I think I'm going to go back to bloging. lol. I'm not sure why I stopped but ya, I think I'm going to start up again at least untill I don't have internet anymore. ahh the things people do when theyr lonley :P Anyways, I guess alot has happened since my last update. So many things going on and stuff.. dunnu really where to start. In some way things are better, in others they are worse, as for how I'm doing, then alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal..
Things between me and my parents are ya'ani okish. Me and my mom are fine I guess, other than her wanting me to finish all my classes in three weeks and me seeing that almost impossible. Between me and my dad things are still shaky. But since I'm the one that made my mom stay I guess I just have to put up with it. I tried to make up with him last week on the phone but it only made things worse. He yelled/cursed me and stuff. He came this weekend and when he came I just went to my room didnt want to get into anything, next morning he told my sis to call me. He was like "Im mad at you but I miss you". Since then its been okayish so alhamdulilah.
Things between my parents are better though alhamdulilah. After my mom talked to amu 'awad things went good. Then they went way down again :(. Like my mom was about to call Khala Dalia again and stuff.. but alhamdulilah now things are better.
My dad rented a place in Hermiston :( :( :(. So that means half of Ramadan I'm spending there. subhanAllah.. like he couldnt be nice enough to rent in Richland????? This seriously sucks so bad.. but im not gonna get into that in this post, I'll save it for another time.
Anyways, am depressed :(. So much going on that I'm not about to talk about on a blog. Most of it non of you know about :(. Ammis been on my case couse I'm not eating or whatever. Yesterday I didnt eat nothing till late night and then she made me drink down a bowl of soup. I just dont feel like eating though, like I dont get hungry and if I do I feel sick after I eat. ahh alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. I feel sick anyway I guess lol. I got like a fever and stuff most of the time and am cold all the time. Mama says its from not eating, I dont, but whatever.
Everythings pretty boring now adays. No one really to talk to. Nothing to do but school work. I miss Tassnym hella alot, and a few others. I dont talk to anyone anymore really. Stucko is my mate and 57 sometimes.. a few sisters from here but not alot. and ya thats it really.. my days go something like this.
Get up 2:30 - 3 am
Sit online do hw and stuff.. hope Tassnym comes on.
Pray Fajr
Do my hfidh (I STARTED UP AGAIN :D:D :D) for a while.
Sit online a bit more try and do some work. (sometimes I do hifdh after and this first depends.)
Go to bed around 9-9:30 and rest for like an hour
Get up and chill with my family or read or something
Do some more hw or something till like 12
Get offline and do nothing really till around 1:30
Come back online and stay till about 3 or 4
Pray asir
Clean the house or cook/clean kitchen. (usually pick the second choice :P or sometimes both.)
Go outside and play ball till maghirb
After maghrib my mom will put on a lecture or ask me to put one on during this time I do either
1.cook/bake and stuff
2.lay down.
Usually I'll do both :P. point is I'll end up laying down everyday
Fall asleep get up around 12 pray isha and go to bed
and ya thats about it.. day in day out same thing. alhamduilah 'ala kulli haal.. you know I'm starting to wonder if I'm the one makin myself depressed. Like am I making issues to big? Allahu 'aalam. I dont know, but I dont think so. Nothings the same anymore and nothings the way I really would want it.
I dont like to complain and all but I just feel so empty and hurt now :(. I dont get along with my family all to well and I seriously cant wait till I dont gotta live with them anymore :/ I know I better watch out what I wish for though. but khair inshaAllah. My friends, I've lost most of the ones that mean anything to me due to different issues. And I just dont feel up to trying to make more/get close to others.. like I dont have it in me. I dont know who to trust and stuff. This moves gonna make me loose almost all else I like to hold onto, my community, my "family", my teachers, my role models, my da'awah that I was working on, all the masjid projects, all my little habeebis and habibtis :( all the amus and khalas I grew up with. I'm loosing my school, loosing my chance to grad early. but alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. if theres one thing I have learned in the past year it is that He Who Has No One Has Allah. A lesson that will stick with me for life.
