is when I have a limmited amount of time on the computer I usually end up updating alot, but when I have a lot of time on the computer I usually end up updating less.
Yesterday was an okay day. I spent most of the day studying *shock*. I actually spent a good 3 hours studying for my math quiz and guess what! I got 100% on it : D. This class is really driving me crazy. Its not that its too hard its just that I can't do good on the tests. I'll get 100's on all the quizes for a chapter but when I take the tests I'll get like 50%, and its the tests that really matter. It seems like I'm not the only one having this problem. The class average for both of the tests we've taken so far are considerably less than 70% which is what is needed for a "C", passing, grade. Because of this the teacher, who sucks, has finally decided to do something about it and is putting together re-takes, walhamdulillah.
This class has been a challenge for me. Why? Because I'm not good at math to start with and I havn't done math in like a year. Its not that I'm really bad in math its just that I havnt had a lot of help in it. Since about 7th grade I've been pretty much teaching myself. All my mom has been doing is making sure I do the work. In Highschool my math teacher sucked. She had a "sink or swim" style of teaching, where she let you figure out your mistakes on your own. Math online isnt the best way to go about learning it anyways so ya.. My mom is good at it but the only problem is when she helps me she starts to explain things in arabi, since thats how she learned it, and it sorta kinda isnt easy to understand that way. Anyways, enough school talk.
I went to bed at like 7am yesterday. I had some things I had wanted to finish last night but kept getting sidetracked. By the time I finished them it was a little past 3am. After that Stucko signed on and right when I was about to excuse myself and go to sleep Yasmeen signed on. I couldn't leave. I stayed on untill close to fajr time and then signed out and layed down for half our untill fajr came in. By the time my mom and sis had gotten up and we prayed it was around 6:30 and by the time I fell asleep it was around 7.
Today has been exhausting as well. After I woke up, did some house work, and prayed dhuhr, more people came over. I am so sick of hearing them say the same thing over and replying. 'Ala kulli haal, they stayed for a while and then UmmAQ called, asked if we were busy, and asked if she could come over and possibly spend the night. Ofcourse we said she could and since I had promised another friend I'd tell her a good time for her to come over I called her up as well and she came. Alhamdulillah it was fun and stuff..
anyways.. I think imma head sleep... maybe I'll update later.. or tommorrow..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/10/2005 02:13:00 AM
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.:Tuesday, November 08, 2005:.
uslessness..
I think im about to go to sleep.. or at least I should... todays been a weird day.. walhamdulillah..
I've tried to call yasmeena like 50 times(not exagerating).. I've left her voicmails.. txted and emailed.. seriously worried about her man.. I'll keep trying tommorrow inshaAllah..
dad and bro are in cali.. I ended up not going since bro whent.. they probably wont be back for a few days..
I have so much hw this week and I've done nothing.. I havnt even started on one assignment.. I had an essay outline due today(technically yesterday) and didnt do it.. khair.. inshaAllah I'll catch up tommorrow..
I went on paltalk for like the first time in 6 months(almost) today.. paltalk used to be nice.. now it sucks and is boring.. I stayed on long enough to answer some offliners I had and then I was off..
I want to sleep downstairs couse I know if I sleep up it'll be hard for me to get up for fajr but I dont want to upset mom... hmm.. and ya I know this is useless update..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/08/2005 03:07:00 AM
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.:Monday, November 07, 2005:.
inna lillahi wa inna 'ilayhi raji'oon.. : (
subhanAllah...
I had planned on getting up tonight and coming online.. but qaadarAllah I ended up not.. my dad came home very late (or so I thought..) and I just didnt feel up to it..
After fajr this morning my dad went upstairs to get ready for work and then came back down.. I was still in living room about to go up to my room when he calls me and my sis.. he hugged us.. held us close.. started to cry.. and told us that my grandma passed away last night.. that was just the shock I needed man.. subhanAllah.. As soon as he let go I went back to living room and asked my mom "when, how, what?" and she told me she only found out this morning as well and thats why dad came home late and stuff...
so ya.. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.. dads trying to head down to LA today.. he wants to be there for janaazah and stuff.. and to make sure its done correctly.. couse his bro there doesnt pray and stuff.. I want to go with him..Allahu 'aalam if I'll end up going or not..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/07/2005 06:41:00 AM
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.:Sunday, November 06, 2005:.
subhanAllah.. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal..
