This Eid has been aight for me but there was one thing that someone did for me that just made me go awwwwww. I went to a friends house on the first day of eid.. she had invited a bunch of the girls over etc.. and she gave everyone a gift.. when I was leaving she said "wait a minute there something I want to give you". She went up to her room came down and gave me a second gift. I said jazakillah khair, hugged her, and didnt really look at it till I got home.. thats when I aww'd. It was the most beautiful candle and engraved on it was a short poemish thing... I'm to lazy to go up and get it to write exactly what it said but it was something along the lines of "when I needed someone to help guide me you were there with an outstretched arm and a smile.. having a friend like you is one of the best ways to make good memories"..you get the idea..it was sweet. That made my day.

 

The next nicest thing that happened to me the past few days was getting an offliner from another friend.. we havnt been talking much latly so a while ago I offlined her some things.. she offlined me back and along with it sent me link to lyrics.. yes yes I know.. but these ones got me thinking.. to paraphrase it pretty much said how actions speak louder than words.. if you'd just show me you care you wouldnt need to tell me couse I'd already know.. This is something I really need to understand. Sometimes words are cheap. In general its your actions that show.. more than your words. yes, this is something I definatly need to learn..

 

Another thing that sort of caught me off guard and really made my day today was a friend of mine admitting shes been acting stupid..and acted stupid this eid.. and appologizing. It makes it so easy to forgive someone when then own up to what they did.. couse you realize they really do regret it and, inshaAllah, dont want to go back to it.

 

So ya, those are the "nice" moments for me this past eid. Other than these, and a few other nice things that happened things have sorta sucked. I had a nice talk with stucko yesterday but it ended with us finding a link to a not-so-nice news story. She was sure about one name, I was 90% sure about another.. and ya.. we turned out right.. and man.. subhanAllah..

 

I havnt been feeling to great latly right? and most of it is just stupid pointless things that I should stop pouting about.. but no, being human you cant help but think your in such a bad state/situation.. untill you see things like this.. and it hits you and your like man I need to stop this and be more thankful. This is alot of what I spoke about with muji57 last night. wallah I love that girl.. Shes the type of friend that everytime we speak we end up speaking about something good.. no gossip and stuff.. and not only do we end up talking the talk we actually go and walk the walk.. at the end of the conversation we will remind each other "dont forget to impliment what we spoke about". May Allah swt bless her, make her affairs easy for her, grant her what her heart desires, and make patients easy for her through all hardships she faces..aameen.

 

To totally jump topics as I normally do. Is it wrong to feel guilt over things that are not in your control? Things you are not expected to be responsible of. And no, its not sympathy or empathy its guilt. un rational guilt. This is another problem I have. I hate to see someone not feeling well, hurt, in pain, etc and feel I could help them some how.. and not be able to.. I feel guilty when its not in my hands..

 

Is it wrong to really dislike and almost hate someone when you dont even know that to well? Every time you hear about them or see their name or something you just get a really bad feeling. I know it is wrong because you shouldnt hate another muslim.. I wouldnt say what I feel is hate but its dislike.. again this is another unrational emotion I have that I need to get over and control..

 

Its these types of strong, unrational, emotions that are draining me. When I look at the possible reasons for them I find them trivial and not worth all the effort put into these emotions. It is only after being reminded of things, such as the news I read yesterday, that I go back and take another look at things.

 

'ala kulli haal.. I have one final rant for now since I have to go pray..

 

How annoying is it when people start getting into your business without you asking and continue to bother you even when you've explained nicely more than once you dont want them doing what they are doing? It is not new news to anyone how many times I get told that I need to marry etc. But now one sis is taking it a step further. She has made up her mind that it is 100% bad for me to stay single any longer and is determined to get me hooked up sometime soon. There is not one time I speak to her that she doesnt bring up a brother or tells me how important it is for me to marry NOW. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal..maybe shes right..

 

Its freezing. Oregon, wallamet valley, winter has started. You know how the typical, story book, christmas for them is a snowy one? Well a typical Eid for us is a rainy, stormy, over cast, one. I started fasting from today since I have alot to fast this month.. 6 of shawal + 1st day of Ramadan (since we broke fast before they announced etc) + make up days.. and since I didnt have sahoor and ate close to nothing yesterday I'm extra cold.. but alhamdulillah.. :)