*I have a feeling you four(ya that’s all that have this link sad innit) are going to like the lecture my mom gave me lol.. couse all of you bug me about this stuff..
Last night I went to bed kinda early (a little after midnight) almost in tears because of how bad of a headache I had. This isn’t the first time. I’ve had at least one other this week. But this one was the worst, I could barley keep my eyes open couse of the pain. I never had a headache this bad before subhanAllah.. ya’ani I almost cried and for those who don’t know me I don’t cry. I don’t think I have ever cried from physical pain before, and I barley cry from emotional pain. The only time I do cry from emotional pain is say if I hurt someone that really really means a lot to me, or someone hurts me really bad, or say I miss someone a lot, or ya’ani I know im going to miss them.. (like the day me and Tassnym were walking and she made me cry couse we were talking about her leaving ect) and if I do cry I usually don’t admit it.. so if I'm crying from physical pain that means its totally unbearable. The other week I was telling Tassnym that I was about to cry couse of a different type of pain.. and her exact words were “Maryam crying from pain?? I mean I understand good by parties and stuff but pain? Girl go to the doctor.” Then she went and told her mom who called up my mom who had no idea that I was hurting.. and then khala faykah started telling my mom all this stuff to do for me.. anywaysss that’s kinda what happened yesterday and led to this huge lecture…
My headache started about 5 or so.. my brother was here so I had my niqaab on, so I just tied it really tight. He left a little later so when he left I took my hijab and like tied it around my head.. lol.. that’s when my mom looked at me saw how much pain I was in and said “you have a headache sah?” and I said “yah” thennnn she whent on and on and on.. this is pretty much what she said, except it was in arabi..
“Ya Allah ‘alaiki ya binti, what are you trying to do? Kill your self? Of course if you don’t eat and don’t sleep you will get headaches, and feel weak. What is this some kind of game? Ya’ani why? What's going to happen to you if you eat? You haven’t eaten a MEAL in two days, and then you complain. Actually I wish you would complain, all you do is sit in pain in silence. SubhanAllah. I'm scared for you ya binti, you haven’t eaten a meal in two days, yet you’re the most one working, here at the masjid everywhere. I'm not telling you not to help out bess you have to watch out for your health. Your body has rights on you. And the way you sleep, what two, three hours a day? Your still young, you have a future ahead of you inshaAllah you cant keep going like this. Wallahi I fear that one day you will just collapse from what your doing to yourself. But why ya binti, why are you doing this, what is it that’s making you do this. You weren’t like this. SubhanAllah. All I am asking is for you to watch out for yourself and take better care of yourself. If not for you, then do it for me, for your future husband and kids. And when something is wrong tell me. don’t let me find out from other people. Ok? Wallahi if I didn’t love you and didn’t care for you I wouldn’t think twice about what your doing to yourself.. but because I do I want what's best for you, and what your doing to yourself isn’t what's best. So listen to me and your baba. Tayyeb?”
Now the thing is my moms right. I am ruining my self. But I don’t know what to do about it. I eat a meal a day, if even that much. And what I consider a meal you wouldn’t consider a meal. The past week or so couse of my brother being here ive been eating even less. Since everyone goes and eats and im supposed to eat, but I just sit on the computer or something. Since the only time I really eat is if someone tells me to eat. And my sleep has become something like ; go to sleep around 3 get up for fajr around 4:30, go back to bed at about 5, by the time I fall asleep its 6 get up at 9. and the days I cant pray I sleep around fajr time. So in total I get about 4 hours or at the most 5 a day. And I'm not tired at night. But during the day im dead.
All of this has taken a toll on me. I'm not as strong, both physically or emotional, as I used to be. Last summer I got dared into running a mile with no breaks, and I did a mile and half no problem. And every time Id go to cheldlin after that Id run the mile. Even though I busted my knee up really bad (still injured till now) last summer playing basketball. Now if I can barley do the mile, well actually I haven’t even tried. I did half a mile though and was tired.. didn’t feel like going on… I know I needa change but I dunnu.. I have no nifs to eat, and I have to much on my mind at night.. and I cant sleep :( alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.. aighty my brother just brought my other brothers daughter(my niece I guess) over so ya that’s enough for now..
Comments:
As-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
Yah, your mother is 1000% correct and you knew this from the beginning. I know you did. Ukhtee, when something happens in your life it is a test from Allaah, dont give up food and your health for it. Make du'a to Allaah.
Ukhtee, I love you Fee SabiLillah and beyond so it worries me and all your friends when we hear about your situation. It is taking a huge toll on you. Insha-Allaah you know what you need to do in order to become a healthier person but if you ever need anything, you know where to find, call, e-mail etc..(me).
~TrueKnowledge
Yah, your mother is 1000% correct and you knew this from the beginning. I know you did. Ukhtee, when something happens in your life it is a test from Allaah, dont give up food and your health for it. Make du'a to Allaah.
Ukhtee, I love you Fee SabiLillah and beyond so it worries me and all your friends when we hear about your situation. It is taking a huge toll on you. Insha-Allaah you know what you need to do in order to become a healthier person but if you ever need anything, you know where to find, call, e-mail etc..(me).
~TrueKnowledge
Asslamu 'alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakaatuhu
I know my mom is right, and I knew it from before. I've been like this since before anything happened.. ya'ani since ramadon I havnt been eating to good. Since I almost fasted two months in a row (when I couldn’t pray I wouldn’t eat couse of my little sister, and in shawaal I couldn’t fast when everyone else was so I didn’t eat, then I wa sick for two weeks, then I had to make up my days and fast the 6) so I got used to not eating a lot. And then when stuff happened and I got depressed I started eating less and less till what I'm at now.
Just about the same with the sleep, I’ve always been a night person, and then now I cant sleep at night.. ya Allah.. I want to change, I think.. bess I don’t know what to do. I cant force my self to eat, couse I just cant. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I know its not right.. but subhanAllah I dunnu what to do.. lol alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.. the onlyyyyy person who agrees with this is Tassnym lol shes like good the more weight a person looses the better.. everyone else is like STOP.. anyways….
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I know my mom is right, and I knew it from before. I've been like this since before anything happened.. ya'ani since ramadon I havnt been eating to good. Since I almost fasted two months in a row (when I couldn’t pray I wouldn’t eat couse of my little sister, and in shawaal I couldn’t fast when everyone else was so I didn’t eat, then I wa sick for two weeks, then I had to make up my days and fast the 6) so I got used to not eating a lot. And then when stuff happened and I got depressed I started eating less and less till what I'm at now.
Just about the same with the sleep, I’ve always been a night person, and then now I cant sleep at night.. ya Allah.. I want to change, I think.. bess I don’t know what to do. I cant force my self to eat, couse I just cant. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I know its not right.. but subhanAllah I dunnu what to do.. lol alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.. the onlyyyyy person who agrees with this is Tassnym lol shes like good the more weight a person looses the better.. everyone else is like STOP.. anyways….
