.:Thursday, June 02, 2005:.
alhamdulilah..
It's 7:15am, and I already feel like today's taking forever. It just feels like one of those days that drag on forever, and you almost wish that they would end. I'm cold, and tired, and bored, and alone :(. I had to take an exam today after fajr, figured it would take me a while but alhamdulilah it was really easy and I finished before 6. Now I don't really know what to do. I've read just about all forums I give about checking, answered emails, gone through some blogs, and am updating now. I don't exactly want to go back to bed, even though I probably should. ahh khair inshaAllah.
I've been thinking way to much lately :/. Just about everything.. my whole life.. trying to re-evaluate it and set priorities straight, couse I think they havent been straight for a while. Allahu 'aalam, there is just to much unclear in my life now, and its adding to my already great confusion lol.. For someone that thinks as much as me I sure don't seem to make sense of alot of things :S.
Right now I guess I just want to finish school. I have one more exam online tommorrow and then I'm gonna work non stop on secular studies. Schools are out here on the 15th and it's my hope to inshaAllah be done by then.. and after that, once I'm done with this Allahu 'aalam what I wanna do.
Recently I've been looking into taking the SAT's, talking to school counsler about it and stuff.. and looking into chances of going to uni and which uni etc. Now why is someone who hates school as much as me doing this? Again, this is something I can not understand. I've never wanted to go on to uni, even when my parents would say they wanted me to.. now, Allahu 'aalam. My parents don't give really, my moms content if I continue my online classes, dad would prefer I did go but he can't force me.. One thing I DONT understand though, is why homeschool me from day one (except half of 1st grade and half of 2nd grade) and then send me to uni? lol.. dont make sense to me. but ya.. I think I just want something to keep me super busy so I'm looking at it as something that may benifit me and would fulfill that purpose.
The more I think about it though, thats not what I really want.. its like a fall back plan.. well one of my many fall back plans. Another thing/change that may happen is to move outa this country. My parents talk about it daily almost, and for the first time my dad is taking steps towards it. For me its like bittersweet. I don't want to leave but I don't want to stay. But for the first time I'm not against it at all. I dunnu.. I dont care anymore. The places seem like either UAE, Saudi, and if non else works they may consider Egypt.
In a way I'm glad that this might happen. couse ya'ani I feel like I need a change. And no matter which of these places we end up in inshaAllah, it would inshaAllah be easier for me to do what I really want. To further my education in Islam. Wallah, the more I think about it the more I realize thats all I want.. and in any of those places inshaAllah you could find a place to learn more.. and if we end up in Saudi, inshaAllah I could persue something I've always wanted, to attend UmmulQura.
I've changed my mind about marriage again lol.. I still don't wanna but when I told yasi I never wanna get married she told me something that changed my mind "meyeh, no you will get married inshaAllah. For the sake of Allah. Even if your husband dont treat you right and dont fulfill your rights and you stay patient then inshaAllah it will be a means for you to get to jannah".. so ya.. khair..
anyways I think I'll go back to thinking in silence, since I aint about to post the rest of my thoughts :P..
oh ya!! I MISS ZAINEB :(.. maaaaannnnn another month!! I miss her I miss her I miss her!!! wa I need her :(.. wheres a girl when you need her eh? halfway accross the world.. ahh great.. InshaAllah she's having a great time, and inshaAllah she come home soon :(.
chotu-meyeh
@ 6/02/2005 07:13:00 AM
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