.:Monday, October 24, 2005:.
where do you draw the line?
have you ever not been able to trust someone you once
trusted more than anyone? Thats how I've been feeling
latly about a few people. I really dont know what to
think anymore. I've had certain doubts from before..
but I'd always overlook them. Now I've gotten to a
point where I'm not sure if I should overlook things
anymore. Maybe its time to just face the reality of
the matter.
The sad thing, as I told a sis earlier today, is that
when I look at myself and my realations with people
and the way I have dealt with things, I havnt always
been upfront, honest, trustful,truthful, and
straightforward. Why should I expect better from
others?
She answered me with something I think I really needed
to hear. She said "we all make mistakes sis. There are
three kinds of people, 1.people that make mistakes and
dont learn from them..repeat them etc. 2. people that
make mistakes and learn from them.. and 3. people that
learn from the mistakes of others. We have to strive
to be from the two latter groups".
I have and am trying to be of those groups. I fall
short sometimes but I'm not giving up, inshaAllah, I
will and can change. I havn't totally given up on
relationships or people either. There are true people,
I know some alhamdulillah. It's just sadens you when
you start to think that maybe someone you thought was
forreal isn't.
This is probably going to be a big jump from what I
was talking about, but its another thing that has been
on my mind for a while now. Isn't it amazing how
easily someone forgets all sense of their hayaa' when
they are online? I'm not innocent of this either, but
I don't think (at least I hope I havnt) I've taken it
as far as others.
It is all to common for a bro/sis to come online and
speak freely with someone from the opposite gender,
but if they were to see them on the street most likely
they wouldnt say a word. As if just because they cant
physically see the person its ok. No, its not. The
same emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. that could
develop in a person to person contact can develop in
online contact.
I remember once me and another sis said we would write
an article on this. We are/were really serious about
it, and still talk about doing it one day inshaAllah.
We've either heard about, been part of, or been in the
middle of one to many bad situations.
There are different things that could develop from an
online relationship.
1. They stay friends and then go their seperate ways.
This is usually rare. They stay friends, talk, share
thoughts and problems with each other. Have a good
trusting relationship and then for whatever reason go
down different paths in life. Usually in this case
one, if not both, have some type of feelings for the
other, but they dont voice it.
2. One has feelings, the other doesnt. One of them
grows really attached and starts having feelings for
the other. They express it and the other explains how
they dont feel the same and didnt have that intent
when they started talking. The first gets sad and
feels rejected. They might continue talking or
stop depending on the type of people they are and how
things go. They might even persue marriage since the
other thinks of them as a good person even if they
dont have feelings for them. Or they might keep them
around couse its good for their ego knowing that the
other person cares about them that way.
3. Both develop feelings. Both people become attached
and express it. If they are serious and have good
intentions then usually they will persue marriage.
Depending on situations this might work out or it
might not. If it doesnt they are heart broken. If they
arent serious it can be a prolonged love affair that
leads to nothing and neither gain anything but a
broken heart.
4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Every other imaginable situation, be
it good or bad ending.
There are the few exceptions when things really dont
go far. When it is a good friendship and nothing more.
But even then its not totally right. Actually its not
right at all.
What annoys me the most is when someone who wasnt
planning on getting in the middle of anything gets
pulled into it by someone else and then end up getting
a rejection. Why flirt or show interest when you know
it' wont happen and you'll just hurt the other person.
Sometimes I wonder if I've ever done that... maybe he
had the right to accuse me for "playing him" "making
him think I was interested when I wasn't." I don't
think I ever have. I think I've been clear whenever
the topic of marriage has come up? When a brother
showed interest and I was interested I made it clear..
and when brothers showed interest and I wasnt I made
it clear. If they are clear with me I'm clear with
them...
This is probably a random topic for me to bring up.
But its something I have been thinking about. Some if
it is because of actions of people that I've seen
latly.. and some of it is because I was thinking of
how/what started me talking to bros and how I've
stopped.. and how I've continued..
Now to jump topics again... actually I'll save this
for another time...
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chotu-meyeh
@ 10/24/2005 08:55:00 PM
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