I confess that I spent two hours last night looking through a cooking/cookware magazine instead of doing my reading for class and now I have an extra chapter to read today!! (can't wait to see Hina's comment on this.)
I also confess that this winter has been one of the weirdest that I've seen..except maybe to the really snowy one we had a couple years ago. Within the past 24 hours we've had everything from sunshine, thunderstorms, rain, and now horrible wind.
My last confession is that I'm posting in order to procrastinate more and that I really do not want to write my paper.
Last quarter I had to read an essay called "How to write nothing in 500 words". I showed parts of it to some people because I found it extremly funny--probably one of the best essays that I had to read. In the essay the author, an english proffessor, takes examples from real student essays to show what not to write in an essay.
Well, now that I'm faced with some really boring essays I've noticed a trend in how I write them.. so here is my "how to write nothing in 6 pages" :P.
1. Write in double space font.
2. Use Times New Roman or Arial on 12pt
3. Make the page margins smaller, usually the teacher doesnt notice.
4. Use a header and footer, make sure the header is long.. include everything possible such as your name, the teachers name, the assignment, the date, the class.
5. Indent the first line in paragraphs
6. Use double spaces between paragraphs.
7. Use alot of footnotes!!
and ermm thats all I can think of now. And honestly, I usually don't do this but when I have a paper like the one I have today I do. And sometimes.. just sometimes, I get away with it.
I have this weird system when I'm home alone. The first thing I do is fool around for a while and just chill for like half an hour or so. If there is nothing to do then I'll clean the kitchen because I like that the best. If there is still nothing to do then I'll clean the rest of the house. And after that I'll usually cook or make something sweet and then if I'm still home alone and still bored I'll do schoolwork. Well, today I was home alone with absolutly nothing to do.
My parents and sister didn't get up till I woke them up around 11. By the time they got up I had made my mom tea, my dad coffee, and made breakfast. They ate fast and then they were going to leave untill my brother came. When he finally left they left. My dad calls me when hes close to Salem and is like "so what exit do I take", I was like " I thought I told you to take jefferson exit?" and hes like "but I passed that".. and then I got blamed for his carelessness :P.
I've had an ok time alone I guess. I cleaned the kitchen, prayed dhuhr, cleaned the house, cooked kebsah and cake and kunnafah, and was planning on taking a nap when I get a call telling me that my brother (Adam) is coming from portland and wants to have dinner with us. I'm like aightt this is what I've made what do you want? he's like "I want indian food". I told him to go to evergreens he laughed and was like "come on man I'm not down there a lot anymore, please?" So now I'm supposed to be frying onions and stuff but I dont feel like it..
I usually like being home alone but today I just dont feel like it :(. I don't feel like being alone.. I've been really weird the past week or so, I keep having these really intense mood swings. I'll get really hyper sometimes, reallly tired others, really sad sometimes, super happy other times, its just too weird.. I've been a bit over stressed so maybe thats whats doing it to me.
I took today off of teaching too, well actually I told khala I couldnt make it wendsday and she said take thurs off too u can start again on Sunday. This morning the phone rang and it was Imams number and I didnt get to it fast enough so I called back and he answered so I got too shy to ask for khala and was like "is khadija there amu?" and he goes "shes asleep" and then I was like "oh, maybe it was khala that called?" and he goes "whos number is this?" (it sounds right in arabi :S) and I go "Ibrahim Ibrahim" and hes tone totally changes and hes like "ahhh that was me who called, is your dad there?" and I was like "hes asleep" and hes like "jazaakillah khair for the call Maryam, have him call me when he gets up" and I was like "haadir inshaAllah" and he goes "baarakAllahu feeki, assalamu 'alaikum". I sat there going "why in the world did I call back???".. usualy I wouldnt have done that but I thought khala wanted me today couse UmmAQ has an appointment and cant teach..
anyways, my parents will be home soon.. I better go start on stuff.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this before or not but the Masjid started a full school instead of just a weekend school. This was the first week for it and alhamdulillah so far so good. I went today couse I'm one of the teachers (shocking? :P). It was AWESOME alhamdulillah. It was so cool to see all of these kids that were in public schools sitting there in class. I had to leave early because we had guests coming but man the time I spent there I just couldn't stop smiling. Working with children is amazing, tabaarakAllah. We're still sorting out who is going to teach which grades and teach what but it seems like I'll be doing some pre-school and some english for the older grades. Today I was teaching computer and helping with pre-school.
