.:Sunday, September 12, 2004:.
Allahu ‘aalam..
subhanAllah.. Allahu ‘aalam in what kind of state I am in right now. I’m like confused, depressed, sad, angry, down, you name it. I have no idea what's happening or going to happen in my life. Where I’m going to be living/moving to, and what's worse is I have almost no say in anything. My parents are used to me agreeing with them and listening and pretty much just not giving them a hard time. I know what I want, ya’ani subhanAllah.. khair whatever…
Last night me my mom dad and sis had a long “talk”. Except it wasn’t much of a talk it was more of a listen. Couse that’s all I did listen. I never cried in front of my dad before, and rarely in front of my mom, but yesterday I was layin on the floor listening to them and like I couldn’t help it. I kept holding my eyes shut so I wouldn’t cry, but sometimes tears would escape and I’d just put my face down so no one could tell. There isn’t much I want or want to hold onto, and like everything that I do seems to be taken away. Alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal.
I know we are moving, and the choices all suck. I don’t want to move outa here, I love Corvallis the only time I wanna move outa here is when I get married, or to go to saudia or to go to some other awesome muslim community that I know people in. My dad said 90% we moving outa here.. maybe not for good but nevertheless moving outa here. ufff ya Allah.. and wallah all the places he said suck. He said Egypt, Hermiston, or possibly Richland WA. It got to a point that I was so annoyed (not only by this issue but other stuff that subhanAllah I guess Ill just shut up about) I was starting to have an attitude big time LOL. and trust me I only have an attitude with one person :P other than that I'm attitude free.. anyways my dad was going on and on about it and I like had enough so I was like “we might as well move to Canada” (being sarcastic) and he goes “well me u and karima no problem we got American passports its ur mom” (trying to be funny) and I was like look baba will u just stop? You know what I meant.. and he was kinda like quiet.. :(
Each of the three choices suck..
Egypt: first of all this is highly unlikely to happen.. but it’s a possibility. And I don’t want it. couse I heard enough about Egypt, to know I don’t wanna live there. maybe visit but not live.
Hermiston: if you wanna live in a city that’s full of racists kufaar with no muslims and horrible weather then hermistons the city for you. But I don’t so I guess it aint the city for me. with the closest masjid across the border in WA(I’ll get into that later) and Portland 3 or so hours away and Corvallis 5 or so.
Richland WA. : aight this is the lovely Richland across the border, maybe 45 mins away. Has a muslim community and Allahu ‘aalam about it. It *seems* (from what I read and the addresses I found) to have 2 masjids, yet there are only around 200-300 if you really wanna stretch it 400 muslims in all of the Tri-Cities (Richland, pasco and kennwick I think). So that tells you that they are very disunited. Also from the news paper articles I found on them they seem to be very nice kufaar loving modernists.
‘ala kulli haal there really isn’t anything like Corvallis, and like I said before only place I’d be willing to move to is saudia or when I get married wherever my husband wanna go or some really awesome muslim community. And like if this was the only issue going on maybe I could handle it better or try to live with it.. but its not.. and subhanAllah.. almost everyone that was always “there” for me, arnt.. each with a valid reason.. ahhh alhamdulilah ‘ala kulli haal..
Ramadan is coming up and Allahu ‘aalam where Imma be. My dad said if we move there then maybe once a month or so we can come down to Corvallis and maybe every week or two we could go to Portland. But wallah after living in a community like Corvallis that’s like nothing..
Right now I just wish I could get away from it all. From this and all the other messed up things going on. I was planning on fixing my computer and then just lockin myself in my room and studying until this came up. khair inshaAllah. I wish my khaloo would go to umrah, then I could go with him and forget about stuff. but ya my khaloo is going through just as much stuff if not more, I’m sure he himself wishes he could go, but I know he cant get the time off anymore.
Khair inshaAllah, I just really felt like ranting. Couse ya’ani with everything going on I kinda could cope then this, and it was like subhanAllah.. I couldn’t stand it. last night after isha (which we happened to pray at 12am since we were still “talking” till then) I just sat on my bed listening to a the CD I burned with all of ‘amu yassir and Tassnyms stuff. And like I was crying so hard and my mom walked in so I wiped them away and tried to hold back the rest, but couldn’t so I turned my face so she wouldn’t see.. and she asks why im not asleep and I said I'm going to in a bit.. and asked what I was listening to and I told her and she just looked at me in the dark and was like “are you ok”. I wanted to yell so bad and tell her how could I but instead I was like ya and she left. uffffff there I go complaining again..
Anyways please please please keep me in your duaas? Couse subhanAllah like I said in the beginning Allahu ‘aalam what's happening/going to happen in my life..
Anyways on a totally brighter note my books should be here tomorrow.. but Allahu ‘aalam bout the ilmquest order.. gotta check that..
lol on another brighter note I was talking with someone now about moving or whatever and Richland masjid and they go "do da'awah" and I said "ya if I move there we'll make a revolution in the masjid.. no more kufaar loving modernists :P" lol that would be fun huh?
chotu-meyeh
@ 9/12/2004 09:53:00 AM
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