Be in the world as though you were a stranger or a wayfarer

.:Wednesday, February 22, 2006:.

I miss home..

I've been here for a week now, alhamdulillah it wasn't as bad as I had thought but it's still not great. I love the masjid, the people there, and my uncle, but apart from that I don't like anything. I'm happy that us coming has made a difference for my uncle and that he is feeling better, walillahilhamd, but at the same time I'm really starting to yearn for home. And well..today my mom said "if your father is able to wait another two weeks then I'd really like to stay till your brother comes down here then we can go up with him", and it seems like my father will wait two weeks because if he doesnt then he has to drive down to sacramento again and I know he'll do just about anything to not have to do that again.

When I complained to my mother today (yes I know I shouldn't have) she told me to renew my niyyah.. that I should focus on the fact that we are here to inshaAlalh do our best to help my uncle and cousins for the sake of Allah swt. She also reminded me that I had the choice not to come but I chose to come.. I understand all of this but still 2 more weeks is too much :(.

I miss my students at the school :(. They used to brighten my day every day. I taught at the saturday school here but it wasn't the same. I had a talk with the principal of the school about how we started our every day school in Corvallis and other things like that.. she asked me how much the teachers get paid and when I told her we all volunteer the time she was really shocked.. and then she was like "if you decide to take up my offer and move here we will pay you", I was like nah man its not about making money.. it's about working together to raise a good generation of muslim kids. its about doing things for the sake of Allah.. its about taking time out of our busy schedules to help others.. if the school has extra money we use it to enrich the learning for the kids.. buy a new computer.. buy them gifts..", and don't get me wrong I'm not saying its bad to pay the teachers I'm just saying that I don't think the money should be the focus.. it should be a side factor..

I miss my dad. He called us yesterday and when I talked to him he was like "no one is here to wake up at fajr and make me coffee! No one is here to call me and ask me what I want for lunch and when I'll be home.. no one to make me tea after dinner.. no one to call me if I stay out late after 'isha.. no one to make me something sweet and then tell me I cant eat from it because I'm diabetic".. I was like "ya, I miss you too baba".. I just tried calling him but he wont pick up the home phone or his cell :(.

I miss the masjid.. the next time I see it it will look totally different.. they're starting the construction on the womens area :(. I miss my stable internet connection.. I miss being able to do school work.. I miss having my own room.. I miss being able to get up at night without waking others up.. ahh khair.. I just miss home.

That's not to say that I didn't benifit from this trip and that I dont think I've learned things from it because I have.. I'm just a bit down now so the only emotion I feel like expressing is this one..

chotu-meyeh @ 2/22/2006 08:28:00 PM #|

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.:Saturday, February 18, 2006:.

trip

I've been in cali for a few days now. Alhamdulillah, I
have to say its better than I expected and I'm
actually enjoying some of the time I am spending here
(so far). My only problem right now is school work, I
have over due assignments :(. No matter how hard I
try to do my work I just don't seem to do it. Here I
am up untill past 1 and all I've done is list the work
I need to do, yellah.. inshaAllah khair.

I spent most of the day at the masjid today, it was
nice. I went for jumuaa with my uncle (my first jumuaa
in maybe a year or so :/) and stayed at the masjid
untill after asir. I went again a little after
maghrib to listen to a lecture and have dinner and
didn't get home till like a quarter to 12. I like it
there, alhamdulillah. I got a teaching job already as
well!! I'm going tommorrow morning from 9-4 or so..
and then there is another lecture at 7 so I might just
stay till then. The masjid has wireless net so
inshaAllah I'll take my books and laptop and I'll be
online the whole day ;). Not to mention the fact that
I got VIP status and my uncle said he'll give me the
key to the office and I can chillax there all I want,
and use the masjid computer.

That actually reminded me of something funny that
happened today at jumuaa. After the salaah and stuff
my uncle comes upstairs to the other side of this
door/partition thing and calls me so I go see what he
wants and he's like "can you please hand me the
donation box that is in the womens section?".. I
didn't think much of it.. so I go, take the box, and
take it to where he is and give it to him.. I swear to
God EVERY SINGLE person that was still in the womens
area (about an hour after salaah) kept staring at me
like I was stealing the box or something. It wasn't
untill then that I realized that they didn't know I
was the ameer/commitee member's neice and that I was
actually helping out the masjid and not jacking their
funds.. my big mouthed sister decided to give a
presentation and explain the situation so by the time
I had finnished talking to my uncle everyone was a bit
more relaxed having realized I wasn't a crazy niqaabi
robber :P.