Today has been pretty busy. I got up and decided I should work because I'd be busy for the rest of the day but I was too tired and ended up wasting time. I fell asleep for about half an hour on the couch after doing some reading and probably would have stayed asleep if my mom hadnt scolded me. We had to babysit my niece today..it was aight alhamdulillah. We went to the masjid and took her with us. At first she was scared but then she started to calm down. I had to carry her the whole time while I was praying dhuhr though. She's finally not afraid of me when I have niqaab on!! The first time she saw it my brothers were around and when she saw my mom she goes "SCARY SCARY!!" so my mom takes her niqaab off, same thing happened with my sis and then she saw me and I couldnt take niqaab off and she kept muttering "scary.." it was cute.
About half hour after we came home AbdurRahmans family came. My mom and khala started cooking together and I sat to try and finish some work. Between the two kids and the aunties talking I couldn't do anything. miskeenah, my sister had to put up with the kids. Alhamdulillah I finished one assignment and I'm working on the rest. Hopefully I'll have time to finish since amu is sleeping (in my room!!!!!!!!!) and my dad is still at work. But now its maghrib time.
Allahul musta'aan.
I am on the blogger site again and I just realized that I've posted close to 500 posts since I started this blog, not including any other blogs! Thats just crazy man and scary. Its way too easy to get carried away and write without really thinking about what you're writting while posting on here. I'm sure I've said ALOT on here that I probably would regret saying if I go back and read it all.
I've been thinking for a while of closing this thing down. The reason I started it was to keep in touch (and know whats up) with certain people at times when we couldnt speak on a constant basis. Actually, thats why I started most of my blogs. I don't really think there is much need anymore..Allahu 'aalam.
I think I'm going to start using my msn space instead :P. We'll see.
One writer said:
"If you speak, then consider your words, articulate your speech and make clear what you intend; do not allow them to carry a number of meanings, and do not use words that may be misunderstood, or words that are ambiguous and will need further explanations and clarifications, for your opponent will not remember your explanation, and if his heart is diseased he will release your words and direct them where he pleases."
`Ali ibn Abi Talib said:
"Oh writer! An Angel watches over all you write. Make your writing meaningful for it will eventually return to you and you will be questioned about what you wrote."
When we were driving back from Portland last week my dad brought up an interesting subject and talked about it the whole way back. He had finally heard of something that happened and had a lot to say on the subject. It was an extremly akward conversation to have--especially with my dad. I finally understand WHY he was so passionate about what he had to say and why it caused him so much anger. The news he heard was about a girl we know who took off to meet someone she met without mentioning a word to her family. When I heard what happened a couple weeks ago I was depressed by it but I'm beyond that now with other things I keep hearing.
It is beyond amazing to see how easily (and quickly) a girl will forget everything else that exists in the world when she starts to "love" someone. Why is it that they are willing to consider leaving and breaking the ties they have with the people that truly love and care for them, the ones that may seem "harsh" but in reality they are only doing it out of their love for them, for someone that they can't even be sure is real? I'm not saying that everyone and everything on the net is bad, laa, there are a lot of good people and things I'm just saying that, in general, if you have to do something in total secracy then it probably isn't good. Likewise, I don't think I'd think too highly of someone that would urge you to do such a thing without the knowledge of your family.
'ala kulli haal.. I have to babysit my neice today, finish 3 assignments, go to the dars, and help my mom since we'll be having guests later on. I think I'll go get some sleep first, inshaAllah.
