I finally found out the diffrence between miskeen and faqeer!!! lol big deal eh? :P. Well for me it is! About a year ago Yasi was maddd depressed so to get her mind off of her problems Al-X asks her to explain the diffrence between Faqeer and Miskeen. lol me and her spent the whole day giving x answers and every one was wrong!! So finally today at the dars I found out.. It was funny, right in the middle of dars I get this HUGE smile on my face and my sister gives me this look like "are you ok?" and I'm like oops and pretend to pay attention again :P.
So ya, alhamdulilah today's been good. Went to the dars.. was nice.. hadn't been to the masjid for like two weeks! Found out some good news, and some bad.. miskeenah Dana Nur is still at the Portland Hospital : (. After the dars I had eye doctor appointment.. lol.. I got contacts :P. Alhamdulilah my vision aint bad so in general I dont have to wear glasses but doctor said it'd be best if I wore the contacts couse it would correct the problem.. so ya, whatever..
Since I came back dad hasnt been home but no ones online :(. Whats the point of the net with no one on?? To study maybe :P.. I got two more exams to study for, and then its off the net for me! I skipped my Tafseer exam today.. gonna take the redo exam on the 28th.. didnt feel like I had studied enough.. so inshaAllah now I have an extra day to study for the other two classes..
I miss my freedom!!!!!!!!! lol.. I did miss my dad but mannnn now I really miss being able to do whatever I want, stayin up as late as I want, and going online whenever I want.. maybe this is better for me though.. Allahu 'aalam..
Yesterday was an intresting day... one of those days that I would have rather spent alone in my room than around people.. since it was my dads first day back I didnt get that chance.. I had to spend it downstairs with him.. I did end up going to bed at like 10:30, didnt fall asleep till 3 though.. I've realised you can fool the world but you can't fool your parents.. it just don't work no matter how hard you try.
Alhamdulilah am feeling good today though. I wasn't up to taking my exam yesterday so I took it this morning.. ended up turning it in minutes before it was due lol.. but alhamdulilah got it in. Today I have dars, inshaAllah that should be nice.. and after it I have to go somplace so I probably wont be on much.. but tomorrow dads gonna be out most of the day, so I guess I'll be able to come one then..
ahh anyways I think he's up.. I better get off :S..
I love you because you're always there when I need a shoulder to cry on.
I love you because you always tell me what is wrong, and never try to hide things from me.
I love you because you are willing to listen to my problems even when you are going through ones just as bad.
I love you because you might not always agree with my decisions but you always support me in them.
I love you because you don't look down at me for my mistakes, but instead help me to correct them.
I love you because I can be myself with you, I don't have to front or pretend.
I love you because you understand me, and are always there to support me.
I love you because you're willing to spend hours, and loose a nights sleep just so I can listen to a lecture, because I am not able to attend it with you.
I love you because I can get mad at you, yell at you, and swear not to talk to you again, but it doesn't change our friendship. Because YOU wont let it.
So I just wanted to say that I love, and really appreciate all you've done for me the past couple years, and that I'm here for you forever inshaAllah.
ahhh I hate you Tassnym...
The one hug that will kill my heart
The one hug that will pull us apart
Will happen sooner than it seems
I never want the day to come - not in my wildest dreams
It will be the last time I see you in a very long while
The last time I'll see your beautiful smile
I know you have your own life, but I'll miss you
You're the one who sees me through
The one hug where I will cry
The one hug where we'll say goodbye
The time where I will fall into a depression
In my life, you have made a deep inpression
I don't want you to leave; I'll love you forever
I'll never forget you - no, not ever
The emotions that will course through me
Are to much to bear; too much to see
I can't be strong - without you
I can't go on - without you
But I'll try for you, I promise I will
As my hot tears spill
During this one hug.
Todays my last night on! My dad should be home within a few hours. I still can't believe he's driving 20 hours straight.. subhanAllah. But ya, with the arival of him, my freedom is taken away lol. I guess its bittersweet, because I did miss him some, but I know I will miss certain freedoms that I don't have with him around. laa shaak.
Tonights been an annoying night for me.. I think when I get really tired I start taking everything personally and that gets me on an emotional low.. I also start to develop an attitude lol.. And to add to that I've been running back and forth between my studying and doing things for mama (vaccuming, laundry, kitchen cleaning) all night, till now and its like almost 4am! Anddd I didnt get to sleep from 9-11 like I had planned because Khala Aisha came over.. and I cut my foot while walking her back home and it hurts :(.. lol I honestly dunnu how that happened.. I had flipflops on and I guess I hit something sharp or something? Allahu 'aalam.