OHH.. I got proposed to at the masjid tonight. And no,
you wont get to hear the details of how it happenned..
lets just say I've learned to keep my mouth shut
around aunties that I don't know very well no matter
how sweet and nice they are!

anyways.. I'm out of it.. I think i'll sleep and see
what I can do in the morning inshaAllah.. I really
should have slept early..Allahul musta'aan.

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chotu-meyeh @ 2/18/2006 01:52:00 AM #|

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.:Wednesday, February 15, 2006:.

:S. It's a little past midnight and I'm too exhausted to stay up anymore. I'm halfway done with my assignment but khalaas I can't.. I'll have to finish it at my uncles or something and honestly I could care less if I get points taken away.

Alhamdulillah I've finally calmed down a bit about the whole trip and all. Everything is just about ready and I've finally packed all I need (I hope so at least :S). My mom had wanted me to get a cell before heading down but we havnt had a chance to do so yet, inshaAllah maybe I'll get it when we're down there.

So my brother just calls my dads cell at past twelve telling me my other bro is in the hospital.. wonder what stupid thing hes done this time. great. my dads gonna get up.. anyways I'm to tired to stay up any longer anyways.

chotu-meyeh @ 2/15/2006 12:16:00 AM #|

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.:Tuesday, February 14, 2006:.

leaving at fajr.

I'm leaving at fajr. I can't put into words how I'm feeling right now or how crazy of a day I have had. I have a really weird feeling about this trip. InshaAllah khair. I've packed all my books (school and other), cd's, laptop, camera..important things, but I still have to pack cloths. I also have to submit an assigment tonight and finish prepairing things for my dad. Alhamdulillah.. please make duaa that things go well and that I calm down because right now I'm way too hyper/jittery/stiff/weird... and I suppose most of all overwhelmed.

chotu-meyeh @ 2/14/2006 07:47:00 PM #|

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.:Sunday, February 12, 2006:.

midterms are over with, alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, I just turned in my last midterm like 15 mins before the duedate :P. Usually I dont wait untill this much of a last minute but this week has been way too full. I have an urge to stay up late online since I have permission to stay up and use the computer tonight but I know I shouldnt. Last night I was up reading untill a little past 4am and I payed the price today and since tommorrow is another full day I probably shouldn't do the same thing again. I don't have to go to madrasah tommorrow alhamdulillah, but I have to go to UmmAQ's in the morning and run a few errands.. hopefully I wont be out too much so I can finish some home work before we leave so I wont fall too far behind.

chotu-meyeh @ 2/12/2006 11:47:00 PM #|

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"you're not engaged or anything?"

I was having a talk with one of my friends earlier today and it brought back a good/funny memory. I was supposed to do some things with her tommorrow but her dad just got in a car accident so I was telling her how I didn't feel it was proper to call up and ask her mom if she could come over and stuff..

Khadija: Ya, you're right. It does seem a little insensative if we ask a lot from my parents right now.
Me: Thats why I said maybe next week..
Me: actually..
Me: can you do me a favor?
Khadija: sure
Me: can you tell your mom that I can't come to the school this week and most probably next week.. I'll call her later when your dad is awake so I don't disturb him but I want to give her enough notice
Khadija: ok, why though?
Me: I'm probably going to be out of town but please don't tell anyone yet
Khadija: I wont
Me: Ya, I know you wont thats why I told you
Khadija: remember like a year or so ago when you didn't come to khala Taghreeds and me, tassnym, and sarah made up a list of possibilites why you didn't and then we finally decided the reason you didn't come was because you got engaged and we even asked your mom?
Me: OMG YES !!!!!
Khadija: its not something like that is it?
Me: Khadija, you're crazy.

If only she knew... like seriously.

I'm on my last midterm right now.. I'm seriously crazy for putting it off till now. I'm probably heading out of town in a couple days.. inshaAllah I'll have a phone by tommorrow couse I'll need it while I'm not home. man.. ahh alhamdulillah.

chotu-meyeh @ 2/12/2006 08:05:00 PM #|

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.:Saturday, February 11, 2006:.

to miss something this much..

There's a certain friendship that I had, one of the most special. I don't think anything could be like it because it was unique. I miss it. It's not possible to point fingers at what brought it down but I just know that some nights when I'm laying in bed awake I'll think of how it was. It's beautiful missing something that much (I had to spend an hour explaining to another friend what I meant by that last night). May Allah swt guide her and bring our hearts together again..aameen.

