.:Friday, January 13, 2006:.
Alhamdulillah :)
It's interesting to look back at the begining of this move and to see how much we(my mother, sister, and I)were against it and now we see that, inshaAllah, it was/is for the better. Alhamdulillah a lot of good has come from it and in a way it has been a lesson- wa 'asa en tahibu shay'an wa howa sharun lakum..wa 'asa en takrahu shay'an wa howa khairun lakum.. Allahu ya'lamu wa entum laa ta'lamoon.
It seems like I get one of these lessons yearly. Last year, around this time, it was what happened with me and my uncles hajj plans. I will NEVER forget how close(yes closer than this year) I was to going and how dissapointed I was when I didn't and then I remember going "wow, subhanAllah" when I found out what happenned; the same "wow, subhanAllah" that I get when I think back on this move.
When I think back to all that has happenned between last 'Eid al Adha and this one I can't believe how much has taken place! It seems like just yesterday I was staying up all night talking to yasi on my dads phone. I remember the FIRST time we did it it was the 9th of dhul hijjah and I had promised my mom I would get up and make sahoor for them. I stayed on the phone untill 4am and then went downstairs, used the computer, and baked bread. SubhanAllah, since then we've moved 3 times and all too much has happenned. Khala Hannan and Huda left. I felt the void of their absence this year. I miss my Noufi-the way I could put her to sleep and the way she hugged me whenever she saw me. SubhanAllah. So much has change and so much is still the same.
It's 4:30. I need to be at the masjid in an hour and a half and I'm stuck here with more homework than I would like. I guess that is one thing that almost never changes :P. I decided to drop my 2 attend classes. Why? For a few reasons I suppose. I have a little too much on my plate right now and I finally came to my senses and decided to lighten my load of school work. I was at 20 credits now I'm down to 13, sadly :(. Another thing is I'm not to keen on attending class. I'm not the type that likes to go out a lot and in order to attend these classes I'd be out from 8-1 two days a week..with dars on tuesday and Friday and my Saturdays and Sundays booked I realized that if I attended these two classes I'd more than likely go crazy. The only thing is that if I continue to do this and only take online classes I will NEVER finish. The amount of classes offered online are limmitted each quarter, and the ones in my field are even more limmitted. Allahu 'aalam. If it was up to me I would drop school..I have close to no motivation to finish-the only reason I am is to, hopefully, please my parents and maybe learn something along the way.
Now, before I end off this all too useless and boring post, there is one other thing that has been on my mind and has been bothering me. Why is it that people consider me a good friend yet they are in such a dire need of a friend? If I was really all they make me out to be wouldn't I then at least help fill some of this void and need? I do believe and know that in general one needs interaction with more than one person since each person brings something different to the table and can help them in different ways but if they are lost and suffering in all directions then I must not be bringing anything at all to the table..I just come empty handed and feast without even a thank you at the end.
When I look at myself I dont see a "good friend". To me a good friend is someone you know cares, someone you can trust and know that it will be safe, someone who you can go to for advice and will give you their most honest and sincere advice, someone who doesnt get bored of listening to your rants and raves, someone who doesn't need to tell you they care or love you couse you already know, someone that can make you laugh when your sad, someone who worries for you if they dont hear from you for a day..someone that is there.. and ya, alot more. But when I look at me I dont see any of this. Sometimes I wonder how others have been fooled into seeing good in a person that has non in them. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.
This isn't to say that I don't try to have these types of qualities, ofcourse I do, we just all have our own shortcomings. It's scary though. If you look at some of the qualities one would like in a friend you realize that those that don't have these qualaties, such as keeping trusts and telling the truths, have nifaaq. May Allah swt protect us from being of them..aameen.
This dunyah, subhanAllah, sometimes you really dont know who to go to.. who to trust.. what to believe.. and who is true..
anyways, I suppose I should go bury my face in my technical communications textbook. Is it just me or do teachers lack all sense of mercy? Who in their right mind would assign 100+ pages of technical communication read over a 4 day period? Especially when its the first week of classes and ALOT of students dont have their books or classes sorted out yet. Looks like I'm stuck with some 2nd class teachers this quarter..
chotu-meyeh
@ 1/13/2006 09:22:00 AM
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