Today or shall I say yesterday, was actually a pretty good day Alhamdulilah. I enjoyed it. Took my second exam, alhamdulilah wasn't to hard. Tommorrow is Mustalah Hadith, :( and I still got alot of reviewing to do. I have another two lectures to listen to and then I wanna go over my notes and stuff.. aahh khair.. at least I got an excuse to use the computer tommorrow :P except I wont be able to go on msn unless dads not home..
Its fajr adhan now.. mashaAllah I love the adhan for fajr.. I have the adhan set to madinah, and the one for the other salaahs is ok, but the one for fajr is beautiful mashaAllah.. ahh I think imma go rest for a while, then get back to studying..
Tape
Nasheed
I love the words to this.. its deep.. so are most of the ones on this tape..
ahh arabi wont work on this blog.. words to nasheed
Disclamer: this post is not meant to be understand, so don't try to..
I've been on one of my emotional lows latly.. I don't know why, or maybe I do.I think I should be in a good mood, but I'm not. I guess there are alot of factors that are playing a roll in it.. but I guess its not that uncommon for me to be like this, I seem to get into one of these moods every couple weeks.
There are a few "situations" that I'm "dealing" with right now lol. Alot of it is like internal things. I dont know. I think I'm doing what I accused a friend of before "making yourself think you have certain problems and then trying to deal with them". But its not all made believe.. some is real.. or is it all?
One thing that is getting me down though, is seeing certain people I really care about not doing so good.. or being down. Even the ones that don't say that somethings wrong I can just feel it.. and then there are those that tell you half of whats going on and you have to guess the other half, and the third that tells you all.. I'm not good at showing sympathy/ampathy, and I usually seem harsh and heartless.. lol.. I'm not good at giving a heart or flower, even a nice duaa, a kind word, and I know that can bring a smile to someone and make them feel better.. but thats not how I am.. I cant usually. So instead I spend time thinking about them, makeing duaa for them, and just hoping the best, and it gets me down to see what they going through.. makes you feel like you got no problems at all..
Why do people hold on to things they know that there is no point in holding on to? I guess this is the situation thats causing me the most confusion.. The best example I can think of is that of a beautiful flower, after a while it starts to dry, but you dont throw it out because even though its dying it still has a nice fragrance.. but you know sooner or later you're going to throw it out because the petals will start to fall and its appearance will start to get uglier. You KNOW there is no point in holding on to this thing any longer, the more you do the more problematic it becomes but you can't let go because even though its not like it once was its still important to you? Allahu 'aalam.
The way I am, I hold things in for to long.. and then when I feel like letting it out, its to late I think. I try to supress all my emotions, whatever they may be.. and sometimes thats not always the best thing. I'm always on this emotional rollercoster lol.. one day I'm on a high, one day on a low.. usually in the middle alhamdulilah. I guess the reason for this is that when I do end up letting things out, I end up getting betraid.. and that sucks..
Allahu 'aalam. I think maybe I just need to take a break from certain things, concintrate on other things, and think some things through more. InshaAllah once exams are over in a few days I'm going to take a couple weeks to do all I can to finish my HS, and after that we'll see. Probably won't be on much during that time..
lol, maybe my problem is I think to much..
I think I need to stop these all nighters lol.. I only have one more day that I can though, so alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. Today has been pretty crazy. I got about two hours of sleep this morning.. and been up since then. Pretty much did nothing but study all morning, and took my exam around 2ish. It took me over an hour to do.. wasnt easy lol.. but inshaAllah I did well.
at around 4ish, Umm Yusif and Umm Abdul Qudoos came over. Alhamdulilah that was nice. Had a good time.. they left around maghrib, and I decided to take a nap lol. Slept from like 9-11 which wasnt too bad. Been online since then. I have another exam tommorrow so am up studying..
I cant seem to get the audios from the lecture to clean up. There is waaay to much crackling and its annoyin me! No matter what I do to them its not working. :(. khair, I've worked on it to much today.. inshaAllah tommorrow (well technicaly today) I'll work on it again.
Naturally
I felt inclined
Hesitantly
You declined.