Today (technically tommorrow) is the last day I have to turn in my midterms and I have two more left. I'm not really motivated to do these two since I've had to re-do my other ones because the power or internet would get cut off in the middle and I'd loose all my work. The first time it happened I was on the last question of a 2 hour long midterm so that was really really frustraiting.

Ever since we moved I've had pretty good energy--I've been waking from fajr everyday and sleeping at my normal late time. The past few days my energy has gone way down. I'm a little sick so that might be it although my mom has another theory and I think she is right.

I seriously love my dad, alhamdulillah. We came back from UmmAQ's house last night (whent there since there was no dars and ended up staying there till pretty late) to find that he'd used the rest of the Samboosik mix from dinner and made a plate of Saboosik, awww. He was at an uncles house since the 'amu's wife is away so they were partying :P. My dad called me when we got home and is like "about time you came home! 'amu wants such and such recipe", I was like "would you like me to make it instead?" and I can hear amu in the background and hes like "laaa! jazaahullah khair, I want to try to make it", so another guy in the back is like "learn how to do the laundry first before you try cooking".. they made so much fun of him :(, I've got to say it was amusing especially when he gets angry and told them off.

and ya, I'm blogging so I have an "excuse" for my procrastination :P. Now I'm gonna go out with my mom for a while, run some errands, and then when I get home I'll worry about my work.

chotu-meyeh @ 2/11/2006 09:19:00 AM #|

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.:Sunday, February 05, 2006:.

masjid school

The masjid is FINALLY getting fixed up. After a couple years of talking about it and raising funds they're working on it now. They've finnished most of the mens areas and they'll be working on the womens area for the next couple of months. The one thing that sucks is how we just started the school and had organized everything and now we've had to pack up everything. Alhamdulillah, a family here has offered the school a house to operate in..May Allah swt grant them Janaat al Firdaws..aameen. Honestly, I really like the new venue and I think it will be a lot better for the kids.

On friday we were packing the things and today the men hauled most of the stuff. A few of us will be organizing the next few days and then we will start school again mid-week. Today I was cooking for the men with UmmAQ. It was nice alhamdulillah. Now I'm babysitting AQ and trying to follow the game.

I have midterms all this week. I havn't studied at all. The one thing I like about midterms is that once they're over you know you only got 4 weeks till school is out. Anyways its maghrib..

chotu-meyeh @ 2/05/2006 07:03:00 PM #|

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test?

My blog is seriously acting up..

I just wrote up an update not sure if it'll end up showing up or not.. but ya.. I'll do one tommorrow inshaAllah if it doesnt.

chotu-meyeh @ 2/05/2006 05:41:00 PM #|

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.:Friday, February 03, 2006:.

test..

chotu-meyeh @ 2/03/2006 05:15:00 PM #|

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uh oh..

I'm exhuasted man.. the past few days have been too much for me, but alhamdulillah. I was planning on updating a while ago but got sidetracked and now I don't think I have time. My dad wants to eat after jumuaah and I havn't even started. I've been up since fajr and I have no idea how the time has passed. I have overdue schoolwork (first time this quarter!!) and I'm not sure when I'll have time to get to it :(. I ditched my partner for a different one. It was mean but I had to. I actually never agreed to being her partner she emailed me and asked if I had a partner yet and I said no and she started making plans for us to partner. She's an animal science major and I've taken a few classes with her and I know she's not the greatest writter so when I got an offer from another education major who wants to write about the same thing as me I sorta backed out and now I feel guilty.

anyways..

chotu-meyeh @ 2/03/2006 11:18:00 AM #|

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.:Wednesday, February 01, 2006:.

kids..gotta love them

There is usually a halaqah at the masjid tuesday mornings but this week it was tuesday evening. One good thing about it being in the daytime is that there usually isn't too many kids. Since this was a joint halaqah and goodbye party thing there were a lot of people. While we were sitting in the dars the kids were running all over the place. First UmmAQ gets up and takes them all to the kids room and then another mother goes and finally I was like aight this aint working so I got up and went to the room with them.

When I went in they were playing something they told me was called "airplane" or "parachute"--to me it was jumping off of the tables while holding chairs (u know, the small kid ones) over your head and disturbing the men downstairs. I had them sit down "or else" and they did :D, alhamdulillah. I told them a couple stories, asked them some questions, played a few quiet games, and then one of the kids goes "when you were little did you always want to be a teacher?" and thats where it got interesting..