Seattle won!! YES.
Why do I still follow sports? I have no idea but I do. Ever since I started with my brothers I've been keeping track even after ammi destroyed the tvs :P. I didnt see/watch/follow the first game today much but I was stuck in my room for part of the second so I heard it on the radio. so ya.. thats all..
I was up all night last night and I'm exhausted today. I'm just so out of it and it seems like things just keep piling. There is no way I can finish my paper now.. especially not by five with the things my dad just called and asked me to do.
I've had it with school. I just missed the drop deadline too :(. Two of my classes suck so bad. What in the world am I going to learn by studying the english renissance period (still can't even spell it right :P :P)? like dude I so dont need to take a whole class on that stuff. And dude, seriously, how much can I learn from watching a 2+ hour video on Martin Luther(not MLK)? or other weird things like that. Yes, it will satisfy one of my liberal art requirments but I could satisfy it with a class that I'd learn more from!! This is what happens when I take online classes. And anyone that knows me knows how much I dislike to go out exessivly, to mix unnecissarly, and so on but seriously if you want me to continue studying I really can not stand taking more of these type of classes that simply fill a requirment but bore me to death. I think I'll transfer to Portland Community College they got more online classes, khair we'll see.
You know, I'm so happy that every time I start getting down I get reminded that there is someone in a worse state. I mean I always know that there is but right when you are feeling this way then someone close to you mentions whats happening with them its like a greater reminder :/.
Anyways.. the sun is shinning and its a beautiful day.. got Quran on and still have a little time on my hands.. InshaAllah khair. At least my brother will be over for dinner so I'll get a lot of alone time, alhamdulillah.
Today's been a pretty weird day. I can't say anything special happenned but it wasn't normal. Alhamdulillah it wasn't that bad though. I got homework for one more class that I need to finish by tommorrow. After that my next due date is Wednsday.
I found out two more people I know are getting married inshaAllah. I'm really happy for one but I'm more shocked and worried about the other :/ inshaAllah its for the best. mashaAllah this year has been like the year of marriages.
Anyways, I'm not really in the mood to post but there is one thing that I saw today that made me smile. I was looking through my sisters school message boards(it has HUNDEREDS of members) and I was browsing the poetry section. There are a few muslims on the boards and some of them had some nice work but there was one that caught my eye the most. This was written by one of my sisters friends (the girl that got marrieds little sister).. I thought it was deep for a 12 year old, mashaAllah.
When the creatures can't stand
And birds refuse to land
When the heaven and skys fall
And the time comes to a stall
When the planets stumble
And the mountains crumble
When the oceans dry
And the babies nevermore cry
When the sun rips apart
And the day never begins to start
When reality and dreams mix
And life is like only fragile sticks
When the moon strays
And the space frays
Behold this is the day
When the earth won't stay
When the stars are tossed and hurled
For this is the final day
This is the end of the world
Overall this trip was pretty nice alhamdulillah. It was very unlike our normal trips to Portland but it was still cool. Usually when we go up to Portland we spend most of the time around Masjid Assaber and chilling with Abu Owais's family this time we didn't even get to see them :(, but alhamdulillah it was nice.
We left our house around 11 but didnt actually get on the highway untill around 12. My dad decided to make a few stops first. Since I didn't feel like getting out of the car so I spent some time drawing, reading, and taking pictures. I was trying to get a picture of a couple hawks but it was sorta too far away :P
As soon as my dad was done with all of his errands we headed towards Albany to take I-5 since its shorter than taking 99. Much to my dissapointment my dad didnt take 34 couse I wanted to get pictures of the flooding! I still got some OK pics from 20 though!
Once we got past Albany it took about an hour to reach Portland. PSU (Portland State University) and OHSU (Oregon Health and Science Univeristy) are so totally different than OSU (Oregon State University). I've seen them before but this time we were driving through the university area to get to 'amus house and I really understood why my friends in Pland kept telling me they get lost at school.