SubhanAllah.. inna lillahi wa inna 'ilayhi raji'oon.. I dont know what to say really.. subhanAllah..
just yesterday I was speaking to yasi for the first time in a long time. We were talking, everything was fine.. she kept saying how she missed me and felt I didnt care anymore.. and was even jelous of others I talked to and stuff.. and like I told her that wasnt so.. and said I almost felt the same.. but alhamdulillah at the end it was nice.. since we hadnt talked like that in forever. and then.. subhanAllah..
Today she comes on for a few minutes and tells me her mother passed away last night... subhanAllah man.. there are some things that cant be put into words.. this is one of them.. I didnt know her mother at all..talked to her like once but still.. subhanAllah.. we only spoke for a couple mins today but there was no doubt how she was feeling.. subhanAllah, this girl has been so much.. when I think of her it puts me to shame whenever I complain.. I love her so much but I feel useless sitting here unable to do anything at all for her..
im home alone right now. :(.. I dont want to be here by myself.. i had/having another good deep fruitfull conversation with muji.. may Allah swt make it easy for us to do all that we plan.. inshaAllah like this we will be doing our part, as best as we can, for now..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/06/2005 03:51:00 PM
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why?
why am I up so early? I've been up since like 5 and I dunnu why. Now I'm all sleepy and want to go back to sleep lol.. wonderrrrfullllll. I haveee math quiz to study for.. essay outline to work on.. and some easy stuff in other classes to finish today. Alhamdulillah this week looks like a light week in school :D.
I kinda maybe might go to UmmAQ's today to plan for tommorrow with her and nymo.. that is tentative though.. both me and her have to finish homeworks before we'll be permitted to leave the house :P. tsk tsk man, we aint in elementry school still where our parents gotta "ground" when we havnt finished our hw.
Its another FREEZING day today.. andddd I better go upstairs before dad gets up to go to work. :P thats my excuse to go back to bed.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/06/2005 07:55:00 AM
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.:Saturday, November 05, 2005:.
thoughts..
I miss the days when I was innocent.. when things were simple and I wasn't bound by all this confusion. I miss simplicity. I miss the days when I could act myself and not worry about what people think. I miss the old days.. I miss how I used to be.
The more things change the more they stay the same. I read that line for the first time a few years ago in my cousins AIM profile. I didn't understand it at the time. I thought it sounded like an oxymoron. How could something change AND stay the same? Since I liked the way it sounded I used it wherever I thought it fit. It wasn't untill a couple years passed that I really, truly, understood what it meant. It wasn't untill things started to change in my life and my relations with others that I saw the truth in the statment.
As much as we would like things to stay the same, stay perfect, they don't. Throughout the past couple years I have changed alot. I have gone through alot..and in the midst of it all I think I have lost who I really am and who I wanted to be. There are only a few people that I am able to be myself with. I can count these people on one hand. With the rest I have walls up. Walls built of lies that I hide behind. Some people are able to see through these walls and know who I really am even though I try not to show it to them. Only Allah swt knows how much I regret doing this.
I have wondered for the longest time what has caused me to build these walls. The closest I have gotten to an explanation is my fear of rejection. I did not stop to think of the consiquenses. I only thought of the time being and not the long term affects.
Now that time has passed and some of my emotions have calmed, I am able to look back and assess things. I am not pleased with myself nor what I have done. I have taken resolves to change. I have decided that the best way to live is to live in honesty. I hope that it is not to late and that the damage I have done is reparable.
I have taken many chances that I wouldnt have liked to take. I have made many mistakes I wish I did not make. Alhamdulillah I have learned alot from these experiances but they have left me with voids that need to be filled and things I need to accept.
I have finally been able to come to peace with myself regarding different issues. I have finally realized where I went wrong and what I need to do to make things right. It won't be easy to overcome certain things but I have finally stopped thinking with my emotions instead of mind. Life isn't a path lined with roses, if I do not learn to overcome obstacles now how will I overcome harder ones in the future?
