Alhamdulilah, so I'm done with Highschool. Feels really good. Its like something you knew you needed to do, and had been working really hard to complete it and finally you did. Alhamdulilah. Alhamdulilah for making it easy on me and facilitating it for me. All thanks is due to Him first and foremost for without Him making it possible no matter how hard I would have worked, it would have been useless. After that I�d have to thank my mom for always being there, helping me, and supporting me from the start. For taking her time in teaching me, and for always believing in me and encouraging me to reach any goal I ever set for myself. And after that, all my love and thanks goes out to a group of my friends, especially 4 of them, each one contributed either directly or indirectly in helping me reach this goal.. jazaahum Allahu khair al jazaa� wa baaraka laahum fe al-dunyah wal aakhirah..aameen.

While addressing my last two exams to the school today it hit me, I�m done. I finally have reached the goal I had worked non stop to reach the past two years. And in completing this goal, I feel like I�ve completed a �stage� of my life. These past couple years have been some of the hardest, yet sweetest years for me. There were times in them where I felt I could not go on, where I felt the world was against me and where I reached a level of depression that I had never felt before. Yet there were times that I would trade anything in the world to relive, some of the sweetest memories I have or of these two years, walhamdulilah.

When I look back at who I was then, and who I am now I�m just like subhanAllah.. Its hard to believe how much I have changed, and inshaAllah I hope this change is for the better. I remember just being this carefree kid that thought nothing was cooler than finally being able to call myself a teenager. A lot has happened in my life since then that has caused a lot of change in me. I�ve learned a lot, and I hope inshaAllah I�ve gained a bit more wisdom.

I�ve learned so much the past couple years. Not just academically, but about life itself. I�ve grown from a naive 13 year old to who I am today. And although I know that I have barely scratched the surface when it comes to all aspects of knowledge I think I�ve learned a lot.  I�ve learned the true value of friendship, and what it feels like for that to be broken. I�ve learned that with every hardship there is an ease, and that although you may not see the wisdom behind something that is decreed for you, there is without a doubt a great wisdom behind it. I�ve learned that sometimes its best not to get what you want. I�ve learned that if everyone in this world forsakes you, Allah swt will never forsake you. I�ve learned that even though you don�t understand your parents and they may not understand you, they are always wanting the best for you, so listen to them. I�ve learned that there is good even in mistakes. I�ve learned that you can never please people, and even if you can its not worth it, so the only one you should work to please is Allah swt. I�ve learned that memories are the best treasure you can ever want. I�ve learned that people don�t always live up to your expectations, so sometimes its best not to expect the best, at least then you wont be disappointed. And I�ve learned that I have a lot and I mean A LOT left to learn.

One thing that I had always taken for granted but learned the true value of was friends and memories. I know it may sound clich� but wallahi I do mean it, had it not been for some of the friends that stood by me throughout the past couple years, I really don�t know where I�d be. Starting from not last summer but the one before its been some of the best times that I have ever had with my friends, both online and offline, and some of the best memories for me.

When it comes to offline, man who could forget that summer? All the trips, all the hype for the wedding, all the excitement of finally starting HS, there was never a summer I enjoyed like that one alhamdulilah. How close me and Tassnym got since then, that is priceless as well. All the nights of staying up together online doing homework, setting limits on each other.. the girls dars last summer.. her going to saudia, and how bad that hurt, and then for her to come back, and to be able to share together some more memories.. alhamdulilah..

When it comes to online, I wouldn�t even know where to start. The first few nights in the paltalk room just goofing around. The book LOL. Actually making it, and keeping it updated for a while. The first �fight� between us three (at the time it was UQ, X, me) and how bad it hurt going off that night. Making up the next day.. lol that was the first time I called UmmQaylah.. The drifting of us as a group apart, and the friendship I established with each on their own. Mango juice and CHOTU CHOTU CHOTU� getting close with yasi.. the first time x wouldn�t talk to me for a day :(� The first time I got in trouble.. last summer and how it sucked without ya�ll.. getting blocked by x a couple times.. making up.. talking with yasi on the phone at 4 am lol.. calling someone like a gazillion times.. making up a story about calling algeria.. the night wawa admitted.. the shady bunch pictures� and just every single moment I�ve had with the three of you. If I attempted to list them all, I�d be here all night.

And its not only the moments and memories, its more. It�s the way that speaking to one of you could make me smile even in the worst of circumstances. It�s the way you guys have totally and completely taken over my heart forever. It�s the way I love you and trust you so much, more than friends I grew up with, more than family. It�s the way you can give the best advice and totally understand how I am feeling without me saying a word. Its how that at times, when I felt like I had no one left in this world to turn to, I could turn to one of you.

Sometimes I wish I could continue to relive the good memories, or that all times could be like it. But I�ve come to realize that I already do that. Sometimes I�ll be doing something, and it will remind me of a moment and this feeling over takes me.. pure happiness.. and I cant help but smile. alhamdulilah for memories..

There seems to be so much talk of how this summer is the summer of change, and how after it nothing will be the same, and how we will no longer be as close.. and that is saddening. But I guess it is part of life. Although I do not think we will ever drift away in the sense that our hearts will drift away from each others, I pray that we don�t, I can�t help be see the point that it is true, that things may not be the same. It seems as if each one of us has something uncertain in their life now, and non are truly sure what will happen comes the end of this summer. May Allah swt grant us all what is best for us.. aameen

Its just life.. what is destined for us will happen no matter what, and inshaAllah it is what is best for us. Sometimes its hard to think that one day ya�ll really might not be in my life again, but who knows how and where our paths may cross again. I do know that every one of you will always be special to me and have a special place in my heart, and I know I will never forget you..

As far as me, by completing this stage in my life I seem to have reached a crossroad and I do not know exactly which road I shall take. One of the things my dad was waiting on before making any move to leave the country was me finishing highschool, he figured it would be easier and better that way. There seems to be doors opening for us to move away from this country, and if we do, where I will be and what will I be doing come the end of the summer, only Allah swt knows. And if we do not move, and end up staying, what will I be doing, Allahu �aalam.

I am in a state of confusion when it comes to what I want for my future, well I know what I want but if and when I will obtain it, only Allah swt knows. There are two things that I truly desire, all else I could care less about, they are to further my study of the deen and to inshaAllah raise a family. My parents each have a different view and hope for me, with my moms being closer to mine. Right now I do not know what to do, or exactly what action to take next. Do I apply for colleges here in the states as my parents want? Do I wait to see what happens with regards to moving? Or?

For the time being I think the best thing for me is to just concentrate on my family and on my hifdh. With how busy I have been in my secular studies lately I have really ignored my hifdh, astaghfirAllah. InshaAllah it is my hope to start from the beginning as if I have never memorized before and to through till the end during this summer. My mom has also given me the responsibility of teaching my sister, she says that I am more familiar with the curriculum than her, my English is better than hers, and that I can relate better to my sister than her. So inshaAllah I just want to concentrate on these things, and to study on my own for the time being.. and wait and see what Allah swt has planned for me.

Alhamdulilah �ala kulli haal.. I didn�t mean for this to get so long.. it is late and I�m not sure how much of it will actually be understandable, but I felt a need to write down some of my thoughts.