The weirdest building for me was a two story Safeway with a parking garage :S. For those not living in the Northwest Safeway is like one of the biggest supermarkets in the area. It's owned by the same company that owns Vons and some other supermarkets. My dad said that FredMyers was the same, but I didn't see it. I wouldn't be as surprised if Freddies was like that couse it's a department store not a grocery store!! Anyways, feel free to make fun of me :). I live in a city where the population of cows is higher than people so its not surprise that I'm surprised at these things :P. Actually that was Hermiston, Corvallis has more people than cows !
Anyways my dad found the building pretty fast since another person we know lives there as well.. its like the PSU apartments or something.
When we got there the women were in the living room and kitchen area while the men were in Aboodi's room. Khala had told me that there was wirless connection so pretty much the first thing I do is take the laptop out and try to get connected. There were passwords on all the networks so I was a bit bummed. The auntie was like "why dont you just plug it into the cable internet?" I was like "ya, but I need a modem and wires" so she went and brought me a box with just about every type of modem and wire you could imagine, except it didnt have a cable wire and it was soo unorganized. I ended up emptying the whole box and winding every single cord trying to find the right ones. I found a modem, its power cord, and an ethernet, but couldnt find a capble cord :(. My mom was just laughing at me. I guess I looked a bit wack but oh well. Finally khala was like "why dont you eat instead of wasting your time doing this? couse as soon as we're done eating we get Aboodi's room and there is a computer with net in there." And thats exactly what I did.
While we were eating I decided to upload the pics I took to my laptop since I put a 32mb card in the camer instead of the 128 I usually have in it couse it had pictures on it already. I was sitting next to my mom showing her the pictures and she said something that made me go "huh?". She was like "you really like Oregon dont you?" and I go "ya, its pretty mashaAllah" and she says "I have this feeling you'll be leaving it soon". Before I could ask her more my sis and khala come into the room so I go on with my picture showing.
After we ate and made tea for the men we traded rooms. Amu has cable internet on his computer in his office but the internet on the other computer is like the campus DSL or something and dude its worse than dial up! I mean its fast when its working but it dc every few minutes. But alhamdulillah it was better than nothing.
We chilled out till around 9:30. The men went out to some stores and masjid and stuff but we stayed home. Around 9:30 my dad asks if we want to go home instead of spending the night. My mom was like "ya, sure", but Aboodi threw a fit. He started crying and was like "no amu you have to stay", he seriously broke all of our hearts. My dad gave in and we ended up spending the night.
The way we set up the rooms to sleep was a littttle annoying. AbdurRahmans room is pretty big mashaAllah so we spread out blankets on the floor and slept in a row : my dad, my mom, my sister, Aboodi, and then me. I'm not good at sleeping away from home especially when there are a lot of people in the room and even more so when there is a 4 year old next to me that doesnt stop talking or moving so lets just say I didn't sleep much that night.
My dad had promised my sister and AbdirRahman that he'd take them to the zoo the next day. Literally the minute he opened his eyes the kid goes "IS AMU AWAKE!! WAKE HIM UP SO WE CAN LEAVE". I was like "shhhhh if you want to go sleep another five minutes" and every time he'd get up I'd tell him that untill it was close to 10. By that time we(me and khala) had gotten breakfast ready and were trying to wake everyone up. After they ate and had their coffee the men sat and chitt-chatted for a while, and probably could have done it all day, untill my sis and aboodi got upset and were like "dhuhr is going to come in and we havnt left yet!"
I went with them to the zoo and it was aight alhamdulillah but lets just say that Zoo's arent the best places to go in winter, especially in Oregon. It was a bit rainy and muggy and cold and most of the animals were inside but they had fun so alhamdulillah its all good. I felt like such a mother while we were there! both pockets of my jaket had something or another that was related to him and I was carrying a bag with food and stuff for him. I guess I also sounded like my mom with the way I was always telling him "put your hands in your pockets so you dont get cold", "keep your hood on!", "dont run away like that" etc. And every time he needed something he'd be like "maryam, I'm hungry". "Maryam, I need the bathroom". "Marya try to catch me!" and then take off. Hes cute though.
