.:Thursday, February 03, 2005:.
Trust..
It so hard to know who to trust anymore, and how much to trust, with what to trust them and so on. The people you love the most are usually the ones that betray you the worst. And it hurts, hurts a lot. I can't explain what happened, I don’t know how, and I don’t want to. But why is it that whenever you try to do something good, help someone out, it backfires and you end up hurt. Alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.
I sent someone an email yesterday, telling them something I thought they should know. They ended up pming me on msn and we talked for the first time in a longish time, and they told me things that I didn’t know that hurt. Pretty much they told me stuff that someone else was hiding from me, someone that I thought I knew inside out. I poured my heart out to them, and they poured theirs to me, or so I thought.
What the person told me yesterday made so much sense; it was like the missing pieces to the puzzle. At first it didn’t really make a difference with me, I was like hmm that’s interesting, then it hit me.. and that’s when I felt all hurt etc. I just sat with tears in my eyes, fighting them back; I wasn’t going to cry over this. I'm not that weak yet wa lilahil hamd. The thing is I might have a hand in my own hurt if that makes any sense? Ya'ani I don’t know subhanAllah its just to confusing. The person didn’t tell me couse they didn’t want me to get hurt, although finding out from someone other than them hurts even more, and I wasn’t supposed to find out. There was a 1% chance I would and somehow I did.. al muhim, they didn’t tell me couse they didn’t want to hurt me, and I wasn’t supposed to find out, so I'm just going to pretend I didn’t and move on.
Another weird thing is I'm going to trust them just as much as before, and I'm going to love them just as much as before. lol.. Its so hard to explain. It wasn’t something on purpose they did, or was it? There is no point in confronting them, it won't bring any good. Only thing it will do really is jeopardize our friendship, and that would hurt even more. And for those of you that are trying to figure out what the hell I'm talking about, you might as well stop.. you never will.. and I'm not planning to talk about it with anyone, 'cept zaineb.. I told her already.. not exactly but I asked her how she would feel in a hypothetical situation and told her "ya that’s how I'm feeling now".
chotu-meyeh
@ 2/03/2005 10:43:00 AM
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