.:Sunday, May 29, 2005:.
confusion..
Disclamer: this post is not meant to be understand, so don't try to..
I've been on one of my emotional lows latly.. I don't know why, or maybe I do.I think I should be in a good mood, but I'm not. I guess there are alot of factors that are playing a roll in it.. but I guess its not that uncommon for me to be like this, I seem to get into one of these moods every couple weeks.
There are a few "situations" that I'm "dealing" with right now lol. Alot of it is like internal things. I dont know. I think I'm doing what I accused a friend of before "making yourself think you have certain problems and then trying to deal with them". But its not all made believe.. some is real.. or is it all?
One thing that is getting me down though, is seeing certain people I really care about not doing so good.. or being down. Even the ones that don't say that somethings wrong I can just feel it.. and then there are those that tell you half of whats going on and you have to guess the other half, and the third that tells you all.. I'm not good at showing sympathy/ampathy, and I usually seem harsh and heartless.. lol.. I'm not good at giving a heart or flower, even a nice duaa, a kind word, and I know that can bring a smile to someone and make them feel better.. but thats not how I am.. I cant usually. So instead I spend time thinking about them, makeing duaa for them, and just hoping the best, and it gets me down to see what they going through.. makes you feel like you got no problems at all..
Why do people hold on to things they know that there is no point in holding on to? I guess this is the situation thats causing me the most confusion.. The best example I can think of is that of a beautiful flower, after a while it starts to dry, but you dont throw it out because even though its dying it still has a nice fragrance.. but you know sooner or later you're going to throw it out because the petals will start to fall and its appearance will start to get uglier. You KNOW there is no point in holding on to this thing any longer, the more you do the more problematic it becomes but you can't let go because even though its not like it once was its still important to you? Allahu 'aalam.
The way I am, I hold things in for to long.. and then when I feel like letting it out, its to late I think. I try to supress all my emotions, whatever they may be.. and sometimes thats not always the best thing. I'm always on this emotional rollercoster lol.. one day I'm on a high, one day on a low.. usually in the middle alhamdulilah. I guess the reason for this is that when I do end up letting things out, I end up getting betraid.. and that sucks..
Allahu 'aalam. I think maybe I just need to take a break from certain things, concintrate on other things, and think some things through more. InshaAllah once exams are over in a few days I'm going to take a couple weeks to do all I can to finish my HS, and after that we'll see. Probably won't be on much during that time..
lol, maybe my problem is I think to much..
chotu-meyeh
@ 5/29/2005 01:35:00 PM
#|