In a way I have given up on ever attaining true happiness in this life. Any happiness that is attained in this life is only temporary. There is only one way to attain any happiness and contentment in this dunya; through the deen of Allah swt and having true eeman. All I want is to work as hard as I can so that, inshaAllah, in the eternal life I will be granted happiness.
Alhamdulillah I have finally been able to break chains that once held me down and bound me to things I wished to be free of. I have finally been able to forgive all and no longer feel envy, jelousy, or any type of negative feeling towards anyone. I have come to accept that whatever is meant for me will not miss me and whatever is not meant for me will not happen to me. My life, and heart, is in the hands of Allah swt. There is no point in being upset when we really do not know what is best for ourselves.
I know I have wanted to change many times before but inshaAllah this time I will really go through with it. May Allah swt make it easy for me, grant me tawfeeq, and help me surround myself with those that help me stay mindful of him..aameen.
To live a life of honesty in the service of my parents and my deen..striving my utmost to attain true happiness in the life of eternity; in Jannah. This is what I long for and what I hope to accomplish.
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/05/2005 08:08:00 PM
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sweetness
This Eid has been aight for me but there was one thing that someone did for me that just made me go awwwwww. I went to a friends house on the first day of eid.. she had invited a bunch of the girls over etc.. and she gave everyone a gift.. when I was leaving she said "wait a minute there something I want to give you". She went up to her room came down and gave me a second gift. I said jazakillah khair, hugged her, and didnt really look at it till I got home.. thats when I aww'd. It was the most beautiful candle and engraved on it was a short poemish thing... I'm to lazy to go up and get it to write exactly what it said but it was something along the lines of "when I needed someone to help guide me you were there with an outstretched arm and a smile.. having a friend like you is one of the best ways to make good memories"..you get the idea..it was sweet. That made my day.
The next nicest thing that happened to me the past few days was getting an offliner from another friend.. we havnt been talking much latly so a while ago I offlined her some things.. she offlined me back and along with it sent me link to lyrics.. yes yes I know.. but these ones got me thinking.. to paraphrase it pretty much said how actions speak louder than words.. if you'd just show me you care you wouldnt need to tell me couse I'd already know.. This is something I really need to understand. Sometimes words are cheap. In general its your actions that show.. more than your words. yes, this is something I definatly need to learn..
Another thing that sort of caught me off guard and really made my day today was a friend of mine admitting shes been acting stupid..and acted stupid this eid.. and appologizing. It makes it so easy to forgive someone when then own up to what they did.. couse you realize they really do regret it and, inshaAllah, dont want to go back to it.
So ya, those are the "nice" moments for me this past eid. Other than these, and a few other nice things that happened things have sorta sucked. I had a nice talk with stucko yesterday but it ended with us finding a link to a not-so-nice news story. She was sure about one name, I was 90% sure about another.. and ya.. we turned out right.. and man.. subhanAllah..
I havnt been feeling to great latly right? and most of it is just stupid pointless things that I should stop pouting about.. but no, being human you cant help but think your in such a bad state/situation.. untill you see things like this.. and it hits you and your like man I need to stop this and be more thankful. This is alot of what I spoke about with muji57 last night. wallah I love that girl.. Shes the type of friend that everytime we speak we end up speaking about something good.. no gossip and stuff.. and not only do we end up talking the talk we actually go and walk the walk.. at the end of the conversation we will remind each other "dont forget to impliment what we spoke about". May Allah swt bless her, make her affairs easy for her, grant her what her heart desires, and make patients easy for her through all hardships she faces..aameen.
To totally jump topics as I normally do. Is it wrong to feel guilt over things that are not in your control? Things you are not expected to be responsible of. And no, its not sympathy or empathy its guilt. un rational guilt. This is another problem I have. I hate to see someone not feeling well, hurt, in pain, etc and feel I could help them some how.. and not be able to.. I feel guilty when its not in my hands..
Is it wrong to really dislike and almost hate someone when you dont even know that to well? Every time you hear about them or see their name or something you just get a really bad feeling. I know it is wrong because you shouldnt hate another muslim.. I wouldnt say what I feel is hate but its dislike.. again this is another unrational emotion I have that I need to get over and control..