After we finished from there my dad went to one of the middle-east stores to buy some things. Usually we go to Abu Omars but this time he went to some christian(almost sure) arab store.. The lady in there was errm, I'll refrain from commenting. The funniest thing that happened there was when aboodi asks her what her name is and she says "rula" (no idea how to say or spell it) and he comes to us running and goes "HER NAME IS GORILLA!". Pricless.
My dad had wanted to leave as soon as we took him home but they had food prepaired so we stayed to eat and then left right away. If you get stuck in Portland rush hour traffic you probably wont get back home till around 10 and he didn't want to get stuck couse my brothers were coming over later on. Alhamdulillah we made it home by like 6:30. When we were a little past Salem my brother calls and tells my dad 34 is closed and they have a detour that takes you to junction city then up 99. My dad was like "why didn't you just take 20?" (my bro lives in portland now and was driving down as well), and he goes "oh, thats exactly what I did. The guy told me take the detour so I made a U turn and headed back to Albany. The detour would be like an hour long, I was only 10 miles from Albany". So typical of him! 20 was clogged up bad though. It was around the time that HP workers got off when we got onto it and man it was bumper to bumper, stop and go, traffic.
Anyways, I have more pictures that I wanted to post (zoo, traffic, portland) but dude its almost 11 and I havnt started on my hw.. maybe later or tommorrow.
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Last night my dad said "I want to leave by 10 and no later than that!", its almost 10:30 and hes still asleep :). Actually, everyone but me is still asleep!
I didn't pack last night, even though my dad told me to like ten times, couse I knew this would happen. And like dude, is packing for a two day trip even that hard? I just grabbed my bag and started putting things in order of most important to least important :P(joke). But ya, I got the laptop, school books, notebook, pens, digi cam, and cloths. I charged the camera batteries yesterday but my sis used two of them :( Lets hope they still work.
Ok, dads probably gonna get up now.. my sisters teacher just called and I had like a ten minute convo with him so I'm sure that woke everyone up. This teacher is hilarious.. but ya, I'll say more about that another time..
This is going to be like so short couse I have to go so soon and I'm in the middle of bbq-ing.
Ok, so today has been so totally crazy. I got up a bit sick so I didn't get up too early, around 8:30ish. My mom had a lot of errands to run so we did that in the morning and then went to the dars. I had the worst Asthma that I've had in like months today :( It was so horrible man and my medication is in a box in the garage :(. I so deserved it thought.. its my fault for doing stupid things and then getting upset and guilty about it and then I get asthma! smart on my part, eh?
So tommorrow we're headed to Portland inshaAllah. I want to come back at night but my dad said "No, I told 'amu we'll spend 2 days with them"!!!! DUDE THEY MOVED A MONTH AGO AND THEY'VE COME DOWN EVERY WEEKEND AND MORE.. we so dont need to spend two days there!! but khair. InshaAllah I'm taking my laptop and khala told me there is wireless net there ! ! !
The river is flooding. I saw it today on my way to Albany. The amount of rain this year is insane. Albany was worse. The whole way on HW 34 it was pouring and all the fields had a good half foot or more of water.
Anyways, moms mad couse I'm online while cooking. so ya.. whatever.. I'll just get off.
I'm in an annoyed mood. .
I'm at a point now where I seriously can't stand my sister, and no I'm not in the mood to explain why.
I've heard way too much crazy things today. Are all girls psychos in one way or another(yes, including me)?
