Today and yesterday have been really blah days.. I havnt been this frustrated/depressed in a while.. alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal. I think its a few things together that have gotten me like this, mostly things at home.. when things at home are good I can cope with other things, when it goes downhill then I start to not be able to cope as good and start getting depressed. Thats not to say that they have been totally bad, they just havent been to good..

There were two things that really brightened my day yesterday, the first was finally hearing from someone that I hadnt heard from in a long time. Although I wouldnt say we are really close, they are a bit special to me so it was nice. The second thing was getting a phone call from Aliyah, I was just full of smiles alhamdulilah. She really misses being up here, and I dont blame her... the bay area aint exactly the nicest place to be at. but alhamdulilah it was a nice phone call. She said she had wanted to email me but didnt want to sidetrack me from my exams, I was like awwwwww lol..

As far as today goes, I didnt really sleep last night, got up from fajr, then went to bed around 10ish and slept till 12:30. Got up, took a shower, prayed dhuhr, did paperwork for my dad, wasted some time online and now am updating.

ya'know I dont think anything hurts as bad aso you doing a favor for someone and then they turn around and betraying you. It just hurts so bad... Thats kinda what happened to me last night.. I kept a secret for someone, and I'm thinking now I probably shouldnt have but ya.. they end up telling about it and then going "oh BTW Maryam knew about it" and its like what was that for? I help you out, and you do this? And that causes someone else, more important to me, to be a bit mad at me.. but wallah the only reason I kept it was to eliminate more problems.. khair.. I'm mad still  :(..

I talked to Tassnym today, she asked if I was done and when I said ya she kept typing in caps for like an hour. I honestly think she was more excited than me.. lol.. I miss her :( havnt seen her in like two weeks almost.. dammm.. I miss everyone.. lol its amazing how when you get into a down mood it seems like you havnt talked to anyone you care about for ages even if it was the day before..

The other day I was over at khala Aisha's house and we were talking about what I wanted to do etc, and I told her I wanted to try and learn a couple more languages.. her husband mashaAllah knows alotttt and is always learning more, so she went and told him LOL. Anyways, he sent me some books today for french :/ I wanted spanish first but oh well.. she said if I want he'll correct my work and stuff.. I was like noooooo thats okk!!!.. but I thought it was nice.. she said once I finish these he'll give me spanish and then whatever else I want.. so ya.. thats kinda good alhamdulilah.. something to keep me busy with..

I'm the type of person that if I dont have something to keep me busy I'll just waste my time like I've been doing the past couple days. I have to have someone always on my back with things. So inshaAllah I think imma start a schedule for hifdh and then the languages, spend most of my time at khala Aishas :P. She does my  hifdh, and 'amu my languages. nah but forreals inshaAllah I need to start studying something to fill up my time.. what, how, and when, I'm still debating...