There wasn't any pain
Just feelings that insist to remain
Something so seemingly mundane
It might seem frivolous, might seem in vain
Is it worth it
Am I worthy?
Will I ever know
What the answer will be?
Do I wait
As the tidal waves crash against my heart
Or do I cease
And let my feelings reluctantly depart
Into this depth
I think, I hope, I pray
That with renewed faith
Come this beautiful night today.
SubhanAllah, I am DEAD and it doesnt seem like I'm going to be going to sleep anytime soon..
Originally I had wanted to stay up to study and figured I could go to bed around 2. I ended up not starting my studies untill 2 though! All day me and UmmQaylah have been working to get the Yasir Qadhi lecture in DC recorded. So for most of the day we were searching for and downloading programs that record audio and are compatible with macs. Finally found one that met our criteria. So UmmQaylah takes her laptop with her to the lecture and records it, but one problem, the files are only compatible with macs.
From around 9:30pm my time untill around 1am we did nothing but mess around with these files. First we try sending them to my windows computer, doesnt work no matter what I do to the files. Finally I give up and log onto the laptop which is a mac and get the files to PLAY there. The files are HUGE and its not fun waiting for them, so we decided to send the smallest file (adhan) and to work with that till we are sure we know what we are doing. So I try to convert this file to anything but an .AIFF to no avail. Ya either gotta pay or you dont get a good converter. At the end I give up and decide to go back to windows. Alhamdulilah after another hour of downloads and trial and error we get the file extensions sorted out.
Once that is done there is the annoying process of SENDING the files. So UmmQaylah decides to send the next smallest file, salaat al maghrib, with about 1/4 of it left the transfer gets inturrupted and ya its gone. Now you're probably like why not do this tommorrow? well UmmQaylah decides to do something REALLY smart and update her system, so now if she turns off her computer or restarts the files will be lost! Anyways, we decided to do the salaat al 'isha file, that takes about half hour to forty-five mins but alhamdulilah it gets transfered and converted. I told her to forget about the maghrib file for now and send the lecture/qa. She does, a few minutes into it she signs out and transfer goes away.. I sit for five mins hoping that she didnt loose the files lol.. and just like I thought she had to reboot her system but somehow alhamdulilah, the files were not deleted! So ya.. she sends the file again and goes to bed.. its been more than three hours now and the files not done lol..
After I get all the files I'm supposed to clean up the audio.. convert to mp3.. make them smaller.. send back to her.. so she can give them to Darul Arqam masjid.. ahh alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal...
so from 2ish I decided to start studying, couse my first exam is tomorrow. Alhamdulilah its been going ok so far, but I'm dead now. I've been trying to keep myself alert with sugar and being on paltalk.. but its starting not to work lol.. Alhamdulilah am getting a chance to talk to yasi which helped me stay awake for a while. I had decided to take a nap on the living room floor with my MSN sounds really high just incase anyone signed in right when she came online... Alhamdulilah... I was worried.. i guess I still am but a little less..
so ya, Imma get back to studying.. moms up for fajr.. hopefully I'll make it through the day :P.. couse its supposed to be a busy one..
Alhamdulilah, Alhamdulilah, Alhamdulilah! I just got off the phone with my school, andddd they said they got 2 credits for the civics class so I only have to finish the 4 classes I'm working on and I'm done!
I have 4+5+8+9 exams left in the classes.. so inshaAllah if I do just one a day I'd be done in less than a month.. and if I do two a day (inshaAllah thats what im planning) I'll be done in less than two weeks!
I've had a pretty hectic day I guess.. am exhausted thats forsure.. been getting less than 3 hours of sleep everyday for more than a week now, and with everything going on today am super tired.
Alhamdulilah I was able to get up from fajr and study untill like 9-10ish.. by that time my sis was up and we all had breakfast.. cleaned the house.. and then started on the "deep" organization. We unpacked one stack of the boxes and have pretty much gone through all the stuff in them alhamdulilah. I tried to get back to studying after dhuhr but couldnt pay attention to it at all, so I gave up and helped mama some more. After asir was cooking, and then mom wanted to go get some things from the store.. AGAIN.. lol.. mann at least this time she really needed something. So got dragged to the store for the third time this week (yes I dont like going) and ended up not coming back till after maghrib.. tsk tsk. Since then we did more organization.. I had to clean a MESSY kitchen.. and now am online blogging and eating candy..