I'm sure we've all been through the over-asked question of "what do you want to be when you grow up?" After answering the question I decided to ask it. When I'd gone around and asked each kid I ended up being in the room with: 3 Doctors, 1 Dentist, 1 Pharmacist, 1 Computer engineer, 1 soccer player, 1 baseball player, 3 undecided, and 1 rockstar/figure skater. Was I shocked? Yes and no. I think I was more sad. I wanted to see what made some of these kids say some of these things so I asked "give me your best reason for wanting to be "x" when you grow up, who is someone you look up to", and the answers I got also made me sad. Some of the kids said "becuase they make a lot of money", others said "figure skaters are so cool the way they do tricks and stuff", and so on.

As upset as I was I realized it wasn't the childrens fault. It's the fault of the parents who don't exhaust any energy on the tarbiyyah of their children. They think that the few hours a week that they send them to the masjid for sunday school is all the Islamic education that their children need! And then, when they get older and they see the fruits of what the seed they planted they will deny that it was their planting that went wrong instead it was the fertlizer and outside influneces. How often to we hear parents say things such as "What can I do? They pick it up at school". Oh really? Well maybe if you taught them the proper walaa' and baraa', showed them right from wrong, and followed up on what they learn, who they interact with, and who they spend time with, then just maybe they wouldn't be so influnced.

Another thing I find really sad is the fact that some of the parents are really good. For example, the parents of the kids that gave me the most shocking of answers are what most people would consider "religouse". The father comes to the masjid a lot, prays jamaa'ah, the mother wears niqaab and stays at home, yet it's as if they have no knowledge of what is happening to the kids..and even worse its as if they don't care! And wallahi I'm so sick of people blaming it on society and public schools. If you really think that your children can't go to school without being influnced negitvly then pull them out! But honestly, I think its up to the parents if they raise their children right then the public schools wont have as great of an impact.

I know a kid who was in kindergarten, so he was about 4 or 5. The teacher asked them one day "who do you look up to? who is your role model?" and the children started naming people "Michael Jordan", "Police officers" and so on. When she came to this boy, who was the ONLY muslim in the class he said "Abu Bakr Radiyallahu 'anhu". The teacher got shocked and goes "who?" and he goes "The great commander and leader of the Muslims after the prophet Mohammad SAWS passed away". The teacher was so astonished by his answer that she called his parents and said she had to have a meeting with them. The parents kept questioning the boy "what did you do? what happened in school?" but couldn't understand why the teacher would want to meet with them. When they were talking with her she goes off on them and says that "you're making the boy grow up too fast. Instead of enjoying his youth and dreaming of things that children dream of he's thinking ahead of himself and wanting to be something that he can't be". The parents were upset, and told her that they don't force things on him..they simply tell him about great people and he chooses his own opinions.

Allahu Akbar! That is the kind of tarbiyyah that our children need. They need parents that are attentive to them. Parents that teach them and watch over them. Parents that instill the Islamic morals, akhlaaq, ethics, and knowledge into them at a young age so they identify themselves by it and not by any "outside factors" or influnces. Alhamdulillah the community and masjid try to do their best by offering a a place for activities, the masjid school, sunday school and so on but that is not enough for the children. They need it every day, every minute, they need posative rolemodels in their parents and it needs to be constant.

InshaAllah I plan on keeping up these "babysitting" sessions during the daroos.. maybe I'll record one of the discussions I have with the kids couse its so cute some of the things they say.. so innocent.. I know I've focused a lot on the "bad" side of things in this post but alhamdulillah there was also a lot of good. A couple things that really made me go "aww" was when one of the little girls said "I want to be like you when I'm older", I told her "don't be like me, be like someone greater than me.. like Maryam AS, Aisha AS, and the rest of the great muslimaat", and she goes "but arent you trying to be like them too? so if I be like you then I'll be like trying to be like them" (shes like 4), so I just laughed and said "but I want you to be better than me" and she looked at me a little confused.

Another thing was when one of the boys said "When I grow up I wont shave my beard!"..that one made me laugh.. but then I went on to ask "why wouldnt he?" and that started me talking about how when Allah swt tells us or commands us to do something we obey etc etc..

and I'd really like to write more but my dads up and ya..

chotu-meyeh @ 2/01/2006 10:09:00 AM #|

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