Seems like I have a liking to post my thoughts at 1am. lol.. I know I said I was going to go to bed, and that I'd post this tommorrow, but yea.. I couldnt sleep, although I am getting a bit more sleepy now..

I've never really totally fit into the girls group, and now it seems like it is more than ever. Its not that I dont love them, nah I do.. They my girls, but sometimes we just don't agree. I used to get teased by being called a khala, and still do sometimes, for some prettty silly reasons. I dont know. I seem to be in this middle group, the more I think about it its the "married, fob, 20 year old group" lol.. 'ajeeb.. eh?

The reason I dont get along with them as much anymore is couse they just to shallow sometimes. I mean after I've heard you talk about your recent shopping spree once thats enough!!!!! And please, please, please dont get into the kids play pin and act like a two year old. In general I do like to chill out with Umm AbdulQudoos, 'Aliyah, Umm Sundus and those more, because when I do we get into and talk about deeper things... at the same time we end up goofing around and having fun. Alot of times if its just like me and Tassnym we'll do the same.. but when its a bigger group, it becomes pretty bleh.

The sad thing is that some of the girls view this as me looking down at them etc.. and wallah thats not it.. I mean, I know I'm probably the one that is wierd not them.. its just how I am.. and believe me I do goof off alot, and act totally immature sometimes.. so in a way its hypocritical of me.. but I dunnu.. Pretty much the only two girls I really get along with anymore are Tassnym and Dina.. and Muna a little.. ohhhh and Hina.. but she dont come to masjid alot so its mostly online..

Anyways, check out some of the things I get called khala for LOL.

1. Liking kids, and know how to take care of them.

Honestly, give me a break. Just couse I love kids that makes me a khala? But I do admit it, I totally love kids especially babies. So because of this I've learned how to deal with them.

2. Know how to cook.

Since when is this a crime? Would you like to get married and know zilch about cooking? I dont think your husband would be to happy.. And yea, its the way I was raised.. I've been doing house work since I was 9, so its kinda hard not to learn how to cook.. now discussing cooking with the khalas like I do sometimes, I guess thats a bit extreme.. but still..

3. Like arabi coffee.

LOL. ok so I agree that this is something that mainly the khalas do.. but I like it, seriously its good.

3. I'm willing to ditch a group of 10 girls to sit with 1 person.

I do this alot, and sometimes its for diffrent reasons. When Aliyaah was leaving I wanted to spend my time with her.. when someone is new I like to get to know them.. when someone is down I like to try and make them feel better... so ya, I ditch the girls alot.

4. Sitting with the khalas while they talk.

I learn alot this way...

5. Paying attention in the dars

c'mon, the only reason you come to the dars is to chill? I mean at least make an effort to learn something..

Anyways, there are some other stuff.. but I dont feel like listing everything. At the same time I have to totally opposite side of me thats like so immature LOL. The side that will go crazy for candy, play practical jokes on people, write notes in the middle of the dars, and all the other crazy stuff.. Sometimes I fit more into the older groups, and sometimes I fit more in with the girls.. and alhamdulilah I'm happy about that couse I get the best of both worlds.. but in general I fit with the UmmQoossyish group. I guess maybe its couse like my mom says "I've grown up to fast". Even though I'm one of the youngest in the girls group (14-21) I think I've gone through more things than most... and its made me view certain things in a diffrent way..

At the end I'm happy with who I am, at least to some degree. I know that I have alot to work on, and alot of faults I need to try to fix... but ya'ani step by step inshaAllah I'm becoming a better person? Allahu 'aalam...

I really want to spend the time I now have on my hands in a good way. There is so much I need and want to work on.. my arabi is rubbish man.. I honestly need to work on that.. I can speak fine, even fusha but when it comes to sentence structure and stuff its horrible. Aside from that there is alot more.. inshaAllah I'm trying to work on setting some goals for myself for the next couple months and to try and work towards them.. I might not know whats ahead of me in life now, but I do know that with each minute that passes I'm a little closer to my death.. and thats downright scary for me.. couse I suck big time..

Abu AbdulQudoos is going to have to go to Newport for a whole class. He's majoring in Marine Biology (yucky btw) so he needs to be at the coast for a while. He was planning on taking his wife with him, but decided not to now.. so inshaAllah I'm probably going to be spending the bulk of that time with her, at her house. InshaAllah I'm hoping that will be good for me, since the net over there is dial up so I wont be using it as much.. and now that AbdulQudoos is older he isnt as much work so we can do some serious stuff.. when I'm with her I only speak arabi so that will help it get better, and maybe she'll fulfill her promise to my mom of teaching me ajroomiyyah :P.. She studied sharee'ah for 3 years mashaAllah, and if I do end up going inshaAllah it is my hope to try and gain as much from her as I can..

Anyways, I'm rambling on and on.. and probably could keep going.. but I think its best for me to end it and try to get to bed.. as one thing I most definatly need to work on is my sleeping pattern :P.