Today was pretty hot.. was in the upper 90's outside, and got up to 85 inside.. lol my mom thinks I'm insane couse I wasnt hot :S. I went outside for like five mins to get a "tan" lol.. she was like GET INSIDE!!..
ahh anyways Imma head to bed... wanna get up early again inshaAllah..
I actually took time to work on the blog today and not just update it. I finally got the comments to work again, added a tagboard, and added some to the links area etc. InshaAllah I’ll do more work on it later..
I have exams to study for, so ofcourse that means I do anything but study : P.. One of the things I did today, in order to distract myself from studying, was to make dinner.. When my dads not home I like to have fun with trying to make new things, things I dont know how to make : P.
So ya, I mad two kinds of chicken, and multi color rice lol.. I've always wondered how they make rice yellow and white so I thought I'd try it.. I put to much tumuric(curcum, haaldi) so it doesnt really look white and yellow.. it looks more dark yellow and light yellow... anywaysss here I am wasting more time posting..
lol yes this subject again!! Allahu ‘aalam.. I think me and Umm Qaylah (or should I say “Umm Qaylah and I” per our discussion today :P) talk about this waaaaaaaay to much.. today we talked about a little bit different aspect of it.. how worried and scared we actually are about it..
I think I usually give off the vibe that I’m coo with it, and that I think I could handle it now.. but the truth is I don’t think so.. In all honesty Im an immature soon to be 16 (ya ya I know its months :P) year old that got emotional problems and according to some people mental problems as well lol.. And I really don’t think I could run a house.
Yes I could cook meals, clean the house, and do things like that, but I don’t think that’s all that is too it.. theres more, a lot more, and that’s the stuff that seems to pass by a girls mind constantly.. I thought I was alone in my insanity of thoughts until somehow (no need to mention how :P) Umm Qaylah and I ended up talking about these fears and worries today. In a way it was a relief lol, I guess each of us had a few answers that the other wanted to know and it helped.
Its really interesting how small of issues we seem to come up with and think about. I cant remember what it was but we both were worrying about this really not important issue and we ended up laughing at our selves for even thinking about it now.. something like cooking a certain meal to often lol.. and then there were the more apparent ones, like inlaws, and not meeting your husbands expectations..
This conversations, and some other things, have really gotten me to re think the whole “I wanna get married now” that I’ve been on and off for the past while. I just don’t know if I’m ready…and the last thing I’d want is to rush something and then for it not to work out..
Khair, I had wanted to write more.. and I had thought of certain things I wanted to put up.. but its getting late.. almost 2 am.. and I kinda want to stay up from fajr tomorrow lol.. so I better go get a couple hours of sleep..
I'm not the craziest person when it comes to anasheed, but I do like some. And as most know one of my favorites is Ghurabaa' (big surprise eh? :P). So when I saw another nasheed with the same name I had to check it out :D.. thought it was pretty cool.. although its totally diffrent than the Ghurabaa' most know..
Ghurabaa'
LOL.. man this brought back memories..
meyeh says:
hes in denying
Umm Qaylah says:
yea
meyeh says:
denyial
Umm Qaylah says:
lol
meyeh says:
denial
Umm Qaylah says:
denial*
meyeh says:
lol
Umm Qaylah says:
girl, go back to school
meyeh says:
i spelt it before you!
I'm tired and bored. Been up since fajr again, trying to catch up in classes couse exams start soon. And now I'm home alone, have been for more than an hour. Mom whent to go take sister to the doctor, and dad Allahu 'aalam where he went. Before they left they gave me a long list of chores to do, alhamdulilah finished them so I could come online and talk, only to get ditched by both the people I wanted to talk to :P. Both had valid reasons though.. so alhamdulilah.
Todays another one of those kinda crappy days so far... inshaAllah it'll get better. Dads leaving tommorrow for a week or so inshaAllah.. so gonna have alot to do in that week. The house needs major organization, we still have some boxes that arent unpacked.. and there is still studying and other things we need to take care of.. so thats gonna be somewhat a busy week..