Oh, we'll be out of town on wendsday and Thursday :(. Great. We're invited to Umm 'aboodi's in portland. They "dropped in" again today. I don't mind guests, most of the time, but their "dropping in" is getting annoying!! Ever since they moved to Portland our house is like their house in Corvallis. ok ok, I know I shouldnt complain about it but man.. I just sorta don't like it when my dads at work and they come and amu wants to pray and eat and stuff and its like dudeee.. but ya.. I'm just in a bad mood today.
Anyways, my sis wants the computer *rolls eyes*. Tommorrow is so busy man its crazy. Great.. anyways.. whatever
so my dad left a while ago. Instead of coming online, which would seem like the "normal" thing for me to do, I decide to clean the whole house. I swear I'm psycho. But dude, I actually like housework! I cant stand school, at least sometimes :(.
I had a discussion with my mom about dropping school the other day--it didnt go good :P. The thing is I KNOW what she's saying is right.. its just that I'm lazy etc. My moms argument was that I needed something to fill my time, that I need constant "stimulation and learning", and that what I'm studying will inshaAllah help me later on. She also said that if I can come up with a good enough alternative then she'll let me drop it. Alhamdulillah, she dont care if I get the degree so its all good I guess.
Is it just me or is the younger generation the biggest group of blind copy cats? I've been observing my sister and her friends for a while now and some of the things I've noticed is just so sad man. The things they are interested in, the way they dress, and what they do is like shocking. What happenned to playing tag and beging innocent kids?
ya know, to be honest, I put alot of blame on us "older girls" for how they are turning out. Since we're the people they look up to and copy how can we expect them to be any different if we arent? Its just that I really dont remember looking up to older girls when I was their age and wishing to be like them :S, but then again I'm not normal so who knows..
anyways, dad should be home soon again.. maybe I'll rant about this more another time.
B. This class started Wednsday and everything was due Sunday. 1)Read 100+ pages. 2)Do the "objective and subjective" exercise. 3)finish technical descriptions rough draft.
C.This class started Wednsday and everything was due Sunday. 1)Read assigned pages(not a lot). 2)Post answers to questions. 3)Post reflections
There is an option on blogger to "email" your posts to your blog. So all you have to do is open a blank e-mail page, insert your blogs email address, write the post and when your done click send. Usually I'll do this instead of logging into the blogger website-its easier and I'm not too fond of blogger.com. Today I decided to post through the blogger site, this was about 45 minutes ago.
When I logged into my account it displayed all of my blogs for me, some of which I had almost forgotten about. I went through a couple of them reading both the published and unpublished posts. It was like a rush of memories. It reminded me of when I was unpacking my room. It took me almost a week to unpack because, among other things, I would go through EVERYTHING before choosing where I wanted to place it..and everything had some sort of memory attached to it.
That reminds me, I have pictures of my room at different "stages" that I'm not sure if I want to post or not. Untill today I haven't totally finished organizing it. There are a lot of reasons why, but the end result is that it needs a little more work..inshaAllah soon. For now I'll stick to writting papers and eating chocolate :D. I replenished my supply of chocolate yesterday.. let me tell ya'll the story!
Yesterday was the "womens", i.e. auntie's and khala's, Eid party/get-together.
Actually before I go on let me complain about how unfair it is. The kids, the women, the guys, the men, they all have there Eid things going on but the teen girls are always left in the dark! And its been like this for YEARS.. ahh khair.. so back to my story.
While the women were out in the activity room area having some sort of Fiqh Quiz I was chilling with a couple of girls in the musalaah. My mom comes and is like "do you want to run to the store and buy drinks? It doesnt look like there are any". I wasn't really "feeling" the whole party and was happy to be granted the chance to leave. While I was in the store I happened to pass by the candy aisle and figured "hey! why not?".
When I got back to the Masjid I took the things to "our corner" (the back of the musalah and went out to see what the girls were stairing in awe at, lets just say I was beyond surprised. This one auntie, khala Summayyah, had organized "games" for the moms to play..she had them playing catch with water balloons and balancing baskets on their heads, I kid you not! After one particularly "heated" match of "balance the basket on your head and transfer as many of the balls as you can to the other side of the room" between khala Aisha and Maysa's mom (both pali's, go figure!) it got really intense and almost resulted into a, "lets take it outside", type of fight, with Maysa's mom leading the way.
