.:Monday, October 17, 2005:.
sup?
I actually remembered that there is something called
blogs and that I have one :O...and since I'm bored and
have nothing better to do I decided I'd update.. So
whats up with me? Where have I been? What have I been
doing? and how am I?
To be honest, I have no idea. Time just goes by..
before you know it the day is over.. and then the
week.. and so on.. you look back and its like wow
subhanAllah, I didnt even do half of what I wanted to.
Thats how it is for me.. everyday.. A typical day for
me usually consists of spending a couple hours in the
morning watching taraweeh.. studying.. cleaning..
cooking iftar.. eating and then falling asleep to get
up later.. except I havnt had to many typical days
latly..
To start off, I've been way busy with school. I dont
like it. I hate having to go to the college every few
days for a test or class... its just annoying. I had
to sit through a 6 hour lecture class on saturday..
that was torture. alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.
I'm really thinking of dropping school. I probably
wont go through with it, but I really am thinking
about it. I like my majors but man its so much work..
and it takes up so much time.. and yes, I am lazy. I
guess I didnt find as much in it as I thought I
would.. its just a time filler.. If I dont drop
totally, then at I want to at least take some time
off.. there are other things I'd like to work on, and
that are more important, than school.
I spent a few days last week and UmmAbdulQudoos's. I
love it there. I love AQ, I love his mom. UAQ and me
get along really well.. and I learn alot from her..
shes considerably older than me, nine years or so, so
she has alot more experiance in things..
AQ is just adorable. There is no other way to describe
him.. he just makes me happy.. When he wakes up in the
morning and comes to wake me up.. then holds my hand,
takes me to my backpack and points saying "laaka,
laaka" couse he knows I have chocolate for him.. Its
impossible not to give it to him... when he goes to
the door and tells me "mayya, mayya, yella na yah"
(maryam yellah na rooh, lets go).. couse he wants me
to take him out to the swings.. or when I'm sitting
on the computer and he asks me to hold him then says
"doggy" so I put his dog cartoon movie thing on.. I
just love the kid so much.. May Allah swt bless him..
So yea, thats sorta what I been up to.. that, and the
Masjid. I've been going to the masjid more, and have
been a bit more involved with masjid things since
Ramadaan started.. Ramadaan is awesome.. hard to
believe its already half way gone.. subhanAllah.. this
is what I mean about time going by so fast.. it dont
feel like that long..
I've been in one of my up-down-emotional stages latly.
I'm not totally sure why. there are things..
ofcourse.. but I couldnt name one reason and say "that
is why!". There is alot I want to change about me..
alot I dont really like.. alot I'm already working
on.. and its exhausting.. I'm bored with alot of
things.. same routine everyday.. nothing new.. thats
one of the reasons I started school again.. but that
just adds to the dullness...and I guess I cant really
figure out what I want..
Different things that have happened latly have sort of
got me thinking. We take life, people, and things for
granted to much..Things we really shouldnt.. and I
guess being hit my this realization got me thinking
more I guess.. and yea, I cant really explain the
rest..
here is where I'm going to start sounding crazy.. but
who cares.. when I was at UAQ's I did figure out what
I want, I think.. I was folding laundry with her, and
AQ kept unfolding.. it bothered her, but it made me
smile.. couse thats what I want.. she even told me..
she told me that it was obviouse school wasnt the
answer for me, and that what I needed was to get
married.. And yea, I agree totally.. but what I dont
get is why my actions dont match my feelings..
For example, a friend suggests someone to me and I
dont want to think of persuing it. Why? I didnt feel
like it. Not to mention the fact that I kinda maybe
would like to know more about the person than their
ethnicity and what people think of their looks. Had I
showed any interest I would have found out more, but I
didnt want it.. Another friend makes a joke at the
masjid about how I'm going to probably get married
next, and I get mad at her.. and just stuff like
that..
I dont know.. I guess, at the end of the day, I'm
havnt changed much in this regard. I'm just waiting..
when its the right time it'll happen.. no point in
upsetting myself over it not happening.. or going out
of my way to try to make it happen..
And lastly, since this is long and boring enough..
there is another thing I want.. I want to go overseas
with my uncle. maybe its my way to escape from
things.. to clear my head.. to be away from things so
I can make up my mind on..but yea my uncle has to go
back to egypt.. more issues there to take care of..
and my mom said if I go with him she'll have him take
me umrah.. and inshaAllah, I'm hoping.. if all works
out.. we'll end up going egypt, then hajj.. its a
hope.. could very well end up in disapointment like
the past two times.. but who knows.. Allahu 'alaam
what will happen..
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chotu-meyeh
@ 10/17/2005 03:31:00 PM
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