My mom said she was going to take me to get my permit while babas not here lol. I've been bugging her about it, couse their excuse for not letting me drive is that if we get caught they get thier licence taken away. Dad doesnt care if I get it, he just doesnt feel like taking me to go get it.. so thats going to be fun inshaAllah. Me and khala Aisha had this "bet" on who's going to get thier license first LOL. She's already had her permit before but its expired now.. so it looks like im in the lead :P/
Which reminds me I lost the NBA picks for last round.. 3-1 :( lol.. this round I get to pick first.. I'm thinking Miami and Pheonix even though they both lost already.. but you know.. I'm somewhat a homer with Phoenix, and I like Miami..
Uncles back from over seas :D.. alhamdulilah am happy.. he said he gonna come visit soon inshaAllah.. mama was like "ya hes coming to marry you off"..
Anyways dad just called said hes on his way and to get something ready for him to eat..
I had a couple really weird dreams last night, and no matter what I cant get them off of my mind. Especially the second. Its not that they were bad, but I cant say they were good. ya’ani the apparent is good, but to me its weird. I don’t think I can explain it. I know that its “just a dream” and that in Islam dreams are neither believed or disbelieved.. but its just that I’ve had a lot of dreams that ended up coming true before.. and these ones are almost like a continuation of ones I’ve been having. Almost like, “you didn’t pay attention to the ones before so lets make it a little more real” if that makes any sense.
Each one is about a different situation, and I’ve had dreams on them before. I’ve always just thought it was because I think about the situations to much but this time it was so real.. and different. I told Umm Qaylah the dreams, she said that they seemed good especially the second one that’s bothering me. The first ones pretty normal, close to ones I had before.. and that situation I think I’ve dealt with already? It’s the second one that I’ve been thinking about non stop..
Today seems to be like the day of bad days. No matter who I talk to they seem to be having a pretty bad day.. and I cant say mine was perfect either. I’ve had a few of those moments where you feel like just letting tears out for no reason.. khala Aisha called during one of those times and I was home alone.. When I saw the name on the caller ID didn’t wanna pick up, but I knew it would make her more worried if I didn’t.. As soon as she picked up she asks whats wrong with me.. and then she said something that almost hurt for some reason “habeebti I want you to be happy again, I want to see you smile. Every time I talk to you you’re down.. tell me whats wrong”. I was like “khaltu wallahi im fine!!” lol she didn’t buy it.
lol subhanAllah, I’m honestly not that bad though! Most days I am happy and good, she just seems to see me at the wrong times. But ya, its been a kinda rough day alhamdulilah. I think I need another counseling session with UmmQ lol.. that seems to be how all or convos go.. me counseling her with her issues and her counseling me with mine.. alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.
The one thing that really made my day today was getting a call from AbdulQudoos lol.. His mom called and when she heard me answer the phone she put him on right away. Have I mentioned how much I love that kid? Ya Allah.. hes adorable habeebi.. he can barely talk so I couldn’t really understand what he was saying but it made me smile. lol I know I’ve said it before and ya’ll think I’m crazy (except maybe ummq) but I want a baby :S lol… anyways I’ll end the post before my sanity gets questioned any more than it already is…
I miss my yasi :(.
Be in this life as if you were a stranger or a traveller on a path
by al-Hâfidh Ibn Rajab
Translated by Abû az-Zubayr Harrison
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taken from Jâmi' al-U'lûm wal-Hikam [1]
Hadîth #40:
Ibn Umar (Radhiallahu 'Anhum) said: Allâh's Messenger (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) took me by my shoulder and said:
"Be in this life as if you were a stranger or a traveller on a path."
Ibn Umar used to say,
"If you reach the evening then do not expect to reach the morning, and if you reach the morning then do not expect to reach the evening. Take from your health before your sickness, and from your life before your death." - [Reported by al-Bukhârî]
This hadîth is the foundation for limiting one's hope in this life. So a believer must not take this life as a homeland or permanent residence, his heart being tranquil and resting assured within it. Rather, he must be in it as if he were on a journey, preparing himself to depart. The advice of the Prophets and their followers confirmed this.
Allâh said, narrating upon a believer at the time of Fir'awn that he said:
"O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever." [Ghafir : 39]
Alî ibn Abi Tâlib used to say,
"Certainly this life has begun travelling away, and the hereafter has begun travelling forward, and each has its children. So be from the children of the hereafter, and don't be from the children of this life. For indeed today there is action with no account, and tomorrow there will be account with no action."