After watching this take place for a while all of us "party poopers" who refused to participate decided that we had seen enough and that it was time to go chillax. Lets just say all the junk food came in really handy while we tried to overcome the shock that we had just sustained. I'm not saying I'm against the parents having fun, no by all means, its just that.. uhh nevermind. I think I'll just stick to making cotton candy for the kids with a garbage bag over my abayah :P.
But dude, like seriously all jokes aside, I just haven't been feeling it this Eid. I mean we've done some ok fun stuff but I'm not so sure I've enjoyed myself much. Like I said before, on the first day I stayed (and skipped class :P) to help out with the kids party thing till about dhuhr and had a pretty good evening-minus the wind storm. The second day of Eid we had guests coming over for dinner so I was busying cooking with my mom till around 3 when I had to go to school.. I spent 4 hours at school and ended up coming back with all the guests still here! I babysat untill 11 and then cleaned and slept. Thursday we had guests over again for a while and the net came in so I was busy with that and ya, I just said how Friday was. We might go up to portland on Sunday for some thing they're having but I don't even feel up to doing that! I guess khala Summayyah was right, I am a party pooper :P. Oh ya, I was invited to a party today but I'm not going couse its one of them music filled parties..
Ok, I guess thats enough of me and my random rants and topic jumps. Make duaa that I finish all this stuff before tommorrow :(. I miss taking pictures, I need to charge my batteries.
It's interesting to look back at the begining of this move and to see how much we(my mother, sister, and I)were against it and now we see that, inshaAllah, it was/is for the better. Alhamdulillah a lot of good has come from it and in a way it has been a lesson- wa 'asa en tahibu shay'an wa howa sharun lakum..wa 'asa en takrahu shay'an wa howa khairun lakum.. Allahu ya'lamu wa entum laa ta'lamoon.
It seems like I get one of these lessons yearly. Last year, around this time, it was what happened with me and my uncles hajj plans. I will NEVER forget how close(yes closer than this year) I was to going and how dissapointed I was when I didn't and then I remember going "wow, subhanAllah" when I found out what happenned; the same "wow, subhanAllah" that I get when I think back on this move.
When I think back to all that has happenned between last 'Eid al Adha and this one I can't believe how much has taken place! It seems like just yesterday I was staying up all night talking to yasi on my dads phone. I remember the FIRST time we did it it was the 9th of dhul hijjah and I had promised my mom I would get up and make sahoor for them. I stayed on the phone untill 4am and then went downstairs, used the computer, and baked bread. SubhanAllah, since then we've moved 3 times and all too much has happenned. Khala Hannan and Huda left. I felt the void of their absence this year. I miss my Noufi-the way I could put her to sleep and the way she hugged me whenever she saw me. SubhanAllah. So much has change and so much is still the same.
It's 4:30. I need to be at the masjid in an hour and a half and I'm stuck here with more homework than I would like. I guess that is one thing that almost never changes :P. I decided to drop my 2 attend classes. Why? For a few reasons I suppose. I have a little too much on my plate right now and I finally came to my senses and decided to lighten my load of school work. I was at 20 credits now I'm down to 13, sadly :(. Another thing is I'm not to keen on attending class. I'm not the type that likes to go out a lot and in order to attend these classes I'd be out from 8-1 two days a week..with dars on tuesday and Friday and my Saturdays and Sundays booked I realized that if I attended these two classes I'd more than likely go crazy. The only thing is that if I continue to do this and only take online classes I will NEVER finish. The amount of classes offered online are limmitted each quarter, and the ones in my field are even more limmitted. Allahu 'aalam. If it was up to me I would drop school..I have close to no motivation to finish-the only reason I am is to, hopefully, please my parents and maybe learn something along the way.
