Aight someone asked me to write up how I started niqaab/hijab and stuff for some project I guess, and since schools about to start up I thought it would be a good way to get back into stuff. so anyways since the only other thing I really have to post up is rants Imma post this.
It was the end of 2002/beginning of 2003, about a year after 9/11. I was sitting in the dars at the masjid and then the Adhan went off for salaah, everyone started to get up but I didn’t. Khala Dalia turned to me somewhat shocked “You balaghtee (reached age)”. I said “ya been months”. She turned to me, gave me that look I know all to well and said “I always thought khadija would be the first of the girls to start niqaab” and then she left to the musalah.
Her words hit me, they stung me, I knew what she meant. Khala Dalia was my teacher, the Imams wife, she taught me for all of 4th-6th grades and knew me inside out, she was the one that planted the love of the deen in me. She was the one that got me started on loving hijab, started on wearing jilbab, and I knew what her comment meant, it meant “I thought we had discussed this already. Hadn’t you decided to start niqaab when you reached age?”
I sat thinking about it throughout the salaah, its not that I didn’t want to I was just to scared to. My dad was the one who pushed me to start hijab when I was in 2nd grade (7-8) and we were the only muslims in a small town, but ever since then he would somewhat appose whenever my mom sister or I would want to do more. When I started wearing abayah he fought me for weeks till finally he gave up. Same thing happened when my mom decided to start niqaab, so I figured there would be no chance of him letting me especially since it was right after 9/11. By the time the salaah finished I had realized that I was to much of a wimp to face my dad.
A couple months passed but the thought never left my mind, every time I saw khala Dalia I would remember and would feel sad. I knew it was right, but I was still to scared to do it. Finally on the third day of Eid Al Adha that year, a few months after the incident with Khala Dalia, I was at Khala Ghadas house for a “get together” and I decided I wouldn’t leave the house again without putting on niqaab. The next morning, Friday, I asked my mom for the niqaab that Khala Ghada got her from Saudi, she caught on to my plans and asked me “are you planning on starting niqaab” and I said “yes”. She was happy but I told her that I was scared and didn’t know what baba would do. She told me that it didn’t matter, that what mattered was my intention and if I was doing it for the sake of Allah swt then inshaAllah even if he made me take it off I would still get the good deeds.
Later that day we were going to the masjid with my dad, I put on the niqaab and ran to the car before he could see me. When we got to the masjid I waited for him to get out of the car then I dashed to the masjid door. The first thing I did at the masjid was run up to Tassnym and told her. She wouldn’t believe it, until I showed her my niqaab. Next person that found out was Dania, and she took my niqaab and went around playing tricks on everyone.
I spent a week hiding from my dad that I had started niqaab, and was planning on hiding it until it was to late for him to do anything, but a week after I started we had to go up to Portland it I knew he would find out. That morning I got into the car and he came to my window and knocked, I got so scared, I thought the reason he did was to confront me. Instead he only wanted me to help him with something. When he saw me wearing niqaab though, he thought I was doing it as a joke and laughed about it. Later that day, halfway to Portland he asked me “you started niqaab”. I said “yes”. And he was just quiet. I knew he wasn’t going to do anything about it now, but later he wouldn’t let it go.
The next day my dad called me and gave me a long lecture, telling me that there is no need for me to start niqaab and that I could do it when I got married or at some later time. I told him that I didn’t want to and that I wanted to start now. We argued about it for a while and finally my mom stepped in and told my dad that he knew this was right and to let me be. My dad left me but he was not thrilled about it at all. He tried on other occasions to get me to take it off, but Alhamdulilah every time he would give up.
Its been close to two years since I started and alhamdulilah I love it. My dad is so much more acceptable to it now, he is the one that will get mad at me if I go out to the front yard without it or if my arms are showing and so on. When my grandmother came for a visit and tried to get me to take it off he was the one that stood up for me. So alhamdulilah :)
Comments:
As-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh,
SubHan-Allaah...my story is kind of similar but I was defeated. This truly shows ur stronger in deen an I am, Masha-Allaah.
May Allaah always reward you and shower His blessings upon you. Aameen.
~Umm Qaylah
Was-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh.
SubHan-Allaah...my story is kind of similar but I was defeated. This truly shows ur stronger in deen an I am, Masha-Allaah.
May Allaah always reward you and shower His blessings upon you. Aameen.
~Umm Qaylah
Was-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh.
wa 'alaikum assalaam wa rahamatullahi wa barakatuhu,
ukhti, inshaAllah one day.. alhamdulilah I had people that supported my desision, but as you told me you had no one.. and like my mama told me, inshaAllah if your intention was sincere you get the ajr still.
aameen@the duaa
was salaamu 'alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakaatuhu..
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ukhti, inshaAllah one day.. alhamdulilah I had people that supported my desision, but as you told me you had no one.. and like my mama told me, inshaAllah if your intention was sincere you get the ajr still.
aameen@the duaa
was salaamu 'alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakaatuhu..