Umar ibn Abdul Azîz said in his khutbah,
"This life is not your permanent abode. Allâh has prescribed for it to come to an end and He has prescribed for its people to depart from it. How often has a thriving population been ruined for something insignificant, and how often has a joyful resident been made to depart for something insignificant. So prepare well, may Allâh have mercy on you, for the journey with the best of what you have of preparations, and take provisions, for the best of provisions is Taqwâ."
So if this life is not a permanent residence nor homeland for the believer, then the situation of the believer in it must be either one of two conditions: Either as if he were a stranger residing in a strange land with his main concern being to take provisions for his return to his real homeland; or as if he were a traveller, in no way residing in it, rather his every night and day is spent going to his land of residence.
For this, the Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) advised Ibn Umar to be in this life in one of these two conditions:
The first condition: That the believer abandons himself as if he were a stranger in this life, appearing to be a resident, yet really in a strange land. So his heart is not attached to this strange land. Rather, his heart is attached to his homeland that he is returning to. He is only staying in this life to fulfill his objective - preparing for the return to his homeland.
Al-Fudhayl ibn Iyyâdh said,
"A believer in this life is worried and sad. His worry is the objective of preparing himself. So whoever's condition in this life is such, then he has no concern other than taking provisions from what will benefit him during the return to his homeland. So he does not compete with the people of the land, among whom he is merely a stranger, in what they consider honorable. And he does not become worried if he seems insignificant among them."
Al-Hasan (al-Basrî) said,
"The believer is like a stranger. He does not become worried due to being insignificant in it (this life), and he does not compete for honor in it. His condition is one and the people are in another condition. Whenever Allâh created آdam ('Alayhis Salâm), He made him and his wife reside in Paradise. Then he was put out of it, yet was promised to return to it, he and the righteous ones among his offspring. So the believer is always longing for his first homeland..." [2]
Continue reading
Marriage.. Always a hot topic. And with summer around the corner the talk in this subject is at a record high. With those that want to get married, those that are, and those that have a family member who is, each having a different take on the subject. Often marriage is overlooked as something easy that “just happens”. People seem to forget all the details and extremely difficult decisions that both the bride and groom go through during this process. Lets take a look at some of the thoughts that a girl might go through during this time:
Picking the spouse
Ofcourse the first, and possibly one of the easier decisions, that you have to make is to choose the one you would like to marry. The first thing a girl must look into is the financial capabilities of the brother. Usually the way to figure out if he is to your liking in this aspect is to see how well he matches up with the husbands of your friends and cousins. As long as he is richer than all of them put together then it’s a green light for you to go ahead with the proposal. The next thing you must look into is the guys looks. It’s a very very bad thing for your finance to be the talk of the town because his looks are average. It could ruin your reputation! So make sure he is in the “hot” category.
As long as you make sure the brother has these two qualities and you have made your decision its time to move on to the next step.
The Engagement
--
After you have found someone to your liking it is time to make things a bit more formal. Its time for the engagement.
The engagement is often defined as the time when the guy presents the girl and her family with $1000’s worth of gifts and things. This is to show that he is serious about marrying the girl. The engagement is often marked by having a small party. You know just your family that lives within the country and some of your closer friends.
Although this party is rather small there is still a lot you need to do in preparation for it. The most important of these things is to find something suitable to wear. You should give yourself at least $1000 for dress, makeup, shoes, and jewelry.
The Mahr
--
It is during the engagement that more important things are decided, such as the mahr. The mahr is an amount of money decided by the bride and her family that is paid to the bride by the groom. Although it is not uncommon for at least some of it to fall into the hands of the brides family. For this reason it is sometimes referred to as the amount you are to be “sold off” for.
It is your right to ask whatever you would like for your mahr. A mahr is considered good when it is at least 10x as much as your friends were paid for their mahrs. No matter what a girl should not agree to a mahr less than $5000, although a good – mediocre- mahr nowadays ranges from $10,000 - $50,000. This may very well be one of the more important decisions you make, so one should put a lot of thought and time into making it.
The Nikah
--
Once the mahr is decided it is time to take the relationship to the next level. This is done through the nikaah, or marriage contract. Now that you have gotten your mahr and are financially secure for the rest of your life its time to legally bind the gu to you so he cant back out (not that he would after spending that much money anyway).
The nikaah is usually marked by having another party! This party is a tad bit bigger than the engagement. It is common practice to invite your relatives that live both in and out of the country, the local muslim community, your friends and their relatives. Depending on the amount of people attending you most likely will need to rent a banquette hall for this event.