I'm just more worried I guess that with all of this I still stick to my Islam. does that even make sense? Like I dont want all these problems and stuff to make me forget the na'ama I have. I still got my health, my youth, my time, my life you know? Allahu 'aalam. I just feel like my emans going down :(. so ya my main concern now is trying to keep that up with everything. Couse if I loose that then I've lost everything. khair inshaAllah this is getting to long lol..
Comments:
As-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh,
Reading your post I shouldnt even ask how you have been, but still Insha-Allaah you are in the best of health and emaan. Ya Ukhtee, I feel so guilty for leaving your side when you needed me the most. I am sorry for not being there when you were there for me. Ya Ukhtee, forgive me for abandoning you when the tests of Allaah befell you. I know you will say that, its ok and that I got my own problems but then why are we muslim? Should we not be helping those in need? Not of just food and shelter but those who also need emotional guidance.
I know I havent called you this week to check up and just talk but if you ever need ANYTHING, if not an e-mail then I am just a phone call away. It would help me to recover knowing that I am being of some sort to you. Insha-Allaah keep that in mind. (Convey my salaams to your family for me, Insha-Allaah)
All my love and best wishes.
Was-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh.
~Umm Qaylah
May Allah cure you as He cured Ayyoob, May He guide you as he Guided Mohammad (SAW), May He grant you wisdom as he granted Suleymaan, May He protect you as he protected 'Eesa, and May you entrust him with your Affairs as Ya'qoob entrusted him, and May you realise that HE WHO HAS NO ONE HAS ALLAH. AAMEEN
Reading your post I shouldnt even ask how you have been, but still Insha-Allaah you are in the best of health and emaan. Ya Ukhtee, I feel so guilty for leaving your side when you needed me the most. I am sorry for not being there when you were there for me. Ya Ukhtee, forgive me for abandoning you when the tests of Allaah befell you. I know you will say that, its ok and that I got my own problems but then why are we muslim? Should we not be helping those in need? Not of just food and shelter but those who also need emotional guidance.
I know I havent called you this week to check up and just talk but if you ever need ANYTHING, if not an e-mail then I am just a phone call away. It would help me to recover knowing that I am being of some sort to you. Insha-Allaah keep that in mind. (Convey my salaams to your family for me, Insha-Allaah)
All my love and best wishes.
Was-Salaamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuh.
~Umm Qaylah
May Allah cure you as He cured Ayyoob, May He guide you as he Guided Mohammad (SAW), May He grant you wisdom as he granted Suleymaan, May He protect you as he protected 'Eesa, and May you entrust him with your Affairs as Ya'qoob entrusted him, and May you realise that HE WHO HAS NO ONE HAS ALLAH. AAMEEN
# posted by 
: 10/12/2004 9:09 PM
: 10/12/2004 9:09 PM
wa 'alaikum assalaam wa rahamatullahi wa barakaatuhu..
*finds it funny I'm answering this after calling you :P*
ukhti lol how many times am I going to tell you, ITS OK. We both going through some test and inshaAllah we just gotta try our hardest to stay strong. Even though we can't talk every day and so on your still in my duaas and me in yours and thats enough inshaAllah. And don't you think it means ALOT to me when your only few mins online you spend some of it on my blog lol. I love you ukhti and always will.
Anyways, take care of yourself lol and you better not change your number :P. Ramadan mubaarak. May this be the best Ramadan for you ever inshaAllah. was salaamu 'alaikum...
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*finds it funny I'm answering this after calling you :P*
ukhti lol how many times am I going to tell you, ITS OK. We both going through some test and inshaAllah we just gotta try our hardest to stay strong. Even though we can't talk every day and so on your still in my duaas and me in yours and thats enough inshaAllah. And don't you think it means ALOT to me when your only few mins online you spend some of it on my blog lol. I love you ukhti and always will.
Anyways, take care of yourself lol and you better not change your number :P. Ramadan mubaarak. May this be the best Ramadan for you ever inshaAllah. was salaamu 'alaikum...