Its these types of strong, unrational, emotions that are draining me. When I look at the possible reasons for them I find them trivial and not worth all the effort put into these emotions. It is only after being reminded of things, such as the news I read yesterday, that I go back and take another look at things.
'ala kulli haal.. I have one final rant for now since I have to go pray..
How annoying is it when people start getting into your business without you asking and continue to bother you even when you've explained nicely more than once you dont want them doing what they are doing? It is not new news to anyone how many times I get told that I need to marry etc. But now one sis is taking it a step further. She has made up her mind that it is 100% bad for me to stay single any longer and is determined to get me hooked up sometime soon. There is not one time I speak to her that she doesnt bring up a brother or tells me how important it is for me to marry NOW. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal..maybe shes right..
Its freezing. Oregon, wallamet valley, winter has started. You know how the typical, story book, christmas for them is a snowy one? Well a typical Eid for us is a rainy, stormy, over cast, one. I started fasting from today since I have alot to fast this month.. 6 of shawal + 1st day of Ramadan (since we broke fast before they announced etc) + make up days.. and since I didnt have sahoor and ate close to nothing yesterday I'm extra cold.. but alhamdulillah.. :)
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/05/2005 01:39:00 PM
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.:Thursday, November 03, 2005:.
My Eid...
Its not even 3 and I'm back home already. I've been here for a couple hours actually. The rest of my family is sleeping..I probably should sleep as well but I don't want.. at least not just yet.
This Eid has been alright. I can't say it was great or one of the best but it had some memorable moments in it. It was a pretty typical 'Eid day, but there were things that happened before and after it taht made it special for me. I love it when I see people happy, especially if I had a part in making them happy, and I saw a lot of that this 'Eid so it made me feel good.
The past few days have been exhausting for me. With my test to study for, it being the last few days of Ramadaan, and the 101 projects I had on my hands I had no time to rest. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it but I've been in the weirdest of moods latly. I have seriously been more emotional than a pregnant women, and that is not an exageration.. today is better alhamdulillah.
I didn't want Ramdaan to end. I've always looked forward to eid coming and not really noticed the abscense of Ramadaan. This year was different. I wished it stayed longer.. felt it went by to fast..alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.. thats just how it is I guess.. days go by.. its eid now.. and I guess I should be happy for that..
Its not that it's been a bad eid..its just been a normal one. The masjid was nice and all.. but there was something missing I guess.. Allahu 'aalam.. but ya.. I had a good eid..
I decided to change my major.. not now.. but after this summer inshaAllah.. its something I thought about for a while now.. and then I was talking with an auntie today and she asked me to..and like instead of getting ticked off at her like i do with the rest of them I agreed and stuff.. couse I love her so much :P..
Anyways mom got up.. and dad said its aight if she takes his car (hers hasnt been working for like a month).. so inshaAllah I'll finish later.. since there was ALOT more I wanted to say..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/03/2005 02:55:00 PM
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.:Wednesday, November 02, 2005:.
tireddd
I'm at the college now.. I have to math test to take.. but I'm not in a good mood so I decided to chill online for a while first..
I'm seriously so tired man...The past week has been exhausting but the past few days especially. I ended up going to UmmAQ sunday. I spent most of the day with her and left around 11 or so. It was fun alhamdulilah. Then monday had cooking and studying and stuff.. stayed up most of the night..and yesterday was just crazy.. I got 0 sleep last night.. between studying, sewing, cooking for the mu'aktakifeen etc I had no sleep.. and then this morning my sis wanted me to do henna/mehendi for her.. we were supposed to do it last night at UmmAQ(and i was supposed to spend the night) but her husband came just incase today would have been eid.. so I ended up only spending a couple hours there... when I get home I still have to finish sewing the shalwar kamees and thoub for AQ..cook..and I want to do henna for me..
and ya.. this post is so vague..
I'm waiting for yahoo messenger to download so I can go take my test and then come back online.. :/
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chotu-meyeh
@ 11/02/2005 01:17:00 PM
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