As far as getting ready for this party you should need around $3000. About half of this should go on buying the perfect dress. The other half should be spent on accessories and getting your hair and make up professionally done. After all this will be the first time he gets to see you
The Wedding
--
After the nikaah the next big step is to start planning for the wedding. This is the biggest event of all , and much thought should go into it.
The wedding consists of many details and preparations, but can easily be broken into two main categories; the walimah and that which comes before it.
*Girls night out
From the most important pre-walimah preparations is the “hennah party”. This party is for the bride and her friends. It is usually the best time to show off what you have in store for the walimah and where you plan on going for you honeymoon. Plan it carefully! The best hennah party is the one that makes your friends most envious of you.
*Walimah
The walimah is the climax of the wedding. After the walimah youa re considered a married woman and go off to live with your husband. But that’s not the most important thing about it is it?
-Where it should be held
It is common practice for the invitation to the walimah to be open to the world. For this reason it is important to decide on the perfect banquette hall or hotel to have it in. A good place to have it held at should cost nothing less than $10,000. Never agree to having it at a local masjid or park!! If you ever dare do this you will most defiantly never hear the end of it.
-What to wear
The next decisions you have to make is what you would like to wear to the walimah. Whatever you choose it must be more expensive and extravagant than what you wore for the nikaah and engagement and what your friends wore for their weddings.
Usually for the walimah you have the option of wearing a normal dress or going with a more traditional approach such as wearing a thoubh, lengha, or the equivalent to it in your culture.
No matter what you decide make sure it costs more than $7000. Although if you would really like to dazzle everyone you should go with something around $15,000. You’ll also need a few thousand for accessories, makeup, and hair.
Honeymoon
---
Once the walimah is over its time to head out on your honeymoon. When deciding on this trip it is important to consult with your friends about where they would love to go but just cant. Most likely you will end up with a pretty big list. Choose the place that has the most unusual name and head to it!
The House
--
It is a must for you to have a furnished house to come back to after the trip. Afterall you’re going to be tired and the last ting you’re going to want to put up with is your mother in law. Solve this problem by having the house ready before you leave on the trip.
Conclusion
--
In your eyes you’ve just spent the best year of your life. You’ve beat all your friend in every aspect and now everyone is in envy of you. You’ve put your husband in debt, and turned his family against him. And you couldn’t be happier right?
Ok, jokes and sarcasm aside, there are a few points I do want to make. The first is that although a lot of what I said before was exaggerated its not totally untrue. And its sad. It is not uncommon for a girl to base her decision when picking a husband solely on his financial capabilities and looks without considering how he is as a person. A lot of times they will regret these decisions a few years down the line when his true colors show to them.
It is also common today to ask for to high of mahrs, demand to much from the husband to be, and spend way to much on one day of enjoyment. What is the point of this? At the end it ends up hurting the girl because she has burdened her husband with so much and after the marriage his burden is her burden. Not to mention how many good brothers have to walk away from a proposal they want because they can’t afford it.
Same goes for not agreeing to live with your inlaws after marriage. I do not think I have seen anything bring up as much controversy in all of the marriage talk. And its really rare when I meet a girl that says she wouldn’t mind it. I guess I’m just different in this aspect, because I think I’d actually enjoy it.
The next point I want to make is that marriage isn’t everything and its not easy! A lot of girls and I mean A LOT think and wish of nothing more than to get married within the near futures. They think it will solve all their problems and that they will live happily ever after. But they fail to realize all the responsibility that comes with marriage.
A friend of mine who has been married for almost three years now saw me and another friend arguing this point, her advice to us was “don’t worry or think about it to much. Before you know it you’ll be married and wishing you had your free time back. So enjoy the time while you have it.” Ever since then that’s pretty much been my take on it. Just let it happen don’t worry about it to much.
Yes marriage is inshaAllah great, and yes I want it as much as the next person, but why worry about it and plan for it to much.. Its not easy either. Once you’re married you have a house to run and responsibility to take care of, and no matter how much training you’ve had at home its not enough. So ya.. that’s it really.. just felt like ranting.. couse I’ve been hearing to much talk about this stuff and it annoys me.
This round : Dallas, Seattle, Miami, Indiana
Who I really think is going to win this round:
Miami, Detroit, Phoenix, San Antonio
Who I would like to see win this round:
Miami, Indiana, Phoenix, Seattle
