I got up in a goodish mood, but for some reason that mood is gone. I dont know.. maybe it was realizing yasi is gone :(. Maybe it was my 30 second conversation with UmmQaylah where she said she was at "school" sorting out classes and wouldnt be online for a while.. maybe its my non existant conversation with others? or maybe its just me being me :P.

I'm in the middle of downloading paltalk now, why? I dont know. I hate it so much, but I'm downloading it.. Yea, I'm really bored. lol, ok that was a total waste. Paltalk sucks even more now than it did before!!! At least before there was stuff going on. Well I did gain getting a nasheed I've been looking for.. lool, khala Dalia had us memorize this when I was in hmm 5th grade, and my sis in like 1st/2nd and we cant agree on the words anymore :P.

I had a good night yesterday!! Alhamdulilah. Actually sat downstairs for the evening! And had dinner :O. yea, it was pretty bad before yesterday... but alhamdulilah almost back to normal? InshaAllah I hope so.

I got my grade for 'uloom al hadeeth :/ Jayyid Jiddan again. I thought I did good on that exam :(. I also got the last of my bio and english lit exams yesteday, 95 and 97 alhamdulilah... just the Geometry exams left! I need to call my counsler though, so we can sort some things out for college application.. I'm to lazy to do it now, inshaAllah later. I also have to send that email to the other uni I wanna apply to, but again to lazy.

Ya'know Im so close to telling my parents I dont wanna do uni.. but at the same time I guess I want to.. If I dont I know I will just waste my time, and I need something to fill it up.. its just wierd to think about having to go out to class everyday and stuff couse the last time I did that was 2nd grade! lol I had more freedom in 1st grade than I do now!!!! I remember I was like 7 and would walk to and from school, walk to the store by myself and go out with friends, spend the night at Shaykh Hassan's which was in a diffrent city!.. I was living in Ashland at the time..

But ya, back to what I was talking about.. I'm not sure about applying.. If I get into OSU after I finish 24 credits with LBCC then I can do the distance education thing which is online.. I'm almost sure about doing education, I dont really care how disapointed my dad will be. Zaineb and me gonna open and islamic school sah? ;)... and I just see that this will help me more in the future.. not to mention how sick I get when I get blood drawn.. I can stand all kinds of physical pain, but I cant stand up after I've had blood drawn.. so I cant think of having to do things like that.. its not that I'm disgusted, I just cant :/. Even my mom said I'd be a sucky doctor.. lol, she said I could be a good teacher, lawyer etc..

I also decided to apply to UmmulQuraa, if I get accepted alhamdulilah, if not alhamdulilah. That is study I dont mind doing.. and I really dont care if I have to make my khalu babysit me there :P. It'd be a good excuse for him to get away from all the crazyness hes going through. If my parents move to Jeddah it'd be easier.. couse I know a sis whos parents are in Jeddah and she got accepted. The dorms look scary though :/. But ya, as soon as dad updates my passport I'll apply inshaAllah. My mom already agreed and is all for it, I'm scared to talk to dad about it... who cares though...

I find it wierd that I'm actually thinking about and trying to get into uni now.. I always thought after I finish HS I want to get married, and then depending on what husband wants  not go/go to uni.. or at least take a year off from school then go to uni.. not right away like this. But I've come to realize that I probably NEED it now. I dont want to have extra time on my hands, couse I'm afraid I might use it in the wrong way.. and regret it later.. Also the thought of finishing uni before I'm 20 like my mom did sounds good.. would still be young inshaAllah.. I'd be wiser and better able to make choices.. I could always get married then inshaAllah.. and no I'm not changing my mind on marrying young, I'm just thinking of things diffrently maybe...

ahh alhamdulilah 'ala kulli haal.. We can plan and plan, dream and dream, wish and wish, but at the end it is only what is written for us that will happen.. Who knows what could happen today, or tommorrow that would change everything. At the end of the day, inshaAllah whatever happens I'll be content with, as it was my qaadar.

Today seems aight inshaAllah.. I DONT WANT TO go to the dars.. we'll see what happens.. dads not home, dunnu when he gets off though..

And after an update