Now, before I end off this all too useless and boring post, there is one other thing that has been on my mind and has been bothering me. Why is it that people consider me a good friend yet they are in such a dire need of a friend? If I was really all they make me out to be wouldn't I then at least help fill some of this void and need? I do believe and know that in general one needs interaction with more than one person since each person brings something different to the table and can help them in different ways but if they are lost and suffering in all directions then I must not be bringing anything at all to the table..I just come empty handed and feast without even a thank you at the end.
When I look at myself I dont see a "good friend". To me a good friend is someone you know cares, someone you can trust and know that it will be safe, someone who you can go to for advice and will give you their most honest and sincere advice, someone who doesnt get bored of listening to your rants and raves, someone who doesn't need to tell you they care or love you couse you already know, someone that can make you laugh when your sad, someone who worries for you if they dont hear from you for a day..someone that is there.. and ya, alot more. But when I look at me I dont see any of this. Sometimes I wonder how others have been fooled into seeing good in a person that has non in them. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.
This isn't to say that I don't try to have these types of qualities, ofcourse I do, we just all have our own shortcomings. It's scary though. If you look at some of the qualities one would like in a friend you realize that those that don't have these qualaties, such as keeping trusts and telling the truths, have nifaaq. May Allah swt protect us from being of them..aameen.
This dunyah, subhanAllah, sometimes you really dont know who to go to.. who to trust.. what to believe.. and who is true..
anyways, I suppose I should go bury my face in my technical communications textbook. Is it just me or do teachers lack all sense of mercy? Who in their right mind would assign 100+ pages of technical communication read over a 4 day period? Especially when its the first week of classes and ALOT of students dont have their books or classes sorted out yet. Looks like I'm stuck with some 2nd class teachers this quarter..
ok.. let me start off by saying I'm at my friends house and there is one of the scariest wind storms going on right now. Alhamdulillah I'm usually not scared of these things but we're all really scared. SubhanAllah. Power might go out and we cant find matches :).. at least we sorta know where a phone that dont take power is.. dunnu if my dads gonna drive now or not.. so who knows might end up spending the night here! ok now to get to my blogpost..
The past few weeks have been exhuasting, walhamdulillah. The week with khala Enas was awesome but it was so tiring man. The week of moving sucked couse I so didnt want to move. And the week of unpacking was horrible because I couldnt unpack my room!! The only thing that got me to do it was that I had school and needed some of the things in my boxes and ya.. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.
As far as how my Eid was--some of it sucked and some of it was aight alhamdulillah. The night of eid was HORRIBLE :(.. morning was better. I went to salaah and then chilled at the masjid till past 11. I missed 2 "first day"s of class :S. If I'm lucky I wont get dropped from the classes if I do get dropped I'm sorta in trouble. Anyways, masjid was nice alhamdulillah. I sat and listened to the khubah and then I sorta ate and then I spent like an hour and half making cotton candy for the kids. After the masjid we went to khala Aishas for a little then went to another aunties and chilled there till after maghrib. The men had went to slaughter and they brought home the livers etc and then went to either our house or another uncles(not sure) and cooked it then brought some of it to us.. I dont like and really have never been able to eat that stuff so I had some rice. Around 6 I came to UmmAQ's house and I've been here since..I'm supposed to call my dad now but I dont want to couse its mad scary out there.
InshaAllah the net will be in by monday. It was supposed to be in last Friday but the company made a mistake and it took 6 hours on the phone with them for them to realize the mistake and actually do something about it. So ya, alhamadulillah 'ala kulli haal.
I wrote a small update but I put the wrong email address in (instead of @blogger I put @hotmail) so its lost..
In short: I'm at the library got not more time left.. couse there is a stupid limmit.. I'll have net at home by friday inshaAllah. We moved on Saturday couse we've been so busy with guests and stuff. And I miss you guys like so so much :(.
